Review: Nikki Avalon

General Details

A couple years ago I tried to connect with Nikki and our schedules never quite clicked. Honestly, I should have made time, canceled everything and just camped anywhere – a hotel room, a rented loft, a VW bus with a pop-up top – until she arrived.

This time, I sent Nikki an appointment request a few days before arriving in Vegas. As the days passed, much to my chagrin, no response arrived. She’s a busy, popular lady, I told myself. By evening I resolved I could wait no longer – perhaps a call should have been placed sooner. I dialed the number haltingly. My stomach churned. What hell was I nervous about? I wasn’t some dork in high school looking to ask out the prom queen. This was a business proposition! Man up, for God’s sake. I finished and pressed send on my Motorola. My befuddled brain interpreted the first ring to take well over a minute to chime in my ear. Maybe two. Had time slowed?

Years before when I placed a few calls to Nikki her voicemail system seemed to always be full. Well, no voicemail tonight. She answered. Stunned, my voice cracked as I identified myself but only by my first name – not only was puberty returning but all my senses appeared to have departed with the onset of my newly berserk pituitary gland.

Words failed me repeatedly, but I stumbled through the call displaying the sort of composure and suaveness one generally finds only in the severely brain damaged. The call ended abruptly – Vegas’ mercurial phone system dumping our phones.

She was to arrive at 11. I blinked. Life suddenly became more complicated. What the hell would I do with the next 5 hours? Shower. Maybe more than once. Shaving seemed ideal too. Clean the hotel room? Dinner: nothing heavy but something that could provide energy. Maybe nap…that proved near impossible.

Those hours passed slowly. The phone rang at 11. Not blessed with psychic powers, I still knew the theme of the call before picking up. The notoriously tardy Ms. Avalon was to arrive a bit later than originally scheduled. More calls came, more delays.

Had I erred? I had work the next day. The minutes flipped by – each one seemingly signaling how little sleep I would get that night if Nikki ever arrived. Eventually, she descended upon the hotel and I discovered every second of waiting had been worth it.

Nikki called me from the lobby and I hustled to the elevator, my wait was about to end.

As the elevator doors parted I saw…a bunch of Mexican guys. With instruments. What the f? Where was she? Small blonde, small blonde…no everybody is ugly and troll-like in here. What are all these old people doing up? Where was she? Had a zoo been cross-pollinated with the casino’s late-evening denizens? Nikki must be here?! Oh!

Near the bottom of the three-step-staircase stood a slight, perfectly proportioned blonde with the same astoundingly gorgeous face I’d seen online. Obviously, the genetic Gods were ridiculously generous when they were handing out body parts to Nikki’s family: the alabaster skin, the sinewy limbs, the perfectly flared hips. Resplendent.

All of the previously listed can’t compare to her face. Or the impact of her turning toward me, parting her small, yet curiously plump lips and smiling warmly as if we knew each other already. Everybody mentions Nikki’s green eyes: they’re mesmerizing. A straight gaze from her feline-like, hypnotic eyes and a command from her lips proved to be enough to make me eager to do anything she wanted. Had she demanded the deeds to my homes, my bank account numbers, my cars and every possession on earth, I can’t say with certainty I would have denied Nikki.

She’d ensnared me with little more than a greeting. The rest would push me over the edge of reason…