I've been playing at the hobby for a long time (almost 20 years) and have seen many ladies enter the the business and leave after a few years.  I've also seen some ladies stay in the business for a long time; 10 - 20 years.

My instincts tell me that the long-term providers have developed psychological mechanisms to protect themselves emotionally from the revolving door of sexual liaisons with a great number of different men.  

Sex is a very natural activity and carries with it an emotional component so it seems only expected that people who have sexual relationships while also making sure that the emotional attachment does not occur (such as providers and hopefully like clients)would have to develop a 'defense' against the emotional attachment that would naturally occur.  It's that defense mechanism that I am wondering about.

Wouldn't that mechanism of emotional defense also create a psychological difficulty in allowing a real emotional attachment to develop later in life for the long-term provider who eventually wants to settle down with one partner?

but more susceptible to them.

The latter could be a lot more trouble than the former too.

You have to keep your wits about you at all times in this hobby.

Boards like this where we can share stories and experience helps.

(still not a love goddess)

Dear iCock,

Here's another example of a question that has been endlessly debated, not just here but among scholars as well. The answer is - it depends. My own clinical and personal observations have led me to conclude the following:

1. If you were damaged going in, you certainly won't be any better going out

2. If you were psychologically sound and emotionally intact, providing won't make a difference

3. If providing has offered mostly benefits and few drawbacks, some women actually GROW in their capacity for empathy, sexual competence and life skills - how about THAT?

And I bet some providers would back me up on this one ANONYMOUSLY, not just to score points among hobbyists!

There have been no long-term studies of women who have enjoyed providing and its benefits; most research is carried out on street prostitutes who generally have gravitated to sex work out of necessity, not out of choice.  From what little formal research exists, it appears that upper echelon providing is like any other job - it has its pluses and it has its minuses. As far as the psychological mechanisms developed to handle the job - they are remarkably similar to those of a therapist who doesn't fall in love with his/her clients, or an emergency medic who doesn't fall apart at seing the most horrendous injuries...or a Catholic priest who doesn't automatically fondle his altar boys . Oops, that last one may be a tricky one, lol.

In all seriousness, however, providing factors affect people very individually.  I personally know many providers who worked for years and then married happily ever after. They don't seem to be any more damaged than the next person, but then again, they were healthy individuals going into the business. Of course it can be argued that damaged women take up sex work for various reasons, but then the entire argument would be moot, wouldn't it?

Same old story, isn't it,
The Love Goddess

We all use them. LG can speak more specifically to your question about providers, given her great research. However, each person can use a myriad of psychological defenses. Some more primitive, and some more mature, given the circumstances. A person more psychologically mature can tend to choose the more mature defenses, more universally.

See attached list of psychological defenses. You will have to click on the next page after reading the first, in order to get the full list.

-- Modified on 4/12/2010 1:14:05 PM

providing seems like a wonderful occupation.  I'm not trying to make light of the question, or redirect this about me.  But I am trying to point out that most jobs carry their own set of risks and providing only gets this sort of question asked about it because it's out of the mainstream.

But just to finish the thought, over the course of my career, I've had an ulcer, frequent severe insomnia from work-related stress, ground my teeth at night, been so exhausted I couldn't sleep even when I wasn't stressed, endured 36-hour flights to go from the US, to Europe and then Asia.  I've also made day trips to Korea and had to perform at both ends of the trip.  I once was so exhausted and jet-lagged that I forgot my name while making a presentation.  I've also been fired twice due to corporate politics resulting in me losing my house and pretty much everything else.

While providers have certain job-related risks, I've yet to meet one that has had to endure the sort of physical and emotional stress and abuse that was part of my job description as a corporate executive.

So yeah, while we're all fascinated with prostitutes, just remember that every job has it's downside and millions of people with regular jobs toil away in obscurity and quiet desperation just to feed their families, never knowing how they'll pay next month's bills.  They experience just as much emotional trauma as anyone.  By comparison, the providers I've known have been much happier and satisfied people.

-- Modified on 4/12/2010 2:28:52 PM

Not to devalue your comment at all here, but sweetheart you really should ask a provider how much is truly involved and how many hours we work in addition to just that one or two we spend with gentlemen like yourself. Not to mention, the costs that are involved, keeping up with ads, always having to come up with new marketing ideas, screening, purchasing needed tools and clothing items and such..... all while trying to look stunning and appealing so that you, dear sir, will come spend a little time with us so we can pay our bills too *wink*

I have a friend who called me today saying the way this economy is, I'm not making any more at what I am doing than she is with her civilian job, and she was right. Yet, I work just as much, if not more hours than she does. And trust me on this one, the hours I spend with gentlemen in comparisson to the time I spend doing all that other stuff is only a fraction of the overall time put into that one hour.

What I did not express well is that my question is related to the fact that sexuality is a normal, healthy human activity and the job of a provider is to create the atmosphere of a GFE, which under true GF/SO circumstances would be both physical and emotional involvement and expression.  Providers, however, must protect themselves from the emotional component while still feigning that type of connection.

The corporate exec is under huge stress, just as many other professions (mine as well, unfortunately) but there is something about the feigning of emotional connections that seems to be a subtle, psychological and emotional, stress that potentially could cause harm.  At least that is what I suspected because of my meeting and knowing many providers over the years.

LG explained very well that if the lady comes into the life in a healthy state than the provider life should not impart damage.  That's really the answer I was looking for.

Thanks for your insight and for pointing out something important and relevant.  And of course, many thanks to LG for her reply.

I am not wired like most women or even most people. Sex has only ever been a physical act to me. I have loved and been loved but sex was just that ... sex.

I do not feel any emotional bond with anyone in or out of the hobby due to sex. My emotional bonds have all been formed or broken out of bed.

So to answer your question, for me specifically no, it does not cause any harm or conflict within me to bed many different men.

I love this job because it gives me total autonomy and I am happier with this job than in the one I went to college for. That job caused some temporary damage to my psyche because I despised it. This job is wonderful.

I have bonds with people that I have no sexual relationship with but my deepest bonds with women only occurred once we shared a sexual relationship and all the physicality that that entailed.

I'm interested to see LG's comments on this subject.

Thanks for your input, JustAGal.

So I know better than most that their life isn't without it's complications, and certainly maintaining a secret life from nosy neighbors and relatives has it's challenges.  But their schedules didn't come close to matching the hours I worked every year.

In fact, they were frequently upset with me because they were ready to go to dinner or go out on the town and I was still in the office or on the freeway.  Yes, you work far more than the hour we see you, but you don't work 70 hour a weeks, year after year like I have.  If you did, you'd look as bad as I do and nobody would pay for you anything.   I've worked 6-days per week for years, and I haven't been on a vacation since the 1990's.  I don't think too many providers have that sort of demand on them.

Now, the question was regarding the emotional and psychological impact of providing, and as LG stated, that's a highly individual issue, and I'm not equating job stress with that sort of thing.  My only point is, nearly every job carries some negative downside with it.  

As for the providers I dated, one coped with the job very well, and the other had problems.  But as LG mentioned, it was because she was a troubled person to begin with, and she just brought those problems with her.  Still, they both traveled extensively, ate and stayed in the best places, and enjoyed a very nice lifestyle that would be very difficult to match in any other line of work.  I often wish I could have traded places with them.

being "a dude" DOES matter a whole lot,

The average heterosexual male tends to bond more emotionally with a woman after repeated sexual encounters with her (if he remains attracted to some other behaviors she exhibits).  Evolutionary adaptations concerning mating strategies facilitate this type of bonding via increased post-orgasmic oxytocin levels in human males.

Not weird at all,
The Love Goddess

It is not and never has been a problem for me. I am a very well adjusted person and happier and more content with my life than 99% of people I know.

I am more than happy not having emotional bonds exist within the confines of sex - even with my ex-husband and boyfriends. I am glad sex is just sex for me. Sex gets complicated when emotions are involved.

Emotions out of the bedroom are far more powerful and real to me.

People (men as well as women) can often confuse good sex with emotion and love. Not me, thank God.

LG's perspective adds balance.  We love being execs; it's a rush and "strokes" the ego.  Yes, I've done the travel thing and speech thing ...and, it's a rush.  Pure adrenaline, and gets old (but still a rush).  It's nice to be the boss.  People who know you treat you differently - than if you were a peer.  On the flip side, one must be careful for what one asks.  Once one has the tiger by the tail.... It carries a real cost in terms of health and well-being.  But hey, every job has it's stresses; and those stresses are "sufficient" for the one in that job.  I know a guy who quit a job at a restaurant as a dish washer because, "those dirty dishes kept coming and coming."  (Let me know if you're aware of any high-paying, low-stress jobs.)

Given your profession, it's great that sex doesn't create an emotional response from you.  My image of that type of sex is like a sport;"sport-fucking".

I've had plenty of that in my life and I've also had the deeper, emotionally-connected type of sex.

There's a place for both and I've enjoyed both types immensely.  However, the experience of one is very different from the other.  Both great in different ways.

the littany of romantic litterature and folk lore would argue for the opposite.

It does make sense, especially in a world where "Everything you know is wrong." seems to be the operational case.

I could post a link to a Seinfeld episode about this but I will resist the urge.

God bless you.

and others believed you are a female.

I was steered by your handle, others by your text which can be read in different ways.

I guess it is an important distinction in light of what LG has to say about the differences between male and female bonding.

Overall this has been an unusual and edifing thread, even by the high standards of this board.

The biological response caused by post-orgasmic oxytocin in the male has a important function.  The bonding that it stimulates is important to the mother and the children.

If men didn't feel that bond and simply went around wantonly spreading their seed then all hell would ensue.  Of course, all hell does ensue sometimes anyway!

Bring on the oxytocin!

I'm also a man that has had many and varied sexual experiences with many different women.  Providers, wives, girlfriends, mistresses, swinging parties.

I am a sport-fucker at times and a deeply committed lover at other times.

Ain't life great!  I love women......

I don't advertise as a "sport fucker" so I tend to attract clients looking for an emotional connection, however temporary. And that's what I try to provide. I enjoy meetings so much more when I'm fully present and emotionally invested, but when you have a full schedule of dates it's not hard at all to let go and say goodbye. If anything, it just makes the money feel more like a gift and I'm more careful with it than money I made at desk jobs.
I don't feel like I have any pyschological defenses to prevent emotional attachment, I just have rules to govern my behavior so that I don't do anything risky like give away personal details that I shouldn't share.

I am very much like you. Because of this I do not get attached to clients and can have uncomplicated, good sex outside of work and not mistake it for love  or any emotion close to that.

Do I purposefully compartmentalize? No...maybe subconsciously but it's not apparent to me. Definitely makes this side of life run much smoother and more efficiently.

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How about expanding on your "YES".  I'd like to know what you have to say.