As a young man I often fantasized about women that were highly sexual but not specifically about providers.  The idea of paying for sex was not something that I would ever have considered.  I had girlfriends and was monogamous with each one.  It seemed to be the way my generation worked (I was born in 1957).  Later I got married and within 6 months I was looking for extra-marital sex but again not to pay for it (marriage was failing quickly).  

Divorced after 2 years and back to the dating scene with plenty of sex available with girlfriends but this time I had a few at the same time (way more fun).  Married again a few years later and after 5 years of marriage and a big drop off in our sex life (after the kids came along), I realized that I didn't want to have an affair (read: get caught and destroy home life) so I found the hobby.  Safe, accessible, fun, and less costly than an affair that ends in divorce.

So, for me the sexless marriage drove me to the hobby.  No doubt about it.

-- Modified on 3/26/2007 7:03:20 AM

Dear Turkana,

In terms of clinical literature on commercial sex workers and their clients, there isn't nearly the volume you might imagine. Most journal articles and research on the topic center around crosscultural studies of transmission and treatment of HIV/AIDS or other STDs in the realm of Commercial Sex Work.

One problem with this type of research is lack of funding from grants. Unless there is a major disease factor involved, no one is really interested to pay thousands of dollars to psych researchers who attempt to go out there and study men who don't want to be interviewed about their activities conducted sub rosa.

Recently, Cathy Reback, PhD, came out with a study on men who have sex with preop TG women. That's an interesting one. The sample isn't huge, and the catchment area involved a lot of men from lower SES and ethnic minorities. I don't recall exactly, but there was some minor incentive for them to be interviewed - a pack of condoms, or something to that effect.

In terms of literature on prostitutes - same thing. Unless it's about street hooking and the risk factors/transmission of STDs - a topic which has great public health impact - no one wants to fund research on women who place in the average SES [socioeconomic status] made possible by having relatively risk-free paid sexual encounters. In addition, if you were a woman leading a fairly regular life, you would probably want to keep this a secret, since we are talking illegal activities. So the issue is two-fold: lack of funding, and lack of willing research subjects.

As to your first inquiry, I don't think there is one defining factor that makes you genetically more prone to paying for sex. Erotic stimuli and the phantasies surrounding them are highly individual. There seem to be as many fetishes as there are brains to conjure them up. In my practice, I've had everything from men masturbating while fondling stockings, to men wanting to be defecated on; and, some men find it highly erotic to meet with an unfamiliar woman, have sex with her and then pay her. On the other hand, some men would never consider paying a woman and they may even find it repulsive or an issue of pride.

If we were to extrapolate from the data gleaned on this board - and, it's self-reporting, so who knows what else lurks out there - it would seem like most of those who post on TEH have entered the hobby for lack of sex at home. Then again, my practice has included a male sex addict who began hobbying at 19 - his first sexual experience. This laid down a template for him, and despite marrying and having a family, he continued hobbying steadily throughout. Various family of origin issues contributed to his avoidance of getting close to women, and he discovered hobbying as a 'perfect' solution. When he no longer derived what he sought from hobbying, he came into therapy for help. In his case, he was definitely 'made' a hobbyist by his impaired early maternal relationship.

As for your Dad's explanation and you getting turned on, that may just be your particular "fetish." So there may be a sub-group of hobbyists who genuinely derive a thrill from being with a 'paid' woman. But my experience has been that the majority of hobbyists engage because of wanting to have more sex [for whatever reason,] and doing so with civilians makes it more difficult than paying and getting needs fulfilled in the moment.

Happy Monday,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 3/26/2007 8:38:56 AM

One can be too academic in search of definitive answers, but I think LG hits it right on, once again, in her final sentences.  We do it because we want transcendental sex on demand, with minimal emotional entanglements, and the flexibility to enjoy multiple partners as much as we are capable.  No other situation meets those criteria for very long.

I'm an electrician, have been for about 20 yrs. I've done just about everything this trade has to offer, from high voltage line work (120,000 volts and higher), to low voltage signal work (alarms, phones, etc.)  My real speciaity though, is control work. I just finished a power plant, it had about 3000 or so control wires in it. The drawings were typical, in that about 30% of them contained errors. I have no problem whatsoever keeping all this straight in my mind, fixing errors, re-drawing as needed.      I've also never been an apprentice, or had any sort of formal training.   Heck, I barely made it out of high school! lol.    I am asked frequently how I know all this stuff, and honestly cannot give a viable answer. It's as if I've always known it, even if I've never done a certain thing before. Made or born? Seems obvious to me!    I've taught electrical controls to other guys, and I'm completely convinced that control electricians are born, they cannot be made. In fact, about the only thing to be learned in trying to make one that's not born is the limit of my patience!   I don't know if hobbiests (or for that matter providers) are totally made or born, or maybe it's a certain bent to our personalities that allows us into this world.   I've seen certain traits common to nearly every hobbiest, as well as provider, I guess that could be construed as being 'born to hobby'. I think alot of it is also based on life experience, though. Possibly everyone who is in the hobby is born that way, and life just nudges us toward the discovery.   Really good question!        P.S. I'm a Scorpio also (Nov. 11, 1956).

-- Modified on 3/26/2007 7:32:18 PM

Very interesting question. I think born.

I think we can safely assume that many men with sexless, or almost so, marriages never hobby so that factor seems to serve as a catalyst, not a determining factor.

Also, I'd be interested in hearing from hobbyists who have a satisfying sex life at home. Why do you hobby? For me, the hobby is a way of understanding myself and others in a completely new way while having a helluva lot of fun. I told one special young lady that I felt like I was in grad school again and the donation was tuition.

Well even psychologists have changed their minds and now believe nature contributes more to behaviour and character than nurture. Hard to believe? You bet. But true, just like we now know the egg came before the chicken, science has now revealed nature beat nurture.

The Minnesota Study on Monozygotic Twins Separated at Birth was conclusive in that nature is dominant over nurture in our behaviours.

Ignoring instinctual behaviours, the Monozygotic twin study showed that identical twins, meaning they have the exact same DNA, raised in vastly different cultures, still had almost the same exact IQ based on up to 6 ways or measurement. They had the same sense of fashion, for instance they would both like red plaid!  They would have the same taste in the opposite sex as well.

It was uncanny. The principle investigators were  psychologists who expected nurture to be dominant, but were brave enough to change their minds after studying the data and analysis.

All the psychological gobbledegook withstanding, nature makes you a hobbyist or provider.

There is plenty on the Minnesota Study on the Web.