Is seeking arrangement cheaper than p4p for someone who only hobbies once a month or so?
Is it wrong to be only dating for sex? I'm a typical geeky guy almost 50. I'm into lots of male-dominated hobbies ( sports, music, tech, history, politics etc ).. Only had two girlfriends my whole life. Second one became my wife and we had a kid. Now we've been separated for five years.
I joined tinder because I have a high interest in sex. But I have little interest in a "relationship". I find it boring swiping and reading profiles. Most are shallow with mundane hobbies. When I match with someone, I feel nervous about what to say. Secretly I hope they don't respond. When they do I feel more anxiety and pressure about how to continue the conversation. So far I haven't had to call anyone, but I will for sure dread that too.
There is really nothing about these women that interests me apart from sex. So should I even be dating? I kind of just want to put myself out there and see who bites. But I know women want to be courted and feel wanted. I find that stuff fake and silly. At our age I just want to cut to the chase.
I keep reading stories about how there's lots of sex to be had at this age. Maybe just another case of 90% of the women chasing 10% of the men ?! If you don't have the look or charisma, then best to stick with providers?
Your post seems more suitable for someone who wants relationship and can only get sex from providers.
If you want only sex then why are you even registering on these sites / apps? Just stick to TER. Tinder is more sex based than say Match or eHarnony. But a lot of the girls on Tinder are not reliable. Also it's a gray area. Some folks love that excitement Similar to SB/SD relationship. You said you want get right to the chase. So why not just stick to the pros.
You are probably right. Guess I have some wishful thinking that sex in the real world can be cheaper and better than seeing providers . Keep hearing stories about hookup culture. But I don't think that's for ordinary/boring folks like me 
If you want to see someone in more relaxed setting, and yet have some semblance of P4P relationship, perhaps you can give SB/SD relationships a shot.. I have been with several SBs. I started in June 2015 and have ton of experience under my belt. It might suit your lifestyle since you are single. I have even had couple of SBs morph into real life Gfs. Hey, I have even couple of girls on my Facebook and we chit- chat occasionally. I have had girls do overnight for $500.
Maybe SB/SD will hit the right buttons for you, but it does take a lottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt of work to weed out the flakes and downright scammers.
If you're really not interested in finding some woman that might have shared interests, which ovbiously would include no strings attached sex, then why bother seeing if any bite? If you are interested in that possibility then why worry about some that are looking for somethig different, just be clear about what you want and expect.
If that's all to much to do then P4P certainly solves the sex aspect. If you really have no interest in women other than for sex then P4P should be all you need. Enjoy that its available and you can partake in it.
Yeah, I don't have much interest in women as "friends". I like the sex, but don't care for the friendship. Some folks online call me misogynist or incel. But I just think men and women don't mix when sex is removed from the equation. Their brains are wired differently and I don't get much enjoyment talking to them. I'd rather be doing my own thing.. But maybe I just haven't met the right woman . Which is why I don't want to burn my bridges. I'll keep trying tinder and see if anything comes of it..
For a decision you've already made.
Still, there's a lot going on in your statement. On the one hand, it seems your not afraid or incapable of commitment having been married and now being responsible for raising a child. Was the marriage rewarding for you? Did it fulfill your sexual needs? Was the companionship of value to you? Is there some resentment built up over the failure of that relationship?
On the other hand, since you've been playing, have you found yourself more physically and emotionally gratified? When the lady of the hour departs, do you find yourself longing for more, or happy to move on? Do you find that you get all the sexual AND emotional intimacy that you need in one hour increments?
Other players' experiences might be interesting and may help inform your thinking here and there, but ultimately this is one of those ineffably personal decisions that no amount of survey data can answer for you. Right now, it sounds like you're OK playing, but with a frisson of disdain for women who you believe want fake stuff or who are shallow. Those things sound to me like "inside the head" sorts of issues, not to dismiss that there are a lot of idiots (of both genders) out there on the dating scene.
Maybe keep experimenting for a while to see whether sex without more is really making you happy. And while you're doing it, don't ignore that little voice inside. It usually has something useful to say.
Buen suerte.
-- Modified on 8/19/2024 6:51:17 AM
My marriage wasn't particularly rewarding. She wanted me to want to spend time with her. But I wasn't into that. I saw it as boring as I would rather be doing my own hobbies. Another problem was she was a little overweight. I am very fit and healthy. So the physical attraction was not there.
1 hour with a provider is more than enough. I feel satisfied when done. And it takes me a few weeks before I get the urge to see another one..
It is a simple question and the answer is equally simple. Based on your implied dread with regards to actually having to engage a person you match with on Tindr, you have already answered your own question. You are not looking for a date or a relationship, by the hour that is. Stick to satisfying your needs here or in other similar ways. You do not even have to leave your house for the or even spend money given the plethora of online porn.
Yeah, I don't have much interest in women as "friends". I like the sex, but don't care for the friendship. Some folks online call me misogynist or incel. But I just think men and women don't mix when sex is removed from the equation. Their brains are wired differently and I don't get much enjoyment talking to them. I'd rather be doing my own thing.. But maybe I just haven't met the right woman . Which is why I don't want to burn my bridges. I'll keep trying tinder and see if anything comes of it..
It depends on your sex drive and wallet size, and to an extent if you are okay with a sexual relationship with one person. If you have a high sex drive and want sex often, the hobby will cost you a lot. If you have the funds, than it will not matter. If you do not have the funds, you may be left disappointed.
But to find a partner where it's just about the sex, well that's also dependent on if you are okay with one partner. Or, do you want multiple partners. Obviously, the hobby makes that easy.
That said, be honest about what you want. Don't go looking for a girlfriend or future wife. Look for a friends with benefits. Make it clear that you do not want the courting. You want a friendship where you get to fuck. Then, look for what you would look for in a friend, the difference being you're dealing with women not men. There are women who like what you like, such as sports, music, tech, history, politics, etc... Also, at your age, there are plenty of women who just don't want a relationship either. They may be career women who also want someone to fuck and not waste much more time with them. You will only find your match if you are honest upfront.
But maybe it runs deeper than just this. Maybe you don't really want to talk to them even as a friend. How are you out in the world interacting with women? Do you have a job with female coworkers? Surely, you deal with plenty of women wherever you go, be it shoping, a sporting event, or anything else. Do you find talking to women outside of dating to be something you are disinterested in? If you don't like talking to women in any situation, then the hobby route is it. But if you have no issue with it, than you can try the honest route. Use the hobby for now. But if you get a bite, than maybe you can save money.
Yeah, I don't have much interest in women as "friends". I like the sex, but don't care for the friendship. I also don't have a huge sex appetite. Hobbying once or twice a month is more than enough for me. Sometimes I go many months without hobbying.
But good to know there are women out there who might share some of my interests. Will keep an eye out for them on tinder. But not holding my breath for anything But if it will cost me more than p4p via dinners/shows etc, then I'll probably not do it.
Yeah, if it's "I just want to fuck you and not even talk to you" providers is about your only option. Given your not looking high volume that;s doable.
As for cost you, it shouldn't cost you anything if you're friends with benefits. You pay for dates, not friends. That's the whole idea behind friends with benefits. You're not courting and paying. But it does require a willingness to at least be interested in talking to them and sharing some interests.
Gotcha . I am ok with talking if there are some common values and interests. For example, I am into the environment and animal rights which lots of women are into as well.
However, dates cost $$ . Dinner and a show could easily run more than 1 hour with a provider. I don't drink also which makes it awkward if she wants to order a bottle of wine or something.. You may ask if I enjoy going out for dinners and shows. Not really. I'd really be doing it to impress her , nothing more..
Then there are options. If you’re fine with women your age, plenty are past the point of caring about relationships. Plenty don’t need you to pay for dates. If they find you attractive and share common interests, they may very well be happy having sex and spending time bonding over common interests.
Personally, I mostly spend on providers because I like hot women much younger than me. In order to pull one in the dating world, it would cost me dearly. So I skip the games and get an escort. But at 52, I can have my pick at many in their 40s without the worry of sinking money into trying to win them over.
Its best to rent your boats, planes, and women imho. You don't have to worry about maintenance costs.
Do you want one woman to have sex with over and over who is monogamous to you? Or do you want variety and under you are not he ronly partner and probably not the only one that day?
maintenance that goes with real-life dating. I see a lot of providers, but there are also civvie women I have sex with. If a woman wants a relationship, and you accede to that just to get sex, you will probably be miserable after a short time. I have found that professional woman (business professionals, not sex professionals) who are extremely busy make the best FWB's. They don't have time for movies, cuddly stuff, and constant texting, they just want good sex. Best place for meeting them . . . . your local gym. They will always have time for a workout, and afterward, with all of the endorphins coursing through both of you, a little flirting can go a long way. Of course, you must be her equal. If you drive a beer truck for a living, you probably won't have any luck. Otherwise, stick with NSA sex with providers, you can say as little as you want and just let "Big Ed" do the talking for you. Lol
Thanks! Do you think FWB can be cheaper than p4p? I only do p4p once a month at most. Generally $300/hr girls.
a friend. Thus they shouldn’t charge for the benefits. They should provide the benefits because they enjoy being with you. But as with any friendship, you may decide to treat your friend to a meal or gift or something else occasionally. That shouldn’t cost more than $300 a month unless you want to be very generous with this friend.
If they are charging, but there is no clock and scheduling is more informal than with a provider, then it is an SB arrangement. FWB is a situation of mutual convenience, so there is no exchange of funds, and either party will pay nominal expenses of meeting as needed to make it work. In my case, two busy professionals getting together to take care of their sexual needs at a mutually agreement time and date. There may be a glass of wine before, or a cup of coffee after, but it rarely takes more time than a two-hour session unless you have more time through whatever you're doing and where you happen to be. Since there is no direct compensation to the woman, I have always found FWB to be overall cheaper, even though there can be some expenses involved in meeting.
As an example, I have shared a private compartment on a train with a FWB for three or four hours while traveling on business. One of us books the compartment and the other one books a coach seat (where I place a baseball cap to show the attendant I'm still on the train once we are underway, and pick it up on the way out unless somebody else steals it - lol) but we both spend our time together in the compartment WITH NO DIGITAL OR PAPER TRAIL THAT WE MET.
If you have early business meetings that require to you stay overnight the night before like I do, you have a company-paid hotel room you can use the evening before when you check in. With a little notice you FWB should be able to see you after work when you check in, or if she can only meet during business hours, keep the hotel room for a late check-out and meet for a "Nooner" after your own meeting.
A lot of the anxiety comes from not knowing what the woman expects. I am not the wine and dine kind of person. But I feel most women expect that if you want them to get naked , no?
I think you have some hobgoblins in your head about how wormen think. I also think you're selling yourself a bit short too.
But it does seem that you're not finding all you need/want from a pure P4P life. But maybe you're not in a good confort zone trying to have the conversations with women about what types of relationship you're looking for and how much of your life you're willing to share with them.
Seeking and The Erotic Highway are perfect for you. Dates for sex with no serious connection.
Is seeking arrangement cheaper than p4p for someone who only hobbies once a month or so?
He doesn't have the patience for a sugar baby.
I found it so much more expensive have a sugar babe and lots of drama. Decided to part ways. Hobby is so much better.
Women come in all shapes and sizes both physically and mentally, and I believe there are thousands of matches out there for each of us! That includes you! You can find a woman who shares your interests with the same desire to mostly fuck without much social interaction! In fact, I think these women are more prevalent in the age group you are targeting! They are mostly done playing games and are more interested in getting their needs satisfied. You just have to look in the right places, like CDL points out., and you have to put some effort into it. Dating is testing the fit, and once you find a good fit it will probably be cheaper and more satisfying than seeing pros!
As far as pros, most frequent hobbyists have a repeat list of girls they develop a stronger bond with due to good sex and personality. It’s like having 3-4 hourly perfect girlfriends. However, even with the best pro match it’s only an illusion!
Both of these scenarios can be satisfying in different ways, so why not continue to pursue both based on the, “Life is a bowl full of cherries” theory?
The social anxieties and awkwardness you mention above make you sound like a 16 year old trapped in the mind of a 53 year old! I would try some therapy to help you build confidence in civvie dating!
Keep seeing a Provider & Seeing if a female approaches you for a non-providers date.