TER General Board

Re: It boggles my mind also.
Dr. joe 32 Reviews 1689 reads
posted
1 / 32

when I see the words "no black gents" or other similar line in the introduction or ad of a provider.  Everyone has a right to her/his tastes, but this seems more than that and I still don't get it.  I know I am risking being sleeping enduringly boring, but I would very much appreciate any explanations one would care to give.

GGxo See my TER Reviews 450 reads
posted
2 / 32

Why bother exactly if it disturbs you?

escalade1964 65 Reviews 559 reads
posted
3 / 32

because the provider does not care to see "black gents"

Debra_Hollander See my TER Reviews 456 reads
posted
4 / 32

I've never had this policy, but have encountered many providers who do.  

With a few, it was because their S.O. didnt want them to see AA clients. The majority of these were black men themselves.

A couple of AA providers I've known wouldn't see black clients; one them never said why while the other was very vocal about simply hating all black men.

 
However, of the majority of women I've known with this policy, the most common reasons I heard for it  were  (in order of frequency):

They're cheap and always try to get more than the lady has on offer.

They have a funky smell down there.

More likely to complain about using protection and/or attempt to get/TAKE bbfs.  

Classy, wealthy white clients don't want to see providers who see AA men. (Yes, some men won't see providers who entertain black clients, but I wouldn't call them classy lol)

And (my personal favorite).....they really like black men to the point where they ONLY date black men in their personal lives, and they don't want to blur the lines.  

 

All but the last were obviously broad generalizations, stereotypes, that frequently had little or nothing to do with each lady's own personal experiences. They just had these notions in their heads. Or used those reasons to hide real racism and/or fear. However you wanna slice it, the result is still the same. 😀

Does that help any? Knowing the "why" in this case, still hasn't led to any real understanding for me, if you get my meaning.  ;-)

 
xxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxoo

-- Modified on 2/24/2016 8:45:51 PM

lobo082973 6 Reviews 386 reads
posted
5 / 32

many people are too worried about saying the wrong thing because of race, but its not really about race.. some ladies have handlers whom dictate who they should see, as in who are they likely to encounter more resistance from more often than not,  should something go down.  The handler is basically stereotyping nonblack clients as being more docile.. Also The highest number of certain individuals trying to recruit them are black gents so many times they have already arranged a date and learn to late what their intentions were... Other ladies have said that they encounter situations more than most with black gents trying to get over or trying to talk them down on price, or even running out on a session.  Do others do it?  Yeah of course but in their eyes it is still by far a smaller percentage compared than the black gents doing it..

dcpoorboy 7 Reviews 279 reads
posted
6 / 32

and minorities are on the receiving end of it the most.

I have a buddy who once told me he doesn’t like Asian girls “because their pussies stink.” So I asked him how many Asian girls he’d been with. He said… one.

I have another buddy who told me Muslim women are hypocrites and sluts. So of course I ask him why he says that. Because one time two Muslim women “hit” on him in a McDonald’s or Denny’s or something. I was almost speechless.  

On the flip side, I know a provider, White, who was raped by a Black man, but she doesn’t have a “No Black men” policy. (If she did, we'd have never met.) Why not? Because in her mind, she wasn’t raped by Blackness but a man. An individual. Not a Black rapist but a rapist asshole who happened to be Black.

Can’t even say it’s upbringing because she has racist parents. Parents she loves, too. Maybe she’s more exceptional than I realize

russbbj 89 Reviews 304 reads
posted
7 / 32
MelodysMemoirs See my TER Reviews 335 reads
posted
8 / 32

A shortage of black clients?

I had a couple back on the west coast. Very wonderful, fun, and polite men.  

Each race has their bad apples, each has their shining stars.

Coming from an ethnic background myself, I love all my men of color as much as anybody else.

To each their own, for their own reasons.
Not for us to ask or wonder, as everyone has their own personal reasons.

1705218 10 Reviews 300 reads
posted
9 / 32

The only provider that i know has this restriction was because she was being harassed by black pimps and felt threatened.

elainaamhurst See my TER Reviews 321 reads
posted
10 / 32

When I decided to get into this business and started researching, I was shocked at how many websites had such wording. My very first client was AA, and I absolutely couldn't have asked for a better first experience!! Any subsequent dates with AA men have all been fantastic too. I just couldn't imagine trying to decide what type of client a man is going to be by race, national origin, or any other superficial characteristic.  

I think I probably take it a little more personally than most because I have had serious relationships out side of my race (Chinese and AA), and have seen the racism that goes along with how people treat you as a couple. The way some bigot would glare angrily at my partner, is something that angers and haunts me to this day.

sdottaylor 19 Reviews 339 reads
posted
11 / 32

I just think that they must suck at screening clients so badly that they have to use stereotypes and whatnot to try and stay safe.

Fancy8888 See my TER Reviews 283 reads
posted
13 / 32

Posted By: GGxo
Why bother exactly if it disturbs you?
Good advice.

frontpage 26 Reviews 383 reads
posted
14 / 32

(Well, except for one Tuesday), I'm still amazed by the ladies that won't see me.  But thankfully, the list of ladies that will see me is significantly larger than those that won't.

And as long as I'm willing to spend 5 bills or more on an appointment, schedule with plenty of time, send my refs, not be an ass when I get there and more importantly when its time for me to leave, there is simple no one I can't see, if I really want to see her.

If you started a thread asking which ladies don't have such a policy, you soon run out of space here.

zorroasster 206 reads
posted
15 / 32

while motivations may vary from "personal choice" to something darker people can still do and see whoever they wish. these monologues about why someone should do as someone else wishes are off-putting. think of the last time you were pressured to do something you did not want to do and what you thought of all the reasons you were given

nothrofboston 24 Reviews 243 reads
posted
17 / 32

does that make you more or less likely to see them.  

 
Posted By: sdottaylor
I just think that they must suck at screening clients so badly that they have to use stereotypes and whatnot to try and stay safe.

nothrofboston 24 Reviews 184 reads
posted
18 / 32

and while any provider can see whomever they choose, your point doesn't even touch, let alone begin to scratch the surface of Alyson's post. It obviously wasn't intended to.  

But it dies sound a little like when my younger son would say ... "well, if you do it, it's alright if I do it too".  

With the political upheaval were witnessing in our election process today, I'm finding it harder to justify keeping my bug mouth shut when I hear people disregard racism even when it hits you right between the eyes or bemoan it's existence ... and I'm not saying you do ... but you do get her point, right? It is spot on.

So while I won't generalize each "no blacks" provider criterion to see a client is based on racism ... I hope you get my point. And Alyson's message  ... it was brilliant, as well as beautifully delivered.  

Of course, IMHO ...

nothrofboston 24 Reviews 156 reads
posted
20 / 32

I'll have to start reading your posts more thoroughly ... you may be the Margaret Mead of Hobbying. I'm dead serious ... thanks for taking the time to write in such a non accusatory manner. Brilliant.  

My .02

sdottaylor 19 Reviews 239 reads
posted
21 / 32

I'm black so I'll never see them. But if I come across an ad with a No Black Men policy, I just assume the provider's screening is so lax that she can't discern between good and bad clients and she must use stereotypes to screen.

Somedudesjunk 295 reads
posted
22 / 32

I see ads that have age limits, weight in proportion to height as well as no AA's.

Are we outraged by these forms of discrimination?

What about guys that don't want to see Ebony ladies? They just don't contact them. Are they discriminating as well?
 
Posted By: Dr. joe
when I see the words "no black gents" or other similar line in the introduction or ad of a provider.  Everyone has a right to her/his tastes, but this seems more than that and I still don't get it.  I know I am risking being sleeping enduringly boring, but I would very much appreciate any explanations one would care to give.

anotherdamnalias 271 reads
posted
24 / 32

I'll keep mine short and simple...

It's her pussy....her choice.  Nevermind what everyone else reads into it.

bigguy30 177 reads
posted
25 / 32

Posted By: AlysonParker
is racism/bigotry/ignorance gift wrapped in claims of "personal preference" and "safety" and that Black men are seen as monolithic and white men are seen as indiivduals.  
   
 The long answer (which may give you a run for your money on the boredom prize):  
   
 I want to preface this by saying I'm writing about white women who have this policy, as that's what I feel I can speak to. It isn't my place to speak about why providers of color might have the same policy.  
   
 There is a long history of myths around black male sexuality and how it pertains to white women. Lynchings were justified by claims a Black man did anything from look at a white woman to raping her; Black men have historically been portrayed as animals coming for the prized white woman. It's an idea that's still pervasive today and rears its head in the benevolently racist "bbc" genre of porn.  
   
 While much of that was propagated by white men, white women don't exactly have a history of fighting for equality, either. A faction of the suffragette movement based their argument off the fact that Black men weren't actually people (sticking to the Three Fifths Compromise well past the end of slavery) and shouldn't have been given the vote before white women were.  
   
 Statistics show that white women are more likely to be harmed by a white man than a man of any other race and, if you look at the men who specifically harm sex workers, especially in large numbers, you will see a lot of white faces. But white women still cling to the idea that not seeing black men will somehow be safer, and whether it is conscious or not, I think it is tied to this awful, enduring legacy of thinking that Black men are an inherent physical threat to white female bodies.  
   
 Something that is sometimes given as a reason is that there are clients who won't see women who see Black men. Which always makes me wonder: would the women who are ok with that and use a "no Black men" policy to attract those clients be ok with seeing a skinhead in Jackboots talking about race traitors? Just because a bigot is clean cut and in a suit doesn't mean he is any less vile (or less violent).  
   
 I think providers should see or not see whoever they want, but I also think those who have racist policies should just be honest about their prejudice instead of hiding behind the "I need to protect my precious white body" or "I'm not just not attracted to black men! No offense!" claims. I have yet to meet a provider who is attracted to 100% of her white clients and yet somehow they get in the door.  
   
 I also think when the discussion comes up, people need to stop giving women who have this policy a pass. Calling someone out on shoddy logic and racist thinking doesn't mean they have to change their policy or start seeing people they don't want to see. It just means you're taking away their ability to blame Black men for the provider's bigoted ideas.  
   
 An excellent example of this is Maggie McNeill, who has somehow risen to be a leader in the sex worker rights movement despite her deeply racist (and just plain idiotic) article on this very topic (linked below). White activists who have fits about people not seeing sex workers as equals just don't seem to have an issue with one of their leaders using pseudo science, revisionist history and tokenism to both justify her own issues and make the manifestation of centuries of deeply embedded hatred somehow be the fault of Black men (Yet she asks the reader to suspend their ideas about Southern racism....oh. Ok.).  
   
 Her constant use of "they" is nauseating and her line of thinking that her experiences and the experiences of a Black provider are the same is exceptionally tone deaf. Having grown up in New Orleans, I feel comfortable asserting that there are plenty of white men there who would be less than ideal clients. But there's no article about that, because white men are presumed to be individuals who are good clients until proven otherwise.  
   
 Anyone who holds Black men to the standard of "well-spoken" and acts as if she is doing Black men a favor by letting them touch her lily white skin should not be the face or voice of any movement that is fighting for equality, and yet....and yet. White women turn an eye because it's rude to insult individual preferences and call people racist - but it's not rude to make reference to the "typical Black man".  
   
 I've had Black clients tell me that they've shown up for dates and women have refused to open the door for them once they saw what race they are; I get emails asking if I see Black men. That is deeply, deeply messed up. No white man has ever emailed me to say "Hi, I'm a member of the race that is most likely to rape and/or kill you. Are you willing to see me?" because white men don't even have to *think* about their race, since white is seen as the default in America.  
   
 I don't see these policies going away and providers are going to see who they want to see, whether their logic on who is safe and who isn't is sound or not. But I do think we can stop acting like these policies are anything other than what they are: white women relying on the pedestal society has put them on in regard to Black men to justify their prejudices.

bigguy30 304 reads
posted
26 / 32

Posted By: cooper80
The only provider that i know has this restriction was because she was being harassed by black pimps and felt threatened.

bigguy30 273 reads
posted
27 / 32

The stupid comments you posted, them saying to you.
This is the one that stands out, the most of all of their bs comments.

The statement" Classy, wealthy white clients don't want to see providers who see AA men.  

They are insecure and brainwashed accepting self hate.  
I guess it's easier for them to accept white pimps controlling who they see in life.  

 
Posted By: DebbieNoonerGirl
I've never had this policy, but have encountered many providers who do.  
   
 With a few, it was because their S.O. didnt want them to see AA clients. The majority of these were black men themselves.  
   
 A couple of AA providers I've known wouldn't see black clients; one them never said why while the other was very vocal about simply hating all black men.  
   
   
 However, of the majority of women I've known with this policy, the most common reasons I heard for it  were  (in order of frequency):  
   
 They're cheap and always try to get more than the lady has on offer.  
   
 They have a funky smell down there.  
   
 More likely to complain about using protection and/or attempt to get/TAKE bbfs.  
   
 Classy, wealthy white clients don't want to see providers who see AA men. (Yes, some men won't see providers who entertain black clients, but I wouldn't call them classy lol)  
   
 And (my personal favorite).....they really like black men to the point where they ONLY date black men in their personal lives, and they don't want to blur the lines.  
   
   
   
 All but the last were obviously broad generalizations, stereotypes, that frequently had little or nothing to do with each lady's own personal experiences. They just had these notions in their heads. Or used those reasons to hide real racism and/or fear. However you wanna slice it, the result is still the same. 😀  
   
 Does that help any? Knowing the "why" in this case, still hasn't led to any real understanding for me, if you get my meaning.  ;-)  
   
   
 xxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxoo

-- Modified on 2/24/2016 8:45:51 PM

Somedudesjunk 177 reads
posted
28 / 32

We all have our personal preferences don't we.....

rembrnad0284 12 Reviews 280 reads
posted
29 / 32

Terrific post.  Why am I not at all surprised who the author is :)

Posted By: elainaamhurst
When I decided to get into this business and started researching, I was shocked at how many websites had such wording. My very first client was AA, and I absolutely couldn't have asked for a better first experience!! Any subsequent dates with AA men have all been fantastic too. I just couldn't imagine trying to decide what type of client a man is going to be by race, national origin, or any other superficial characteristic.  
   
 I think I probably take it a little more personally than most because I have had serious relationships out side of my race (Chinese and AA), and have seen the racism that goes along with how people treat you as a couple. The way some bigot would glare angrily at my partner, is something that angers and haunts me to this day.

vantheman666 11 Reviews 164 reads
posted
30 / 32

Having been married to a Native American woman, I am now fully aware of just how prevalent and rampant racism still is in our society.  Alyson, I think you have a good handle on the issues here.  Also, although I didn't have time to read the article in your link, I did notice that she included a photo of OJ and Nicole...the significance is not lost on me.

dcpoorboy 7 Reviews 198 reads
posted
31 / 32

There’s a possibility that age captures a certain mindset. People born in the 60s tend to see the world differently than people born in the 90s.

Weight and size? Well, there is the possibility of physical discomfort.

Race is way too broad to be any kind of effective filter. As I’ve said in other posts, there are so many different cultures and communities within “the Black Community” that it’s not even funny. “The Black Community” has even less specific meaning than “the Hobby Community.”  

Looks and attraction? That won’t work, either. We’re not talking about one isolated group here. African Americans have a wide variety of looks that encompass everyone from Bryant Gumbel to Denzel Washington, Samuel L. Jackson to Roger Guenveur Smith (or Klay Thompson, if you don’t know who Smith is).

But let me get to the heart of the matter. Though people do face bias because of their size, for instance, there is no history of overweight people being bought, sold, killed, impoverished, cheated, redlined, or disenfranchised because of their size. When people like me object to the “No Black men” policies, we’re not saying these women have to sleep with whichever Black man calls up, we’re saying it carries the danger of perpetuating an ugly, dangerous, and deadly mindset.  

We’re social beings. As much as we like to imagine ourselves as uncontrollable, self-styled mavericks, we take our cues from each other. If you leave it unchallenged, it will spread.

It’s all about not getting comfortable with prejudice.

Sounds dramatic? On these boards, I’ve seen someone say the “No AA” policy with all of the history attached to it is as harmless as a “No jacket, no service” policy. That’s one hell of a shrug.


-- Modified on 2/25/2016 10:07:38 PM

python97 1 Reviews 209 reads
posted
32 / 32

But this is my question... what if im only half black? Do i get half service? Can i still get a bj?

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