Meaning I haven't participated in p4p sex in at least a year, since slightly before I realized that I had a girlfriend.

I play on the boards from time to time because both my BFF and girlfriend are providers, I formerly hobbied, and thus I have an interest in the topic. I also think that as a former hobbyist who is generally supportive of sex work, I bring a different perspective.

I'll take the girlfriend over p4p any day.

I hate to sound crass, but most hobbying is motivated not by sex per se, but by things that no manly man would admit to, and for which he is using sex as a proxy. It could be something seen as negative -- such as some sort of power, or something seen as a weakness -- such as a need for validation. But in any case, there is an underlying emotional drive outside of the sheer slippery friction. Otherwise, a bottle of lube would do fine and is a lot less expensive.

Let's be honest. A NEUROSURGEON in Boston earns an average of $240/hr. Objectively speaking, as a purely physical thing, sex with an actress who pretends she likes you but won't know or care if you are alive or dead three days later isn't even remotely as valuable as what a neurosurgeon does. I'm using a bit of hyperbole to make my point, but my point is that the only reason sex workers can charge what they do is because men, even though they will never admit it to themselves and instead only express emotions such as rage, greed, lust and so forth, are trying (albeit unsuccessfully) to meet unmet emotional needs.

My theory as to why some could be addicted to hobbying is because they are constantly trying to use sex as a way to achieve something that paid sex with a sex worker simply cannot achieve.

The thing is, real relationships, albeit at a cost in terms of time, caring and involvement, actually CAN meet those needs.

I never hobbied for sex, really. I remember realizing this when an amazingly beautiful provider stated the fact outright that I was having sex with her just for the opportunity to talk with her. Hey -- I love the girl and I DO find her sexually attractive, but in general she was right that I could always take or leave sex in general within the hobby. Even my last hobby appointment I gave the girl the option of collecting the same fee for meeting me for lunch or for behind closed doors and she got to choose. What I was really paying for was a sense of somewhat normal interaction with an intellectually stimulating woman that I could respect as an equal because I had a dearth of that in my life.

When I selected ladies to see, I didn't even look at their ads, reviews or pictures. I looked at their board posts and blogs. I selected them based upon compatibility of personality and things like that. I am happy to say that I am either friends or friendly with every provider I ever saw as a result.

Either way, I quit hobbying the second I realized I had a girlfriend. I wasn't seeking a girlfriend, but sometimes things happen that surprise you.

There were a lot of reasons I quit hobbying, even though the nature of things is such that there can be no reasonable expectation of monogamy. In the first case, for well over a year, I really could no longer comprehend the idea of sex with anyone else as being even remotely desirable. It's like my brain had been rewired so that other women didn't even register as female. I think that's mitigating a bit, but not much, and it has taken a long time. I was sort of freaked out by that.

I also certainly wouldn't want to metaphorically devalue her by paying someone else for what she provides me, especially if her identity became known and she would be exposed to all sorts of ridicule from other sex workers if I posted a review or something. The idea of potentially hurting her like that just doesn't set well with me. I am not and never have been in the business of hurting good people gratuitously, and my girlfriend is right up there on the list of people not to hurt. Hey, in ANY relationship both people are going to get hurt sometimes. It comes with the territory, and usually it is either unintentional or a matter of necessity. Okay. But a lot of ways of hurting people are easily avoided. Yes?

In addition, because of the intense emotional involvements that accompany sex with my girlfriend that make it for me almost a religious experience, it's almost as though sex with some stranger getting paid isn't even sex. In all honesty, I would really hate to be the provider who followed my girlfriend. Compared to her, all non-emotive-p4p-sex-with-a-girl-who-is-so-afraid-of-you-she-uses-a-fake-name so-called "sex" would rate a "1" for performance.

And that's because a real world relationship can provide things a provider cannot. It can actually achieve the meeting of underlying emotional needs that hobbying is often a futile attempt to meet.

Can there be other purposes of hobbying? Sure. In an open-type relationship it can be used to explore sexual interests and fetishes in which the other partner is uninterested. It can be used, indeed, to simply sate a man's occasional desire for variety. In these scenarios, I think it is a non-addictive activity. (And I'd be able to give performance ratings higher than "1." LOL)

Where the addiction comes in, imo, is when men are dishonest with themselves about what their actual objectives are in hobbying, and thus they use sex with strange women as a way to meet emotional needs that can't be met that way, so they keep coming back for more and more.

Thankfully, even when I hobbied, I didn't do much of it. Maybe 4-6 times a year. So it was never addictive for me, likely because I am usually pretty honest with myself.