I can't speak about your experience  Miss Individual - I don't know if he was being rude or conversational. But I can discuss mine.

My gentlemen friends often discuss their experiences with other lady friends they really enjoy. They aren't comparing, they're simply sharing the joys of their life with me.  They can't discuss this with their friends, co-workers and family.
However, as a companion, I am an oasis of peace, understanding and freedom.  He is free to discuss the beautiful women, the wild sex, he laughter he has shared with them.   Being able to be open, unguarded and not have to guess at how I'll react, my self esteem remains in tact and I don't feel belittled.

I understand that because he's talking about another woman wearing certain clothes or doing certain things - it doesn't mean he expects me to do the same.  I have enough self confidence, to know he is seeing on an ongoing basis because he already likes me exactly as I am.  The reason he sees other women, is because they have attributes that I do not, that's the beauty of an open relationship - no one person can be everything you've ever needed and desired, that's far too much pressure to put on a human being.

Rather then be upset with someone's joy, congratulate them in it.

Equality is a myth and a lie. It can only be achieved -- in form though never in substance -- through restrictions of individual freedom. Assigned Reading: Harrison Bergeron by Ray Bradbury.

I would absolutely hate being in an intimate situation with a woman and having her compare me to any other man. Most certainly, because no two persons are equal, there are ways in which most any man must be better than me, and I better than him -- though I prefer to think of that in terms of being individually different rather than better or worse.

Obviously, any woman in a similar situation ideally finds herself to be the center of attention, the only woman about whom the man is able to think, and to be the sole object of his affection along with being valued highest among all others.

So, absolutely, I can understand your consternation at the circumstance you describe.

HOWEVER -- how many times have I seen postings from providers about how this is "only a business" and that most (though thankfully not all) providers are merely actresses? How many times have I seen postings from providers about how undesirable, ugly, stinky, or morally objectionable their clients are?

Do providers expect to put this into the minds of men, harp on it, pound on it, and call attention to it repeatedly and have it have NO effect? Is it a tree falling in the forest with nobody to hear?

Granted, a certain percentage of hobbyists are hardcore sex addicts* who need their fix. That sort of stuff has little effect on them. And, a certain percentage of hobbyists haven't the presence of mind to care. Another proportion of hobbyists may have very large egos and believe that a circumstance that a provider says applies to all hobbyists ... applies to everyone but them.

But there most certainly DO exist hobbyists who *pay attention, take it to heart, and learn*.

What have these providers taught them?

These providers have taught those men who pay attention that in their role as providers, providers are 100% business and 0% WOMAN.

Look, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Don't go running around posting stuff that makes you appear to be an  emotionally eunuch with regard to hobbyists; and then complain when hobbyists start to act as though the only things that would be a problem for you is bad cleanliness, a short envelope or NCNS.

You want to be treated like an emotional eunuch? Make sure providers post (usually anonymously) all sorts of stuff that would have men who pay attention treat them as though they have no more emotional impact on providers than they would have on a cement block.

Your post points something out. Something that I know no matter what is posted by whom: it ISN'T just business and it ISN'T all acting. Underneath that veneer, when the door is closed and it is just the two of us alone ... envelope be damned you are a woman FIRST and anything else SECOND. You are a unique woman with her own unique offerings and you need to be treated like a woman rather than a fucking machine. Hobbyists can hurt you. Emotionally. In dozens of ways.

Most men, believe it or not, have no desire to hurt a woman in any way.

If providers, also anonymously, let men know that certain things hurt them emotionally; it would counteract the postings leading men to believe that providers are emotional eunuchs. And you would have fewer problems with this.




* I understand sex addiction is controversial and may not exist as such. However there is little doubt that in some hobbyists their hobby activities persist past the point where they become self-destructive to family, finances, etc. So that's close enough for me to use the word as a "working word" even if I disagree with some aspect of sex addiction as a clinical diagnosis.

I agree with what you are saying.  That really irks the hell outta me for a guy to try to sway your morals or whatever for his pleasure by telling you what the next chic has done.  I mean do you guys really think that just by telling me what some other girl did that i will be like "Oh ok, since Sally did it I guess that makes it ok" No, and that is fair to us either....I've never had a guy complain about our time together..he may drop a hint or two but once i respond with an answer of either yes or no i will do it then he leaves it at that..guys you shouldnt ever compare your other experience while you're with a woman because more than likely it will make her uncomfortable and that will affect her performance...


Im not fussin at you guys..just tryna give you a womans point of view...
smooches,
Brooke Banks

Comparing is subjective and should probally be kept to ones self unless it the intentions of the hobbyist to be insulting and have a bad time. Having a good attitude will result in a better experiance. That holds true for both the provider and the hobbyist.

Comparisons are onerous.

And it is true. Why? Because if you are comparing this to that while you are doing this, you are not really there, in the moment, enjoying what you are doing. Also, because you are trying to frame and categorize an experience, or a person, in terms of another different person or experience. And that detracts, probably even degrades the experience/person you are currently enjoying.

Not to get too technical here, but the way our mind and senses work is that we develop a catalog of experiences and when we have a new experience we try to fit it into one of those older templates so we do not have to spend too much time thinking about it. This is a very efficient way of quickly reacting and adapting to new experiences, a great survival technique, but it means that as one builds an ever growing catalog of such templates, one hardly ever actually experiences that one is doing before it has been cataloged and filed. From my point of view, this is not a good thing, particularly if you are trying to have an intense, sensual experience. You need to be in the moment, lose the catalog to the degree you can and just experience what is happening. Impossible to do completely, but well worth the effort.

And the point of having those templates is so that you do not need to think about how to react, so talking about the comparison pretty much defeats that purpose.

So I would never bring up a comparison to another provider. I can understand how one might do that as a way of negotiating (we all learn to do that as kids, after all, with "why can't I do it, Bobby's Mom lets him do it!?"), but it is a pretty childish way of negotiating. Does it ever work? Did it even work with your parents? (Note to providers - try that reply). Like others, I do see some providers who ask me who else I see and other things about them, and at times I have shared some limited details about my personal (civvie) sex life, but rarely. It does make a lot more sense to use a session with a provider to talk about things that one needs to get off one's chest, though a counselor is both cheaper and makes more sense, since you could really enjoy the sex and intimacy with the provider and get better counseling, too.

Isn't there a class for Providers somewhere on how to handle assholes? I know that for both hobbyists and providers alike there are always going to be those people who just grate on you, make you want to kick, scream and post rants here. Hope it helped.

Zig