END OF MESSAGE

Guys, I'm glad that provider X is your ATF. I'm happy that I was able to satisfy you as much as provider X did, but I AM NOT HER.

That's great that provider Y has a certain personality. Yes, I know that she has some things on her menu that I do not have on mine (and vice versa). That's because I AM NOT HER.

FFS, please stop comparing us to other providers either to our faces or publicly. If you want to backchannel about it, that's great, backchannel down to the smallest details of how we are or are not like another provider. But stop defacing us publicly by comparing us to other women. Sure, we might have similar qualities as someone else, and if they're good qualities, that's great. But we are individuals. Do you want us to sit there and compare you to other men we see, on the boards or to your face? I'm thinking not.

Every woman is different. Please stop holding other providers (and the specifics of your time together) up as comparison for the session you have with me. If you are looking for factors a, b, and c, then you might miss out on factors d, e, and f that I bring to sessions that the other lady doesn't. If factors a, b, and c are that vital to you, please read my reviews to see if I offer that. If I do not, and you choose to see me anyway, I don't give a damn that another lady provides that and you really like it. I don't want to hear you carry on about every detail of your session with her. That should be between you and her.

And for God's sake, don't spend our entire session together talking about how the other lady is your ATF. That's great- please see her next time.

Rant over. Carry on.

I can't speak about your experience  Miss Individual - I don't know if he was being rude or conversational. But I can discuss mine.

My gentlemen friends often discuss their experiences with other lady friends they really enjoy. They aren't comparing, they're simply sharing the joys of their life with me.  They can't discuss this with their friends, co-workers and family.
However, as a companion, I am an oasis of peace, understanding and freedom.  He is free to discuss the beautiful women, the wild sex, he laughter he has shared with them.   Being able to be open, unguarded and not have to guess at how I'll react, my self esteem remains in tact and I don't feel belittled.

I understand that because he's talking about another woman wearing certain clothes or doing certain things - it doesn't mean he expects me to do the same.  I have enough self confidence, to know he is seeing on an ongoing basis because he already likes me exactly as I am.  The reason he sees other women, is because they have attributes that I do not, that's the beauty of an open relationship - no one person can be everything you've ever needed and desired, that's far too much pressure to put on a human being.

Rather then be upset with someone's joy, congratulate them in it.

I have had several providers ask me about the others I have seen and what I thought about them.  I don't know if it's just professional curiosity or what.  I think some are interested because they want to double with them.  I must admit, at times, I find it uncomfortable because I want to focus on the honey in the room.  Yet, when it's a provider I know well, it doesn't bother me as much.  One regular provider always jokingly asks me who I've been cheating with since I saw her last.

END OF MESSAGE

well said

Excellent post containing words of wisdom!

Harrison Bergeron should be read by everyone.

I suggest it to others with proselytizing fervor usually reserved for the magazine-selling bible-thumpers who knock at your door early Saturday morning! LOL!



HalfHour

If I may make a small correction. It's author is the late Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

I'm mostly just ranting about some of what I said and generally agree with what you said. But in a few of the cases I'm speaking about, no- they really are expecting me to do the same things. And it's very obvious by my reviews that I don't do those things. Continually shoving their fingers in my ass telling me so-and-so liked it even when I say I don't, for instance. Backing off and then continuing to push it through email. Spending all of our time together saying "so-and-so liked this, do you like this?" A couple of times is okay, but jumping from activity to activity to activity like this the whole date? Things like this have happened frequently lately, from different guys. Those're really who my rants are directed to.

First, great for your experience. I admire you, so I won't knock you. And I'm certain we all love that everything works out well for you and your lovers.

BUT...

There are some men who sit and compare the entire session with another lady. Maybe you are confident...and perhaps these other ladies are too, however when they are trying to enjoy a lovely encounter that is about one woman and one man, sometimes it's nice to NOT talk about the other women they have been with.

Good for you that you have enough confidence to not care, and I'm certain several ladies have enough confidence to not give a crap at the end of the day about a hooker/john relationship just as you (yes, just like YOU), but in the moment of offering exquisite companionship that is beyond the surface, but connects to the soul, they prefer not to discuss other ladies.

Let's keep it REAL ("pretenses" aside)...it's RUDE for either party to discuss others when together. This goes against discretion and so many other things, something I would hold you high to in terms of standards.

I prefer not to discuss others when with another human being when enjoying each other's companionship. Confidence aside, it is the respectable and caring thing to do.

I hope most people get it.

those activities, but they want your body and face to be the one doing it. In a way, it's a compliment.

OK now what about a hobbyist who, whether in session, or on phone, or in daily multiple instant messages and emails, talks about their last ATF (all the details about their relationship along with the activities) and/or their wife/girlfriendand and their relationship issues and why they hobby? Responding to these messages and phone calls takes at least an hour or more of your day when they only come to see you once a month, and then wanna bargain down your rate. I find that when I contact them needing some help or need to talk to them about my problems or relationship, THEY DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! So why do they think that I want to, and on my own time?

BTW, if you wanna get rid of a whinner, turn the tables on him lol, he will eventually get the picture.

Equality is a myth and a lie. It can only be achieved -- in form though never in substance -- through restrictions of individual freedom. Assigned Reading: Harrison Bergeron by Ray Bradbury.

I would absolutely hate being in an intimate situation with a woman and having her compare me to any other man. Most certainly, because no two persons are equal, there are ways in which most any man must be better than me, and I better than him -- though I prefer to think of that in terms of being individually different rather than better or worse.

Obviously, any woman in a similar situation ideally finds herself to be the center of attention, the only woman about whom the man is able to think, and to be the sole object of his affection along with being valued highest among all others.

So, absolutely, I can understand your consternation at the circumstance you describe.

HOWEVER -- how many times have I seen postings from providers about how this is "only a business" and that most (though thankfully not all) providers are merely actresses? How many times have I seen postings from providers about how undesirable, ugly, stinky, or morally objectionable their clients are?

Do providers expect to put this into the minds of men, harp on it, pound on it, and call attention to it repeatedly and have it have NO effect? Is it a tree falling in the forest with nobody to hear?

Granted, a certain percentage of hobbyists are hardcore sex addicts* who need their fix. That sort of stuff has little effect on them. And, a certain percentage of hobbyists haven't the presence of mind to care. Another proportion of hobbyists may have very large egos and believe that a circumstance that a provider says applies to all hobbyists ... applies to everyone but them.

But there most certainly DO exist hobbyists who *pay attention, take it to heart, and learn*.

What have these providers taught them?

These providers have taught those men who pay attention that in their role as providers, providers are 100% business and 0% WOMAN.

Look, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Don't go running around posting stuff that makes you appear to be an  emotionally eunuch with regard to hobbyists; and then complain when hobbyists start to act as though the only things that would be a problem for you is bad cleanliness, a short envelope or NCNS.

You want to be treated like an emotional eunuch? Make sure providers post (usually anonymously) all sorts of stuff that would have men who pay attention treat them as though they have no more emotional impact on providers than they would have on a cement block.

Your post points something out. Something that I know no matter what is posted by whom: it ISN'T just business and it ISN'T all acting. Underneath that veneer, when the door is closed and it is just the two of us alone ... envelope be damned you are a woman FIRST and anything else SECOND. You are a unique woman with her own unique offerings and you need to be treated like a woman rather than a fucking machine. Hobbyists can hurt you. Emotionally. In dozens of ways.

Most men, believe it or not, have no desire to hurt a woman in any way.

If providers, also anonymously, let men know that certain things hurt them emotionally; it would counteract the postings leading men to believe that providers are emotional eunuchs. And you would have fewer problems with this.




* I understand sex addiction is controversial and may not exist as such. However there is little doubt that in some hobbyists their hobby activities persist past the point where they become self-destructive to family, finances, etc. So that's close enough for me to use the word as a "working word" even if I disagree with some aspect of sex addiction as a clinical diagnosis.

"Oh, Sariputra, Form Does not Differ From the Void,
And the Void Does Not Differ From Form.
Form is Void and Void is Form;
The Same is True For Feelings,
Perceptions, Volitions and Consciousness."

"Sariputra, the Characteristics of the
Voidness of All Dharmas
Are Non-Arising, Non-Ceasing, Non-Defiled,
Non-Pure, Non-Increasing, Non-Decreasing."

"Therefore, in the Void There Are No Forms,
No Feelings, Perceptions, Volitions or Consciousness."

"No Eye, Ear, Nose, Tongue, Body or Mind;
No Form, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch or Mind Object;
No Realm of the Eye,
Until We Come to No realm of Consciousness."

To say that everything is perfect isn't the case - we all have our faults and issues. Mine are different, because frankly I'm pretty open about the fact that I need multiple relationships. I don't give them even the slightest fantasy of exclusivity, and so they do not feel any pressure to create a bubble around us.

The reason I can handle the talk of other women is because I am quite in touch with the reality of all this, and very comfortable with it.  

Now, I've had them tell me that lady XYZ screams louder then me in bed, and that's a huge ego stroke. Great! Do I feel that I have to scream any louder in bed as a result? Not particularly, I'm not a screamer, and to do so would require concentration that would distract from my pleasure. And so, I can say that without him taking any affront because the ones who stay are the ones who are sane.  Lady XXX I'm told by another gent is more aggressive - do I feel compelled to be more aggressive? No, because I'm submissive - and she is not. Obviously he's enjoying my submissive nature, otherwise he'd only see lady XXX.  So do they compare? OF COURSE! Do I take affront or walk away feeling pressured? Not really.  

I generally don't see men that are there just for play because my engagements are longer and I tend to seek long term arrangements.  If they just wanted to get laid, there's no reason to book a weekend or a week together.  So - the men aren't there JUST for a date with me. They are there because I can provide a great deal of lack of pressure and the ability to just be themselves, and share the secret part of their life they can share with no one else. That means the other ladies they've seen, that means private ideas about God and society and relationships that they feel would be scrutinized and cause them to be judged unfairly. Part of what I personally strive to offer as a companion is psychological freedom and unconditional understanding.  

I agree that not all women are capable of offering this, and they should not be pressured to provide something they cannot - whether it is a physical act or a psychological one.  However, I don't think he should be left to figure that out - professional companionship is suppose to be more direct then civ dating and thus communication should not require a guessing game. If she doesn't like or cannot handle his talking - simply telling him that it bothers her without judging him by calling him and insensitive cad, should do it. If he then persists, the truth of the matter is they are incompatible as client and companion and she should refuse further bookings, and he has to accept that if he can't change, he can't see her and has to find a more compatible companion.Not giving "a crap" about someone is not a sign of confidence, it is a sign of detachment.  It is a sign that they are shutting down parts of themselves because they cannot handle the intimacy that that professional companionship requires.  A healthy person is empathetic to the people they come into contact with - empathy is very much what distinguishes us from animal instinct for survival and need fulfillment.  I am NOT detached from my regular and ongoing friends, I have great empathy for them. I am admittedly detached from people I've met only once or do not maintain contact between dates, I do not wish them ill, but don't loose sleep if they're gong through hard times. However, if I have seen someone for a long time, or we maintain contact between dates  - I DO give a damn about him. I give a damn about him while he's in the same room and I give a damn about him when we aren't together.

 I don't have image issues that require me to feel like I'm "special" or "more important"  than the other women he sees, because I'm not monogamous in my personal life, so why would I need my ego tippy toes around in my professional life? All I need to know is he regards me as an equal and a friend, that he has empathy, and that's enough. I don't have to be his ATF.   The fact that I am empathetic towards him, is what contributes to my ability to be happy for him when he finds joy with another woman. I'm not asking for the illusion of monogamy, I intend on providing him that illusion. They are  more than Johns, they are someone's fathers, someone's friends, they are at heart good people that are just looking for some additional good vibes and good memories and fun in life.  Thanks to them my life has a lot of freedom and financial stability, a great deal of my comfort and well being is thanks to them.  I frankly consider them with enough dignity that I wouldn't degrade them by calling them "Johns".  That suggests that they are vacuous human beings, and I feel the are whole people who have much good to offer the world and those in their lives.That's jumping the gun.  A man saying to me "I met this really hot woman in Los Angeles that screams every time she's having an orgasm. The first time around it shocked me, but after I got used to it, it was a huge turn on."

Now where in that is a line of discretion crossed? I don't know her name, or anything about her other then she lives in LA.   The vast majority of times when gents talk they are vague, they don't provide names or anything that would help connect an experience with a person. There's a lot of women in any city, how would such a conversation cross lines of discretion?

Similarly me saying: "A gentlemen I met in New York told me that the Pot Ash stocks in Western Canada are going to do particularly well thanks to asian investment."

What does that reveal about anyone? Where is the line of discretion crossed? What can he learn from that sentence?  The Pot Ash industry is huge, there's endless people who read about stocks, the man may not even be in the financial industry, he might just be keeping up with the markets.

These are boundaries of COMFORT of the listener not DISCRETION. And as such it is up to both parties to acknowledge the COMFORT lines of their partner - which are not going to be the same from one person to the next.  And if your line of comfort is not where the other person's is, you just have to stop seeing each other or make a concession to continue seeing the other partner.

All too often when a lady is uncomfortable with her client, she will continue to see him, because it's another pay day, then vent about how much she dislikes the person she is seeing.  You can't let the money make decisions for you - if your uncomfortable say so, see only men that align to your personal boundaries - we are all entitled to have them and maintain them, but we are not entitled to judge the boundaries of others just because they're different. If you stop seeing people who make you unhappy, you won't be unhappy anymore, it's pretty simple.





-- Modified on 10/31/2010 4:18:47 PM

I agree with what you are saying.  That really irks the hell outta me for a guy to try to sway your morals or whatever for his pleasure by telling you what the next chic has done.  I mean do you guys really think that just by telling me what some other girl did that i will be like "Oh ok, since Sally did it I guess that makes it ok" No, and that is fair to us either....I've never had a guy complain about our time together..he may drop a hint or two but once i respond with an answer of either yes or no i will do it then he leaves it at that..guys you shouldnt ever compare your other experience while you're with a woman because more than likely it will make her uncomfortable and that will affect her performance...


Im not fussin at you guys..just tryna give you a womans point of view...
smooches,
Brooke Banks

.

How would it work for hobbyists if the provider gushed to her client about how great another client was, hoping he would be the same? I understand that some providers are bothered by comparisons and some aren't - I just think that comparisons of this kind are plain rude. Your expectations should be based on the person you ARE with, not the one you WERE with.

1. You're assuming that what I posted is literal and not a hypothetical situation to delineate my point.

2. Discretion in this world is about sharing *information that would lead to discovering someone's identity*, you couldn't learn anything about A the women, or B the men.

Interesting thread.

Some Gentlemen share such information as part of their fantasy.  

Should this make the Companion uncomfortable, there is a way to be sensitive and tactful that leaves everyone happy and the mood remaining encourage-able.

But honestly, how does one REALLY know if the Gentleman has met with THAT person.



-- Modified on 11/2/2010 12:10:38 PM

Comparing is subjective and should probally be kept to ones self unless it the intentions of the hobbyist to be insulting and have a bad time. Having a good attitude will result in a better experiance. That holds true for both the provider and the hobbyist.

Comparisons are onerous.

And it is true. Why? Because if you are comparing this to that while you are doing this, you are not really there, in the moment, enjoying what you are doing. Also, because you are trying to frame and categorize an experience, or a person, in terms of another different person or experience. And that detracts, probably even degrades the experience/person you are currently enjoying.

Not to get too technical here, but the way our mind and senses work is that we develop a catalog of experiences and when we have a new experience we try to fit it into one of those older templates so we do not have to spend too much time thinking about it. This is a very efficient way of quickly reacting and adapting to new experiences, a great survival technique, but it means that as one builds an ever growing catalog of such templates, one hardly ever actually experiences that one is doing before it has been cataloged and filed. From my point of view, this is not a good thing, particularly if you are trying to have an intense, sensual experience. You need to be in the moment, lose the catalog to the degree you can and just experience what is happening. Impossible to do completely, but well worth the effort.

And the point of having those templates is so that you do not need to think about how to react, so talking about the comparison pretty much defeats that purpose.

So I would never bring up a comparison to another provider. I can understand how one might do that as a way of negotiating (we all learn to do that as kids, after all, with "why can't I do it, Bobby's Mom lets him do it!?"), but it is a pretty childish way of negotiating. Does it ever work? Did it even work with your parents? (Note to providers - try that reply). Like others, I do see some providers who ask me who else I see and other things about them, and at times I have shared some limited details about my personal (civvie) sex life, but rarely. It does make a lot more sense to use a session with a provider to talk about things that one needs to get off one's chest, though a counselor is both cheaper and makes more sense, since you could really enjoy the sex and intimacy with the provider and get better counseling, too.

Isn't there a class for Providers somewhere on how to handle assholes? I know that for both hobbyists and providers alike there are always going to be those people who just grate on you, make you want to kick, scream and post rants here. Hope it helped.

Zig