Hi guys,

I havent posted in a while but I was just thinking...

I've read on some other boards about guys asking how to get laid in real life.  (I assume these are young guys asking).

Anyway, my civie girl friends and I were talking about sex the other day and we all realized that we do the same thing.  If a guy is a great catch and we want to date him, chances are we will NOT fuck him anytime soon.  As a matter of fact, we may make him wait 6 months to a year, or until hes committed to us.

But, if a guy has no potential as dating or marriage material, we will fuck the guy immediately!

Why?  Because we don't care!  And we have nothing to lose!

So, for the guys who can't seem to get laid by civie girls, it could be because you are educated, have a great career, or women want to have dreaded... RELATIONSHIPS with you!!!



Thoughts?  Comments?

what if you think there is no future with a guy. You fuck him right away, then start thinking crap this is a good guy.

Do you start playing the hard to get game then?

If the guy is really that good that you can see yourself dating them, wouldn't you risk losing him to some "normal" woman who would give him sex a lot sooner?

We don't have time to wait for even 4th date for sex with a civve. If we don't get sex on 3rd date, we ain't even paying for McDonalds on the 4th date -in fact 4th date may never even happen...

One year....are you kidding me !?!?

This came up in our conversation too!

We start fucking the guy who is no good for us.  Then we fall for him!  Then we're in a crazy dysfunctional relationship.  Yes, women are a little coocoo.

We want the good guys to respect us.  If we get married someday, we want to look back and say, "Me and my husband took the time to date eachother.  He courted me.  When we finally made love, it was special."

But yes, this can backfire if the good guy gets impatient and moves on.

Guess what? I can respect you if we fuck in the first date.

If the girl is that good that I am willing to wait for a year to fuck her, then I am definitely going behind her back and fucking other girls, just to take care of the itch.

So either I fuck her, or if I can't (mainly because she wouldn't let me), I will get it through other means.

No one has time these days to wait for a year. I saw this guy at work fidgeting in front of a microwave waiting for his lunch to warm up.  We live in an instant gratification society, and apparently couple of minutes that it takes to warm up your lunch is too taxing for some people. A year? really....?

It occurs to me that you and your friends are equating your vaginas with respect.  That's your right but I don't think that how soon you have sex with a guy determines how much respect he will ultimately have for you. That being said, you are worrying way too much about what men think of you when, in reality, what you think of yourself and the way you choose to conduct yourself is much more important.  

Obviously, you should do whatever works for you but those are my thoughts.  I'm in my mid 50's, divorced and not looking for a serious relationship.  That doesn't mean I don't respect a woman for who she is even if she has sex with me on the first date or, heaven forbid, charges me for it!

I believe they have every right to be. Some times I think love can be an irrational emotional response to the confusion.

Men just want sex

That you're getting it elsewhere.

But... You will likely respect and cherish the one who makes you wait, more than the girl you are fucking easily!  (At least that's what we think).

If women wonder why there are so few "nice guys" out there, men with whom a relationship would be a good idea, who might respect them, help them, and perhaps even love them.  Why?  Because women hop right into bed with the asshole.  

What's really infuriating to me is that women will, as pointed out above, jump into dysfunctional relationships with the assholes, and then they will seek out the nice guy.  We'll love them and respect them and care for them.  And then the asshole returns, and she just loves him so much, so we're nice and we get out of the way and the asshole wins again.

I have been the "nice guy" for nearly 50 years.  The reason I turned to the hobby was precisely because of what's been suggested here.  I don't really WANT to wait a year, and, worse, there's no guarantee that if I DO wait that long, I'm getting what I deserve so much more than the asshole does.  So, I got tired of losing women (any number of girlfriends and two wives) to the asshole who has a thick pair of lips to kiss them with and a thick pair of boots to kick them with.  I want sex.  It's a basic biological function.  It's what makes life worth living.  

So, instead of waiting for a year, I've learned to say to hell with that, and I'm finding women WAY hotter than I could ever get in the first place, and, in all honesty, it's cheaper to pay for them than it is to spend all that money over weeks, months, or years, and getting nothing from a civilian.  

When nice guys are getting all their sex from professionals, they will stop breeding, and from an evolutionary point of view, they will simply disappear.  In a few more generations, there will be nothing but assholes left, and it will be the fault of the women who decide to make us wait WAY too long.

Just my two and a half cents.

I'm not a partyer or drinker, despite my school being known for it, so it's difficult to find women who are willing to have sexual relations.

What do you suggest?
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of many years and I'm not ready for commitment yet.
Where would be a good place to meet women who just want to have fun?

I'm surrounded by gorgeous, young women in their prime each day, but they don't seem interested in me.

If a guy is marriage material I need to know if he's good in bed before wasting THAT much time, yikes.  I also don't hop into bed with people I don't care about (unless they are buying my time, wa ha ha)...I wait a reasonable amount of time to see if there is anything worth exploring but then I need to know if they are worth the effort...maybe it's because I get plenty of the kind of attention I don't need as it is.  If a guy is not worth dating, he is not worth fucking.

That amounts, to me, to playing games.

If you are respectful of the other person, there is trust involved, and that means that you put yourself out to trust the other person to not just use you for sex.

I have had great relationships with girls I fucked the first night we went out, and I have had great relationships where she made me wait.

There really is no rhyme or reason...at least in my experiences.

You are, in fact, equating your vagina with respect. That's not going to work in any scenario.
Once you and your friends start setting timelines on "getting it"...it's YOU who have removed all respect from the equation. You've reduced it down to a schedule or list that you judge your men by.
You've become as base and callous as the worst men you seek to avoid.
It's the person that has value...not their body parts and certainly not your golden pussy.

Just try being a real person and living each moment. Then...you and your friends might have a clue as to what matters.

All through high school and college I panted after gals who were my friends, but would never consider having sex with me because I was "too good of a friend."

Instead they threw themselves at assholes who got all the nookie and then I had to play therapist to them after they ended up hating themselves.

Thank God I finally found the hobby.

a man will have greater respect for the woman who both carries herself with respect and treats those around her with respect...not someone who is unconsciously disrespecting herself (and devaluing that man) by placing superficial value on her pussy. by living by the concept that the right man must "wait" to get into your pants, you are stating that not only is your pussy of greater value than his penis, but that the sum total of YOUR value is located in your nether regions. and that's just not cute.

This mentality seems very much over thought.  How about you just go with the flow and let things happen naturally.  If a guy is "the" right one then the situation will move in that direction whether you give it up or not.  I think when women, or men, over think things like this, you are making the world of sex and dating far more complicated than it needs to be!  Grow up!

Posted By: Florida_Evans

Hi guys,

I havent posted in a while but I was just thinking...

I've read on some other boards about guys asking how to get laid in real life.  (I assume these are young guys asking).

Anyway, my civie girl friends and I were talking about sex the other day and we all realized that we do the same thing.  If a guy is a great catch and we want to date him, chances are we will NOT fuck him anytime soon.  As a matter of fact, we may make him wait 6 months to a year, or until hes committed to us.

But, if a guy has no potential as dating or marriage material, we will fuck the guy immediately!

Why?  Because we don't care!  And we have nothing to lose!

So, for the guys who can't seem to get laid by civie girls, it could be because you are educated, have a great career, or women want to have dreaded... RELATIONSHIPS with you!!!



Thoughts?  Comments?

I feel that great sexual chemistry is VERY important in a relationship. If I'm feeling it, and he's feeling it then why not feel each other. Why wait 6 months to see if there is any sexual chemistry? Women, in general have been programmed for centuries to use pussy as a bargaining tool. I call bs that men will not see you as  the relationship type if you get down and dirty early on.

great point. It would really suck if you waited 3 months, 6 moths whatever, and when you finally had sex it was bad.

I used to think it was okay to wait for it, but I have realized that sex sits pretty high on my list of important compatibilities.

Also the hobby is much cheaper than a regular relationship.

but your posts have given me some insight as to why i've never had any girl friends. my brain just does not grok that way.

For the guys who are married or in a serious/real relationship, did you sleep with your wife right away, or did she make you wait a while?

Don't guys like to "hunt" a woman?

If she gives it up immediately, I'd figure the guy would lose interest and begin looking for his next conquest.

First wife I was forced to wait, the second wife I was not. I actually have more respect for the second wife because she at least has a brain. So by those numbers it's a draw. Still doesn't mean I want to be with either one of them today.

My point is the same. It doesn't matter to me if we have sex on the first night or the third, I'm going to respect you for who you are as a person, but at least I will know if we are good together in the sack. It SUCKS to develop a relationship with someone over a couple of months to find out they don't have a clue how to fuck.

I have realized that good sex can keep a relationship together, but it is what it is

well put dude, experiencing that myself. I need to be more of an asshole, and it is harder than it sounds. I have never pretended to be someone I'm not so I will continue to hope I will win in the long run. Although, if I role play it, it works a little bit better for me and the sex is great too

Now where is that bitch? LOL

I've been with my wife 10yrs, first time was after the third date. We had talked a bit on the phone between dates over about a 3 week period. The sex was great the first time and she had a job, was smart and easy to talk to. I love a woman who is confident, sexual and knows what she likes and wants. To tell the truth she is even ok with hobbying and has joined a couple times. I think the age and religious beliefs of men surveyed will have a large effect on their opinion of sex early in a relationship. Also if they arent old enough to appreciate what they have and treat a woman with respect it wont matter if you wait  a year.
   

-- Modified on 10/20/2012 12:03:13 AM

Three significant adult relationships...The worst one was with the one I waited for.

I have a penchant for psychopathic women as well...But hands down...without a doubt, the bunny boiler nut job, of them all had me waiting for about 4 months.

If a woman wants to garner respect from me, it only partly comes from the sex...Intelligence, class, self respect, experiences, desires...those weigh in far more heavily. Where the sex and respect thing comes into play is usually further down the road...lack of imagination, too many boundaries (a few are fine...hell, I won't let anyone pee on me, so I guess we all have some walls...) those things will cause me to loose respect. Dated one woman who lived life as if others were watching us through our windows...I live life as if I am charging admission.

My longest relationship hasn't devolved because I wanted to sample the buffet....it has devolved because of her lack of sex drive. Her favorite position is Doggie Style. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead. Thankfully the cure for the dreaded Hawaiian disease (lackonoookie) is this wonderful hobby.

Nice guys don't need to conquest....they just need a good blow job.

-- Modified on 10/20/2012 1:37:38 AM

So I'm 19, hanging in a sleazy bar an hour before closing time and there is a young woman with breasts significantly bigger than my head playing pinball by herself. I'd never been with a girl with breasts bigger than my head at that point, so I slid on over to chat her up.

We decided to leave the bar right after the bartender threw us out, drove to a make-out spot, and I began my march toward the elusive bra couplings. Hooks? Snaps? Front? Back? They should be color-coded or something.

Anyway, she stops me just as I manage to slip the last hook (it was in the back after all) and tells me that she's kind of depressed because she's been acting like a real slut lately and she wants to stop. I am, of course, very supportive and suggest that she stop first thing tomorrow. She tells me the story of how a couple of nights ago she walked up to the drummer of a band she was watching while he was on his break and just started making out with him - later went home with him, screwed him all night, and will probably never see him again. She says, "I didn't even like him. But I really like you and I'd like to see you again".

I've got a fair amount of rum in me at this point, so it takes me a while to sift through the logic... and I shoot back at her "So, you didn't like this guy, so he gets rewarded with a long night of passionate sex. Me, you like, so I get to go home with blue balls?"

She thinks about it for a minute. Next thing I know, my pants are around my ankles and I'm getting my reward after all. Go figure.

Two points:
1) Although I still enjoy larger breasts, there is such a thing as "too big". They weren't fun at all.

2) I never saw her again. So she was right after all. Go figure.

Im sorry for all your hassles, but I dont think nice guys will stop procreating anytime soon.

The good guys do win.  Its not apparent in the beginning but through their patience, they are rewarded in the long run with the meaningful, loving relationships and families.  

Girls tend to go for older guys, (or men who have money, education, experience, or something of value.)

So, try a 17 yr old or whoever is legal in your jurisdiction.  They will likely be impressed by a college aged guy.  The girls your age are probably going for the 25 and up crowd or sugardaddies.

....how's that working out for you and your single girlfriends?

Very flawed logic.

but I guess I was unconvincing.

When faced with the choice or a real asshole and a fake asshole, they'll choose the real one each time.

My wife offered it as a thank you day one, but I turned her down. It pissed her off a bit but made her want to get to know me. The next time she offered was fifteen months later, three months after we started dating. I am pretty sure I would have never seen my wife again had I said yes to sex the first night as I am not great looking nor an amazing lover and with out her learning of my better qualities over time it would have ended there.

It never fails that when women see you with a hot girl, it makes them wonder what it is about you that they are missing. Hang out in the library-It's a huge meet market. My friends and I used to play the phone number game at the library, LOL. Get your number out there, and you will get booty calls.

Women avoid me because I am so awesome..

Posted By: Florida_Evans

Hi guys,

I havent posted in a while but I was just thinking...

I've read on some other boards about guys asking how to get laid in real life.  (I assume these are young guys asking).

Anyway, my civie girl friends and I were talking about sex the other day and we all realized that we do the same thing.  If a guy is a great catch and we want to date him, chances are we will NOT fuck him anytime soon.  As a matter of fact, we may make him wait 6 months to a year, or until hes committed to us.

But, if a guy has no potential as dating or marriage material, we will fuck the guy immediately!

Why?  Because we don't care!  And we have nothing to lose!

So, for the guys who can't seem to get laid by civie girls, it could be because you are educated, have a great career, or women want to have dreaded... RELATIONSHIPS with you!!!



Thoughts?  Comments?

I lean old school when it comes to relationships material, but that is nuts.  I know if I'm pretty into a gal after 3-4 dates.  Doesn't automatically mean sex at that time, but 1.5-2 months if you are dating 1 or possibly 2 times a week is more than enough.  

Like others have said, I've had sex on the 2nd date and had a long term relationship with that person.  I've also waited over 3 months and had things fizzle out quickly.  It's all situational, but 6 months is crazy.

You have too many guys trying to get in your pants anyway!

I thought mine was story about a woman who was immediately willing to fuck a guy she couldn't care less about, but took some persuasion to fuck a guy that she liked. I thought it was a good illustration of your post. Maybe I typed it wrong.

Or maybe you're just mad because I got 5 likes and you only got 3. I'm just sayin'

Lilli made excellent points in her post, but I will just add that by scheming this way you perpetuate the "patriarchal paradigm" and further the whore stigma. You're also not true to yourself. What's the honor in both of you suffering? and what if you wait a year to have sex and suddenly find out he's awful in bed?

I think this mentality is so retrograde. I am sorry- this is not personally against you, because probably a significant percentage of women still feel this way (thought we made some headway with the pill, but I guess not), and women raise their daughters this way. It opens the door to all kinds of dysfunctional relationships.

Now, you may need a couple of dates to decide if you've even got chemistry with the guy in question, but why deny yourself pleasure if you know you have it right away? Maturity about these things helps you to ditch an idiot rather quickly after you've taken your pleasure with him. The difference is in knowing if someone is purely a tasty treat versus someone who is a potential life partner. This also comes with experience. And a year is a long time to wait for that experience.

Meanwhile, many quality women are unapologetically taking their pleasure with whom they please, and it's probably including the guy you're making wait. And if she is as Lilli described above, guess what? You're out of luck.

I do find all the "old-fashioned" women here very charming and rather amusing. In the most unlikely of places!

Honestly, church on Sunday is not a bad idea.
Not having a post heart attack pitty party for myself.....but have come to realize that i need to give up the navigation of my life to the one who created me ...i keep running my ship onto the rocks.
Of course we have to believe in being created by God, which i do.....i just need to have my anchor secured to a SOLID rock. For those of faith, please keep me in your prayers, as i will you.
For those of you that have SUFFERED from anxiety and depression, you and you alone, know where i'm coming from.
PLEASE send me a PM anytime, if you need a friend to talk to during that time of being in, the "Black Hole".....for those who have never been there, be thankful, for it is PURE EVIL.

I also don't think it has to be the other extreme of using your kitten as a bartering tool. Even Steve Harvey says, 90 days is the max a guy will wait, but get this...some will go ahead and play that game whilst they fk other women until you give it up. At that point, they don't even like you anymore, but they still want to fk you lol. They do just that, and drop your ass like a bad habit. I do what feels comfortable for me,and encourage others to do what works for them. What you do however determines the kind of man you are going to get.

I would also not put much credence in what people on a fk board tell you about waiting though...I mean duh...why are most here? Fact is MANY men in the real world don't want the easy girl who bangs every guy in town...not for more than sex anyway. Very few men I know...even many hobbyists, did not marry the whore. They just cheat on their wife with the whore lol. Men are very forthcoming in talking about their wives and how they met for some reason, and I can say a huge portion have the very same story of marrying the high school or college sweetheart, who was not a virgin but not a stripper or someone who slept with all of his friends either.

I was married twice and engaged twice, and never did I live with any of these men...had sex with them within 30 days though. I agree, it's like buying a car that you need to test drive. Many people simply do not work well together in a sexual capacity for any number of reasons. Who wants to fall for someone before knowing that? I would never date a guy with a big weenie...EVER, so damn right I am at least going to ask to see that sucker the first week lol.



-- Modified on 10/21/2012 11:19:11 PM

Every significant relationship I had, started when I found that the lady was not just beautiful but also intelligent, that she had a personality, that we clicked, i.e. I found there was the right chemistry.  With some of them it took me a week to get in bed, or a month, or a day, that period was irrelevant: actually the time between meeting and sex was never a factor that determined my commitment.  I dated really beautiful women who were dumb and I thought I could live with that, regardless of how quick we got in bed, I could take promiscuity a million times better than stupid.  Another thing, when a lady goes into a “plan” to catch you, how stupid do you need to be not to realize you are being “groomed”.  Anyway, sincerity, spontaneity, truth to yourself and others, those are still your best assets to end up in a functional, significant, relationship.

AMEN!

…  and all so very real.  All of what has been written here.  True for the person writing.  And were it not true, TER and "the hobby" could not exist.

Thus, in a sense, we are all writing from within some sort of self-reinforcing bubble.  It may be worth keeping in mind that there are other bubbles, other relational universes out there.  Or maybe not.

As for me, the combination of tedium, disappointment, heartache [whether I've been the rejecter or rejectee], and generally infinite BS drove me long ago to drop out, if nothing else by default, of the world of "dating" —and even longer ago I'd decided, mostly on conscientious grounds, against marriage.

I've been the "nice guy," the average frustrated chump —often through no one's fault but my own internal contradictions— and doubtless have been perceived as some kind of "asshole."  Depends on the situation and the people involved.

For the younger guys, I really don't know what to say.  When I was one, I was frustrated even though in retrospect it's clear that I attracted more women than most other guys my age.  This didn't seem to matter.  The number of ways in which things can fail to work out to one's satisfaction is staggering.  I mostly wasn't getting what I wanted or thought I wanted —and to this day, it's not clear what it would've taken for me to have gotten it.

One solution might be to become a rock star or a pro athlete.  I understand these life paths apparently include lots of access to easy sex.

Two quotes from contemporaries seemed sadly to sum up much of the situation: "They're just gash, man," and "You just have to play the game."  And this is the best of all possible worlds for these people, despite the occasional setback from which they quickly recover, always finding ways to blame the other person.

I never thought of the women who interested me as "just gash," though I probably would have been better off had I been able to, and I found "the game" [whatever that was or may have meant] to be both tiresome and in some way morally repulsive —but for many, relational life is simply "a game," and it's all about "playing," no more and no less.

For many women, men are just "dicks with wallets," and many women are proud to proclaim, "It doesn't mean to me what it means to you."   Whatever that may mean.

Excuse me for bringing up the subject of morals.  It's a complicated, thorny one —and everyone has a set of them, even the most presumably depraved.  And by the way, morals tend ultimately to be revealed by what one does, not by what one proclaims.

The path I've fallen into is one of reluctant solitude —as opposed to one of continual "settling,"  manipulating and being manipulated, and tolerating other people's crap and my own dissatisfaction— as the lesser of evils.  Occasionally consorting with "providers" offers an outlet that's marginally less unsatisfying than participating in the dating world and overall possibly less expensive.  It is, however, far from ideal, even in the best of times.

I'd like to find a better set of options.  They may even exist.  I simply have lost my taste, such as I may have had one, for the quest.  I haven't excluded the possibility that I might stumble into some better set —and I suspect that, if I do, I'm more likely to recognize the fact if I'm not troubled by my powerlessness over the things that disappoint me.  In the meantime, it really helps to get my dick sucked and otherwise be ministered to sexually by a reasonably attractive woman who's willing to do it for a fee, however outrageous.

We are all familiar, or should be, with the observation that, with prostitutes, "Men aren't paying the women for the sex; they are paying them to go away afterward."  I often console myself with the fact that although I am paying for the sex, it's a more efficient form of payment, and their going away afterward is usually an unexpected benefit.