Hi guys! Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. I had a fun one with lots of family. My niece had a little too much to drink and was grabbed on the way down to a face plant in her plate. lol I just love the holidays!

But I will say this... If you are approaching mongering with the expectation of finding connection(s) you are in for a rude awakening.  

I do think it's possible to find an authentic connection in a hobbyist-provider scenario. It doesn't necessarily mean that she wants you (the client) to put a ring on it and give her babies, but that you're one of the few people she dates that she actually enjoys spending time with. Of course the finances are important but if she can relax with you and doesn't seem to kick you out as soon as the appointment ends, then that's a step.

a provider, but most times you will not. You just have to keep doing what you do and when you connect with a provider then great. Place them on your list of returns visits and keep meeting providers until you have a nice long list of return providers.

then I wouldn't define that as "finding connection"But as I have come to realize that, in this small world of ours, people love to use lofty terminology for something benign.  

It would mean liking a person enough to want to spend more time with them outside of the pay for play. Not that there is an expectation of that... that would be unrealistic. But the feeling for it would be there.

Ya can't look for it or expect it. After all for the most part we are paying highly skilled actresses to pretend they like us. Is it possible? Yes it is. I've experianced it a couple times where it was obvious that both of us enjoyed eachother and the clock element disappears all together. Great times only problem is after experiancing that the typical appointment with a new lady can be kind of a let down. So it's a double edged sword.  

who is picking these girls? Is it you, him or both of you.
maybe if you have a hand in the selection you should back off. I mean, you aren't going to the appt right?
Maybe you should let him alone pick out his fantasy girl. I think only then can he truly completely let go. and stop dropping him off like you're dropping a kid off at camp or with the sitter.
I don't think you realize but there's a lot of anticipation and pre fantasy that goes into an appt on the guys side. let him drive there really indulge in the pre game show if you will.
If you are not making it a threesome you are too much involved and he cant totally have that fantasy. I think you could be stifling the hype if you will.
I don't know how you guys work it all out but it could be part in play here.
just my 2cents.

It's not impossible to have an actual connection, especially when someone is nice and interesting. Just tell him to be up front with what he is looking for so that the provider is well aware.

I have, several times. asked girl if she would like to join me for dinner.. And I've done that tons of time... I just did that last month with a provider who drove in rain for an hour to see me, on a short notice... And there was no connection whatsoever.. Just two people having good time...

I think you could be sucking the life out of the aftermath. The drive home from an appt is after thought and reminiscing but if his *wife* is picking him up he's not even allowed that.
I get that you are all for his p4p arrangement but you are still too involved. He loves you doesn't want to hurt you so his before and after game face well he's not in the game for the whole ride.
like I said I don't know what your relationship is like...my bf knows what i do has no issues with it either but i'm not coming home bragging about what great sex I just had. its disrespectful to my bf. so there's a few things to think about.

Hubby said it leaves him feeling cold. I hope I am interpreting his meaning of connection correctly.

That's a really good point you make. I do tend to take over a bit... pick the music playlist, wine, etc. I mean well by trying to make it as nice as possible. But what you say makes a lot of sense. Maybe I need to back off.

on my son's 16th birthday! What a great time!

And sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't.

You go back and see the ones you connect with, generally speaking.

If he is never getting a connection, it may be something to do with how he is wired.

I myself have wonderful connections with many gals.

Come out from behind your alias and we'll talk. Until then, stop accusing me of being some kind of sicko. A person would have to be pretty warped to do what you're saying. I'm just another horndog on here. Live and let live.

The mere fact that he does not have a connection is pretty much what most providers want. That so called connection should end when he leaves! I don't want some married man thinking about fkin me when he is with his wife...I find that idea a bit absurd. You're a bigger woman than I, because I don't believe in these types of situations at all. The fact that you not only approve of him having sex with another woman (which is what many wives and gfs think is fine) but that you are actually pushing for a connection, is on a whole new playing field for me lol.

Both can receive pm's and can write reviews. You can even search reviews for an alias and previous posts.  

Any connection in p4p would be an illusion. If there were a real one, THAT I would not be agreeable to. There is a difference between sex and intimacy. That is my boundary. I could just as easily buy him a good massage for his birthday and feel the same way about it. But a real connection? Nope. Just the illusion of one. I trust the providers chosen to be professional and keep this a business transaction. That's why this is a safe place for me to give these presents to him.

I think its cool that you're ok with his P4P, but you need to back off. Let him find the girls, let him contact them, let him flirt with them as the day approaches. Let him figure out what kind of wine or flowers or music she likes and pick based on that. Let him drive himself there by himself, fantasizing about what he's about to experience. Let him drive himself home, replaying the experience in his head.  All these things are half the fun!!

I didn't know that. How can one defend themselves? Kind of leaves little options as far as I know. I don't know who he is. And I'm not about to name providers on the GB.

Though I have never met her in person, I have spent A LOT of time getting to know her via PM, Email, and not just her, but many other things about her life and family. She's not a provider, but in fact a sort of female hobbyist who wants to get the best service possible for her husband. She even thanked the board a while back for all the help that was given to her. Usually, you're right about calling out the trolls (99 percent right lol) but I can confirm this one is not a troll, and is in fact a real paying customer. I even know the provider her husband saw, what she did before the date that raised questions, and the fact that her hubby should have reviewed this gal, but did not. I told her how to send a deposit as well.

-- Modified on 12/3/2013 9:30:37 AM

Aren't YOU the one he is supposed to have the connection with? and by comparison aren't sessions with hookers SUPPOSED to be a bit empty in comparison?

Honestly, are you trying to find him a "special present" or your future replacement" I can see, and even appreciate you going the extra mile to find hubby a hooker he can play with for a couple of hours, BUT finding him someone to "connect with" sounds a bit much to me.

There is no pleasing this guy. I sent him a PM and I'm the one hearing crickets.

intelligence of picking his own music, wine, food or hookers...

I cam calling total bullshit on your post..

My efforts to make the date as nice as possible does not make him any less of a man nor unintelligent. Sent you a PM. Let's see if unlike the other doubting Thomas, you respond to it.

-- Modified on 12/3/2013 7:30:07 AM

but as far as your OP. Sorry, but I can't crawl inside your hubby's head, so I guess I won't be of much help in giving you any meaningful advice. OTOH, I won't be joining the peanut gallery in bashing you or your motivations today. That's worth something, isn't it??? lol

If I am going to let my man PAY for strange ass with OUR money (money that could be used on things for OUR family) you can bet I would be involved in the process. Not this involved, but somewhat. I would just like to know she is well reviewed, not high volume, does not work out of her home, and does not have some boyfriend or husband that might come kick both of our asses if she is hiding this from him...you have to consider all of those things when you have a lot to lose career and family wise, and there are some psychos in this business that will call you at work ranting if you don't give them a high score.  It would pretty much go down something like "Honey, here is TER, I paid for a membership there for you, research what you want, let me know how much so I can balance the books at year's end, and have fun." Done deal.

Maybe meaningless, loveless sex is just not your hubby's cup of tea? Not everyone enjoys casual, loveless sex. I do, but I hardly speak for all men.

Have you ever considered that fucking hookers is just not what your hubby really enjoys or wants?

I was too involved. That is what the problem is. Never realized it before. I meant well but now I see I was hampering his experience.

-- Modified on 12/3/2013 7:44:13 AM

I still use classic, and I have to switch to new TER to PM an alias.

and I will put my board credibility up against anyone's here, including those with hundreds of reviews. My little brown envelope holds just as much board cred as anyone here, even without a single review to my name.

Sorry HH, but I guarantee you that there are more people here who know who GaGambler is than HIddenHIlls, care to make a wager???

I see what you mean. The whole reason I'm okay with p4p is it is nothing but sex. Within that context, I wonder if there is a way to have a better (for lack of another word) connection. I've read posts where hobbiests speak of such a thing. I thought that is what my husband is complaining about. In my post, I asked if a repeat session where there is more familiarity is a better one.

-- Modified on 12/3/2013 8:09:02 AM

Not reproduction... just production... Taking a break between calls... I respond to all the emails..

I may be a woman, but I'm told I think like a man when it comes to sex. He seems to like his birthday presents but it's no skin off my back if he doesn't want them. I'll just get him a massage instead then give him the happy ending myself. Seriously though, I'll ask him.

This hobby might just not be for him, just saying

When you make such sweeping statements, you know you are digging yourself a deeper hole by the minute..

It wasn't very masculating.
Even though it took longer. I preferred the bus.
Know what I mean?

I'm a very "enthusiastic" person... sometimes I over step. Hubby lets me do my thing but I know when he says enough to back off. He is the man of the house after all. But I appreciate the way he lets me be me... even likes me for it.

-- Modified on 12/3/2013 12:43:28 PM

I offer to talk to you like an ADULT! Instead you respond with childish insults. I don't think you even read my PM because your response makes no sense. In it was an offer to verify my status as a paying customer. Do you even have VIP? At this point, I don't give a rat's ass what you believe anymore. You're a jerk. BE GONE!

I gave you what you asked. Now man up and admit you were wrong!

for acknowledging that you may have made a mistake. You still seem to have a lot of questions. The dates were BIRTHDAY PRESENTS... so yes, I did micromanage. I've been given some good advice on that front.  

Okay, I said I'd answer questions but not attacks. Talking on TER is my gig, not his. I will occasionally tell him about it and he just smiles and let's me do my thing. I USUALLY have fun on here and have come to like some of the posters. He knows I asked this question but I didn't tell him about you. He wouldn't like the things you have said.