For the moment it's a tie.

But post some more garbage and I know you can win this thing  

I haven’t actually met her yet, but I know she’s my soul mate and therein lies part of my problem, trying to convince her of that.  I can guarantee you that she’s going to be the best ever, and cure me of this hobby addiction.  However, even though we haven’t met, we’ve been talking, and somehow I’ve offended her in some way.

You see, it all started with my current ATF, soon to be my ex-ATF. She’s been in the business for too long. She’s been in so long, that she’s almost become a GILF; and I’m not really turned on by Grannies, but I do understand that it can be a fetish.  Be that as it may, I had asked her to start using a Female Condom, but she said that it was too much like BBFS, and got mad at me because she thought that I was trying to sneak BBFS on her.  I didn't even want to discuss it.

I didn’t want BBFS, I just wanted to try something new, but she didn’t believe that and got madder and madder at me.  She got so mad that she even welshed on a bet we had made regarding some shit on the TER board.  

I got so stressed out about it, I decided to book with another Provider.  For some reason, when I was researching, I kept gravitating to the heavier providers even though I usually like them thinner.  In fact, my favorite body type is somewhat like the young Jennifer Jason Leigh.  But I couldn’t resist and booked with a large provider, using a credit card, which I know wasn’t the safest move.

The resulting session was OK, but nothing like my ATF provides. I left feeling kind of disappointed with myself and still stressed out.  I was about 30 minutes away when I got a call from the provider I had just seen.  It seems that her laptop had blown it’s mother board and she needed some help.  Since I always carry spare computer parts for all makes and models in my trunk, I turned around and went back to fix it for her.  Took me all night.

Unfortunately, my ATF later caught a glance at my CC bill on the computer that I had left on and saw that I had seen someone else.  Now she was mad again.  “You couldn’t get BBFS off of me, so wen to see this HO, huh?” she said.  “I don’t have any symptoms yet, but I bet you gave me chlamydia or something else you caught from her.” I tried to convince her otherwise, but to no avail.  Next time I’m just using cash – envelope or not.

A few nights later, I show up at my ATF’s place and what do I find?  Both her and the heavy provider sitting on the couch.  WTF?  My ATF tells me that she is sorry for being mad, and arranged a double for me as her way of saying Thank You for being the hobbyist that I am.  Well, I wasn’t into the session that much, especially when my ATF laid Sushi out on the other provider’s naked body for me to eat.  I felt like I was eating the parasite fish off a Beached Whale.  

I left that nigh feeling very unsettled.  So, what was I supposed to do?  I used to be able to bring these types of issues to the Love Goddess on her board for advice, but she’s gone now.  Even so, I would have to use an Alias, but since my ATF already knows my alias and I’m not allowed to create another one, it wouldn’t work.  Besides, there’s this stalker asshole that would just post something negative.  The pastor that I would normally go to (since he’s a pervert himself) was unavailable because he just got fired.

So I decided to drive a thousand miles to try to see my ex,ex-ATF for some comfort.  I called her on the way, set up the date, but wouldn’t you know it – she NCNS’d me.  I’m sitting there, in the hotel room, when I receive a group text from my ATF offering herself up, first come, first serve. WTF?  I decide, fuck it, I’m dumping the ATF and am going to find another.

So I pull out my little laptop and use TER to find a replacement.  Three providers into my search, and I find my soul mate.  She looks a little like the Octomom, which I dig, and has all 9’s and 10’s for reviews.  Jesus, just from the reviews and pics alone, I may propose to her.  I immediately picked up the phone and called her.  Spoke to her for a heavenly six minutes and just knew that she was the one for me.  

I’ve called and spoken with her twenty times in the last two days.  Somehow this has put her off and she has asked me to stop.  I just don’t think she knows how I truly feel about her, and am convinced that if I could just talk to her one more time, she’d get it.

I thought about creating a second handle for this post, but I don’t know if that is the right thing to do.  Besides, I WANT my ATF to know that I’m leaving her for good, and I WANT my soul mate to know just how I feel about her.

So, what should I do?

got bitten (or smitten) by Zoe?

Report him...Report him...He is making fun of us..

Where the fuck is that RAP button when you need it...



-- Modified on 8/10/2012 9:29:02 AM

I try to do a friend a favor by loaning him my car. I get it back with 2,000 extra miles. All this shit is in my trunk. And whats up with all the 70's porno mags with the pages stuck together? Out of gas, oil light on.
Damn it smells like Wendys in here!

It is great to have the whole week in a single thread.

...oh some kids are just so naive.

I am gonna have to come out there and whip you into shape boy! You're not married to any provider atf or not, so do what you want babe. This is why I have to laugh everytime I see guys going all crazy on one hooker when they are married to someone else. Until you give her a ring, you can do what you want and she should not even give you crap about a reference.

I thought that was fillet o fish under my seat.
C'mon man. They want 50$50$ for a detail.
Those aren't frosty stains???

-- Modified on 8/10/2012 10:31:20 AM

No easy answer for this one. Sounds like you want more than this lady either wants to give or is capable of giving. Might be time to drop back and punt and chill. Sometimes the harder you want someone the further you drive them away. Just my thoughts. Hang in there. gf60

Looks like multiple handles are NOW allowed

It's been a few months since prepkid promised to do a week of TER summary.

Which handle are you planning on using next?

KOMPUTERPRO?

My phone starts going off at 2:00 A.M, and I was like WTF...I answer and its our Preppie on the other side.

He says HI to everyone on TER - especially CPA, and you too London.

I ask him about his hobbying, and says he is very very stressed out with the Equities market, and is lately having lot of sex with Sumo Wrestlers

-- Modified on 8/10/2012 11:03:30 AM

I can't remember the other aliases I used, but here's two from BoardBored

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=460429&boardID=12&page=#460429

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=460915&boardID=12&page=#460915

And my first one (it was before I changed my handle from Dixie-Chicken to DC.):

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=248657&boardID=12&page=#248657

Here's my advice.

The pussies go side to side because they don't really mean it and just want attention.

The serious ones go up and down. Just helpful information.

And aren't you also the guy that just said a day or two ago that you weren't going to be around for quite some time?

Hey...let me know on that bridge deal...I've also got some swamp land that's for sale LOL

Maybe his brain already checked out, and his fingers are just typing on their own.

If I were DC, i would be insulted that my spoof was actually taken seriously.

and I have a corner on the market for beach front property in Yuma, Arizona... maybe we can make him a package deal...

apparently good satire is lost on on some folkes...

Check out his thread down the page and you'll see where I got the inspiration for the posr.

Makes it even better, doesn't it.  LOL

which part was difficult week or review?

So start vacuuming those swamps .. They better look pwetty ))

Give me time to figure out who or what you are shilling

Ole graywolf wouldn't know the difference between a swamp or a desert!

And how did you get involved in the bridge deal?

Just kidding Lungman!

the stupid, that sercapsunkompus left for me and London to drink!

psst, psst, Yuma has BEACH front property, what they don't have is OCEAN front proprty.

I stand corrected... you are right, Yuma has copious beach, just a dearth of ocean...  at least until the San Andreas fault does it's thing.... then my beach front property could conceivably be much more valuable ocean front property...

A more perfect novelette summary of the recent state of the board is hard to imagine.

Terrific! Thanks!

Because if it isn't...you're crazy.

"I’ve called and spoken with her twenty times in the last two days.  Somehow this has put her off and she has asked me to stop.  I just don’t think she knows how I truly feel about her, and am convinced that if I could just talk to her one more time, she’d get it."

You are sounding and acting just like a stalker. I would have told you to stop if I were her too. Lay off dude. Harassing her and calling her non stop is not going to convince her of shit (other than you should be avoided at all costs).

And dude, she isn't your soul mate. She's a woman you want to bang. The end.

(still not a comedy writer)

Don't waste your time. DC picked some of the points from the recent posts and made it up. A big fucking lie. Read some of the recent posts if you still think worth the time.

Posted By: perfectstorm

Give me time to figure out who or what you are shilling

It's called satire, not a lie.

Very funny.  You have to laugh at what you've cobbled together, because it really IS a greatest hits of client/ATF stories.

That said, I did have some fun with the ATF last night, and we are scheduled for tonight, as well.  

Thanks for the post, DC.  I really laughed out loud!

He not only thought your post was serious. he thought my stupid reply was serious!
Is there a gold medal challenge here for most naive poster? I thought graywolf had gold, but he might be downgraded to silver. Kaching is the new winner

-- Modified on 8/11/2012 1:52:36 PM