END OF MESSAGE

I was in college and hanging out in a  bar where my fraternity buddy worked. As the night wound down we found ourselves talking and drinking with this mid 40s gal. She had a kid in the hospital and lots of other stuff going on.  Well by closing time she was rubbing up against me and asking me what I wanted for breakfast next morning.  At one point I actually looked at my buddy with a "what the fuck do I do now?" look. No help there.  30 minutes later I was sitting back at my fraternity house wondering whether I'd just passed up the fuck of a lifetime.  With a few decades of reflection I think I probably passed on a lot of drama. Or at least I hope so.

One was my boss, she'd just separated from her husband.   I was talking with her one evening after everybody else had left the office, and she arched her back thrusting her boobs out and said "I'm feeling kinda horny, and I bet you'd make a great date".   I was single at the time, but she was not really my type, plus I figured "danger Will Robinson" - she'll regret this later, and fire my ass to get rid of her guilt.  So I politely ignored it and excused myself.  She slept her way up to the CEO, he got a really nasty divorce and married her.  

Second happend just a couple of years ago. An attactive single 50-ish blonde moved in across the street. I am always working in my garden, so we'd get talking as she jogged, strolled or biked by.  Didn't take long until she was dropping hints like "I'm not seeing anyone right now", and touching me when we talked.  I'm married for God sake and she'd met my wife, so clueless old me didn't pick up on it off until my adult son told me "um Dad, she's hitting on you".   I decided full disclosure was my only defense, told my wife about it and stopped even waving hello to her.  Found out her son has a restraining order against her and she's BSC.   Whew.

so about a month ago I was out of town on business and my wife and I went to the hotel bar to have dinner and sat up at the bar watching a football game, and after a couple hours my wife was tired and went up to bed. Game wasn't over so I stayed, and about 10 minutes later a fairly attractive MILF came in and sat next to me, right where my wife had been, and started talking to me. I was mostly watching the game (my favorite team was playing) and did little to encourage her, but she angled her body toward me, started caressing my arm, put her hand on my leg, etc, and was telling me that she was in town alone on business. The bartender lady who had seen me there with my wife was looking at me like I was the biggest jerk who ever lived. I told my new "friend" that I was there with my wife, assuming that would correct any confusion, but no, she responded that she also was staying at the hotel, but alone. Finally I excused myself saying I needed to use the bathroom and got the hell out of there. Football game wasn't even over either. Told my wife all about it and she laughed, and from my details she confirmed that I was likely not imagining things and the lady was coming on to me.

I've learned to accept that life is full of regrets of one sort or another.  You can't get out of here without a bag of them.  When yo accept the regrets, that bag gets lighter and lighter to carry.  

The only time I let a fish back in the pond is if she smells like fish. Lol

I met this chick by chance encounter.  There were no seats in the cafeteria and I had a plateful of food and a drink in hand.  I spied a seat opposite a homely nerdy looking mulatto gal with glasses and asked if she wouldn't mind if I sat there to eat my lunch since there were no other seats.  She agreed.  Being a talkative and friendly sort (with no pressure because I was NOT attracted to this gal) we chatted.  Exchanged names, asked what major she had.  The weather was a topic.  Typical small talk.  After lunch I stood up and thanked her for sharing her table.  She asked what class I was going to and I replied that I was going to see a midday movie because my next class wasn't till 3pm.  She asked if she could come along.  She said she needed a break from studying and that she was actually done with classes that day.  I shrugged and said, sure.
We saw the movie and since Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was my favorite show and thus movie blew, I made fun of it talking to her through most of it.  I guess she liked my humor and thought we were on a "date" because from that day forward she stalked me for a month.  Found out my phone # from a friend of mine by saying to him that she had lost it (I never gave it to her).  Called me at least once a day for a week till I finally told to to "stop".  She was annoying, not pretty, rather dumb for a nerdy bookish type and she became possessive of me when I was with a group of friends at school she would come over and "defend" anything I said or did.  So, if I jokingly called a buddy a "jackass" she would really call him a jackass!  She had no grasp of group dynamics or inference.  She was just awkward and lonely I guess
Finally I had it and told her to.lose my number and to avoid me because "I had enough friends and didn't need another" Now up to this point there had be NO talk of sex or dating.  She was like an annoying kid sister.  She says to me: "Why are you breaking up with me?  Is it because we never had sex?"  I was bowled over by this, astounded.  I had NEVER had a gf throw herself at me like that.  I had to work really hard to be ignored by all the gals I was interested in!  Fact was though, that despite the revelation that I COULD have her if I wanted her right then.  I just didn't want her.  Her skinny little shapeless body with her coke bottle glasses, acne scarred face with unruly and uncombed kinky half straightened hair buns just turned me off.  Her personality turned me off.  Bout the ONLY turn on was the semi-offer of the question which I responded to as "No honey, its not that.  Don't sell yourself short, you are more than just sex, you are an intelligent woman who will succeed at life.  I just don't have time for a relationship right now.  See ya."  And I booked it outta there.  The hurt on her face haunts me to this day.  I had never broken a heart before.  Nor since.  But damn am I glad I dodged that bullet.  She was awful

here

if a woman is eventually going to boil my rabbit, she at least needs to be hot.

So ok, I say this not to be immodest but simply to make a point:  I'm told I'm a good looking guy, really good career, dress well, drive a nice car, excellent income and not afraid to spend it, personable, fun to be with, yadayada... and while I have taken a multitude of business trips and worked in jobs with tons of women, NEVER, not once -- ever -- have I been propositioned, hit on, come onto, molested against my will, had anyone crawl through my window with their next of kin, or any of the above.  

I'm married and have been a good husband for as long as I could.  I wore a wedding ring until I entered into a separation recently so I was an obvious factory approved safe guy, and not a problem waiting to happen... and I am not calling bullshit on anyone else as people can say what they say and write what they write and I don't doubt there are many who have lived fuller lives than me, but where the fuck have I been???   Have I had opportunities with other women IRL?  Yes, but they were ALL initiated by me, at least I think I was initiating them.   And while I found them far less fulfilling and more expensive than the hobby, it's not like women were throwing themselves at me, giving me room keys at conventions, or any inviting me to join the mile high club.  

So these stories remind me of being in the locker room when I played football, hearing it all and wondering what the fuck am I doing wrong.   These are amazing stories and I am enjoying them all from my perch in the parallel universe.

As I've gotten older I've learned many of the signs a woman gives when she's interested.  Like you i wonder if i was missing that when I was younger and the answer is of course i was!  Which is why a lot of guys my age look at guys in their 20s and say Dear God i wish I knew then what I know now.

Actually one of the guys we all know here, Scoed, has huge self esteem issues where it comes to his looks and he is quite happily married to a hooker. Lets see mrfisher comes readily to mind, he will NEVER be on the cover of GQ, but he too shares a VERY real relationship with a hooker as many here can attest. and those are just a couple of well known posters that I can think off the top of my head who have quite real relationships with hookers.

So stop trying to speak for all of us, just because you can't do something, doesn't mean it can't be done.

I think I needed to be hit over the head to know when it was happening.

There was an attractive young woman at a bar I hung out at, and I'd been trying to make her for about a year. Then I got married. A year or so later I went to the bar, and she came up to me. "I'm really horny," she said. "Let's go back to my place."  Gee. Thanks a lot. She probably sent signals before that I missed.

Another one was a model I'd worked with often. Very nice looking, and gorgeous eyes. I was told back then that I had nice eyes as well. Once, while on set, we were close to each other and locked eyes. I just about melted. It didn't occur to me until weeks later that she may have been hitting on  me.

Let me guess: you're as good looking as Brat Pitt and just as famous. So much so that escorts are willing to spend time AND fuck you 24/7 to all your heart's content absolutely for FREE?

Congratulation!  

Right..

There's a concept that just went by over your head. It's called "freebie". Sure like everybody else I fucked hookers but like everybody else I had to pay for them. Or maybe your pea-shooter has few bullets? because in my case I could always shoot more bullets than having targets for... so in my youth and virility I just could never fuck enough -unlike you that is. Pardon for thinking you're capable of same... LOL..

I'd say while yes it does happen it happens a lot less often than some of the guys made it out to be.

Comparing to being the locker room is right. Who in here would admit to having a short dick and worse looking than Brad Pitt? FYI last weekend I caught a fish this HUGE...  

Of course just like that famous book I think it's called "women are from venus men are from mars" many guys thinking what studs they are seriously misread the way women like to flirt and play mind games with them just for their entertainment only. They were never really serious in the first place

My bad I forgot about the saying: even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes...

More than likely you've  been relying  on your metal car, your plastic clothes, and sculptured  looks to make yourself  look attractive, when confidence in your mind could  have magnetized the gals who didn't seek you out.
  When I was in school I was doing  football players GF's when they were on the field.  
             I didn't have a fancy car or a fat wallet but I knew how to look willing .

 
      I'm certainly not as handsome as you, but the best thing I've got going,  I am the guy most Fathers wouldn't want their daughter to date,  when I was sixteen and likely until the day I die .            .
 That helps my odds more than pretty looks and expensive cars could , with  younger girls.  
 
   Older rational women  are looking for security, PYT's with wild streaks  are looking for different experiences than they hear about in their  locker room    
   

as a teenager I was (and still am to some degree) a bit nerdy and awkward around women.  I was a late bloomer who always looked like a little (well ok, a pudgy but young) kid well into my mid 20's.  I was oblivious to signs that girls gave out that they were interested even when others TOLD me that they were.  There was a gal in Junior high school who was an early bloomer and had DD tits before any of the other gals.  All of us guys talked about her and snuck glances at her.  As the guy with glasses, braces, a funny sounding last name and a persecution complex from overbearing parents I didn't believe her friend when she told me that DD girl"liked" me.  I was dumb because I never pursued it and ignored it.  Decades later I ran into DD girl in the street and we said "Hi" and caught up.  Turns out she asked me why I never responded all those years ago.  She really had liked me because I was quiet and respectful unlike some of the other guys.  She went on to say that she had dreamt of me throughout junior high and ended up meeting a guy in HS who looked like me and ended up marrying him after HS.  She showed me his pic.  He could have been my twin.  She was standing there in that street with 3 kids, all his and asking ME why I hadn't responded.  It blew my mind.  We talked a bit more, then exchanged a hug and went in our way and I haven't seen her since.
So, not being able to see signs probably played into a lot of your isolation just like it did mine.  I discovered p4p at 19 and realized early that it was the only way I'd lose my virginity before 20.  I had NO game.  Still really don't though I have been with a few civvies in my life including my current wife. It's not cars or looks or money that make you attractive I think, its confidence.  I have never been hit on more than since I have been married and not looking.  Once on my honeymoon for chrissakes!  But all in all, I can count on one hand how many times it has happened, but each time left an indelible impression on my mind so that I can tell the story here or to trusted friends.  So it's not that I am bombarded with gals throwing themselves at me, this is a lifetime of stories each treasured in my brain that I share.  Hell, it's all I got for game.

from my perspective, I have always felt that women almost always do the choosing, their genius lies in letting us believe that we worked them.   They give you clues that they are receptive to at least explore the possibilities and it may be in the way the eye contact is made, the way in which they stand next to you, the way they smile.   The guy then feels that he initiated, but what he does not realize, at least not consciously, is that he has already received subtle clues telling him that it is alright to at least give it a try.  Think back about all those times you feel that you initiated and you may realize that you did not really initiate.  I am not saying every single time, but you get the drift.

As for being good looking, well to do, well mannered, well dressed, all those things can help but there is another little reality, even those people do not appeal to everybody.    I think about it this way, we all have a subset of the population that is going to find us attractive.   For some of us it may be 1% of the opposite sex, for some it may be 20%, whatever it may be, but there is no such thing as universally attractive (BTW, when I use attractive, I mean the whole package, not just physical appearance).    These things are very personal, very subjective.

Skyfire, I will admit to a short dick and not looking like Brad Pitt.  I am not much in the physical department but I will say this for me, I am a nice guy, and no, we don't always finish last.   The ironic thing about what happened to me in Vegas per the post above is that I was not looking for anything.  I should also clarify that when I said propositioned, Skyfire is right, it should be taken with a grain of salt.  She approached me because she saw my backpack from a certain graduate school and it turns out she had attended that university for undergrad.   I explained that it was a gift to me from the school for a favor I had done for them, it led to chit-chat and then out of the blue she said, "I am here for a conference too but I would not mind having some fun, how about we get settled in our hotels and we meet up for drinks?"   Now, I may have misread it, but the way she said it and the way she was smiling, I am pretty sure that we were going to have more than a few drinks.  

Talk about Brad Pitt, I just had dinner with someone last week who knows him and Angelina as a result of being involved in the charity circuit and the verdict was that he is much smaller in person than you would think and really nothing special to look at.   My wife does not find him appealing in the least bit.   On the other hand, mention Sean Connery to my wife and her eyes light up...