If a guy has a bit of a problem between the sheets, let's say he has trouble "finishing", should he inform the lady of this beforehand?  Could she use this knowledge to make things less awkward or more comfortable or something?  Or is it better not to say anything?

a wonderful time with a provider. Telling her  would probably put the person at ease to enjoy and not be so stressed which could lead to an even better time. Also if this person is on some medication or taking something such as viagra I think it best to let her know.
Also she may have experience in this type situation and may be insight ful about what to do.
Kisses & Licks.......
Mara of San Diego

-- Modified on 2/27/2003 3:53:47 PM

I have the problem stated. I broke my back in 1972 in an auto racing accident and there is nerve damage. I only very rarely ejaculate except by masturbation. (This is not all bad, I have a lot of sensation and can hit peaks -- I'm not sure if they are orgasms or not -- and not lose my erection since I'm not ejaculating.)

I make my appointments by e-mail and always include mention of my problem in giving the lady my general physical description before a first date. (I am actually more concerned that she might have problems with the fact that I am short, balding, and 65 years old). Knowing about the ejaculation problem in advance most ladies seem to take it in stride. In the session I do try to express in my body language and vocalizations that I am enjoying myself and feeling what she is doing.

I did have one lady refuse to see me after the third date without stating a reason. More than a year later she sent me an e-mail confessing that it made her feel inadequate not being able to make me ejaculate and she had stopped seeing me because of that even though I had told her in advance that I probably wouldn't ejaculate.

Could I just fake an ejaculation. Sure, at least in intercourse with a condom she wouldn't know. At my advanced age I only ejaculate a few drops even when I do ejaculate. However, when you are getting a BBBJ you can't fake an ejaculation -- not if she has a sense of taste.

If you have a problem that she is going to discover anyway, I think it is far better to bring it up in advance so that she is prepared. I feel that approach has worked well for me. Even in the case where the lady couldn't cope I think the problem would have been worse if I had not told her in advance.



-- Modified on 2/27/2003 4:51:35 PM

sexual is expected from our appointment. It probably helps that as Mathesar I am fairly well known (and in fact these days am meeting most of the ladies that I date socially at group lunches or dinners before I ever e-mail them asking for an appointment).

However, here is the paragraph I used most recently:
----
I am what has been called a SBNOG on TER. The acronym stands for Short (5'5") Balding (with a short beard) Nerdy (computer programmer) Old (65 years) Guy. At least I'm not fat so the news isn't all bad. Also, I should probably tell you that I thought that racing cars would be a fun hobby when I was 35 (in 1972). I broke my back in a high-speed crash and there is nerve damage. I still walk with a limp and I often do not ejaculate in sex. (Sensation and erections are normal.)
----

The e-mail contains no other reference to sex. Nicole, I respect your judgment and would appreciate your comments as to how well this negotiates the mine-field. If you don't care to make a public post a PM would be appreciated or you can e-mail me at [email protected].


-- Modified on 2/27/2003 6:35:47 PM

you've got to find one that won't see you anymore because it makes HER feel inadequate!  

I'm not sure I understand her logic, however, since her actions would only serve to make YOU feel exactly the same way.

I have had men who couldn't finish. I felt really bad because I really give it my all. But, I realized some just can't, others it might be the medication that they are on, stress, nervousness.

I think the best thing to do is don't say anthing. Treat him like all of your clients. That way, it wouldn't be as awkward.

Shaye

I think you should inform the lady at the beginning of the session, in passing. Just so that she knows it has nothing to do with her personnally, that's not a problem for you and that you're going to enjoy the time with her anyhow. And if this time you can finish, then she'll really be happy.

Well,as many of you know from a previous thread, I have this problem.From what I'm told it's a combination of age,circumcision and possibly back trouble.But the main problem is in my head.I find it is best to let them know up front.This relieves alot of anxiety and enables both of us to have a good time.You do have to find a lady who truly loves to pleased though.Those out there that don't kiss and just dive for the crotch will never work.Sometimes a hand job will work sometimes not.I find that the more I think about it the worse it becomes.The best thing is to stick with one or two providers and enjoy the moment.You ladies who are offended or feel bad about this shouldn't.It is our problem not yours.Just do your best and go with the flow or lack thereof.A man can still have great passion without having an orgasm.

Very feminine, very cute.

NOSC:  "LOL! Well, its not so much changing my mind as re-thinking things."

There are some things only women can get away with:

a.  Always changing their minds
b.  Coming up with new ways to say "I changed my mind" so it doesn't sound like they're actually changing their mind.

;^)

Women often like to "try out" ideas by first expressing their initial thoughts, and then re-thinking after more input from others or after further reflection.  That is often a great thing, and many men would do well to seek the input of others more, and to not see it as unmanly to do so.

Men are often more likely to wait until they are further in the process before expressing their views to others.

The only problem with the women's style is when they become paralyzed and unable to make a final decision.  One of the things that a man can bring to a relationship with a woman is to help her develop her own decisiveness. One if the things she can teach him is to listen better to the input of others.

Neither way is "better", they are only different.

not affect me personally (as it does not when Nicole changes her mind during discussions on this board), then I have the luxury of not being the least bit annoyed by it, but instead of enjoying it as something that is very feminine, and very cute.

in person.  Looking forward to it.

On leadership?  I really like:

The Meditations of Marcus Aureleus,
The Letters of George Washington

And My all time favorite . . .

Calvin and Hobbes: Attack of the Mutant Killer Snow Goons!

I think that you should be open and honest.  If you came to see me and didn't finish, I would be feel guilty because I would think that I had a good time, but you didn't....

Just my .02

Jaclyn

I too exhibit this problem and have for a number of years. I always share this with providers in person rather than in an e-mail. This knowledge doesn't disuade them from giving me 'the old college try', which I thoroughly enjoy. Nevertheless, I am usually capable of one pretty good pop which is enjoyed by all.
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Never thought about including that info in an e-mail.