Oftentimes when we're verifying clients, escorts hear how men are reluctant to share their private details with us for fear we'll be 'indiscreet'. We have also all seen threads where men have worried about what would happen if they ever ran into an escort while out with friends, or a spouse.

How many of you have thought about how escorts themselves can have their privacy violated, either maliciously or through simple ignorance?

Like you, many of us also have private lives, and private relationships. Some of us have friends, relatives or even lovers or spouses who are unaware of *our* alternate identities and careers.

I'm lucky - the people who matter to me all know what it is that I do for a living, and thankfully so, because on at least four occasions I've been approached in public by clients who could have easily caused me great embarrasment. I won't go into details, but in all of these cases things could have been very uncomfortable for me if I had been with someone who didn't know I was an escort. These weren't just isolated incidents, either - this has happened to almost every single escort I know, and on more than one occasion.

What's most upsetting me about this issue is that an escort I have a great deal of respect for has just quit, because of the malicious actions of a former client. Not only did he out her in public, to her relatives, but he did it in a base, salacious, incredibly cruel fashion. Now, this sweet woman who was working to try to better things for her children is being pressured to quit her 'shameful' lifestyle, while the idiot who bragged about bagging her to her relatives walks around scot free. Apparently, life really isn't fair.

My point is this - 99% of the escorts I know will bend over *backwards* to protect the privacy of our clients. We'd never dream of approaching you in public, or even acknowleding that we know you. Can we possibly ask the same of you, in return? Even if we seem to be alone, err on the side of caution. If you see us, don't acknowledge us - and for God's sake, don't use our work names!

We'll do our best to never cause you embarassment, no matter where you are, or who you're with. Please do the same for us.

Morgan

IMO Rule Number One in the hobby is that we must respect each other's privacy.  That means NEVER exposing anyone or even threatening to expose anyone, except under the most dire circumstances.  That certainly does NOT include walking up to an escort in the street, or using exposure as a "nuclear option" in a personal situation.  I have even had the incredible experience of having a TER member respond to an honest difference of opinion on the board by sending me a PM, addressing me by my actual name, and making some kind of vague threat.

In other words, our hobby is nobody's business but our own.  Every hobbyist and every provider should live by that motto.

I follow the 'busy city street' rule of thumb when passing or encountering clients in public - don't acknowledge them, don't make eye contact, just keep walking.

In my case, none of the encounters were intentionally malicious - in one case, someone sent drinks to my table, in another, someone walked over while I was having dinner with my partner and chatted. Neither meant anything other than politeness by their actions, but in both cases it was poorly timed, and could have been much worse if I'd been with someone who had no idea what I do.

In the other two, their actions were more on the lines of 'nyah, nyah, I know who you are and what you do - and aren't I sly for catching you in public?'. They were just being dickheads, quite frankly, as was the person who just outted my friend.

Morgan

I have seen instances where a hobbyist will tell another hobbyist priveleged information about a provider. The 2nd hobbyist has another agenda and ends up deep sixing the first hobbyist who gave the original information. Once the provider finds out years of trust are gone and the provider won't see the first hobbyist again.

People will do anything to score points.

Thank you for the insights. I have hobbied and done the men's club circuit for many years and just this week for the first time as was at a restaurant and encountered  a provider whom I see regularly. I saw the lady first and I don't believe she even realized I was there.

Anyway when my friend left I took a moment to go by and say "Hi" because she was sitting alone. I asked if I could sit down to which she replied yes and seemed very cordial. We visited for 10 or 15 minutes.

Since then, I had already been wondering if that was a mistake when I read your post.

I emailed the provider today to assure her that I had no intent to do anything in appropriate but it is probably a little too soon to expect an answer.

Anyway, thanks for you candor.

OFF

Trust is very much a two-way street.

Kisses,
Vanica

because your natural inclination, if you previously enjoyed that lady's company, is to go and say "hi." In civvie dating it would be an insult not to do so, but its hard to forget this isn't the same.

If the tables were turned, there are certain situations where I may appear to be alone but have business/social acquaintances nearby that may cause me to have to come with some quick explanations if a lady unknown to them (provider or otherwise) stopped by my table. I'm sure providers are in the same position. I was planning to escort my ATF to a Meet & Greet this coming week in a location guaranteed to be swarming with my business associates. It took me hours to come up with a plausible story should we encounter one of them. (Unfortunately both the M&G and my ATF's trip to town fell through.)

Emily Vanderbilt never published a book of etiquette for such situations (she was UTR LOL).

I'll be interested to see what others say on this thread. My instinct is to never make contact. Maybe she'll berate me at our next date about ignoring her, but if there is one thing I will happily take from a provider it is a "tongue-lashing." LOL (And I can deliver one, too!)


-- Modified on 6/23/2006 6:28:36 PM

There is a line here that is blurry when you add SINGLE providers to this list.

I agree to some extent on what you say but what you have written makes it seem like "friendship" with a provider is only possible if you pay for it. And I am speaking about non physical friendship here. Now don't get me wrong, I am not advocating guys go up to providers in public and ask "can I see you tonight" don't mix my words here.

I think a simple note on your website stating any contact outside of the hobby between clients is prohibited. That should help you out more so than not if you don't want to be approached by clients in public.

I had told a client that I was suppose to see the next day that my cell phone wasn't working and that I don't usually give out my home phone but to call on this particular number for our appointment. Meaning: only this time - hello! I even said my cell will be working again shortly thereafter. This also isn't a client who is a regular -- have only seen him a few times. I guess almost a month had gone by and he called again, but on my home phone. I guess he thought my cell was still not working. I only gave him my home phone for that particular visit about three weeks prior because of my cell being messed up. Instead of just leaving a message with his name, he also went on to address me by my stage name and said some other things on the message phone that were unacceptable. I had family staying with me at the time and I had a lot of explaining to do. When I approached him with this later, he blew me off like I was acting silly -- really pissed me off. So, yes, men can definitely break the discretion rule. I guess it's okay if they do it.

Hugs,
ciara

My advice would be to never give any points of contact that you'd be uncomforatble getting contacted at. While that may mean losing some bizness, once you give out home/personal info there is no controlling its use.

Ciara, You are far too classy of a person to have to put up with such an a-hole.  Guys should learn to follow directions better.

I agree with splunge here, if you are uncomfortable with giving out home contact info, don't. I think you had a lapse in judgement here, don't fault the guy for calling a number you gave out to him. Also the guy could have given that number out to other people too.

You said your cell was going to be fixed, tell the person to call once that happens. You would save yourself the headaches.

the hobby needs to be legal and needs to be professionalized so that providers will have the same respect as lawyers, physical therapists, social workers, doctors, personal trainers....  

Sadly, the leverage that the client had in this situation existed solely by reason of the social stigma society imposes on the hobby.

my cell wasn't working that day and I know the gentleman enough to tell him it was okay to call "just that one day" on my home phone and then distroy the number. I guess I learned my lesson, eh?

Hugs,
Ciara

The gentleman in question is a nice enough guy, but he really didn't think before he left such a message. Even on a cell phone, leave a simple message . . . please, gentlemen. Can you imagine me calling someone and whispering sweet nothings into the voicemail?

Hugs,
Ciara

No, it's not OK.  We, providers and hobbyists, all have a right to personal privacy.

I said that I told him he could call on that day (only that day) because of my cell not working. He called on my home phone a month later, and left a provocative message. Duh!

Hugs,
Ciara

even if he messed up calling my home phone, he still knew it was my home phone and that I don't usually give it out, so why would he leave such a provocative message. Common sense? Nope.

Hugs,
Ciara

Well Ciara, obviously you didn't know him THAT well. He called you after you said "just that one day" so lesson learned. Never, ever, ever, ever do it. We are guys, you expect us to listen to everything you say? Come on....

I have to agree, I have only seen a client out in public once & he was with his family & I looked the other way, we were both at the same restaurant.

I have been out with a fellow provider though & she recognized a client & just kept staring at him while he was with his wife. That made me uncomfortable. Did she think he was gonna come over and say hi, lol?

Sara

Never trust that a man is listening to you. Wink!

Also, there is no excuse for leaving such a message on my machine. I don't care how forgetful you are. Come on . . .