Ok so this is your first time being a best man.  One would think a high profile ceo with a hot russian babe and a cute secretary who does everything for him, would have far more friends than that but I digress...  

That sounds like a fun wedding, I typically don't enjoy the pomp and circumstances or weddings but something tells me that one was a blast

The guy who can't hobby because of his gorgeous SO but obsesses on this board about every thing.  
He's also the one who bragged how much his so-called CEO traveling business made last year, how he couldn't spell "write" vs. "right" correctly twice, but how that's ok because his assistant speaks all the English around his business.

But it was mentioned here and confirmed by the groom.  I don't want to mention names again here unless he does.  And, yes, it was big fun.  And the Best Man did an outstanding job.  Of course, his job was made easier because the hookers were already invited.

and the groom's mother watched it all on Skype.

glad you showed up at the right time at the right place. lol

Coming from a drunk, I'm not an alcohalic I don't go to those meetings. Great advise, I wish more people were that responsible. My drunkenness never affects others, well every once in a while I'm posting drunk in here but I'm home if doing so and you don't have to read my senseless babbling.

-- Modified on 2/15/2014 11:33:22 AM

And when she bends down to pick them up you can say to her "hey while you're down there".

PUI is not only tolerated, but actually encouraged. It gives everyone else something and somebody to laugh at. I will confess to waking up the next morning and reading some of the nonsense I have posted while PUI.

AA's are for addicts who drink a 6 pack every single day.  

I only have 2 in a night, the first one and the last one, I don't count the ones i n between. And I never drive after I've started drinking, I mean C'Mon cabs are quite cheap compared to the alternative.

I believe the ceremony also included Wiccan, Buddhist and other religions as well.  
And as for the Jolson song, I guess I forgot but I like this one better.  Despite the racist black face it really is one of the great songs of all time.

This wedding was about as unique as it gets without Human Sacrifice.  Of course, maybe that happened too and I was just too busy eating the Ropas Viejos.  And, of course, getting drunk.

-- Modified on 2/15/2014 7:52:56 PM

At my friend's bachelor party few years ago, we decided to go to Vegas. We didn't rent a car for obvious reasons.  Cab works just fine especially in a party city like vegas lol.  There was a Cab driver who told us that he sees girls get so drunk after a party and they'd flash him, he once hit a car in front of him. It's the drunk party girls you gotta watch out for over there if you wanna stay alive.

Told him I would be proud to be his best man on 1 condition, when it came to the part about with this ring he had to look at me instead of his bride to be and say "with these balls." Marriage lasted all of 2yrs. To quote him now" Biggest mistake of my fucking life" he'll tell you

Which was ample reward for all the pain and effort!

I had a HUP (hobbying under Pee).

Black face still takes place in the mainstream music of today.

Hell good looking young women wouldn't  even see me, I mean that I'd be invisible to them. When those same girls are drunk I go from a solid 4 to a 7, I love those odds. I'm a poker player, so you know I like when my odds get better

I wish anyone well that goes down that slippery slope, I did, but I'd like to be informed of the upside. It's a good party, I'll give you that, but the poor sap is in for more Hell than he even imagines.

Frisk the groom for pistols before the reception.  Because if you stand up & toast "The Gal who took him away from Whoring!"  Expect to be shot.  Maybe a Kevlar tux would be a good idea though not particularly comfortable.

I can't imagine what wedded bliss should be like; it must be sickening.  

Good citizens wedding  

Don't ask for advice for that here!
It makes you..... You know...

I said no. WAY too many responsibilities involved, lol.

I will bear witless he was far from it. Still, he acquitted himself adequately.

Still, only McDonald000 took a huge dump at a provider's incall, then expected it (and the shower that followed) was OTC.  What a fucker.

I want you.

WTF?

ADJ, your my favorite girl.

Al Jolson was a real peachamaroot.

In a recent book I just finished reading, One Summer, America 1927, by Bill Bryson, Bryson described Jolson as someone who would suddenly start to pee on complete strangers, in the open public.

Always nice to hear that their are weirder people than myself out there.

(I'd at least have mentioned it first.)

but you know who wimped out at the last minutes.


(His initials are MP.)

He now lives in an alternate reality.

You just don't speak drunken retard.
I however am fluent in such a language.
Pass the Grey Pupon Please..
Or just give me some fucking mustard!

Because that was my first choice. I thought against it. I would let any man have the satisfaction of an easy way out when he's already sentenced himself to death.  

In the end, you went with the one you used before. Lame.

You might want to edit this one like the reply below.  
Pls put "edited" in parentheses otherwise I won't reread.

You'd see me on Comedy Central and then boom, stand up comedienne is former sex worker makes headlines, I'd be all over TMZ, Howard Stern would want me to sit on that vibrating mechanical bull looking thing and masturbate on it and I'd just be Tila Tequila all over again, reality show including,  

And I'm sure you'd look adorable on it.

if you're in the wedding party.  Everybody's celebrating and very chummy, looking good (at least for a while).  Easy atmosphere to score in, but you've got to be discreet or all the other bridesmaids will know.

I've been best man twice, and both times the bridesmaids put me off marriage forever!  It's hard to get laid at these events when the best looking girls present are busy working and think the entire party are a bunch if morons.  I took a date to my brothers wedding....  one of the other groomsmen kept trying to pick her up.  When she'd turn him down repeatedly, the asshole started cock blocking me with her, or tried to.  I still ended up in bed with her, but it was the most difficult lay of my life.