a gentleman from this board put a huge smile on my face

we have never met in person, he lives in Chicago, many miles away but when i came home today i found nice flowers at my door from him

even from miles away he put a smile on my face

guys, take some tips on how to make a girl feel special with  a simple gesture

it is never too late for old-fashioned romantic courting )

-- Modified on 2/14/2016 5:12:16 PM

And so very true. Happy Valentine's day!

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-- Modified on 2/14/2016 6:43:21 PM

ut a pretty nice guy nonetheless.  

Nice to hear that there are nice guys on this board, and that you are making friends in the windy city. Guess you're going to have to pay us a visit now.

But why am I the only one who thinks this is a bad thing?
Am I missing something?
How does some random guy on the internet have your address?

...wondered how someone she hadn't met had an address to send flowers to.

seems kinda creepy if someone she's never met has her home address?

He asked me for it. We have been chatting for a while in Google hang outs ...I trusted him

Nice . Happy for you. Hugs

well tbh we don't know what went on between octavia and the guy, they may have exchanged addresses.

but, my first reaction was like yours;  it only takes one 's' to turn talking into stalking...

...hope you cut your donation at least in half, maybe even a freebie, because he made you feel special and courted you.  I'm sure a business trip to your city is already in the works.  Octavia, you need to be as cynical as I am.

... Because he is a TER member, she has access to his email and has the ability to run him through normal screening.  

Perhaps he has whitelist referrals, or she was able to ask other providers about him via the back channel?

Honestly, I would feel pretty good about the resources available for screening if we're talking about TER members. Much more so than a "random stranger off the internet."

Just my 2 cents.

Be careful. I don't have clients who know my home address. If they have to send me something, they've known me long enough to have patterns that show they're legit, they get an address hours away from where I actually live. I don't care who it is!

Obviously, if someone really wants to know where you are, they'll find it. There are ways. But lots of the real psychos will look for easy prey. Easy prey believes google chats and TER. Believes good looks. Believes charm instantly.

I am sure you'll be fine, but posting that you're giving out your personal address on TER - Do you know how many people read these boards? Not just the "trusted posters".

Girl - you need to close your doors and close yourself to just any man. They need to go through a series of high pressure interviews that they don't realize they're having. They're not interviewing YOU. YOU interview them.  

There's a whole different world out there if you look beyond the teachings of non screening, and that people with membership ID's are "safe."

Oh my god, no they are not. I've met some and - well, anyway. Girl, oh my god have this shit taken down and *stop that*!

P.S. I really think this is a huge joke. Even if it is, you are still opening yourself up to some serious shit posting this.

-- Modified on 2/15/2016 1:20:32 AM

I am NOT bullying you, I am very concerned... but fuckin'-A are you serious? Nononononono. Read my post below.  

If you'd like to, read my blogs and look at my screening. It goes through an entirely new re-branding process, and while my rates cause a low volume, I have the best clients ever, and most of them are returning. Not one of them tries to pry for my real life information. Well, one did and he was a "newbie". (No he wasn't. Acted like a douche hobbyist on steroids.) Asked for my real name. Finished up the appointment, and *poof* I was not available since. . I don't even entertain it anymore. I just don't see them again.  

Like they say at Midway... "if they ask you if you need a ride, they should not be giving you one..."

"If they ask your home address, they should not have your home address."

I mean, unless it's someone you know - like your family or best friend. "Hey! What's your address? I want to send you flowers!"  

Don't take candy from strangers. -- Modified on 2/15/2016 1:30:13 AM

e kind. Show a little chivalry. Do something romantic.

... And be labeled a stalker or a serial killer.

Thank you for killing romance, Alyson!

Welcome to the world we live in now.....

With second half of the posts on this thread.  As I first Octavia's post I thought to myself, "awwwe, how sweet..." But in the back of my mind I thought," wait...she never met him. Why'd she give a total stranger a REAL address?"

The second half of the posts should open up ANYONE's eyes.  It's sad what's lurking out there in the real world.

D.

... doesn't mean everyone ISN'T out to get you I suppose.

... Are committed by people you know and interact with on a daily basis. People you are closest to. Your co-workeers, friends, your spouses and lovers.

The statistic on this are overwhelming and conclusive.

Are we all just supposed to cut ourselves off from people altogether and live out our lives in isolated underground caves now?

hen men could more freely send gifts to their future hooker's residence and show their love for a woman by sniffing her face.

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On all the threads that warn of giving your name and info to potentially BSC hookers? I mean that question without snark, but suspect you likely do not come forward with this talk of openness and romance in those instances. Especially since there's a thread where you specifically talk of your distrust of us and feel a need for caution.

Octavia is not this reckless, but she is smart enough to have set this up to see if anyone on the board would catch the game!!

-- Modified on 2/15/2016 7:22:58 AM

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So glad I grew up when I did.

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or plant that kiss. ... SRO at Faneuil Hall lately ..

multiple masters degrees ....I am sure she checked him out first

please note I am not speaking for O., but rather about her ..  

I've seen her more than a few times as she's my ATF. She knows this. She's as nice a person as ANYONE I've met in 10+ years hobbying. And she's almost as open with her feelings here as she is in session, but I'm always concerned for any friend who is so trusting. I'm a world of opposites, black and white, good and bad, it is someone like her, or you and me, that can be taken advantage of. She's just a natural pleaser in every sense if the word.  

It's her true spirit that she is following IMO. And THAT is why she has burst on the scene like the superstar she is. But as a friend, I'm concerned for her safety,  as I am for all of the ladies in the hobby.  

And while her skills alone are enough to have you drool (lol) at the thought of being with her again, it's her openness that sets the hook. She's a great entertainer but is as real as it gets in my experience. And she is wise beyond her years. But much of what we learn comes with experience, as we all continue to learn every day, especially thru interactions on this board. I know I do.  

I know she'll take what's important from these posts and will evolve as the edgy courtesan she is, as long as she's with us. Some of us have an angel on our shoulder. I do and I believe she does too. But it doesn't preclude any of us from being cautious.  

Guys are screened for a reason and every escort probably has had at least one guy they'll never see again. Creepy, scary, etc ... It's the odds and she's a numbers person ... she'll get it. But that doesn't mean she's leaving the door WIDE open for trouble.  

Again, this is MHO as she can speak for herself. It's just interesting to see +1s from people that MAY have never met her. Whereas posts from Courtney and Alyson truly have her safety and best interests at heart. As well as ours.  

Because she's dear to me, I thank those of you that are offering a friend your words of wisdom. You see, I can be a selfish bastard too. Lol

Stay SAFE, Have Fun. Repeat! That goes for all if us

Thank you, my friend

for watching out for my safety and teaching me lessons

yes, i am green in a lot of ways and wear my heart on my sleeve

i have paid the price for trusting too much too soon in the past  

 
the person in question does have white lists on TER and is reputable hobbyists...

probably should haven not given him my real name, but we have been chatting for almost a month...and even did cam-to-cam...

just like guys think with their dicks sometimes, women often think with their heart... i was thinking with my heart and not with my brain...i apologize

the flowers did make me really happy and in the spur of the moment i posted this..

I hope you enjoyed the day and the flowers. But please stay safe

That doesn't mean we have access to what a guys email is. A handle is just a handle.  It does not include you guy's email addresses.  Personally,  even if I knew the guy I wouldn't give him my home address!  I damned sure wouldn't to someone I've never met. I'm going to have to agree with Courtney on this. That is not safe just to go giving out your address.

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...is another man's modus operandi

Very few of my clients know my real name. Zero of them know my home address. There is no need for them to have that information.

The clients who know my real name are not the ones who've asked, repeatedly for it (those guys get told a fake real name). The clients who know my name earned my trust over a period of time...but, for the most part, they still didn't ASK for my real name. My real name just came up coincidentally. For instance, I booked a private tour of an old house, and used my real name rather than my escort name to make the reservation (for obvious reasons). After a while, they asked me which name I preferred for them to use...it seemed more natural to use the real name at that point.

Trying to find out the name and real address of someone you've met online... that is just a line very few *people* will cross. Even fewer hobbyists will cross it... No matter what his motives (maybe he really did just want to send flowers), it's just not appropriate in this context for him to pry for that information. I mean...WHY ASK??? If he wants to get to know you, he can get to know you... he doesn't need a real name to do that.  

In case you're thinking he just wanted to use the info innocently, to send flowers, he definitely didn't need it for that, either. A client of mine sent roses to a florist in a town he thinks I live in (unfortunately, I live over 90 minutes away). So theoretically, I just have to pick them up... all this guy had to do was call a florist somewhere in BOSTON, and you could pick them up. He could have them sent to 'Octavia' or just 'O'. I've picked up flowers, and no ID is required.  

So why exactly is he asking you your real name? Just why? So that he 'knows' it... from 1200 miles away??

As for whitelists, you should know by now that some board posters have as many BL's as whitelists. Same goes for p411 OK's or references (a reference or OK is only as good as the provider giving it).  There was a notorious hobbyist on the NY boards (S-x-g-------, NY'ers will know who I mean) who seemed reputable on the surface and had tons of whitelists and board posts to his cred. But, to the savvier guys/gals, he was a notorious scoundrel, heavily blacklisted, pretty much universally reviled (unless you want to be blackmailed/coerced for a 10-10)... one of my worst dates ever when I met him w/an agency.  

Sometimes, it seems impersonal to put up so many barriers to a guy who's disarming, and SEEMS sweet and well-intentioned. I mean, what kind of jerk doesn't share a real name w/some dude who wants to send flowers on V-day? BUT, default to what I said above... you met him online... it's a line most hobbyists (and even just normal men on normal dating sites) just do not cross. And it just isn't necessary. (Except, if he used the flowers as an excuse to disarm you and try to gain your personal info...I'd be very careful if I were you).  

When I'm trying to decide if a gent's behavior oversteps boundaries, I often ask myself what I'd do in the same situation. So, if you were speaking with, say, me (if I were a hobbyist)... would you, under ANY circumstances, EVER specifically ask for my real first and last name? Or even just my real first name? What about my home address? I doubt very much you would feel it necessary, or appropriate, to try to extract that information (aside from first name). In fact, it would be extremely inappropriate, and I hope you'd expect for me to cut off all contact...

I have a guy who's emailing me EVERY DAY (emails w/multiple paragraphs). He even emailed me twice one day. I've met him twice, and he lives in a different city. The first time we met, I told him that he could keep in touch...meaning, periodically...  I've tried delaying replies for a day or two, and replying very briefly... he didn't take the hint. Emailed me right back, several paragraphs. Of course, he's nice, so I kind of wanted to make excuses for him, like 'Oh, he's just lonely and needs someone to talk to.' It's natural to want to think the best of others, and make excuses for people. But I have to think that, in the same situation, I'd never do the same thing. It's not only presumptuous, but inappropriate and inconsiderate. I don't even email my mom that much!!! (If I did, I'd expect her to be a bit annoyed w/all of the letter-writing). He has to realize on some level that he really shouldn't be emailing so much...but, he continues to do it... WHY? There is no answer to that question that I like. We probably won't be meeting again. Even though he was "nice." He's likely going to be a problem and I'd rather just not wait until it develops further

Multiple graduate degrees doesn't guarantee street smarts

lmao no shit   you missed the point

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... What if he had merely asked her "Do you have anywhere I can send something to you?"

I have asked this multiple times of my ATFs.

Generally, I get things like Amazon wish lists. One time I was told to just send it to the incall location. I personally have a PO box and have given that out before, myself.

I wouldn't just ASSume this guy demanded to get her name and/or home address.  

Because we know what happens when we ASS-ume, right?

Also, she mentioned that he has her real name.  

Why ask for video chat, and pry for so much info? Even if he's just a lonely guy who means well, he clearly took advantage of her inexperience and naivete.  

 

Have to ask... Was it you

It is not him.I am looking for love and romance, some-guy is too busy with his sugar babies lol

Probably because of falling in love, my first week, with a client (who turned out to be a loser. Like, major loser. Like, had multiple degrees from rehab).

We do meet a lot of nice guys. And, some of those guys do genuinely love to make us happy. Also, for some who don't have romance in their lives... it must feel good to buy a girl a dozen roses. They might not have anybody in their lives for whom they can do that.  

I'm not saying to be closed off to people. You can still be open, welcoming, romantic, genuine, caring... yourself. But wait to trust people until they've shown you that they deserve it, that's all.  

I really do put stock in asking myself how I would behave in a situation if I were the hobbyist. Because in some ways, trying to break the boundaries (especially by making a girl feel guilty) is NOT respectful. It's manipulative. Trying to ask myself if I'd do the same thing has stopped me from making excuses for people in the past, when I REALLY shouldn't have.

Not saying it always has to be something negative, when the boundaries slide. I've met many great people here. But, just consider where and why they found you, and whether you really know them well enough to trust that they have your best interests at heart... whether that's in relation to your safety, or just your time/business. In reality, the only one you can be positive will look out for your time, safety, and sanity, is you. Lots of people will SAY they care, or SAY you two have become friends, but very few will back that up w/their actions. The rest will be few and far between.

I did the unthinkably heinous act of trying to be nice to someone.

And I continue to do the unthinkably heinous act of trying to be someone's friend.  

So yes, it's my fault. I am the person destroying this poor women's life with my awful and unthinkable acts of trying to be nice, and trying to make a genuine friend.

And for you to admit it here, shows that you likely had good intentions.  

But say it wasn't you, or someone like you. You can see where we were coming from?

It sounds like you had a little crush on her and developed a harmless fascination.  

When I was more inexperienced, I might have gotten myself into a similar predicament. Although I think I would have given a PO box (as you indicate that you probably expected) or vaguely said that I was 'moving soon,' lol. Actually, that last part wouldn't even have been a lie.

-- Modified on 2/15/2016 2:39:27 PM

t was because I read this post, and it made me sad:

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=831812&boardID=12&page=2#831812

 
I don't think anyone should have to ever dread Valentine's Day. I have been in her shoes before. Broke my heart. So I decided to try and do something. Reached out to her as I have many times since she is my friend, after all. And this time, I decided to ask her if there was a way that I could send her something. Didn't ask for her personal info. Didn't demand anything. Just wanted to try and make this person's valentine's day feel a little less lonely and dreaded.

I realize this makes me a predator and a terrible person now

I guess Octavia missed your posts a few months ago when you were threatening providers.

f you were my friend, and I knew that you were single on Valentine's day and could use something to brighten your day.

But yes, I fully understand your concern for the situation. Hindsight being 20/20

I have been on here only since September

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i will do better next time
you have a point  

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... Because I mentioned my cousin was a porn star?

The person who was involved in it has since apologized to me, personally, so I'm moving on. You want to dig around in the dirt and rehash old battles, be my guest. I'm not taking part.

this is some jerry springer realness)

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ut it is not something you should fear!

(Although some of the ladies look at it and gasp when they see it)

The first post set off alarm bells, but after reading ALL of the posts in this thread, it has become creepy as hell.

Octavia, you need to be more guarded. Also, take the advice of others and read The Gift of Fear.

I'm sure you have a lot of thoughtful observations and thoughts in that head of yours.

I just don't have time to read them.

And thinking other people do ... just shows how self-important your own thoughts are to you.

And by the way, just to reiterate ... I made a mistake talking about my family on this board in the first place. But for the record, THEY ARE OFF-LIMITS on this message board. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from discussing my family on this board. I wold also appreciate it if you could refrain from provoking me in to talking about them. If you continue to do so, I will continue to report your posts to the mods.  

Sending gifts to people as a friendly gesture is one thing. Talking about other peoples' families is another. I'm asking you to please stop.

-- Modified on 2/16/2016 6:17:38 AM

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Hence, why we have their real info, but they don't have ours. The stigma of being an escort changes people's views of us; therefore, it changes the way people handle us. People who think of us in inhumane ways causes us to be treated inhumanely.

and the stigma is real out there. Within our community, and outside of our community. I've seen too many times guys who think "You're a whore - therefore I don't have to treat you like a human being."

And guys know most of us aren't just going to run to the police if they slip up. So we slowly get tattered if we're not careful with whom we are dealing with.

My worry is more putting that info out there on these boards. It came across as you are very trusting and thinking the best. A lot of hassle comes with that. I know, I've done it.

Anyway, don't apologize, we're here to look out for each other. I've gotten my warnings from ladies, and I didn't listen, and it definitely slowed me down quite a bit.

xoxo

C

Not good that he has her info IMO!

Steph :-/

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