So here are my tongue in cheek predictions of some announcements we may hear from those who graced the news in 2016.
1. Donald Trump:
"Holy shit! What a mess! Mike, can you hold down the fort for about 6 months? I'm meeting up with Vlady down in the Crimea. We're planning a mega resort down there."
2. Barack Obama:
"I want to be perfectly clear. There's going to be a red line that no one is going to be allowed to cross with regard to establishing my legacy."
3. Hillary Clinton:
"I want to thank all the Hollywood celebs who have organized a farewell tour for me. I understand that I will be a featured soloist for the musical rendition of Johnny Cash's classic song 'Born to Lose' ".
4. Bill Clinton: "Thank God all this campaign crap is over with! Eight years has been enough! Now I can get back to doing what I really want to do. I wonder if Donnie would possibly give me his list of those women who don't mind having their asses pinched and their pussies grabbed?"
5. Jill Stein and the Green Party (with apologies to the classic movie song from "Gold Diggers of 1933":
"We're in the money...we're in the money...".
6. Bernie Sanders: "I think that every politician should have his or her campaign finances completely paid for by the upper 5% of income earners. Christ! I spent $240 million and all it got me was one rotten electoral vote."
7. Faith Spotted Eagle: "I squatted on government land protesting an oil pipeline and I got one electoral vote just like Bernie. Does this mean that if I squat on 270 sacred sites in 2020, I could become President?"
8. Bruce Lindsey, Chairman of the Clinton Foundation (sung to the tune of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone": "Where have all the donors gone, long time....?".
9. George W. Bush (with apologies to The Coasters hit song "Charlie Brown": "Why is everybody always pickin' on me?".
10. ??????? - Reader's Choice
Happy New Year .....Ciao!
