What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ?  She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?

Why O why would you do this. Unless you have the money to spare then what the hell right?

Why?:  A "very nice used car" was (perhaps) not acceptable. Please think along the lines of jewelry (e.g., a diamond ring) from a pawn store. It is not the same thing as a piece of jewelry purchased from a retailer. Why didn't you go all-out and purchase the lady a brand new automobile?

Would you have accepted the "very nice used car" from a hobbyist?

I think you're nuts, but a very nice and nutty guy! I would never do it but you must have the money to spare.  

Perfectly put Leann,
All of that being so true -and how nice of you to see it from both sides.
Hey gent: I could use a "new" used car! LOL  
Don't worry I can handle any implication =)  
Seriously though, I would ask her for her opinion on what to do now.

That offer was on the table at one point in my career & yes, I did turn it down.

I often to help a regular provider when she needs a hand with something.  I don't expect anything in return, I'm just a sucker for a pretty face.  Being of service to others is important to me.  It's the old boy scout in me.

It Is A Turbo Vw New bug just what she wanted .i wont drive it .nice car but nothing says chic car more than mazda miata and a bug

Did the rejection of the generous gift change your business arrangement with the hobbyist?

Was (or is) the provider okay after the automobile accident?

I accepted it as a prepayment and everything was good ... He felt good about helping me and I didn't feel as if I "owed" anything that I didn't want to.

Your response to her post struck me as being fluffy (i.e., lacking substance).

I had a provider once that got in a jamb and asked to borrow some money.  It was only $300.00, so it wasn't anything like a car.  She said she would pay it back as soon as possible, but I figured she was more than just a provider and if I didn't get it back it would be no big deal.  Well I saw her a couple weeks later and she offered a freebie to pay me back.  I figured things were still tight so I paid her.  I got my money back by withholding her tips until we were even.  Worked out well for both of us.

I didnt know he hen the accidet happened .and come on insurance thats like saying i better make sure evry one wears a rubber .i dont control her actions just try to help when someone needs it

I love to ponder puzzles and had two thoughts on this one that have not been mentioned.  If she did not have a car then she may not have a license or possibly the ability to license and insure the car.  You would likely know the answers but if you don't then ask her.

All very insight full thanks for your advice

This about somebody who is not a provider on these boards or P411.  Thought I'd get that outta the way  

Your response sounds like something your former alter ego (who used to call you 'Ol Sticks') would blurt out for the masses.

I sure do miss Ol' Morris. You're the only one who thought that he and I were one and the same. It'll be fun when you, me, Ol' Morris and Mollysman finally get to meet at the August Meet & Greet at Morris Park followed by drinks at Stickollet Mall. I bet you're Hilarious in person, no?  

-- Modified on 3/7/2014 5:28:20 PM

Why did you post just what you did to one up me?

Was that the topic of the thread but the answer is I didnt ask her to marry me . I told her i would marry her .Why did i word it that way .To keep my stupid ass from getting hurt more as she pulled my heart from my chest

come from the heart and my own mind. I never say anything just to please others. I might keep my complaints and negativity to minimum on here, not because I'm trying to kiss ass or suck up or look fluffy and most definitely not due to the lack of my own independent thoughts, but because this is supposed to be FUN. Often times my replies or responses are very short and sometimes they're long, it just depends on how much time I have at the moment to input in the forum.  

Dude just feel good about yourself helping a friend in need is always good for the soul and for the friend we all have needed help with somethin in our life's don't know why she turned it down but I'm sure she appreciates the offer maybe it was just pride

Thanks man .  

Reading some of the comments here makes me kind of sad. It seems like many think there is some ulterior motive in giving the car. Heck even the lady who he was giving it to might have thought so.

Thanks for your kind words .but thanks even more for being a good person .Imagine a midwest with out midwest values .I,am not rich but comfy and my friends come first .But your manors and values are greatly liked !  

Absolutely Agreed with OldTimer..  

Regardless of how it looks from your side GOTM, she may have any number of reasons why she is unwilling to accept the offer.  I suggest you have a conversation with her and see how best to handle the situation, including being prepared to accept that she may simply not accept your gift.

I would like to Thank everyone for there thoughts on this .And i do value everyones opion .Thank You Very Much!!

If you drive the bug you won't raise suspicion.  LE will think you're gay.

I think you deserve a new used car ! your stuning1

Posted By: Mindyzurgirl

Perfectly put Leann,  
 All of that being so true -and how nice of you to see it from both sides.  
 Hey gent: I could use a "new" used car! LOL  
 Don't worry I can handle any implication =)  
 Seriously though, I would ask her for her opinion on what to do now.

In ten years, I have given a couple substantial gifts and loans in times of illness, for battered women, medical emergencies, groceries, etc. The loans were repaid.  The gifts were necessary.  
Discretionary income means that you can use it at your discretion.  
or to use another analogy: Choke the chicken all the time is harmful and eventually leads to dead nerves.

Awe, well thanks for the kind words, good sir, someday we should meet  

Posted By: gentofthemidwest

I think you deserve a new used car ! your stuning1  
   

Posted By: Mindyzurgirl

Perfectly put Leann,  
  All of that being so true -and how nice of you to see it from both sides.  
  Hey gent: I could use a "new" used car! LOL    
  Don't worry I can handle any implication =)    
  Seriously though, I would ask her for her opinion on what to do now.

LoL       i,am very secure in my hetro sexual postion but Im still LOL  your right .A cute car for a women .    

In fact it enriched our friendship. He's always known me as an extremely independent woman who values earning what you get & hand outs simply are not an option as a rule in both my civi & professional life. Therefor he didn't take it as a personal rejection & respects me that much more for sticking to my rule of life regardless of temptation to do otherwise.

Oh pay no mind to the naysayers,
 they're the ones that like their own posts lol.  
I think it was very kind and sweet of you to do that for her .  
Heck, a few gents I know were the ONLY ones in my life to bother wishing me a happy birthday let alone holiday greeting+ gifts.
 To me that says a lot about someone's character.  
However, I can totally understand why she didn't accept it, nothing is truly NSA in our world.  It just isn't.  
Xoxo V.