What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ? She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?
What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ? She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?
I'm sure she appreciates it very much. I also understand her feelings. It's not uncommon for people to offer gifts with "no ties" & later ask for special treatment later with "remember when I helped you with this?" Not saying this is the case since I wasn't present for the conversation nor am I her & can't attest to her inner thoughts & feelings.
I'm thinking perhaps another approach would have been to ask her first? A gift this large is very unusual & this could be a boundary issue for her as well. Another thought that comes to mind is perhaps she values your relationship very much & doesn't want anything to jeopardize it. I've seen all too often when gents have been generous above & beyond, later come back & scream they were taken advantage of. She may be trying to protect your relationship.
Another suggestion would be to offer it as a loaner until she is able to get a car on her own as an alternative. She may be more comfortable with that idea. Even better yet, ask her open endedly what alternative she would prefer.
In fact it enriched our friendship. He's always known me as an extremely independent woman who values earning what you get & hand outs simply are not an option as a rule in both my civi & professional life. Therefor he didn't take it as a personal rejection & respects me that much more for sticking to my rule of life regardless of temptation to do otherwise.
I accepted it as a prepayment and everything was good ... He felt good about helping me and I didn't feel as if I "owed" anything that I didn't want to.
I sure do miss Ol' Morris. You're the only one who thought that he and I were one and the same. It'll be fun when you, me, Ol' Morris and Mollysman finally get to meet at the August Meet & Greet at Morris Park followed by drinks at Stickollet Mall. I bet you're Hilarious in person, no?
come from the heart and my own mind. I never say anything just to please others. I might keep my complaints and negativity to minimum on here, not because I'm trying to kiss ass or suck up or look fluffy and most definitely not due to the lack of my own independent thoughts, but because this is supposed to be FUN. Often times my replies or responses are very short and sometimes they're long, it just depends on how much time I have at the moment to input in the forum.
I did not have time to type out a long answer but I did want to respond and I liked her response so I +1ed it as well as told the OP that it was a sweet gesture.
Perfectly put Leann, All of that being so true -and how nice of you to see it from both sides. Hey gent: I could use a "new" used car! LOL Don't worry I can handle any implication =) Seriously though, I would ask her for her opinion on what to do now.
I think you deserve a new used car ! your stuning1
Posted By: Mindyzurgirl
Perfectly put Leann, All of that being so true -and how nice of you to see it from both sides. Hey gent: I could use a "new" used car! LOL Don't worry I can handle any implication =) Seriously though, I would ask her for her opinion on what to do now.
Awe, well thanks for the kind words, good sir, someday we should meet
Posted By: gentofthemidwest
I think you deserve a new used car ! your stuning1
Posted By: Mindyzurgirl
Perfectly put Leann, All of that being so true -and how nice of you to see it from both sides. Hey gent: I could use a "new" used car! LOL Don't worry I can handle any implication =) Seriously though, I would ask her for her opinion on what to do now.
Regardless of how it looks from your side GOTM, she may have any number of reasons why she is unwilling to accept the offer. I suggest you have a conversation with her and see how best to handle the situation, including being prepared to accept that she may simply not accept your gift.
Why?: A "very nice used car" was (perhaps) not acceptable. Please think along the lines of jewelry (e.g., a diamond ring) from a pawn store. It is not the same thing as a piece of jewelry purchased from a retailer. Why didn't you go all-out and purchase the lady a brand new automobile?
What?: What happened to the "very nice used car" when the lady would not accept it as a gift?
Inquiry: If the lady was involved in an automobile accident that essentially totaled the vehicle, how did she fair in the accident? Wouldn't it have been a more beneficial (since you guys are really close and all) to have made certain she had automobile insurance prior to the accident?
I didnt know he hen the accidet happened .and come on insurance thats like saying i better make sure evry one wears a rubber .i dont control her actions just try to help when someone needs it
Posted By: turboted
Why?: A "very nice used car" was (perhaps) not acceptable. Please think along the lines of jewelry (e.g., a diamond ring) from a pawn store. It is not the same thing as a piece of jewelry purchased from a retailer. Why didn't you go all-out and purchase the lady a brand new automobile?
What?: What happened to the "very nice used car" when the lady would not accept it as a gift?
Inquiry: If the lady was involved in an automobile accident that essentially totaled the vehicle, how did she fair in the accident? Wouldn't it have been a more beneficial (since you guys are really close and all) to have made certain she had automobile insurance prior to the accident?
I often to help a regular provider when she needs a hand with something. I don't expect anything in return, I'm just a sucker for a pretty face. Being of service to others is important to me. It's the old boy scout in me.
I had a provider once that got in a jamb and asked to borrow some money. It was only $300.00, so it wasn't anything like a car. She said she would pay it back as soon as possible, but I figured she was more than just a provider and if I didn't get it back it would be no big deal. Well I saw her a couple weeks later and she offered a freebie to pay me back. I figured things were still tight so I paid her. I got my money back by withholding her tips until we were even. Worked out well for both of us.
This about somebody who is not a provider on these boards or P411. Thought I'd get that outta the way
Somebody I used to see would occassionally propose an evening out and not expect 'payment' even though it was 'full-service'. Sure, I'd buy drinks and dinner, but it kinda blurred the lines on what the hell I was actually doing.... was it the hobby, was it a date? In the end it was probably pre-pay because this gal had a tendency to get herself into financial jams and then ask me for help. She also knew that if she had the money, she'd spend it. So I think in a way she was 'banking' with me.
I don't like to think about the financial side of the hobby AT ALL, but she's moved away and I probably 'owe' her quite a bit.... kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop....
I love to ponder puzzles and had two thoughts on this one that have not been mentioned. If she did not have a car then she may not have a license or possibly the ability to license and insure the car. You would likely know the answers but if you don't then ask her.
the second thought is she may be in a position where she would have big problem explaining to friends or family where the car came from. I gave a very nice watch to a lady and her biggest issue was how would she explain to _____ where it came from. A watch is easier than a car to hide or explain. Most likely the decision was a combination of more than one thing.
last thought; if explaining the car is not a problem, and she can license, insure and drive it consider loaning it to her. Say you can drive it as long as you need it and then you can give it back if you want to.
I love to ponder puzzles and had two thoughts on this one that have not been mentioned. If she did not have a car then she may not have a license or possibly the ability to license and insure the car. You would likely know the answers but if you don't then ask her.
the second thought is she may be in a position where she would have big problem explaining to friends or family where the car came from. I gave a very nice watch to a lady and her biggest issue was how would she explain to _____ where it came from. A watch is easier than a car to hide or explain. Most likely the decision was a combination of more than one thing.
last thought; if explaining the car is not a problem, and she can license, insure and drive it consider loaning it to her. Say you can drive it as long as you need it and then you can give it back if you want to.
Was that the topic of the thread but the answer is I didnt ask her to marry me . I told her i would marry her .Why did i word it that way .To keep my stupid ass from getting hurt more as she pulled my heart from my chest
Oh pay no mind to the naysayers, they're the ones that like their own posts lol. I think it was very kind and sweet of you to do that for her . Heck, a few gents I know were the ONLY ones in my life to bother wishing me a happy birthday let alone holiday greeting+ gifts. To me that says a lot about someone's character. However, I can totally understand why she didn't accept it, nothing is truly NSA in our world. It just isn't. Xoxo V.
Dude just feel good about yourself helping a friend in need is always good for the soul and for the friend we all have needed help with somethin in our life's don't know why she turned it down but I'm sure she appreciates the offer maybe it was just pride
Posted By: gentofthemidwest
What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ? She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?
Dude just feel good about yourself helping a friend in need is always good for the soul and for the friend we all have needed help with somethin in our life's don't know why she turned it down but I'm sure she appreciates the offer maybe it was just pride
Posted By: gentofthemidwest
What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ? She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?
Reading some of the comments here makes me kind of sad. It seems like many think there is some ulterior motive in giving the car. Heck even the lady who he was giving it to might have thought so.
Whatever happened to helping out a friend? I guess in this day when people sue others, even parents as in the NJ high school girl, being nice or doing something just to be helpful is just unheard of.
Would this be different if it was his sister? Cousin or distant relative? A neighbor? His best friend? A colleague? He did say she knows him well, has had overnights..weeklong visits...not a stranger obviously.
Granted, giving someone a car is more than less for many of us but if gentofthemidwest is able to..I say more power to him.
Were there other options as previously suggested such as loaning her the car or asking her? Yes...but what he did was not wrong in any way. I think the world needs more people like this 'gent' who values friendship and helping others and being of service and so on rather than some of you just putting him down.
I say to those of you who think he has some ulterior motive, how do you make the world a better place? Why are you here and what can you do or what do you do?
Other than being a "twatwaffle" or whatever the heck that word in that joke recently was...
What goes around, comes around.
Do unto others...
Pay it forward.
Posted By: gentofthemidwest
What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ? She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?
Thanks for your kind words .but thanks even more for being a good person .Imagine a midwest with out midwest values .I,am not rich but comfy and my friends come first .But your manors and values are greatly liked !
Posted By: OldTimerB
Reading some of the comments here makes me kind of sad. It seems like many think there is some ulterior motive in giving the car. Heck even the lady who he was giving it to might have thought so.
Whatever happened to helping out a friend? I guess in this day when people sue others, even parents as in the NJ high school girl, being nice or doing something just to be helpful is just unheard of.
Would this be different if it was his sister? Cousin or distant relative? A neighbor? His best friend? A colleague? He did say she knows him well, has had overnights..weeklong visits...not a stranger obviously.
Granted, giving someone a car is more than less for many of us but if gentofthemidwest is able to..I say more power to him.
Were there other options as previously suggested such as loaning her the car or asking her? Yes...but what he did was not wrong in any way. I think the world needs more people like this 'gent' who values friendship and helping others and being of service and so on rather than some of you just putting him down.
I say to those of you who think he has some ulterior motive, how do you make the world a better place? Why are you here and what can you do or what do you do?
Other than being a "twatwaffle" or whatever the heck that word in that joke recently was...
What goes around, comes around.
Do unto others...
Pay it forward.
Posted By: gentofthemidwest
What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ? She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?
What a great heart you have .. And dont let some of the ill-spoken comments keep you from being generous in the future with anyone..
My input on why she didnt accept the gift... Independence .. Though you say there are no strings attached ,, she may feel that she would have to do something in return regardless of how much you protest that .. in this industry lines can easily be skewed between personal and professional..
Some may say that instead of being given a car some ladies want to earn the money to buy their own car,, Gifts are nice, but perfume, jewelry, etc,, they dont pay the bills .. some want to earn those things rather than having them be given to them..
I get the feeling thats its a little bit of it
~Cat
Posted By: OldTimerB
Reading some of the comments here makes me kind of sad. It seems like many think there is some ulterior motive in giving the car. Heck even the lady who he was giving it to might have thought so.
Whatever happened to helping out a friend? I guess in this day when people sue others, even parents as in the NJ high school girl, being nice or doing something just to be helpful is just unheard of.
Would this be different if it was his sister? Cousin or distant relative? A neighbor? His best friend? A colleague? He did say she knows him well, has had overnights..weeklong visits...not a stranger obviously.
Granted, giving someone a car is more than less for many of us but if gentofthemidwest is able to..I say more power to him.
Were there other options as previously suggested such as loaning her the car or asking her? Yes...but what he did was not wrong in any way. I think the world needs more people like this 'gent' who values friendship and helping others and being of service and so on rather than some of you just putting him down.
I say to those of you who think he has some ulterior motive, how do you make the world a better place? Why are you here and what can you do or what do you do?
Other than being a "twatwaffle" or whatever the heck that word in that joke recently was...
What goes around, comes around.
Do unto others...
Pay it forward.
Posted By: gentofthemidwest
What does the board think ? I bought a very nice used car to give to my provider for her birthday becuase she is my fav and hers got wrecked . i was very excited wanting to see the smile on her face .The car is the model she said 4 month,s earlier she liked .when i messaged her to tell her happy Birthday and that i had got her a car .she said i shouldnt have . And that she didnt want to feel like she owed me anything and that she didnt ask for it .W T F ? She knows me vary well and we have had many over nights and even a week long visit .was i out of line ? What i saw was a pretty lady whom i call friend without a car .N S A with the car its a gift i told her .She wouldnt except and i get the being self supportive thing but damm how do i get her to see it was just to show how specieal she is to me?
In ten years, I have given a couple substantial gifts and loans in times of illness, for battered women, medical emergencies, groceries, etc. The loans were repaid. The gifts were necessary. Discretionary income means that you can use it at your discretion. or to use another analogy: Choke the chicken all the time is harmful and eventually leads to dead nerves.
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