Seems I am going to prolong the dialogue of this topic. Some of the providers here are missing the point.  While anyone can request or provide anything they choose, one of the true benefits of this board is to share thinking and advice.  For me, I don't see providers who don't verify, because it shows lack of safety. I also prefer those who don't share their face photo for the same reason. I am glad to verify through a number of ways, but I believe it's ill advised to share personal information and I discourage all clients from doing so. You can't take it back, and you risk having it used against you in a horrible way.  True, it most cases it will be fine.  Also true about unprotected sex, you can do it, and likely you will be fine. Yet if you are wrong, you blow up your life.  

No, there are exactly zero providers that are missing your point. You continue to be salty about screening, we as providers are not.  I would never encourage or discourage a client from sending screening information and neither should you. The only thing I have said that should never be done is try to negotiate screening. If a provider asks more than you are comfortable sending find a new provider.  Everyone should do all of the research they need and make the best decisions for THEM. You have already posted that you are able to find many providers that are willing to see you with the information you are comfortable providing, as to why you feel the need to continue to post about this is the actual unknown. You are a grown man in your fifties. You don't need anyone to back up your life decisions. Move on. You do you.

Scarlet - It's really unfortunately that you feel you need to rebut everything that is written.  I was not expressing any resistance to safety approaches providers take, nor was I suggesting they should be negotiated. Rather, I was encouraging   clients to resits the urge to take the unnecessary risk.

Your snarky responses don't make you more appealing.....  

Hi all,

 
I’ve been following this thread with interest because it’s a nuanced topic and I think some of the friction comes down to the fact that safety and screening mean different things to different people. Also, I was curious how it would play out.  

 
I’m trying to approach this conversation with more curiosity and less combustion, because ultimately, mutual respect is the only way any of this functions.

 
Obremt, I actually understand what you were trying to say. You weren’t necessarily telling men not to screen, but rather to be thoughtful about what they share. *That said*, your phrasing does come across as resistance to screening, because for most of us, screening is the foundation of safety. Our processes aren’t about collecting unnecessary personal details; they’re about protecting both parties from unnecessary risk.

 
The reality is that everyone’s comfort zone looks different. Clients should only share what feels right for them individually, and providers have every right to hold the boundaries that keep them safe. Where this goes sideways is when one person’s comfort level gets presented as universal truth (which is what happened here).  

 
At the end of the day, this community only works if we can hold two truths at once: safety is non-negotiable, and privacy matters to each man’s comfort level. But that individual comfort level isn’t a collective standard. And let’s be honest, many clients who say they’d “never share personal info” eventually do; they’re just selective about who earns that trust (peers over my glasses).  

 
Paige

As a client lean almost exclusively to references and got  cleared in the days when one could get cleared without personal information in some cases. I most cases one must at least give it I’m to one or two. To me these references are at least an induction that not LE and how one reacts behind closed doors.
For providers who want PI they can run a check for a record but also may know who client is and maybe where he works — so if he does steel or worse she knows who did it- result being feels if client is known he is less likely to harm.
In closing more then one knows exactly who I am so Paige is right on that also.

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careful, lockstock...  flirting like that could get expensive. 😉
if you want to peer over my glasses in person, you already know the process: email, deposit, date.

Thanks you for this thoughtful, polite, and balanced reply.  

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