ESCORT ADVERTISEMENT AND WEBSITE DECODER.

...reasons why we read the reviews rather than the advertisements, websites, and endorsement posts.

Ultimate GFE........Can stomach sucking face with even halitosis plagued men.

I enjoy my work........A highly accomplished actress, fakes "O"s better than Meg Ryan.

Down-to-earth........Isn't high.

Energetic ........Is high.

Discreet ........Too disorganized to keep your personal information.

Outcall only ........Has a car, lives in a motel.

Incall only........Doesn't have a car, lives in a motel.

BBW...........Pick a fold, any fold.

I answer my phone ........No computer.

E-mail me only ........ No phone.

Fill out my online booking form........ You will never get an appointment, ever.

Punctual........+/- 2 hours.

Educated........5 years of high school.

Wants to spend time getting to know you........Kills as much of the hour as possible with idle chit-chat.

Appreciates tips........$200 for a no-touch dance, $300 more for FS.

Girl-next-door..........Has a face like a basset hound.

Mature.............Take her photo, add 15 years.

Classy..........Washes.

University Educated..........DeVry.

Sensitive..........Doesn't laugh at you to your face.

Loves meeting new people..........She needs the money.

Lingerie available..........BYO, she'll be more than happy to wear it.

Sensual..........Turns the TV off.

Referrals required..........Wants to gauge how skanky you really are.

Deposit required..........Primadonna.

Sophisticated..........Stops the action to take cell phone calls.

Blonde..........Bad dye job.

Redhead..........Wig.

Couples welcome..........At least women usually wash.

Can bring a friend..........Anything to get you off faster.

Smoker..........6 packs a day.

Non-Smoker..........2 packs a day.

Doesn't do drugs..........That happens after the session.

Face obscured on site for privacy..........Butt ugly.

Elegant Dinner Companion..........A free meal is always nice.

Tight butt..........No hips, ass looks like 14 year old boy.

B cup ..........BB's on a breadboard.

C cup..........B cup.

D cup..........C cup.

DD cup..........Fat.

115..........140.

125..........150.

135..........160.

140+..........A house.

New pics on site..........Reviewers slammed her for dated pics.

I only take 1 appointment per day..........The other 5 are just friends.

My car broke down..........She has better things to do.

My email crashed, I lost everything..........She has better things to do for the next week.

Retirement..........She met a BF who doesn't like her job.

Coming out of retirement..........She was dumped.

Holiday Specials..........Kids need winter clothes.

Light Domination..........You don't want FS? All the better.

If you seek a onetime experience, look elsewhere..........look elsewhere.

Nice apartment..........Doesn't live in a motel.

A few piercings..........Face and bod look like a pin cushion.

A few tats..........More ink than bare skin.

Very accommodating..........Speaks greek if you are less than 6", $100 extra.

Now independent............Too flaky even for the agency.

Genuine pics...........Just not of her.

i was at a rock show last night, jon spenser blues explosion, and it was packed... like sardines... and i dont like to be touched by strangers... especially those that arent paying
anyway... this drugged out hippie child was all up against my ass and i kept hip checking her into her friends... good for me, bad for her friends and their beer soaked sandals...
the fella in front of me had a nice space staked out with his friend and he noticed what was happening... he said something positive and i told him, Hey, dont worry.  I'm 5'10 160 i can hold my own.
immediately realizing i just told a total stranger my real weight, not the work weight of 150 ... i laughed my ass off.
reality works.  it is even handy.

Nicole, Atlanta
discreet, b-c cup, smoker, University educated, 2 appointments a day (both requiring food), incall/outcall and i answer my phone, most of the time

and still... giggling my ass off....

And such a giggle it is too!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Busted!
-LM

not busty... b-c cup.
but definately ample enough in the hip-ass-thigh area to hip check with authority  
you'll see.
and love every second.
kisses.

is not exactly what I have in mind...
but similar action is required.
hmmmmm?
LM

thats a big 10-4 on the side to side as well as front to back,
good buddy.

I can always use a room... though sometimes other places is
very nice too.... like a hotel elevator in the Zone... oh wait
I wasnt supposed to say that!
Later
LM

Would like to meet the man that can get my mind off being in a elevator, let alone in that tiny area all closed up, heat raising and not from 2 bodies either.  NAWWWWWWW, will pass on closed in tight places, hence the elevator. But then again, how many people have you met that has been locked in a elevator for hours and felt the same after they got out?  

RED

LOL!  These are great!  I wanted to immediately post them somewhere, but realized TER is really the only place I would want to!  These were CLEARLY made up by a hobbyist, and really would only make true sense to others involved in the hobby.  Whew!  I am finally done tearing up from laughing...  

Thanx Michael!

DP