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Please Read: Late Night Thoughts from a Troubled Providersad_smile
princesstomboy 3246 reads
posted

Although I've been working in this industry on and off for over 5 years, this is the first time I've spent more than a couple minutes looking at this website, and I hope it isn't considered terribly uncouth to use the general discussion board as an anonymous sounding post/diary/therapist.  Also, readers, forgive me if I ramble.  As I said, I am using this board to organize my thoughts and see what they look like when they're not just rattling around inside my head.

What brought me on to TER tonight was, of course, a review of me.  A very very bad review.  I'm somewhat paranoid of revealing my identity, so let's just say appearance was close to 5 (I AM the "girl in the pictures," and I can say without hesitation or false modesty that I am young, thin, and very pretty by any standards.)

The performance rating, gentlemen, was closer to a 1.

Is it possible that a sensitive man has ever looked into my eyes during an appointment, and seen that, in my heart, I would rather be somewhere else?

Yes, it is possible.  Some men have a way of touching me that I cannot warm to, (I write this, I notice I am acutely embarrassed- as though I am a shitty provider, or a failure as a sexual being altogether) and during the duration of the appointment I continue to smile and wink and talk dirty and joke and do all the other things that are expected of me.

The problem is, I am not an actress.  Everything I feel shows on my face, and sometimes chemistry is so off with a client that I feel things like: shame, bitterness, sadness, irritation.  

And it shows.  But this happens very rarely.  And when it does happen, it, thankfully, mostly goes unnoticed.  But this time someone noticed, and it ruined their fantasy-it reminded them that they were paying for sex.  All of the sudden, to him, the room seemed cheaper, my body seemed flawed, the traffic outside was more grating.  I saw what had happened and threw him a grin and resolutely attempted to banish those thoughts by being the sultry little nymphet that am.

But I didn't do it well enough, so he wrote a review that was just as short, dirty, and cheap as he thought my services were, and as soon as that review was published, I Ceased To Have An Income.  My phone went silent, and right now I wonder how I'll pay my rent.

I'm not here to complain, though.  This job has been good to me.  I've met some amazing men, had a lot of fun, and made a lot of money.  I hope anyone who is still reading by now finds what they are looking for, and gets all the peace and happiness we all need so desperately.

And i wish the same for my reviewer: dude, I love you.  You could be my brother or my dad or my lover or my son. Even though you roughly grabbed at my breasts and crushed my tiny body under yours when you fucked me and I was fucking miserable the whole time, you are a person with as much pain and joy and as many stories and wishes as any other.

Let's keep this industry human, guys.

Great post...you've uncovered one of the flaws in any review site...YMMV.

Sometimes you "click" in a positve way, sometimes you don't, and on a rare occasion you click in the negative.  I've clicked in a negative way once - while she wasn't my cup of tea she didn't suddenly get uglier and my less than stellar review of her performance was peppered with "not my type", "YMMV", etc...

For me, any performance review below a 4 should be reserved for B&S, plain old rip-offs, and providers who just don't care.  Let's face facts, the reason most of us pay for sex is because we can't get the qualiy/quantity we desire on our own, why?  Because its hard to find a woman to fuck, why? Because woman normally don't "just fuck".  That's why we pay for it.  

So, you have a woman willing to do what not many others are and the price, considering the product, is pretty fair.  Doesn't a provider deserve a 5 for at least putting in the effort?  You seem to have tried, it clicked in such a bad way that your couldn't maintain the veneer any longer, and it ended badly.

I wish you luck in finding other guys who can look past the bad review to find the others that are more favorable.  My bet is that there are some guys wondering if you've taken a bad turn but others that can see past the single bad experience...but its a matter of time...unfortunately in the meantime you're taking a financial hit.

We all have wondered how providers do it...how do they look fresh, act kind, perform the most intimate acts possible, and do it (sometimes) over and over again throughout the day but leave a guy feeling like he is the only (or at least the first) one that day...now we know, providers can't always pull it off...because at the end of the day we are all human.

we are all just human....with all our weaknesses and needs.  I think we all wan to "click" and that we don't have to constantly put up an act in order to satisfy out sexual needs or wants.    But I think there's acting on both sides and there in lines the problem.  We can only "act" so much and can be "on" so much.   This is a tough business and takes its toll on all parties.   I'm sorry to read about your situation but touched and warmed to read your thoughts.   This will pass and a new normalcy will evolve.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!!

Make the best of the bad situation if you want to continue in the biz . . .Post assertively and positively on TER on your regional board . . . . And always look forward,  never look back.  You can't change the past,  only the present and the future.

This site is one of many out there, and not everyone uses it.  If that it the only review out there That is pobably only 10 percent of the market because you have to be VIP to read reviews.  Be practical about it.  Now that you know about TER get clients to write reviews.  But remember you need thick skin to be in this business, sometimes the truth hurts,  and beauty and performance is in the mind of the customer.  When I look at reviews I look at the highs and lows with a grain of salt as to the click and ymmv reasons.  Worst case do a make over new name new pictures and a new number.  I would think that with 5 years you must have some repeat clients, If not the harsh reality might be that your looks and or performance are not up to par.  Performance is more important than looks some guys will settle for 4-5 looks if the performance is 8 or above.   8 or above looks and a 4 or less performance is a hard sell.  lots of g long time providers are 5 5 rating and still seam to make a living.  Good Luck

radnads1251 reads

I just shed a single tear.  Coming from the client side, it's also nice to see a human provider.

You have an amazing clarity for someone who is experiencing something close to the worst case scenario that a provider can face short of being arrested or assaulted.

There are clients who insist on an Oscar worthy performance (And there are gals out there who deliver them and my hat is off to them.)  But there are some gals who are more WYSIWYG, and I enjoy them too if they have compassion and are articulate and interesting; which I'm willing to bet, you are.

I hope that you have some good reviews to offset the poor review you just got, and that clients will come back.

It is also possible that escorting is not the right fit for you, and heaven knows that's not a crime or a sin.  Just something to ponder.

I know this much, I would like to know you.  (Maybe I already do?)

Let me know if you'd like by PM.

This is one of the best posts ever.

I enjoyed reading it. You seem to be honest and articulate. Was this your first review here? If not the other reviews should balance the bad one out somewhat. Believe it or not your post made me want to get to know  you.

She admitted that she is a shitty provider and you want to know her better? What? To bake cookies or knit?

Please stop saying I said that.  It's verging on slanderous.

...but there ARE other activities then men and women can engage in besides exchanging money for sex, and it is not entirely ludicrous to pursue these activities!

Are you aware that your post directly implies that there is no reason to want to "get to know" a woman unless you are going to pay her for high-quality sexual services? Do you really want to have said that?  I understand this website for and about escorts and the men who see them, but have you forgotten that there are other reasons to talk to a woman?  Is it all women who are so worthless when the wet spot between their legs is unavailable to you or deemed unworthy, or is it just me?

I am totally floored by the rudeness and frank misogyny in your comment.  It betrays a tremendous lack of self confidence on your part, as well as a depressing shortage of worldly experience and wisdom.  Is this sort of tone is common and accepted on this board?

I'm further distressed that you are denigrating the activity of baking cookies.  Knitting may be a bit boring, butbaking cookies with my lover in a warm cozy kitchen when it's starting to get really cold, like it does about this time of the year, sounds like the start of a very exciting, romantic, sexy evening to me!

She admitted to having a bad review and that review making her feel like a bad provider. That is nowhere near admitting to being a bad provider. Second, yes I would like to read more posts from her. I like honesty. I find it refreshing. I deal with lies all day at work last thing I want to deal with in my time to unwind time is more lies. And I like cookies for your information. Just so you know I am male, are you? I can't tell because your hiding who you are behind an alias. Oh if I am pathetic half of this board is as well as they stated similar stuff in there replies. Have a nice day.

princesstomboy-one bad review will not make or break you.  I realize that in the immediate, it's hard to see beyond the blow to the ego or the fears of ruination...but if you have other consistent reviews of different marks, most savvy gents know that there are situations where chemistry is not always going to be there and that is not necessarily a reflection on you.  If this person was as harsh in his review as he sounds, he may have that general tone in how he reviews others (even with better scores) and this is something that other reviewers can also see and note...  Remember that the economy is in a rocky place right now...girls with stellar reviews are complaining in some places about their phones not ringing.  I think it's easy to focus on the bad review as the cause, but there are other things at play too...so don't let that be your focus or your defeat.  You have things well within your power you  can do to continue to cultivate and keep your business alive, and to bounce back and keep moving forward. :-)

But let me address the idea of being a provider that is here by circumstance, not entirely by choice.  You may be operating by your own choice to some degree, but it sounds like you are not happy or empowered by escorting, and are looking for your first opportunity out.  You are not alone in your experience...

I think when one is operating out of necessity, always looking for when that exit door is finally going to present itself, it's difficult to think about your business in long term strategies.  What is important is the immediate, and usually short sighted.  You may have specific goals, so you may have tunnel vision there keeping you from seeing the big picture...  You might be able to see the long term consequences of bad reviews, but do you see the long term consequences of how you operate your business today, and on a day to day basis?  Here are some things I've learned about what creates success and longevity in escorting.  These are things that have worked for me, but that does not mean they will work for everyone.  Take what seems to speak to you as truth, and leave what doesn't. ;-)

1.) The happier you are providing, the more money flows in your direction.  The opposite is also true...  Abundance flows to those that figure out how to be happy in life, however you manage to convince yourself of that.  When one gets funky or depressed, it's like the universe knows it and stops sending business your way.  You have to find a way to stay as much on the right side of this universal law of attraction to keep money and business flowing your way.  You cannot fake it to the universe with a smile and forced engagement...you  have to figure  out how to recognize and honor your own boundaries, and possibly expand them...but only at your own pace and comfort level.

2.) There are so many possible options of ways to market yourself, you should be able to cater your services to be about what YOU enjoy and still make money at it.  You need to do some deep introspection here to figure out where your boundaries are, what your likes and dislikes are, what type of clients you want to see, and what type you want to avoid.  You have the power to set up your business in any way you want, but you have to know where these likes/dislikes are before you can implement them through your marketing and screening.  If you do not take your own comfort level/boundaries/needs into account, you are doing yourself a disservice and treating YOURSELF like nothing more then an object...how can you expect anyone else to treat you different if you don't honor yourself first??  If you  have moral upbringing in the back of your head judging yourself about doing this job, tell it to fuck off...  You are  doing what you need to do for yourself, for whatever reason, and it takes STRENGTH and COURAGE to do something you would rather not for the sake of necessity or survival.  The rub is finding a way to make it  work for you and not take you down in the process...find that balance.

Now if you've got sexual issues to work through, this *can* be difficult to navigate.  Our job requires we give of ourselves in very intimate ways, and some of this can trigger old wounds or trauma.  But this is also a place where we can redefine and own our sexual experiences, and it is a place where one can find healing and empowerment also.  If you want to talk more about this, contact me through the info in my review profile.

3.) Learn to say "no" to some money.  Some money is just not worth it...whether the guy is an arrogant ass that is going to treat you like a cheap piece of meat, or it's someone that wants you to do things you really aren't in to...  The damage far outweighs the immediate and short lived rewards.  Trust that you will be better off, and that better money and experiences will come to you instead.  Repeat it like mantra when you are turning away those other clients, and keep saying it until you believe it.  

4.) Never underestimate the power of a good support system.  If you are living a double life, that is DRAINING.  Ever day you are lying and telling half truths, trying to keep in all woven together, and constantly fearing being found out.  This is one of the biggest contributors to burn out.  If you have friends that love you unconditionally that you can confide it, do it! (but only if you know you can trust them implicitly...)  Even if they don't understand everything you are doing, it helps to know that people love you unconditionally and are there for you.  Also cultivate relationships with other ladies in the business where you can vent and get feedback.  Be mindful that it's easy to want to jump in too deep too fast with other providers because we can be so starved for a place to be completely honest about what we are doing...  Close friendships take years to develop, and this should also be considered in escort friendships.  Networking is different then friendships, but both are a means of support.

5.) Set realistic goals, and celebrate them when you get them.  This helps you see you are moving in the direction you want, not just spinning your wheels.

6.) Find ways to stay balanced and grounded outside of sex work.  Whether it's taking a yoga or pottery class or just taking time to take a walk in the park, find something that is all about YOU and make time in your schedule to do it.  Since we are using our body in our work, be sure to find ways to nurture and replenish ourselves with self care, pampering, massage, etc.

I hope this helps  you in some way.  I realize that some of what I say may not fit your circumstances, but I am a firm believer that we can flip our perspective to make our experiences whatever we want.  While sex work may not be the job you dreamed of, there are benefits and rewards to our work that are not found in most other industries, including the ability to be complete autonomous about every decision we make.  You have the power to set up your experience the way you want it, and I think many sex workers feel they have to cater to the market instead of focusing on finding their niche and comfort zone.

BTW-I love that you can still send this guy love even though you did not want to *really* be servicing him, plus his review.  This is exactly part of what I'm talking about in being able to flip stuff where you want it to be...now can you figure out how to do that for yourself??  It's not an easy task but it is a life changing one. :-)  

My best  to you in all that you do!

xoMegan

I am as equally impressed by your post as I have been by Ms. Morgenson's.

There is no good place to start, so I start with this. I agree with, and you should pay attention to, the overwhelming sentiments here, and ignore those who are obviously in perpetual bad moods. They're trolls and that is that.

I'm not going to say I wish you weren't having this experience. Not that I don't feel anguish when a fellow human is having a hard time. To the contrary, I do to a fault. However, I believe these experiences to be necessary and I feel from your post that you are better equipped (at least intellectually) to weather this than most folks.

Every provider, I am sure, must go through this. Some have thick skin and shrug it off, and others take it more/too personally. Not being able to make every client believe it's a P4P session is not the mark of a bad provider. However, continuing in a session that clearly isn't working for either party is the mark of using bad judgement, and doing so repeatedly would constitute unprofessional behavior and a lack of judgement. Clearly you aren't there.

There is a very fine line between conjuring the fantasy on your part, and believing it on our part. A nice way of saying "you lie, and we pretend to buy it." To a degree, your pretending that your enjoying it will lead to enjoying it in more circumstances that you would otherwise. It also makes it more difficult to step back when the fantasy isn't working and to now be completely honest and say, "Hey, this isn't working. Do you want to continue, or take your money and go?"

Hindsight is 20/20, and moving forward, what do you do? What you don't do (as some will) is pester the client to re-write the review. It's counter-productive, creates way too much drama and angst for everyone involved.

When I look at reviews, I tend to toss those that don't fit the averages and look for patterns in the text of the remaining reviews. I also look at the extremes to see what was going on there as well. How much weight they get depends on a lot of factors. I think other potential clients (that have been here a while) tend to do the same.

I would tend to agree that publicly outting yourself here has mostly potential benefits. First, you obviously have a profile, so you might as well take advantage of the boards and advertising here. A second benefit, is if folks read the review in question, they'll make their own judgement (it's not that hard to tell when such a low scores are given but not warranted). In fact, if the review text is inaccurate or does not match the ratings there is potential recourse through TER admin.

You're much more believable because of the evenhanded nature of your response. i.e. you didn't blame the client. I think this also is an indication that outting yourself publicly would be more likely a good thing. As cautioned, look at the review history of the client in question before making any gross accusations, but you have taken responsibility for your part, so I think that is a moot point.

I wish you luck in whatever choice you make. It would be nice to have another articulate voice on the boards. Just remember, we're all not always this nice ;-)

I'm really overwhelmed my the generosity of your reply. I said elsewhere that I  believe your insight and direction will prove to be the turning point of my career.

Thank you so so much. You are an inspiration.

First, to the group asking for her true identity, she's not posting as an alias.  She has not linked her reviews to her ID, but that's another matter.  To princess, I approved your post last evening, and was hoping to see the positive and negative responses that have since appeared.  On one hand, I heartily applaud your taking the positive step of discussing what happened and presenting your side.  I would normally move a post such as this to the regional board from which your review would originate, but felt that the discussion was beneficial to more than just that one area.  Some have given you kudos and words of inspiration.  I posted here specifically because Megan had some great words of advice.  As a negative, I'm fearful that you may be missing some of the value of the negative things said.  All of what Megan said wasn't positive, but more about how to learn life's lessons.  Others that posted using less flowery words were somewhat blown off by you, and I find that troubling.  Not in a personal sense, but more that I feel that you want us to tell you it's OK to get a shitty review and give you another chance while you aren't willing to look at your role in earning that shitty review.  I've said repeatedly that I know ladies that HATE their provider jobs.  They smile, moan and coo their way to solid reviews, and take responsibility for the occasional bad one.  I sincerely hope that you learn to do so as well, or find a line of work that better suits you.  That's not a slam.  Providing isn't an easy job, and I can say personally that I could never fuck a guy...money or not.

Hi Phil!

I want to make it clear that, while the were certain things I was looking for when I wrote my post, I promise you that I was certainly NOT looking for a "get out of jail free" card from the users of the board, and furthermore, I definitely did not mean to give the impression that I wasn't "willing to look into my role in earning" said review.  In fact, I thought that my post was doing the exact opposite.  When I was describing the way the call went, I took responsibility for my inability to thoroughly mask my negative gut response to what was happening, and what I was doing, and what was being done to me.

I don't think I blew anyone off in my responses.

Another point I'm particularly eager to make is that I am not at all a provider who hates her job.  With my acting skills being so abysmal, I would have never done as well as I have unless I usually enjoyed my job.  I have regulars because they know that they are getting a genuine experience, which is a rare thing.

When you say that I have two choices: learn how to act or get another job, you are incorrect, and also ignoring several key points that Megan makes, particularly the one about marketing oneself in such a way that it is possible to ENJOY yourself and not be miserable. The fact that you seemed to be saying that gritting my teeth and becoming a better actress is the only way for me to make it in this job makes me very sad.

Asshole_Number_Two1150 reads

I agree with most everything you said Phil. Sometimes the truth is a not the path of least resistance.

However this statement struck me weirdly.
"First, to the group asking for her true identity, she's not posting as an alias."

First off is only one person is asking for a persons true identity, that is one too damn many. If it is a few, or several that is over the top to be sure and dangerous territory. But, a "group" smacks of a bunch of persons on the forum who believe they are entitled to know someone's identity, just because they may have used an alias.

Please tell me there is not some gang of thieves who whisk away with them secrets that otherwise might have them banned, not to mention the moderator being banned.

It does again prove that by definition the use of aliases as spelled out in the rules create a wish you knew kind of turmoil for some. But, it still boils down to this; You may not like aliases or you might approve of the use of them in certain circumstances, yet what ever the reasoning, get used to it or get the hell over it.

Nobody has the right or expectation to ask a moderator who the real user is that is posting with an alias!!

Rant off!!

I gather, from some of the posts (I haven't read them all), that there are a few people who would like to get to know this lady. I took Phil's response as just pointing them to the little envelop behind her TER handle.

This seems to be an extremely sensitive issue for you!

I know some providers who, for all practical purposes, pick their clients.

They do so with the intent of picking clients about whom they can find something laudable and lovable; thus making their job more enjoyable for themselves and yielding superior performance for the clients. It sounds like a real win-win. And when it works (which I hope is most of the time!) its a wonderful thing.

But there is only so much you can tell about a guy you have never met. I don't care how smart you are or how carefully you screen; a few are going to slip through who are a bad match.

Now, you can make sure not to book those particular guys for a second session. But what are you going to do about the guy standing right in front of you with a stuffed envelope?

That's where the rubber hits the road with this idea.

Good luck!

I know how you boys love to theorize about our work...how it works, and how it doesn't.  Yes, it's fascinating stuff, for sure! :-)  Fascinating...and honestly, not for any of you to try and hypothesize about too much.  Yes, I know ladies tell you things about how they set up their business.  Some of it might be true.  Some of it might be hype.  Some of it might be a mixture of both.  But you will never really know, and it's really meaningless to escorts to have clients tell them what they think will or won't work re: marketing strategies.  I'm hoping this is coming out nicely, but also plainly.  This is not an area that clients should be giving advice on.

But since you brought it up, I will address a few points that you are trying to touch upon...  

In regards to being more selective in what client base or pricing structure one operates at, there are many factors at play for the women that do this, and do it well. (and FYI-transition is never easy...or quick...)  In most instances, the criteria is not for a client that is a "total package" in a traditional dating setting, but rather the *right* mix of whatever criteria is most important to that particular sex worker to be happy doing her job.  We all have our different turn ons and turn offs, and if the most important priorities are met, others can be sometimes forgiven.  Instincts about chemistry can be developed...there are things that are unspoken that some escorts can pick up on through email or phone, although this skill is better in some then others.      

Also, there are times when chemistry *develops* over multiple encounters.  There are times when I have met men that might not have knocked my socks off on the first date or two, but as we've continued to get to know each other, perhaps allowing them to relax a bit more and let their walls down, amazing stuff can eventually happen 3, 4, or 5 encounters in.  The beauty about being more selective isn't that there is going to be magic every time, but that the ratio of dates that might not be exactly on par with a providers own tastes are a smaller percentage, making the dates with average chemistry have less weight in the overall picture, with less impact on morale.      

Magic doesn't happen every time.  That's what most of us are shooting for, but it's not realistic.  All any of us can do is try our best, each and every day.  If one is pro-active in business strategies that help build and maintain morale, the likelihood of magic happening increases as there is no negative energy lingering from other experiences to get in the way.  When the majority of the experiences one has are positive, it makes the couple so-so ones not seem as bad (ergo may be handled differently...) as they might if one was shooting 50/50 odds on enjoyment in their dates.

And if the guy in front of me with the stuffed envelop was really someone I wasn't connecting with?  I would kindly and gently tell him to keep his hard earned money and spend it on someone that will connect and appreciate him better then I can.  (One of my points above was about learning to walk away from money when needed...)  And yes, I've stopped a date 20 min. in, in the middle of private time, for a simple lack of chemistry that was more then what I could roll with on that particular day.  It was not an easy thing to do, but it was the right thing when one structures their business based on more then just the immediate need of cash, which anyone can do, even if they are motivated by circumstance.  BTW-after he got over the initial blow to the ego (I was kind, but there is still a sting there...), he thanked me later and wanted to still send me money for my time.  

Rubber, meet road. :-)

xoMegan

I like the way you think.

As for the road, your explanation is entirely reasonable. Of course, you discredit your testimony at the very outset ... "Yes, I know ladies tell you things about how they set up their business.  Some of it might be true.  Some of it might be hype.  Some of it might be a mixture of both.  But you will never really know..."

(*grin*)

Seriously, though, I wasn't discussing marketing. I was discussing what to me is an entirely different issue.

We are discussing, in essence, a provider confronted with a less-than-pleasant encounter who essentially couldn't pull that encounter off.

That is the area of concern. No matter how thoroughly you screen, there has to be a mechanism of handling that encounter.  And I think you've covered that pretty well.

As for hypothesizing and stuff; my primary concern is that the women I book are women whose company I enjoy AND that they are not harmed in any way. As you well know, the marketing venues you inhabit are shared by trafficked women, etc. and it is important to me that first and foremost in my hobbying nobody gets hurt.

To that end, I have been working cooperatively with a forensic psychologist in developing protocols for analysis of the content of websites, advertisements and posts by providers. Most of these protocols have been integrated into automated multi-parameter Bayesian inferential analysis that allows posterior predictive checks via Markov chain simulation in a multivariate regression. In practice, it's a linux box with an integration of some custom modifications to existing software such as mysql, wget, grep, lexx, spam assassin and the like. It doesn't give concretes -- but probabilities of various things ranging from personality types and coercion to faked orgasms.

The results are fascinating to be sure but as an analysis useful to clients, legitimately beyond the reach of providers who, if they reverse-engineered its mechanisms might figure out more clever ways to be deceptive.

We ALL have our good days and bad days...  Thankfully the internet provides easy opportunity for support (as long as one can duck the trolls...which I think you effectively have. ;-) )

My best to you in all that you do,

xoM

A sensitive post and an unfortunate story.  And yet it works both ways. I recently saw a provider with whom I didn't hit it off -- roughly speaking, I like a slower GFE approach and she answered the door nearly naked and wanted immediate action.  I wrote a careful review with no harsh words and a 7 rating for performance.  She has reacted with increasingly irate emails, demanding that I change the rating, saying that she has attacked me on the provider board and that others will not see me because I'm a low rater, and that I should have known that she is almost PSE.  In fact, the 3 latest reviews available when I scheduled all mention sitting on the couch, chatting, and sipping wine. Moreover, I have given 9s in several other recent reviews. I'm sure that those clients who have awarded this provider 9s honestly got what they were looking for, but I honestly did not.  I hope to interact  with providers as one human being with another, and try not to treat them as simply objects.  The slow start is part of this. Because of this hope, I've been hurt more than I should be by this provider's uncivil behavior.

....to find a new Hobby!

Go check out the closest nursing home & pick up some ladies there.

youvegot2bkidding1164 reads

Ya know I just had to read your reviews and as a provider let me just say I would not see you based on your reviews.

First off...nearly naked..What do you expect? If I am correct in that I know who you are speaking about you are wayyyy off base.  Alot of ladies will answer the door in lingerie, however, I do not. Especially first time meeting.  Generally a dress or short shorts or even a mini skirt.  What the hell is wrong with that?  

As far as your ratings, well it is clear you are a low baller and for whatever reason not much makes you happy. You actually had the nerve to put whether orgasms were real or fake? then vocalizing over the top (geez)? then you didn't get a joint shower (ever think alot of ladies don't like this). These kind of men are very hard to please, however, no reason to take it out on the lady. If you don't click, just don't write a review. Sounds like to me you were just having a bad day right from the beginning. Next time have a positive attitude, relax and have fun. But be nice in your reviews.

For what you stated about the irate emails, demanding you change the rate and attacking you on the providers board.  Come on dude!!! You are soooo fabricating this crap it is pathetic and you know it!!! Now I do believe that she may have contacted you about the rating/words because we are human. We all have feelings. Maybe you really hurt her feelings when all she tried to do is provide a nice experience for you. We provide a FANTASY and we DO like to know the guys we meet are pleased.  Another thing, known she was almost PSE. What the heck is that all about? Guess you didn't read the reviews.  Opps, wait a minute yes you did.

You stated that others said she sat on the couch, chatted and sipped wine.  So my question to you is. Did you see her at her incall (where there is a couch) or a hotel room???  Chatted---were you able to hear her at all. Something tells me you were not able to communicate with her at all. Wine?? Did you bring a nice bottle of wine to share?? That might have been a nice touch and would have given her the clues that you like a nice glass of wine over a little chill time prior.

Providers uncivil behavior....hummm... I don't believe that for one minute.

Sure hope you can learn from your experiences and not take things out on others to where you were lacking!!!

-- Modified on 11/19/2010 8:38:24 AM

How horrible! Nearly naked! Did you, when you were setting up the session with the lady in question request an special outfit? A good provider is going to have clothing from mild to extra spicy. All you need to do is ask. Remember you are in the driver's seat in this situation. The lady is catering to your needs and wants.

You were surprised by her aggressiveness? Did you read her reviews? "I was greeting by a DFK" is in many of them. If you want a more slow paced session with more of a slow burn quality to it, then ask. I'm sure if it is something the lady is comfortable with she will agree. If not, there will be a polite no.

What this sounds like to me is a complete failure to communicate before the meeting. This is on you not her. Seriously dude.

skankazoid1336 reads

You now wonder how you'll pay your rent but in another sentence you say this job has been good to you and that you "made a lot of money."  Where did the money go?  Are you an example of the stereotypical "desperate" prostitute?

I think you have more important personal issues to resolve than worry about the nuances of this hobby.

Perhaps I was being a bit dramatic regarding my financial situation.  The wolves are not at the door yet!

Granted, I am pretty young and not awesome at handling money.  But I certainly don't spend crazily or do drugs, and, more importantly, don't need to defend how I handle my money to you.

How you deduced that I have "important personal issues" to resolve from the fact that I have stress about paying bills (and who doesn't these days!) I have no idea.

Odd point to pull out of the thread...with all the salient comments on human nature, how this business works, etc...the one thing that the poster pulled out was that the OP doesn't know how to handle money???  IMHO...a random point completely off the topic.

suitable for you.
I am baffled at some of the other responses, so I will give you an honest one. Find another line of work.
You yourself said you are a shitty provider. Take your tail and sit on a CEO's lap or better yet use your brain and earn a living doing something else. There, problem solved!

I'm annoyed at myself that I'm responding to your post first, instead of Megan (thank you Megan, I'm composing a complete response now. Thank you so so much, I believe your insight and direction will prove to be the turning point of my career) or the many men, who, unlike you, have a reading comprehension more advanced than a third grader.

I never said I was a shitty provider.  The overwhelming majority of my reviews are 8s, 9s, and 10s.  I am not PERFECTLY suited for this job, but I'm pretty damn close!

A review that was close to a 1. Don't you think that is a wake up call?
So I have a 3rd grade education for telling you what you don't want to hear?
You are welcome to skip over my replies and listen to some of the saps that are shedding tears for you.

no idea of the validity of your statements.  Mind you, we have no reason to disbelieve you either.

What I have learned in 8+ years of hobbying (I know, some don't like the term) is that in order to be a very successful provider, the lady needs to be a good actress as well.  There is no way in the world a lady is going to have chemistry with every guy she sees.

Good luck to you.

There are some providers that are very low volume and only see men that they have chemistry with.  And, because they are able to provide a truly sincere erotic experience, they are compensated quite well.

Perhaps that is the place in this industry for me.

All I want to do hug you and tell you it will be alright. Your insight, clarity and self-honesty are wonderful and refreshing.

You have revealed yourself to be a fine woman, and I for one would see you without hesitation without regard to any other attributes you might possess simply on the content of your post.

Thank you so much...obviously I needed a little warmth and kindness and ego-boosting, and you, along with many other thoughtful and kind commenters, delivered in spades- and I appreciate it vey, very much.

HonestProvider1119 reads

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but something isn't quite adding up.  If you have been in the business for five years, and only looked at this site for a few minutes total, how can your business come to a standstill because of a negative review?  It sounds like this site is not where you generate your business anyway if you're barely here.  I'd assume you advertise elsewhere, no?  Maybe focus back on your other positive sources of revenue.

Also, you mentioned that you are attractive and young and I assume that the bad review was completely off base or you wouldn't be so unhappy.  So if things were good for you before the review, why would you have trouble paying your rent after what I assume couldn't be more than one bad week?  As an attractive young escort with good skills, the earning potential and ability to accrue savings is astronomical!  I'm sorry, but reading between the lines, there has to be some other problem if you already are short on cash.  Why don't you have at least a month's savings sitting in the bank in case of an emergency?

As escorts, we have to be actresses.  Even the most honest and genuine escort is required to not only put on the happy face, but also CONVINCE the client that she truly adores and is hot for him.  It sounds like you did not do what he paid for.  Why else would he be so upset to write a terrible review unless he is just a complete, hateful jackass? (very well possible).   I respect you saying that you can't put on that happy face if you're not really into it, but it's pretty much a requirement if you want to be successful.  Short of him being an asshole, abusive, or smelly, you've got to do your job at 100%.  If he was that bad, you should have told him you had to go and he can keep the money, but you are not comfortable.

So I hope you don't take offense to anything I said, but there are two sides to every story.  And I think you are leaving our some of yours.

HP

What a great thread!  OK, some of her feelings are confused or slightly contradictory, but come on!  Why shit on her...or anyone?  We're not living inside the movie "Moonstruck," where Cher slaps the mopey Nick Cage character, says, "Snap out of it!" and cures him.
As for the scores in reviews, maybe the numerical part of it is a problem at TER.  It's hard to reduce something to a number, especially when everyone has his own interpretation of what the definition of said number means to them.  I've seen 7/7s where the verbal description verged on the ecstatic, so go figure.  I am, though, confused by the young lady's (I assume she's fairly young) statement that one awful review sank her business.  I've seen more than a few girls with an occaisional low score and I usually throw it out based on the inevitable bad chemistry date or low energy day.  Who among us is at their best 100% of the time?  Anyway, good luck to you, hon.  Gosh, I'd love to see some pictures and judge for myself whether I'd see you.  That's usually my first move before even reading a review.  If you look like I want to eat you with a spoon I'll check further.  If not, who cares what the reviews say.

-- Modified on 11/19/2010 9:00:14 AM

it does wake you up to how complacent we can get. It's sad to hear that you feel that one bad review in 5 years has stopped your phone from ringing.

You have felt this for awhile but couldn't quite get the words out. Now that you have only you can continue to play your role as you have or make some changes. When a lady becomes more needy than the man she sees none of her talent can cover her contempt for what she is doing or how she might feel about herself.

You are a very articulate young lady who's outside beauty will fail her since many men want the inner beauty more although they don't say that.  Ladies come in every shape and size and believe me they are all 9's and 10's in the end if they have given a man good companionship, the sensual fantasy he seeks and offered compassion and understanding. I know this is hard when a man seems not to care about how they touch you but more how they want to use you. Many don't understand that they are hurting you if you don't tell them and believe it or not most men want to please you.

You have compassion and understanding by how deeply you expressed yourself. You may continue to make your money as a spinner type and just offer a physical service without thinking about the rest. Many ladies do very well with this and make plenty of money. I don't understand why your phone isn't ringing except things are quiet all over the country. I don't know if you have more than that one bad review which doesn't do much except scare TER members away but anyone else can't see those bad marks. Are you a TER lady only or do you advertise on other sites. Many ladies don't allow reviews at all.

Kisses Haley

I have never been with a guy who wanted to hurt me. But, not all men are receptive to feedback or advice. Sometimes you can try to guide a man, but it doesn't always work...sometimes it's just hopeless, and the only way to make him happy is to act, act, act. Of course, acting is best when the actress can convince herself, can make herself feel what she needs to convey, but some pain pushes us to the point where we can think nothing but OUCH. I can name a few occasions on which I have felt truly tortured, and wondered if the guy was able to pick up on the agony in my moans, rather than the pleasure I was trying to convey. You can act to some extent, but you really can't fight your body after a certain point.

I have met some sweet guys who love it when you guide them, and some arrogant guys who just want to impress you and won't respond to feedback. Also some extremely insecure men...you have to tread on eggshells with their egos. Lots of guys like to do something that THEY think "should" give us pleasure. Maybe it's something they read in a magazine, maybe they tried it with another provider and she put on an Oscar-worthy performance. Even if you say it does NOT feel good, and that you like it "this way" instead, please...maybe they think that no one ever did it the way that they do it, or maybe they think that you'll change your mind if you give it a chance and "be open-minded." Guys can be very defensive about what they think are their "skills" (and, on the flip side of the coin, there are a lot of providers who act much the same way towards their clients). Much of our job is ego-stroking, and it doesn't always "pay" to be 100% genuine about what you really think.

-- Modified on 11/19/2010 8:54:42 AM

Radcow1042 reads

This like and dislike happens on both sides of the door and in this case, perhaps he was disappointed in you too. Now, writing untruths about looks and performance is not kosher, either. I suggest that when you meet these not so amazing men, you kindly invite them to leave. That would the prudent thing to do. Being a good actress is not a requirement, that is correct, but the only thing you can control who you let in your door. When you are trading your body for dollars, you don't get to call a mulligan. Decide that the person is truly not right for you that than be "fucking miserable." I've had only one situation where I knew it wasn't going to work. I paid an appropriate fee and asked my leave.

-- Modified on 11/19/2010 7:43:07 AM

You have semi bared your soul, some have been nicer than others in thier responses, but thats where the thick skin come in.  You did make it sound that a single bad review brought you here.  later said most of your reviews were high ones.  Being the curious cat type I would like to judge for myself as the reviews tend to average out.  It could be the jump start you need or the nail in the coffin.

Sometimes, if a single review is bad enough, it CAN sink a provider.

I remember watching a provider summer-before last with a couple pages of great reviews completely leave the business after one bad review. She was toast -- you could stick a fork in her, she was done. The complaints in the review referenced her hygiene and smell and were VERY powerfully descriptive. Certainly, after reading that review, 99.9% of men wouldn't have seen her.

Another theme that will sink a lady, because most guys are really interested in consensual sex, is a reference to her evident unwillingness, putting on a brave face, etc. Unless there is a page of nice reviews after, she's usually done. Time for a new profession.

So one bad review, if it is bad enough, and if she is only on TER -- CAN seriously damage a provider's business or put her out of business all together.

Nevertheless, I agree with you.

To hear her describe it, her phone isn't ringing. That one review must have been a doozy. Well, if her phone ain't ringing (but Ms. Orlando makes a solid point that business is down overall), revealing herself is not going to damage her further.

It might be in her best interest to reveal herself and let people see both sides of the story. Worst case scenario she gains nothing. Best case scenario, she gets a second lease on her profession.

The exception to this is the credibility of the hobbyist who did the review. There are some hobbyists out there who, if they gave her a bad review, will be believed over her even by providers -- at which point revealing herself would indeed drive a nail into the coffin.

shudaknownbetter886 reads

I find your thoughts very clear and honest.  I totally respect you for that.  
As for the damage to your business from a single review...  I rather doubt that.  Everyone here knows, or certainly should know, that chemistry is never guarenteed.  An honest reviewer should evaluate between a provider's honest attempts to give the services contracted (totally in a GFE mannor)...  and a provider who does not.  
ANYONE can get a bad review, for the reason stated.  I've seen low reviews of ladies I've been with...  & certainly the reviews were not justified.
I WILL read a low review, along with all the rest, of a provider I am considering because often I can see why the chemistry was not there...  many times a reviewer will say "not my type" but I saw her anyway.  Well whose fault is that?  NOT hers.  
Overall, I am willing to overlook 1 low review per page of reviews...  If I sense a lot of varying reviews, I question if she has preferances that are too strong for my taste.  Face it I'm no longer a stud-muffin!

But do not take this too hard.  If you have a number of good reviews, you will do fine.  Times are tough, maybe run a special.  Your regulars will not even be aware of a bad review.  
Best Wishes,
skb

LickityChat891 reads

Seems to me in a perfect world the providers should provide reviews of their clients. The feedback would provide the client with some in sight on the providers perspective of the time spent together and it would be also useful to other providers to help them gravitate to clients to whom they are uniquely suited... what the heck am I saying, is this a dating service or a P4P network......obviously some of he ladies may actually care how we treat them...

Here's the best way to deal with a bad review.......

Get 9 great reviews on top of it and push the shitty one off the page....

It's a harsh reality.  You can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try.

The fact that you did your best to bring your A game speaks volumes as to the kind of service you provide.

Expectations can be set so high by hobbyists and providers alike that often times if you don't hit that mark you'll want to lash out, especially when green is involved.

Any discerning person would know, or at least should, to read other reviews of you before deciding if you are the right one for them.

Like I said, you can't please everyone.

Best of luck.

Posted By: princesstomboy
Although I've been working in this industry on and off for over 5 years, this is the first time I've spent more than a couple minutes looking at this website, and I hope it isn't considered terribly uncouth to use the general discussion board as an anonymous sounding post/diary/therapist.  Also, readers, forgive me if I ramble.  As I said, I am using this board to organize my thoughts and see what they look like when they're not just rattling around inside my head.

What brought me on to TER tonight was, of course, a review of me.  A very very bad review.  I'm somewhat paranoid of revealing my identity, so let's just say appearance was close to 5 (I AM the "girl in the pictures," and I can say without hesitation or false modesty that I am young, thin, and very pretty by any standards.)

The performance rating, gentlemen, was closer to a 1.

Is it possible that a sensitive man has ever looked into my eyes during an appointment, and seen that, in my heart, I would rather be somewhere else?

Yes, it is possible.  Some men have a way of touching me that I cannot warm to, (I write this, I notice I am acutely embarrassed- as though I am a shitty provider, or a failure as a sexual being altogether) and during the duration of the appointment I continue to smile and wink and talk dirty and joke and do all the other things that are expected of me.

The problem is, I am not an actress.  Everything I feel shows on my face, and sometimes chemistry is so off with a client that I feel things like: shame, bitterness, sadness, irritation.  

And it shows.  But this happens very rarely.  And when it does happen, it, thankfully, mostly goes unnoticed.  But this time someone noticed, and it ruined their fantasy-it reminded them that they were paying for sex.  All of the sudden, to him, the room seemed cheaper, my body seemed flawed, the traffic outside was more grating.  I saw what had happened and threw him a grin and resolutely attempted to banish those thoughts by being the sultry little nymphet that am.

But I didn't do it well enough, so he wrote a review that was just as short, dirty, and cheap as he thought my services were, and as soon as that review was published, I Ceased To Have An Income.  My phone went silent, and right now I wonder how I'll pay my rent.

I'm not here to complain, though.  This job has been good to me.  I've met some amazing men, had a lot of fun, and made a lot of money.  I hope anyone who is still reading by now finds what they are looking for, and gets all the peace and happiness we all need so desperately.

And i wish the same for my reviewer: dude, I love you.  You could be my brother or my dad or my lover or my son. Even though you roughly grabbed at my breasts and crushed my tiny body under yours when you fucked me and I was fucking miserable the whole time, you are a person with as much pain and joy and as many stories and wishes as any other.

Let's keep this industry human, guys.

ButtStretcher1079 reads

A girl at work is nice and sweet. She is very conservative and says she is a boring person all the time. Many say she is uptight and her standards for living morale are high. She is god fearing and husband loving. Overrall she is a kind and good person. If she told me a sad story i would feel much emotion for her and lament becuase i know she is good and right.  With that said, i cant bring a tear out for you petty story.

I think we all seek it. It is the toughest position to get to whether in civie life,business,home or here in fantasy land.  Few of us want to deal with it when it comes but in reality it is very refreshing and I thank you for yours. I think we all reflect on why we do what we do, some shake it off as immediate gratification, revenge, escape, curiosity or boredom. At a base level we all have needs, some are further up the Maslow scale than others but we all get involved in this for some reason or need.

As it relates to your particular review, I believe that most of us throw out the high and the low and look for trends and common ground when we go to select our chosen mate. Don't worry about it, there are knuckleheads everywhere and it sounds like you found one that writes reviews.

best wishes." Don't sweat the small stuff" and by the way....It is all "Small Stuff"

However, I wanted to tell you that I'm impressed with how you've expressed yourself in your post. And, my response comes from taking your words at face value, and not fantasizing or assuming certain things happened or didn't happen.

The guy you described certainly overreacted to a perceived slight. Sometimes all it takes for someone to feel they've had a door slammed in their face, is for the other person's pupils to suddenly constrict, or his or her body suddenly going stiff. It's a deep narcissistic wound that has been touched upon when this occurs. There is very little either person can do in that moment, but to attempt to repair the rupture. But, often the wound is too deep to allow that to occur. Yet, given all of that, after that fact, each of us should put on our big boy, and big girl britches, and see the hobby for what it truly is, a not do personal damage to the other, out of spite.

Refreshing honesty.  Like many hobbyists, I have sometimes wondered what it would be like if the roles were reversed.  Not sure that I would manage as well as the many kind and lovely ladies I've met.  

I have only experienced one instance when the chemistry really didn't work at all.  Based on that, I wouldn't have been offended (and probably would have appreciated) if the young lady had simply suggested that we stop.  I know I had wished for that but felt oddly obligated to continue.  I'm in a professional services business myself and perhaps once every 5 or 7 years I have to just call a truce, balance the fee, and both parties walk away.  Just food for thought.

i admire your candor and openness. even though you are posting under an alias, the use of an alias is well advised here.

thre are many overly sensitive hobbyists who have a bit of the control freak about them as well. they use the review process and the board in an effort to push providers one way or another. they think of themselves as "real men" but are as sensitive as the title character in the fairy tail, The Princess and the Pea. they "go off" at the slightest lapse in performance but want to suppress any information about safety.... their feelings are really quite tender.

for the situation as you described it, the penalty that was exacted is really much, much too severe. if it had been me the most that would have happened is perhaps a point off the performance score. since i have high standards and am not the most desirable client, when an outing doesn't work (one side or the other) i simply don't review it. i also don't review when requested by ladies who are not on TER.

the only occasion in which i have posted a negative review it was a 7/5 becasue there was really intentionally obnoxious stuff happening. that review has since been withdrawn.

there are many in the hobby who prefer a mechanized approach to fulfilling their fantasies. thera are many of us who don't share that view. keep it human? sure. that means mistakes will happen. the wiser and more human among us will understand and forgive.

be well.

i missed that you were not posting under an alias. i'm even more impressed.

Wow, I didn't think when I initially posted this that there would be such a wealth of responses and such great discussion.  It's great to feel like a part of a community-this job can sometimes feel very lonely.

A lot of people have brought up my financial situation.  I may have been a bit dramatic in my post about "the rent."  The wolves are not quite at the door yet!  While I have been working as a provider for 5+ years, it hasn't been consecutive.  More often than not, I have been focusing my attention on school or another job, and as such, I haven't been able to accrue the great riches a full time provider deserves, nor have I had the time or motivation to parlay this job from a gig into a career.

More importantly, I feel that those questioning my money management skills are missing the entire point of my post.  Were a "normal person" to express worry about paying their bills, we would regard this as being completely normal and understandable, especially considering how rough things are these days.  However, when a provider expresses the same concerns, she is, in the words of an above poster, a "desperate hooker."

I'm reminded of I thread I saw a couple pages back where a guy asked "Do providers have husbands or boyfriends?" It's a simple question, likely prompted by innocent curiosity, but it immediately betrays the fact that many men see us providers as "other"- in this instance questioning if they are capable of falling in love or having romantic relationships!  It's this sort of thinking that prompted my plea that we think of each other as fellow human beings in full.

Finally, I'd like to address what many of you have been commenting on above: people who abuse the review system, and what the consequences are for everyone involved. 

So, back to my story...   

It shouldn't be overlooked that what went down here was that I had an appointment with a guy who, for whatever reason, pays for sex.  Now, that puts he and I in positions that are uncomfortable if only to the extent that they are unusual - namely, that whereas in a normal sexual exchange it is emotional currency being proffered, in this one the means are strictly financial, and thus an aura of "cheapness" or falsity or heartlessness arises.  

In other words, as a result of the substitution of money for emotional attachment in procuring sex, there is a tendency, conscious or not, to think of the provider as being emotionless (read: not entirely a "person").  The provider is thus objectified and any exploitation thereof justified or at the very least, it becomes easier for a customer to say things about that person and the act itself that they *never* would under normal circumstances.  The added anonymity and further human disconnect afforded by the Internet only serves to exacerbate this further.  

The end result is that the most tedious or trifling of unsatisfactory variables can be justified as reason to post a scathing review - or just as bad, squirt out some very low numbers with no justification and move on.  Did the reviewer in question have this in mind when he conceived his post? Certainly not, or else he wouldn't have given me the numbers and review that he did.  For comparisons sake - I was reading reviews on this site that had similar numbers, and they involved such things as actual theft, or an encounter so bad that it was either terminated early or caused lasting harm to the client.  To a non-premium user or a premium user who doesn't read the full explanation of the rating, there could be actual fear associated with booking an appointment with me - that's simply not fair, and I don't deserve to be in that company.  

Be honest with yourself when you think about this: what will catch your eye more, and make a larger impression: the review that has a 1 or a 2, or the ten reviews that precede it with sevens and eights?  The low score is shocking and interesting and therefore carries more weight - it also reinforces the natural tendency towards doubt and discomfort that we are all familiar with in these encounters, and therefore makes further negative reviews more likely!

Thanks again for letting me use this board to organize my thoughts and to vent.  Even if you disagree with me, I'm grateful that I'm part of a community that allows this sort of free expression.  


-- Modified on 11/19/2010 5:05:24 PM

Whether one party, the other or both were having a bad day, it's what stataticians call an outlier, and of little importance.

I like to see providers whom have shown a bit about themselves and make me feel welcome and comfortable.

Those things have been accomplished in this thread.

Exactly.  Now here's another version (hope I'm not taking this too far out into left field).  I've been part of a review thread on BGFE about the gal I saw last night.  She has more than 30 pages of glowing reviews that seem too good to be true.  So one poster pipes up that he smells a shill, or two, or three, or more.  He gets flamed by her loyal fans.  Then I see her for the first time and he pops up again, adding me to his shill list, and suggesting that my post sounds too much like some of the others and may have been written by the same guy.  Now I'm REALLY insulted because he's not only called me a shill but implies my writing style sucks -- or is at least derivative.  So I flame him back; cleverly, I hope.  
Point is, there's lots of silly shit that take place on these boards and some of us are quite casual about it, or let out egos get involved.  But the thing is, if we're careless, we're triffling with someone else's ability to make a living.  So everyone tempted to do it should step back, grow up and pull in his horns.

-- Modified on 11/19/2010 8:15:45 PM

Sounds like someone in control of posting and vetting reviews should have thrown this one out.  But then we wouldn't have been able to have this nice thread.  Still, would definitely have been better for you!

Posted By: inicky46
Sounds like someone in control of posting and vetting reviews should have thrown this one out.
Why? Bad reviews should be published.otherwise the whole reviewing system fails to work, and on this occasion the provider recognized her part on generating the bad review, but couldn't rescue the date. The grade sounds a little harsh, but 'a little' isn't too far off, having seen only one (admittedly honest and well-written) side of the story.  Another poster said something along the lines of "if you didn't have anything good to say then don't write a review...." Why? Those are the ones I want / need to read if I'm considering a provider.

Heres' the flip side... I reviewed a previously unreviewed provider a week or so ago - had a spectacular time in all kinds of good ways. Got a bunch of emails from interested people... mentioned it to the agency involved (when booking a repeat) and they said they'd had over 900 page views, which had generated lots of interest. You reap what you sow, can't have it both ways...

I can only speak for my own intentions as a reviewer: Grade high when deserved, grade low when deserved, recognize the difference between lack of chemistry and lack of effort, and the times when YMMV.

PrincessTomboy - Good luck. You write like you'd be good conversation and company, regardless of the review.

OK, fair enough, and I am new at this Internet version of the game.  But...when someone who's gotten nothing lower than a 7 gets a 1...well you've gotta wonder if something's outta whack, don't ya?  And shouldn't someone running the show be the person to wonder?  Should there not be at least a little interchange between the moderator and the poster in such cases?  Maybe there was, in which case, fine.  But it would be nice to know.  I certainly want, and need, accurate reviews.  But the one in question here seems, if the OP is accurate, to be an outlier.  Just sayin'.

Moderators have less to do with reviews than you do.  I don't write them, approve them, and rarely even read them.  I do know that in the normal course, there is no interaction between TER and the parties.  As I've said before, 680,000 reviews in, the system isn't likely to change much.

Oh my goodness! Girl, I just had a very similar experience!! I actually found this post because a good friend thought it was me, writing about the terrible experience I just had with a client. Our chemistry was off, he made me extremely uncomfortable, and afterwards he wrote me a nasty review even though I remained polite and sweet to him the entire time. I know what you're going through and how you feel, and its not fair. Sometimes people don't click. Does that mean you deserve an awful review that will hurt both your feelings and your ability to support yourself financially? Absolutely not.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Keep your head up and remember that this will pass and positive reviews and experiences will once again come forward.

Posted By: princesstomboy
Although I've been working in this industry on and off for over 5 years, this is the first time I've spent more than a couple minutes looking at this website, and I hope it isn't considered terribly uncouth to use the general discussion board as an anonymous sounding post/diary/therapist.  Also, readers, forgive me if I ramble.  As I said, I am using this board to organize my thoughts and see what they look like when they're not just rattling around inside my head.

What brought me on to TER tonight was, of course, a review of me.  A very very bad review.  I'm somewhat paranoid of revealing my identity, so let's just say appearance was close to 5 (I AM the "girl in the pictures," and I can say without hesitation or false modesty that I am young, thin, and very pretty by any standards.)

The performance rating, gentlemen, was closer to a 1.

Is it possible that a sensitive man has ever looked into my eyes during an appointment, and seen that, in my heart, I would rather be somewhere else?

Yes, it is possible.  Some men have a way of touching me that I cannot warm to, (I write this, I notice I am acutely embarrassed- as though I am a shitty provider, or a failure as a sexual being altogether) and during the duration of the appointment I continue to smile and wink and talk dirty and joke and do all the other things that are expected of me.

The problem is, I am not an actress.  Everything I feel shows on my face, and sometimes chemistry is so off with a client that I feel things like: shame, bitterness, sadness, irritation.  

And it shows.  But this happens very rarely.  And when it does happen, it, thankfully, mostly goes unnoticed.  But this time someone noticed, and it ruined their fantasy-it reminded them that they were paying for sex.  All of the sudden, to him, the room seemed cheaper, my body seemed flawed, the traffic outside was more grating.  I saw what had happened and threw him a grin and resolutely attempted to banish those thoughts by being the sultry little nymphet that am.

But I didn't do it well enough, so he wrote a review that was just as short, dirty, and cheap as he thought my services were, and as soon as that review was published, I Ceased To Have An Income.  My phone went silent, and right now I wonder how I'll pay my rent.

I'm not here to complain, though.  This job has been good to me.  I've met some amazing men, had a lot of fun, and made a lot of money.  I hope anyone who is still reading by now finds what they are looking for, and gets all the peace and happiness we all need so desperately.

And i wish the same for my reviewer: dude, I love you.  You could be my brother or my dad or my lover or my son. Even though you roughly grabbed at my breasts and crushed my tiny body under yours when you fucked me and I was fucking miserable the whole time, you are a person with as much pain and joy and as many stories and wishes as any other.

Let's keep this industry human, guys.

..most men are commercially supporting a performance that will transform the provider into someone they have imagined in their lifetime. They are paying for a mini vacation, with someone the provider is not.

The ironic part is, whatever his expectations are for the provider, the hobbyist may not change into anyone else other than the person that he is, and sometimes that's a bad thing for everyone involved. The hobbyists persona and/or physical being or sexual awareness may affect said performance of the provider. If a hobbyist gets it right, he's rewarded handsomely. But many times, he doesn't put enough into a session, he's not prepared, or doesn't care, because he feels superior because of the transaction. Every now and again,  because of lack of effort, he is reminded of himself, what he is, who he is, what and why of his existence, like looking in the mirror at someone he cannot change, because he is asking the provider to pull off the miraculous, and instead he see's her reaction as the reflection of himself.

So instead, he see's himself, and his dysfunction. And this is what he reviews.

It's not the providers fault.

He saw himself, and became angry. So this is essentially a review of himself.

The true experienced gents will toss out the low scores if they see they are from low scoring guys like this. They know, regardless of any amount of financial support, chemistry is a two way street that you can't cheat.

Chemistry my ass.  I am tired of hearing about 'chemistry'.  SEX WORK IS NOT DATING.  All this 'chemistry' shit is an excuse by amateurs.  Professional companions who are truly great don't make excuses.  They do the job, and do it well.  How many romantic movies do you think Hollywood would produce if the directors and producers first always had to find two leading actors in love?  How many porn movies do you think there'd be if everyone on film had to be truly desperately aroused?

Sure, it's great when there's good chemistry between a client and provider.  But even if there isn't, the client should expect to have a good time, and the provider should expect to get paid.  I don't assume that a bank manager has to like me in order to oversee my money responsibly, or that a doctor has to like me in order to diagnose my illness correctly.  It's why I pay them.  And why they expect to be paid.

Not every client is going to be Richard Gere, ladies.  In fact, none of them will be.  So what?  Richard Gere didn't pay very well, and if he really loved Julie Roberts, he would have set her up in her own business at the end of the movie rather than just buying her outright with a little act and some flowers.  She was cheap!

Posted By: BashfulJohn

Sure, it's great when there's good chemistry between a client and provider.  But even if there isn't, the client should expect to have a good time, and the provider should expect to get paid.  I don't assume that a bank manager has to like me in order to oversee my money responsibly, or that a doctor has to like me in order to diagnose my illness correctly.  It's why I pay them.  And why they expect to be paid.
!
That is a great paragraph.

That is a great paragraph! Is it?!

If you waltz into a bank and are rude to the cashiers or went to the doctor's office and were rude and abusive to the receptionist, the bank manager or the physician would definitely have some choice words with you and if the pattern continues, you shall be looking for an alternative bank or doctor. In essence, "the management always reserves the right to serve anyone, even if that is you!" No one is saying that a Provider, Bank Manager or a Doctor is supposed to have real emotions or "chemistry" with their clients, but let us not overlook the fact that 2 out of 3 aforementioned professionals, will not have their personal body orifices stuffed by their client! Anyone who simply compares this profession to that of a Bank, a Physician or an Attorney is simply FCUKING NUTZ!!!

"Anyone who simply compares this profession to that of a Bank, a Physician or an Attorney is simply FCUKING NUTZ!!!"


...Maybe I should have compared prostitution to a therapist, home-nurse, or masseuse?

All those people are still expected to do a good job regardless of whether they feel a zing.  Sure they can refuse a client, but if they accept the money, they are expected to do a good job.  I'm not saying that sex work isn't hard.  It's often a really really hard job.  But it's still a job.  Do it right or get out.

I am sick of people -- both clients and providers -- who think prostitution is just all about being a hole with a person attached.

Think of it this way, Bashful:

Somewhere out there, probably in most cases, you're point is correct.
A provider doesn't have or care about any chemistry, and she is willing to make fuss, put up a great front, act turned on, be glad to see you, tell you you are bigger than the last guy, be amazed that you made her really have an orgasm, tell you you're the best DATY she ever had, and pretend that the money was incidental as you get your rocks off, then, once you're gone, she showers twice, gargles three times, and laughs over how pathetic a human (and lover) you are, and not at all amazed that you needed to pay for it with your shit-for-care attitude about the female gender, which she probably thinks you expose to any woman you come into contact with, all the while glad you're so fucked up that it enables her to earn a living.

But I'm sure this never happens to you.

Sorry Marcus, but I don't understand your point.

Princess:  You're a businesswoman providing a service in exchange for money.  Yes, it's going to hurt when you get a bad review.  But it hurts no less when a restaurant gets bad reviews on Yelp, or an actress gets panned by the critics, or a scientist gets his paper rejected by a professional journal.  Welcome to the professional world.  The good thing is -- and this is indeed a great thing -- the bad review bothered you.  It shows that you actually care about the work you do, and want to do better.  You're already gotten some great advice here about arranging the job so you can preferentially deal with clients that will be easier for you to please.  And eventually, with more experience and confidence, maybe you'll find it easier to fake what the client wants even if you're hating it.  It's part of the job.  Different girls have different strategies for dealing with difficult clients.  Some find one little thing they like about the guy and concentrate on that one thing.  Some simply focus on giving an Oscar-worthy performance.  Others fantasize.  Whatever works for you.  Remember that sex work is NOT dating.  A bad review is just a bad review of your service that particular day; it's not a condemnation of you personally.  What you do is NOT who you are, any more than Daniel Radcliffe is an orphan wizard or Arnold Schwarzenegger is a robot from the future.

I'm surprised, after this many years in the business, that this sort of thing is suddenly a problem.  Or are you spinning some damage control on these message boards?  If so, my kudos. If not, good move anyway -- Don't be ashamed of good advertising.

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