TER General Board
princesstomboy-one bad review will not make or break you. I realize that in the immediate, it's hard to see beyond the blow to the ego or the fears of ruination...but if you have other consistent reviews of different marks, most savvy gents know that there are situations where chemistry is not always going to be there and that is not necessarily a reflection on you. If this person was as harsh in his review as he sounds, he may have that general tone in how he reviews others (even with better scores) and this is something that other reviewers can also see and note... Remember that the economy is in a rocky place right now...girls with stellar reviews are complaining in some places about their phones not ringing. I think it's easy to focus on the bad review as the cause, but there are other things at play too...so don't let that be your focus or your defeat. You have things well within your power you can do to continue to cultivate and keep your business alive, and to bounce back and keep moving forward. 
But let me address the idea of being a provider that is here by circumstance, not entirely by choice. You may be operating by your own choice to some degree, but it sounds like you are not happy or empowered by escorting, and are looking for your first opportunity out. You are not alone in your experience...
I think when one is operating out of necessity, always looking for when that exit door is finally going to present itself, it's difficult to think about your business in long term strategies. What is important is the immediate, and usually short sighted. You may have specific goals, so you may have tunnel vision there keeping you from seeing the big picture... You might be able to see the long term consequences of bad reviews, but do you see the long term consequences of how you operate your business today, and on a day to day basis? Here are some things I've learned about what creates success and longevity in escorting. These are things that have worked for me, but that does not mean they will work for everyone. Take what seems to speak to you as truth, and leave what doesn't. 
1.) The happier you are providing, the more money flows in your direction. The opposite is also true... Abundance flows to those that figure out how to be happy in life, however you manage to convince yourself of that. When one gets funky or depressed, it's like the universe knows it and stops sending business your way. You have to find a way to stay as much on the right side of this universal law of attraction to keep money and business flowing your way. You cannot fake it to the universe with a smile and forced engagement...you have to figure out how to recognize and honor your own boundaries, and possibly expand them...but only at your own pace and comfort level.
2.) There are so many possible options of ways to market yourself, you should be able to cater your services to be about what YOU enjoy and still make money at it. You need to do some deep introspection here to figure out where your boundaries are, what your likes and dislikes are, what type of clients you want to see, and what type you want to avoid. You have the power to set up your business in any way you want, but you have to know where these likes/dislikes are before you can implement them through your marketing and screening. If you do not take your own comfort level/boundaries/needs into account, you are doing yourself a disservice and treating YOURSELF like nothing more then an object...how can you expect anyone else to treat you different if you don't honor yourself first?? If you have moral upbringing in the back of your head judging yourself about doing this job, tell it to fuck off... You are doing what you need to do for yourself, for whatever reason, and it takes STRENGTH and COURAGE to do something you would rather not for the sake of necessity or survival. The rub is finding a way to make it work for you and not take you down in the process...find that balance.
Now if you've got sexual issues to work through, this *can* be difficult to navigate. Our job requires we give of ourselves in very intimate ways, and some of this can trigger old wounds or trauma. But this is also a place where we can redefine and own our sexual experiences, and it is a place where one can find healing and empowerment also. If you want to talk more about this, contact me through the info in my review profile.
3.) Learn to say "no" to some money. Some money is just not worth it...whether the guy is an arrogant ass that is going to treat you like a cheap piece of meat, or it's someone that wants you to do things you really aren't in to... The damage far outweighs the immediate and short lived rewards. Trust that you will be better off, and that better money and experiences will come to you instead. Repeat it like mantra when you are turning away those other clients, and keep saying it until you believe it.
4.) Never underestimate the power of a good support system. If you are living a double life, that is DRAINING. Ever day you are lying and telling half truths, trying to keep in all woven together, and constantly fearing being found out. This is one of the biggest contributors to burn out. If you have friends that love you unconditionally that you can confide it, do it! (but only if you know you can trust them implicitly...) Even if they don't understand everything you are doing, it helps to know that people love you unconditionally and are there for you. Also cultivate relationships with other ladies in the business where you can vent and get feedback. Be mindful that it's easy to want to jump in too deep too fast with other providers because we can be so starved for a place to be completely honest about what we are doing... Close friendships take years to develop, and this should also be considered in escort friendships. Networking is different then friendships, but both are a means of support.
5.) Set realistic goals, and celebrate them when you get them. This helps you see you are moving in the direction you want, not just spinning your wheels.
6.) Find ways to stay balanced and grounded outside of sex work. Whether it's taking a yoga or pottery class or just taking time to take a walk in the park, find something that is all about YOU and make time in your schedule to do it. Since we are using our body in our work, be sure to find ways to nurture and replenish ourselves with self care, pampering, massage, etc.
I hope this helps you in some way. I realize that some of what I say may not fit your circumstances, but I am a firm believer that we can flip our perspective to make our experiences whatever we want. While sex work may not be the job you dreamed of, there are benefits and rewards to our work that are not found in most other industries, including the ability to be complete autonomous about every decision we make. You have the power to set up your experience the way you want it, and I think many sex workers feel they have to cater to the market instead of focusing on finding their niche and comfort zone.
BTW-I love that you can still send this guy love even though you did not want to *really* be servicing him, plus his review. This is exactly part of what I'm talking about in being able to flip stuff where you want it to be...now can you figure out how to do that for yourself?? It's not an easy task but it is a life changing one.
My best to you in all that you do!
xoMegan
I am as equally impressed by your post as I have been by Ms. Morgenson's.
There is no good place to start, so I start with this. I agree with, and you should pay attention to, the overwhelming sentiments here, and ignore those who are obviously in perpetual bad moods. They're trolls and that is that.
I'm not going to say I wish you weren't having this experience. Not that I don't feel anguish when a fellow human is having a hard time. To the contrary, I do to a fault. However, I believe these experiences to be necessary and I feel from your post that you are better equipped (at least intellectually) to weather this than most folks.
Every provider, I am sure, must go through this. Some have thick skin and shrug it off, and others take it more/too personally. Not being able to make every client believe it's a P4P session is not the mark of a bad provider. However, continuing in a session that clearly isn't working for either party is the mark of using bad judgement, and doing so repeatedly would constitute unprofessional behavior and a lack of judgement. Clearly you aren't there.
There is a very fine line between conjuring the fantasy on your part, and believing it on our part. A nice way of saying "you lie, and we pretend to buy it." To a degree, your pretending that your enjoying it will lead to enjoying it in more circumstances that you would otherwise. It also makes it more difficult to step back when the fantasy isn't working and to now be completely honest and say, "Hey, this isn't working. Do you want to continue, or take your money and go?"
Hindsight is 20/20, and moving forward, what do you do? What you don't do (as some will) is pester the client to re-write the review. It's counter-productive, creates way too much drama and angst for everyone involved.
When I look at reviews, I tend to toss those that don't fit the averages and look for patterns in the text of the remaining reviews. I also look at the extremes to see what was going on there as well. How much weight they get depends on a lot of factors. I think other potential clients (that have been here a while) tend to do the same.
I would tend to agree that publicly outting yourself here has mostly potential benefits. First, you obviously have a profile, so you might as well take advantage of the boards and advertising here. A second benefit, is if folks read the review in question, they'll make their own judgement (it's not that hard to tell when such a low scores are given but not warranted). In fact, if the review text is inaccurate or does not match the ratings there is potential recourse through TER admin.
You're much more believable because of the evenhanded nature of your response. i.e. you didn't blame the client. I think this also is an indication that outting yourself publicly would be more likely a good thing. As cautioned, look at the review history of the client in question before making any gross accusations, but you have taken responsibility for your part, so I think that is a moot point.
I wish you luck in whatever choice you make. It would be nice to have another articulate voice on the boards. Just remember, we're all not always this nice
We ALL have our good days and bad days... Thankfully the internet provides easy opportunity for support (as long as one can duck the trolls...which I think you effectively have. )
My best to you in all that you do,
xoM
I know how you boys love to theorize about our work...how it works, and how it doesn't. Yes, it's fascinating stuff, for sure! Fascinating...and honestly, not for any of you to try and hypothesize about too much. Yes, I know ladies tell you things about how they set up their business. Some of it might be true. Some of it might be hype. Some of it might be a mixture of both. But you will never really know, and it's really meaningless to escorts to have clients tell them what they think will or won't work re: marketing strategies. I'm hoping this is coming out nicely, but also plainly. This is not an area that clients should be giving advice on.
But since you brought it up, I will address a few points that you are trying to touch upon...
In regards to being more selective in what client base or pricing structure one operates at, there are many factors at play for the women that do this, and do it well. (and FYI-transition is never easy...or quick...) In most instances, the criteria is not for a client that is a "total package" in a traditional dating setting, but rather the *right* mix of whatever criteria is most important to that particular sex worker to be happy doing her job. We all have our different turn ons and turn offs, and if the most important priorities are met, others can be sometimes forgiven. Instincts about chemistry can be developed...there are things that are unspoken that some escorts can pick up on through email or phone, although this skill is better in some then others.
Also, there are times when chemistry *develops* over multiple encounters. There are times when I have met men that might not have knocked my socks off on the first date or two, but as we've continued to get to know each other, perhaps allowing them to relax a bit more and let their walls down, amazing stuff can eventually happen 3, 4, or 5 encounters in. The beauty about being more selective isn't that there is going to be magic every time, but that the ratio of dates that might not be exactly on par with a providers own tastes are a smaller percentage, making the dates with average chemistry have less weight in the overall picture, with less impact on morale.
Magic doesn't happen every time. That's what most of us are shooting for, but it's not realistic. All any of us can do is try our best, each and every day. If one is pro-active in business strategies that help build and maintain morale, the likelihood of magic happening increases as there is no negative energy lingering from other experiences to get in the way. When the majority of the experiences one has are positive, it makes the couple so-so ones not seem as bad (ergo may be handled differently...) as they might if one was shooting 50/50 odds on enjoyment in their dates.
And if the guy in front of me with the stuffed envelop was really someone I wasn't connecting with? I would kindly and gently tell him to keep his hard earned money and spend it on someone that will connect and appreciate him better then I can. (One of my points above was about learning to walk away from money when needed...) And yes, I've stopped a date 20 min. in, in the middle of private time, for a simple lack of chemistry that was more then what I could roll with on that particular day. It was not an easy thing to do, but it was the right thing when one structures their business based on more then just the immediate need of cash, which anyone can do, even if they are motivated by circumstance. BTW-after he got over the initial blow to the ego (I was kind, but there is still a sting there...), he thanked me later and wanted to still send me money for my time.
Rubber, meet road.
xoMegan