Thinking this will start some good discussion.

Here is my scenario.  Had a business trip last week.  Originally had the whole day booked with business appointments.  About 5 days out, one appointment cancels leaving me with a 3.5 hour open block in the middle of the day, but too late to schedule a new business appointment.

What to do with my new found time in a strnge city.  I am sure the folks on this board would have many marvelous and some humorous suggestions.  One came to my mind and I started a search here on ter.  Found and email a few lovely ladies.

Lovely Lady #1 (LL1) replied and we went through screening successfully.  While his was going on, Lovely Lady #2 replied and asked for screening information that I am unable to reply.  My office has no admin/receptionist/secretary/switchboard so there is no way to verify my work number. Cannot be done.  Found this out when I refincanced my house a few years back.  I politely explained to LL2 that I would be unable to meet her screning requirements, offered reference sites, etc and indicated that if these were not acceptable, then I wished her a happy life, but we would be unable to meet.  No immediate reply from LL2, so she is out of hte picture and moving forward with LL1.

So now 3 days out, I send email confirming appointment time with LL1. We have had several email exchanges at this point, but to this no response.  It was the weekend and I was busy, so not to worried.  Finally day before, I follow up again and get a short email confirming we are on.  I reply asking how to contact her the next day and provide my cell number.  She says thanks and she will call/text me in the morning. (Sorry for the long story, but setting the scene and my frame of mind).  

Morning comes, flights are all on time and first business meeting goes well.  Peridically checking phone - no calls or texts.  I send a follow up email.  Second meeting goes well and now I am ready for my break.  Still no calls or texts.  An hour out I send another email.  No reply.  

However, I do have an email from LL2 saying that we may be able to work out the screening.  

Finally the appointed hour arrives and I have no calls, no texts and no replies to today's emails.  I guess I am being stood up.  

What to do with myself sitting here ready for a great time with no dance partner.  

I email LL2 and tell her I was stood up and ask if she is in the same area I am.  She quickly replies that she is.  I ask her to call me to discuss.  She is not in a place where she can talk.  So I email that it appears I am now open for the next 2.5 hours and is she available.  LL2 replies that she is available in 1 hour ans asks for my IDs on reference sites.

While I am looking them up to reply (no, I don;t have them memorized), LL1 finally texts me saing her cell phone battery died and she is ready for me and provides the location.  (This is now 15 minutes after our scheduled start time.)

Oops, what to do now.  I think quickly an decide that I really should stick with LL1 since I had made a formal commitment.  I dash for the cab and enroute I email LL2 saying that LL1 contacted me, thank her for the possibility, promise to send the verification information over later and hope we can meet next time.  This is about 8 minutes after she offered the hour from now appointment.

Off to a great time with LL1.  Afterwards in the cab back, I see the offended email from LL2 accusing me of playing games and telling me not to bother contacting her again.

So the point of this is not to save the situation with LL2, we will see what happens there (I sent an email explaining).

My questions are:
1) Did I look to jump to LL2 too soon?  How long should you wait before deciding No Call No Show?
2) Was jumping to LL2 a fair plan?
3) Once LL2 offered a time, was I now committed?
4) Are there so many "game players" out there that every scenario gets tarnished with that brush?

Thanks!

To wit, I had a fucked up morning once and the provider waited two minutes after our scheduled time to publicly going ballistic.  There just isn't anything you can do in that situation but take your beating like a big boy and move on.

I have had providers no-call, no-show six times now. More so early in the hobby when I was naive, but also from some of DCs top providers.  In two of those scenarios I quickly made other arrangements and ended up finding my two ATFs that way.  Life is strange sometimes, blah blah blah.

To your specific questions:

1) Did I look to jump to LL2 too soon?  How long should you wait before deciding No Call No Show?

Absolutely not.  Given the shit I have put up with from unreliable providers (and they are very much THE EXCEPTION before I have to take another beating like a big boy....) I no longer have the tolerance.  If it is 30 minutes before meeting her and I still have no fucking idea HOW to meet her, I am moving on to plan B.  You waited too long in my opinion.

2) Was jumping to LL2 a fair plan?

Not only was it fair, it was wise.

3) Once LL2 offered a time, was I now committed?

Yes.  She was right to be pissed.  You got that one wrong.  Don't beat yourself up, this is a difficult market dominated by Type A personalities.  It is hard to know the right thing to do in the heat of the moment sometimes.  but you did get that one wrong.

4) Are there so many "game players" out there that every scenario gets tarnished with that brush? Thanks!

Yes.  Yes there are.  Nothing to add there.

I will only deal with one provider at a time... It keeps things simple for both the parties..

You did couple of things that I wouldn't do...I will call them mistakes, but you can call them whatever you want - perhaps "lessons learned".

I would never schedule an appointment with 3.5 hrs of open block. Shit happens. If you were hobbying in DC area, the smallest fender bender on the highway can derail the scheduled appointment.

The other thing I wouldn't do is try and juggle two ladies at once...If first one doesn't pan out. No big deal. Some other day....Some other time... Personally for me its no big deal if I don't get laid. This thing is called "hobby" for a reason. Its supposed to be recreational. It shouldn't be stressing you out..  Its not like you are going to bed without food or much needed medicine - although some people treat it that way.

Third thing I would not do is I would not show all my cards to the opponent in this proverbial game of poker. What was the need to babble to the 2nd lady that you had shit scheduled with another lady and wanted to cancel. You could have just made some shit up.. OK. Now, I am not advocating dishonesty, but you started out with a shitty decision (to juggle two ladies) and dug yourself in a deeper hole with another shitty decision.

Oh well... Playing games it is... At least from the 2nd lady's POV.

Lessons learned...I hope.

-- Modified on 1/23/2013 7:09:06 AM

I guess her computer was dead too so she couldn't send you an e-mail. She was playing  some kind of game with you, that's for sure. Maybe her supposedly better deal fell thorugh so she finally replaced her 'dead' battery. You kept your end of the bargain by waiting for 15 minutes. You are entitled to go to your backup once she stood you up. The only so called mistake is not keeping your commitment to your backup, in my humble opinion.

#1.  No.  Your window was short, so further delay might prevent anything from happening.
#2.  Yes.  Lack of return confirmation on the morning from LL1 already put the appointment in some doubt.
#3.  Somewhat committed but not irretrievably.  LL2 not likely to have anything else booked for that time on the short notice, so no lost opportunity cost for her and also she likely didn't invest a lot of prep time and no travel time before your cancellation.  LL2 has the right to feel whatever ire she felt, but to me a mild annoyance is all that was justified.  Wouldn't she want to be treated as you treated LL1 if she were in her place?  Either choice was justified, IMO. You would have been justified to tell LL1 that you booked a backup since you hadn't heard from her all day.  
#4.  Don't know, haven't met too many.

if she didnt confirm once the appt time comes the date is off. it is just her bad luck about her phone.

yes if she called me 15 min late I would have said "sorry I made other plans"

Speaking from my own experiences, I can sometimes just take some time off from work to go play, but I have to put some effort and resources into covering my time away and arranging transportation.  I wind up with some very specific windows of time, and I need to have things arranged by a certain point, or I move on.

I always make it clear that I expect a definite confirmation the day before, and there needs to be a more definite contact plan than "she will email me sometime, probably before 3:00 PM".  It helps if you can be forthright about everything else, so she doesn't think you're lining up four options to pick from at go-time.  I've talked with guys who did something like that, and while I understand having a backup plan, don't make promises you won't keep.

I've been known to sometimes contact a potential backup and say, "Hey, I might have some time on Day X, here's my screening information, would it be OK if I check in with you if my schedule frees up?"  If she says, "Nope, only talking to people who will book specific times", then I move on; no harm, no foul.  You would be surprised at how many tentative responses you can get, though. (It sounds creepy to call this "putting out feelers", so I don't.)  Everyone understands about schedule holes, and as long as you're not inflicting one on them, many people will work with you, if you've given them enough advance notice.

I make sure that Plan A has been told that I need to hear from her by a certain time, or I consider us non-confirmed.  I give myself enough time that I can start checking in with Plans B, C, and D... and I also keep open the idea that things might just fall through.  It's not the end of the world, aggravating though it might be.

For your particular questions...

#1 -- You gave LL1 plenty of time -- too much, IMO.  You were totally justified in exploring other options.  At 1 hour before game time, I'm already on my way; if I haven't heard from her, she has missed the deadline.

#2 -- It was totally fair.  

#3 -- Depends on the way it was worded.  If you said, "I'd love to see you, here's my window and my screening info, what can you do?" and she comes back with a time in that window, you made a commitment.  If instead you said, "I'm available in this window, how about you?", and she said, "I am able to do Time X if you pass screening", that was simply an "inquiry with intent", so to speak.  You were doing something more than "kicking the tires", but it doesn't get to the level of "made an appointment".  Based on what you've written here, I think you were approaching the line, but veered away before you got too close.  LL2 is probably annoyed that she felt a fish nibbling at the hook, but she couldn't set it; some effort in securing customers is to be expected.

#4 -- Yes.  It doesn't take a lot of people pissing in the pool before people get nervous about putting their face in it.  You gave LL2 too much information; you should have just said, "Things have come up and my availability has just disappeared.  Thanks for your effort in screening me, and I hope we can meet up sometime soon."  Now, she can't save face, and has to accept that the opportunity was lost.