As I posted in the subject line above his story rings true. Why stay married ? My wife is my best friend and except for the lack of sex,any sex ,she is the perfect woman for me.
I was married two years to my current wife before I starting seeing escorts .It was either that or divorce . To me divorce was not what I wanted. Hobbying has saved my marriage ,it has saved me. Between marriages ,my sex life was great and varied. In fact my last gf before meeting my current wife was a nude dancer. Except for a violent streak that she exhibited,I was pretty close to marrying her.Finances are not an issue as my wife and I keep them seperate.I learned this lesson from my first wife.
Looking at porn doesn't do it for me.I need sex and intimacy.I need to touch ,hold and kiss a woman. I need her to return it. Now it is more mental than physical satisfaction I look for. After a great encounter I feel alive and I am. When I started hobbying ,it was when I traveled on business. I had a rule ,not in my backyard. This year I've broken that rule. I've found several ladies near me. As it turns out, they are the best as they meet all my needs,which are quite varied . Besides, they are phenominal women. To them ,I say thank you for being there . Because of you, I am more mentally alive now than anytime in my life.My only regret is that there a financial limit.Megamillions would solve that.
Te thread below of a similar topic got long so I thought I'd post a new one along with providing an opportunity for others who have been busted to provide their story. This is kinda long but I think it's good reading and may help others. I am a long time hobbyist (13 years plus) and a long time member of TER. Hence, I post annoymously for this thread so I can speak freely.
How did I get here? I didn't really get busted in the old fashion way of my wive cold busting me, I kinda confessed.
BACKGROUND: I'm in the 16th year of my second marriage. I dont count my first marriage as that one lasted only 10 months (we mutually agreed that it wont work and parted ways). Literally on the wedding night of my second marriage I got the sign the intimate side of our relationship was not going to be good. My wife suggested we wait for some nebulous romantic reason that was a cover for her apparent lack of intimacy. I ignored it. Now here we are 16 years later, with 3 children mind you, and our sex life is virtually non-existent. In the sixteen years we've been married I only slightly exaggerate that we have had sex 16 times. Overall, I can honestly say I love my wife and when I add it all up, all is good except for the sex. Prior to marriage I had a very healthy sex life. I'm Tall, handsome, former college level athlete, educated and, I know how to fuck (consistently confirmed in and out of the hobby). I've turned down more sex than I've had in the real world. DSCLAIMER - the characterization of my sex life is not based on ego as I have no need to lie here as it serves no purpose. Actually writing this is kinda cathartic. Thanks TER.
GETTING BUSTED: after 4 - 5 years of very limited sex I moved from porn/jerking off to the provider world. I participated guilt free and almost as an afterthought when it came to factoring in the moral side of the equation. After years of hobbying my participation grew to me spending almost half of every other day planning rendezvous with providers in the DMV and when I traveled to other ciites on business. I will say here that based on my overall experience DC is the best city for hobbying....thank you ladies.
My outting came due to money. I am not rich, but do OK enough to where my wife does not need to work and we still can live a relatively economically stress free life. However, when the numbers began to not add up based on what I was making and what was in the bank the questions began. When this happened I simply came clean and told my wife I was seeing escorts on the average of $$$ a visit. She of course was hurt. Then begat the conversation of not "what" but "why." And she agreed and even apologized for putting me in the situation of having to choose between porn/jerking off and seeing escorts because our sex life is so woeful." We are currently in the process of working through our issues. Overall, a couple does not go from 16 years of virtually no sex life to 100% commitment sex that is fullfilling overnight.
Hence, simply turning off the spiket on having stress free, fantasy level sex with attractive ladies whenever you want is easier said than done. I have not been with an escort for over a year now. However, I have supplemented with the occassional visit to my favorite AMP of HE massage therapist. The inate sex drive thing is very powerful. I must admit the routine of "going on the hunt" via the escort malls like EROS, Backpage, etc is hard to fight on some days. So I'll simply visit an AMP or get a massage with a handjob HE to ease the desire.
STDs/INFECTIONS and the LIKE: In all my years of hobbying I always covered up for intercourse. I pefer BBBJ and request that whenever available. I got infected twice during my tenure as a hobbyist and it happened when getting deep throat BBBJs. I got clamidia and found out from doctors and research that STDs can be passed with uncovered DEEP THROAT BBBJs as germs live and breed in the throat and the carrier not even know. Of course I ceased getting DEEP THROAT BBBJs. I have been tested at least twice a year for the last 3 years and I'm 100% healthy and disease free. My wife has been tested also and is disease free. Everyone always points to testing......"get tested" "get tested." Hell, it's too late when you get tested and find you are infected. Practive safe sex!! Strap up for all sex acts!!! Period!!!
THE ENJOYMENT OF HOBBYING - I have the moral side of the equation to wrestle with also. I believe in God and all that comes with that irrespective of organized religeon. As such, I believe that committed relationships is right and that sex for money is wrong. Of course all have their opinion's on that one but that's my belief. With that said, commitment free sex is very enjoyable and a rush for the hour or so you're with the provider. When reality shows up in the relationship it's a buzz kill. I've had the experience on several occassions where the the provided and I considered and even slightly pursued a real world type of relationship. And as I said reality is a buzz kill.
Overall, we live and learn. This is simply my story and take from what you can use! Now are there any questions!?!?!?!
My questions are that given that sex is a requirement (legally and religiously) why did you continue the marriage? Why would a wife tollerate a husband whose hobby almost brought the family to the edge of the financial brink?
As I posted in the subject line above his story rings true. Why stay married ? My wife is my best friend and except for the lack of sex,any sex ,she is the perfect woman for me.
I was married two years to my current wife before I starting seeing escorts .It was either that or divorce . To me divorce was not what I wanted. Hobbying has saved my marriage ,it has saved me. Between marriages ,my sex life was great and varied. In fact my last gf before meeting my current wife was a nude dancer. Except for a violent streak that she exhibited,I was pretty close to marrying her.Finances are not an issue as my wife and I keep them seperate.I learned this lesson from my first wife.
Looking at porn doesn't do it for me.I need sex and intimacy.I need to touch ,hold and kiss a woman. I need her to return it. Now it is more mental than physical satisfaction I look for. After a great encounter I feel alive and I am. When I started hobbying ,it was when I traveled on business. I had a rule ,not in my backyard. This year I've broken that rule. I've found several ladies near me. As it turns out, they are the best as they meet all my needs,which are quite varied . Besides, they are phenominal women. To them ,I say thank you for being there . Because of you, I am more mentally alive now than anytime in my life.My only regret is that there a financial limit.Megamillions would solve that.
...and--others in another thread have shared--validates a point made in an ancient, venerated text: "It is not good for man (human persons, man or woman) to be alone" (Genesis). Someone does not have to be a Bible thumper to understand that. Experience brings home that message. When there is little or no intimacy, I think we all feel alone, alienated. The famed psychoanalyst, Erich Fromm, author of the Art of Loving, made this observation: "The deepest need of man (again, men and women, humanity), then, is the need to overcome his (her) separateness, to leave the prison of his (her) aloneness. Sexual intimacy is obviously not the only path that takes us there, but it is certainly one way to get there that allows us to transcend the aloneness that afflicts all persons.
How did I get here? I didn't really get busted in the old fashion way of my wive cold busting me, I kinda confessed.
BACKGROUND: I'm in the 16th year of my second marriage. I dont count my first marriage as that one lasted only 10 months (we mutually agreed that it wont work and parted ways). Literally on the wedding night of my second marriage I got the sign the intimate side of our relationship was not going to be good. My wife suggested we wait for some nebulous romantic reason that was a cover for her apparent lack of intimacy. I ignored it. Now here we are 16 years later, with 3 children mind you, and our sex life is virtually non-existent. In the sixteen years we've been married I only slightly exaggerate that we have had sex 16 times. Overall, I can honestly say I love my wife and when I add it all up, all is good except for the sex. Prior to marriage I had a very healthy sex life. I'm Tall, handsome, former college level athlete, educated and, I know how to fuck (consistently confirmed in and out of the hobby). I've turned down more sex than I've had in the real world. DSCLAIMER - the characterization of my sex life is not based on ego as I have no need to lie here as it serves no purpose. Actually writing this is kinda cathartic. Thanks TER.
GETTING BUSTED: after 4 - 5 years of very limited sex I moved from porn/jerking off to the provider world. I participated guilt free and almost as an afterthought when it came to factoring in the moral side of the equation. After years of hobbying my participation grew to me spending almost half of every other day planning rendezvous with providers in the DMV and when I traveled to other ciites on business. I will say here that based on my overall experience DC is the best city for hobbying....thank you ladies.
My outting came due to money. I am not rich, but do OK enough to where my wife does not need to work and we still can live a relatively economically stress free life. However, when the numbers began to not add up based on what I was making and what was in the bank the questions began. When this happened I simply came clean and told my wife I was seeing escorts on the average of $$$ a visit. She of course was hurt. Then begat the conversation of not "what" but "why." And she agreed and even apologized for putting me in the situation of having to choose between porn/jerking off and seeing escorts because our sex life is so woeful." We are currently in the process of working through our issues. Overall, a couple does not go from 16 years of virtually no sex life to 100% commitment sex that is fullfilling overnight.
Hence, simply turning off the spiket on having stress free, fantasy level sex with attractive ladies whenever you want is easier said than done. I have not been with an escort for over a year now. However, I have supplemented with the occassional visit to my favorite AMP of HE massage therapist. The inate sex drive thing is very powerful. I must admit the routine of "going on the hunt" via the escort malls like EROS, Backpage, etc is hard to fight on some days. So I'll simply visit an AMP or get a massage with a handjob HE to ease the desire.
STDs/INFECTIONS and the LIKE: In all my years of hobbying I always covered up for intercourse. I pefer BBBJ and request that whenever available. I got infected twice during my tenure as a hobbyist and it happened when getting deep throat BBBJs. I got clamidia and found out from doctors and research that STDs can be passed with uncovered DEEP THROAT BBBJs as germs live and breed in the throat and the carrier not even know. Of course I ceased getting DEEP THROAT BBBJs. I have been tested at least twice a year for the last 3 years and I'm 100% healthy and disease free. My wife has been tested also and is disease free. Everyone always points to testing......"get tested" "get tested." Hell, it's too late when you get tested and find you are infected. Practive safe sex!! Strap up for all sex acts!!! Period!!!
THE ENJOYMENT OF HOBBYING - I have the moral side of the equation to wrestle with also. I believe in God and all that comes with that irrespective of organized religeon. As such, I believe that committed relationships is right and that sex for money is wrong. Of course all have their opinion's on that one but that's my belief. With that said, commitment free sex is very enjoyable and a rush for the hour or so you're with the provider. When reality shows up in the relationship it's a buzz kill. I've had the experience on several occassions where the the provided and I considered and even slightly pursued a real world type of relationship. And as I said reality is a buzz kill.
Overall, we live and learn. This is simply my story and take from what you can use! Now are there any questions!?!?!?!
Unfortunately this story is closer to the norm and we are all seeking something better. The hobby doesn't do it for me but I love all these beautiful woman for trying the few times I've tried it. Fortunately I do find others in similar lives and we give each other pleasure when we can.
I lied and said I had a gambling problem. The bitch made me quit Fantasy Football!!
Interesting entry in Dan Savage's column that relates to this.