Been hobbying for years with no issues, but lately I've been stuck on the same local gal.  Its to the point where I would probably pay just to hang out with her minus the sex because I think she is that cool (stop laughing).  If anyone out there has had this happen to them, how did you ween yourself off?  I of course could keep paying to see her frequently, but I'm not sure if that's healthy.

Life is too short to not jut be in the moment and breathe in a true connection with any person on this at times, lonely planet.  If you feel like you are too close, then you know what you have to do...but really I don't see any reason to do that.

I tend to be a repeater, but at least some variety is healthier.

. . . unless you have to pay just to hang out.

Thank you for the advice.  I of course would love to keep seeing her, but I don't want to become even more attached.  I am contemplating just telling her that I do feel a connection with her just to see what she says.

become attached to providers when many are trying to get away from the problems of a LTR/marriage.

So all or nothing?  Why do you say that? I wasn't thinking marriage.  Maybe hanging out a bit more outside of a tiny room, because I think we'd have fun.  I'm just going to tell her how I feel.  If she doesn't view me the same way then at least I'll know.  I don't think I would keep visiting if she doesn't though.

My personal experience with this is that it will not end well.  Even if you tell her that you feel a connection, and she agrees that she does too, it most likely will not last (or maybe not even be true).  Proceed with extreme caution if you dare.

Nothing creepier than a client saying he "loves you" and has deeper feelings. I bet her feelings don't go deeper than the envelope. Here's the test: try to see her without an appointment and then bring no money... IF that gets you no where, then guess what? She doesn't feel the same! You are losing sight to what this really is, she is doing her job, and a damn good job at it. Enjoy it for what it is, be a great client, and leave the rest alone

...good luck with that.

After a session, tell her that you're going to grab a bite and invite her. If she wants to be your friend, she will eventually ask to spend time with you.


-- Modified on 3/6/2015 11:46:17 AM

Been there done that, guys are guys who care what you do? My opinion though. LOL!  

Soooo, early on in my hobby career, I'd say 3-4 years in I was seeing a provider who was relatively new to the "game."  She was an "11" by any man or womens standards.  She was flat out gorgeous; smart; conversational; witty, etc, etc, all the attributes I look for a women not to mention a freak the way I like a freak to be a freak.

I get it. I feel the same way. I love love. I love the feeling of a fling. I love lusting after someone's touch and seeing them however I see them, whether it be confined to a 2 hr incall or first thing in the morning after spending all night with them. I love the vulnerability and I love feeling wanted. Then I hate everything else that goes with it to. So what?  

Honey, cause she chasing the Money....Also if she is a local lady, most local ladies don't go out to much in the DMV, as they limit their chances of being spotted by clients, so you would end up back at her place or yours anyway. I love you cats who pay a providers rent. I'm glad to come over and stretch her holes while you hard at work. And don't think I'm going to stop just because you outside the window crying and begging. (FlashBack)

Thank you so much for your perspective.  I am thinking I should maybe just keep my mouth shut and see her once a week or so.

Well, I have been fortunate.  I'd put myself in the one percent, albeit closer to the bottom of the one percent.  I'd have no issues being very generous towards her, but I wouldn't want to do that if I was just an envelope.  I'd need to know it was real.

Yeah, speaking from an experience that still stings even though it's been years, definitely keep your feelings to yourself if you want to keep seeing her.

The big question is whether or not she shares any of your feelings. Does she keep your meetings strictly on the clock or do you engage in any OTC time? Do you converse outside of playtime? Do you ever drop hints about how you feel about her - how has she reacted?  

From personal experience. I went through hell of falling in love with an ATF and then trying to forget she ever existed. Still not 100% over her.

. . . if "to see her" means "to have sex with her". That's how she makes a living. One should never ask for it for free. She might take extended trips with you, do overnights with you, go shopping or have dinner with you -- all for free -- but the sex part should not

Thanks bro, I learned from the old school players too, although I don't always take their advice.  Honestly speaking the relationship you had with your ATF sounded pretty good.  Like it got as real as it could get given the circumstances.  I might try that angle.  It was never my intent to get all weird and Ralph Wiggums like, and present her with a card that says I Choo- Choo Choose you with a picture of a train on it (don't front, I know y'all remember that).  I am lame, but not THAT lame.

Go see a bunch of other ladies.  I've had a couple ladies who I clicked with so well, that under different circumstances I would have been very interested in pursuing a civvie relationship.  At those moments, it's really reinforced to me just how superficial this hobby can be, how there is so much more that two people can offer to each other.  But for this hobby to "work", you need to have the clear boundaries.  So for me, I will elect to spend time with hobby ladies who are beautiful, sexy, smart, and many other great qualities - but who are NOT the exact personality type that makes me think, "holy crap I REALLY like this girl, her personality, her humor, she really "gets" me, I'd love to get to know her better..."  Hopefully I'll meet someone OUTSIDE the hobby like that for a relationship that fullfills the needs that this hobby can't.

"So for me, I will elect to spend time with hobby ladies who are beautiful, sexy, smart, and many other great qualities - but who are NOT the exact personality type that makes me think, "holy crap I REALLY like this girl, her personality, her humor, she really "gets" me, I'd love to get to know her better"

Clarity is a good thing!

Yes, I would highly recommend that, given your current feelings, arrange some overnights and even weekend/multiple days session.  This will serve two purposes: 1. You'll be in her company for an extended period of time which would scratch your itch to be with her. 2. During extended sessions the parties involved tend to let their guard down more and you begin to see the real person; flaws, inconsistencies and all, as well as what attracts you to them.  This will then begin to dismantle the infatuation you have for her.  Real life (knowing she's in the bathroom taking a shit; seeing her without make-up; hearing her talk to her real life friends and family on the phone about real life stuff) always tends to burst and/or shrink the fantasy bubble.  Just like a marriage or committed relationships...paying mortgages, raising kids, and all the other real life stuff can make who, when and how you're fucking a distant memory or a non-existent thought, if but for a pocket of time periods.

"ask to see her OTC" means ask her out on a civvie date - lunch, dinner, drinks, coffee, museum, whatever - and make it clear you are not willing to pay for her time.  She will certainly resolve your dilemma for you ...

Do not tell her how you feel. Do not pay $200. Do not pass "Go." Make an appt with another provider and ask her to be a reference. Get over it as fast as you can and make sure she understands she is a provider to you and nothing else.

I read on an earlier post that the cure is to see other providers and her less.

Thank you so much for this.  Even though its not what I want to hear.  It  has given me a different perspective.

I like to spend time with ladies who are down-to-earth, as I am, but I've also enjoyed the company of a lady or two who brings a different type of intensity too.  Main thing I look for in reviews (other than services and physical attributes), is a sense that she seems to enjoy things too, is fun to be with as a person, isn't overly mechanical.

soooo tempting. LMAO!

good point! I like the way that you think  

Thumbs up!
 

he asks. she says no. it's over.  

i have never felt like I could have a relationship with any lady I've met in this hobby.

As cynical as it sounds it is true. Think about it this way. You wouldn't fall in love with an ATM machine, right, so why should she?