How do you know that she didn't screen in another manner and just agreed your inquiry over her checks to keep everything on an even keel?

So two weeks ago I contacted a local, well-reviewed lady for a contact and sent in my references. I made sure to ask my references prior to using their names and sending them to the lady I was hoping to see.

A couple of days later I got an email saying that my references had checked out and everything was good to go. Just to be sure that this lady was playing safe, I contacted my references and they informed me that they had NOT heard from her. Now who am I going to trust? Of course, I'd rather trust someone that I have already seen and who has earned my respect.

It just boggles my mind that a lady wouldn't play it safe. Needless to say, I will not be making an appointment with her.

Ladies, be careful! Well-known references don't mean anything unless you follow up on them. It's easy enough for anyone (a sicko, LE, etc.) to find the popular local girls and use their information for references. Don't be a low hanging fruit for those that would cause you harm. And guys, NEVER see a lady who doesn't take your references seriously.

I agree with you that ladies should check your references and make sure that they are legit. But they should do it for their own safety.

What I don't agree with is NOT seeing the ladies who DON'T check your references. WHO CARES if they check or not? That's their problem. You provided what they asked for. That's all you can control. Now you go to your scheduled appointment, but nice and have fun....

You have no clue how many times I've encountered similar thing. I don't give a second thought..

In circa 2006 a now former member of the Fantasys Network ( we measure a lot of metrics  related to our industry and have sponsored many inquiries) did a survey of  providers from TN, KY, OH and WV.

A total sampling of 30 providers over a 7 month period were sent fake reference requests for non existent clients. 22% of the women did not respond at all. 51 percent said he was fine and good to go. Only about 27 percent answered correctly and basically stated they saw no such person.

As we have repeatedly said, references is vouching, vouching is a flawed paradigm, as history has proven time and time again.

We have many  company maxims one of which is "Truth can only be proven by results."

As you can see we've been aware of this issue for a while. As for your posting...

You are a smart man, this is an ugly truth few want to address and I'm sure there will be those who will try to defend or make excuses for it.

Lee Dreams

Edamus, bibamus, gaudeamus

There are many ways for a provider to screen.  Most ladies with experience can probably tell from the tone of the email if a man is legit.  Many times I contact a new provider with my references and I receive clearance before she could have possibly checked me out.  Probably because I always include my work info, even if not requested, and offer to show ID when we meet.  I have never had a problem and clearly never give any ladys difficulty.  It is simply respect going both ways!

G:

Not trying to change what works for you, I merely present a concept for your consideration.

If one is this lax with you, then she is being just as lax with others. You know the habits and behaviors of your life. Thus you can make an informed and calculated judgment to what level of risk is acceptable. Can you say that of all the other clients shes seeing ? Their habits, behaviors and risks are also a factor in your life equation which you are blind to, are they not ? If this be true, wouldn't you prefer to dance with someone with a positive 'proof of standard' as opposed to the lowest common denominator ?



Lee Dreams

Edamus, bibamus, gaudeamus

Thanks for responding. I would certainly take the one with highest possible standards. The point I was trying to make was that it's something outside of my control.  At the end of the day I want to achieve two things in this hobby. Keep my life simple and have fun. That's the big picture. That's what I am in this hobby for.

The most important thing for me is not whether she checks my references or not, but whether she is GOOD or not.  As long as she is GOOD and LEGIT I will see her.

I personally have high standards myself. I always show up on time. I am nice to providers. I have good hygiene. These are the things within my control, so I control them. Rest, I don't worry about it.

It's possible that she may have screened in another manner but that's hard to believe because I know she doesn't ask for any other information. I was a little concerned because she simply asked for references. Lee's right: references are a flawed system. Plus, she didn't even bother to use all of the screening data she asked for and was given.

I'd rather play it safe.

This is not the first provider that has done this and certainly not the last.

They are there to protect both parties. As Lee pointed out, if she doesn't really screen you then you are at risk of all the folks she sees, and does not screen. Just as with the whole condom/STD thing.

The potential upside to a lady like this, you know she has none of your info. Of course, we all just KNOW that all providers/agencies NEVER keep any information after the appointment - LMAO

The down side should be pretty obvious. If she doesn't screen, you don't know who she has let into her door, before or after you, that might cause difficulties later on.

References exist solely to protect the provider from LE and/or abusive jerks.  They mean nothing for the client.  If a provider chooses not to use them in agreeing to see you, she may be unwise, but there is no harm for the client.

Unsafe sexual practices, on the other hand, are a red flag for the client.  If she goes BBFS with you, she does it with other clients.  And, thus, you are at a higher risk.

May I disagree here. A lady who checks references and is very tough about the references is to some extent protecting you.

Let me give you an example. A lady ask for references and I provide one of the verification services. She accepts the service but in addition checks with two of the providers on the list by email before she agrees to a date.

You know what, I'm pretty sure I'm safe seeing her. She isn't just protecting herself but me as well by being super carefull. A lady who goes to that length won't be staked out by LE for a sting. She won't draw any attention in public and she will usually be very discreate in all situations.

All of this lowers her/your chances of being arrested, not to mention any information she may have on her phone or computer. BTW, if you see her a couple of times and ask for her to delete all info about you she probably will which can put you more UTR.

A few guys in Miami and MD I'll bet wish they followed this simple advice. I won't see anyone who won't require ref's and checks them.

One can screen based on the reputation of the reference.  Using a well known, well respected provider may carry some weight (unless you are given to lying and taking your chances that you'll not be checked).  I use my TER handle--anyone can check those reviews to make certain I'm legit, then they can follow up with reference provided--or those sought out independently.

This little society is not so closed as we'd like to imagine it is.

Did you bother to check with the provider you were trying to see?