My best friend's marriage has been on the rocks. I don't spend much time hanging out with them because her attitude makes me pity him. Basic example: She was upstairs laying in bed at 7pm FBing on her phone as she does all day everyday while he was caring for their 3 kids (he works full time and she doesn't work). When I arrived, we went upstairs so I could say hi. She screams "WTF?!? I text you for a glass of water 20 minutes ago and you never fucking brought it. I'm so fucking thirsty! You don't do anything for me! I can't fucking stand you!" Needless to say, he replied "OMG, really?" and shut the door before we went to talk outside. I asked "Dude, did she really text you from upstairs while you were downstairs? That's the laziest shit I've ever heard!" He said she soes all the time. This little moment was just a small sample of what she's like on a daily basis, and he's ready to leave her. After he told me what sex was like with her coupled with her attitude, I can't blame him.

On the rare occasion they have sex, she only lays on her back and spreads her legs. He's not allowed to touch her anywhere, has to wear a condom (because she doesn't like having to clean anything), the room has to be pitch black and... wait for it... he has to wear a sleep mask. He's not allowed to see her or touch her during sex. I told him that glory holes were about as intimate as that. She also sometimes doesn't let him finish because she's tired from holding her legs open.

I've never heard of someone dislike sex so much, and I've never heard if such a horrible sex life. I told him that, if he gets divorced, I would introduce him to TER and the hobby.

I normally don't post mundane stories or anything like this, but he gave me his blessing and I felt this had to be heard!

Despite the perception that Americans are these Porn addicted, randomly fucking people.  Statistics show that folks in the USA are the most sexually repressed and screwed up people anywhere.

America's puritan past and present hangups keep us like that.

Lets pass that hat here and get this guy 3 hours with someone that will make him forget that miserable bitch. I can't believe he's lived with that shit for that long, I'm a pro at getting married and I'm even more of a pro of getting out of them. Hell, I keep my divorce Lawyer on speed dial. I saw him golfing Sunday and he told me he hadn't heard from me in a while and it should be about time and I told him he's had enough of my money and I'm just hobbling.

I feel badly for your friend but his wife clearly need professional help.  
Its women like her that create a  career for escorts.  All age, income and race categories included on the demand side of the formula.

She also sometimes doesn't let him finish because she's tired from holding her legs open.  His wife sounds FAT...and he sounds like a Cuckold to me...Maybe he can give me a call, if she is not FAT, and I will make his wife service and worship, like he wishes she did....

I love all you sexy ladies. Please don't judge me, I will get 100yrs...

DaTruf

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because there are guys out there like your friend who are stuck in these loveless marriages. It's just sad. I love making someone's day *ESPECIALLY* when I hear this is what their life is like.

Nothing on earth would stop me from doing an impression of  "Bane" from "the Dark Knight Returns", EVERY freaking time

I suspect it would be better for the kids.

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When I met them, they had both dropped about 100 lbs each. She was down to about 120 lbs. Fast forward four years and two more kids, she's now probably around 225 lbs. He's kept the weight off, but she's taken on a very sedentary lifestyle in wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. I've seen her polish off the industrial-sized bag of twizzlers in a sitting. No bull! Grocery store sticky buns have a death wish entering that house! The list goes on, but she only drinks Diet Rite so it balances out... So you can't call it "baby weight", more like "lazy weight". The most pathetic thing I've ever seen in person was the one time she sat on the floor and had to get up. You had to be there...

His relationship has encouraged me to stay single a bit longer. :

Well, I may have set him up with Tamsen Crown about a year ago when I posted that I had a buddy who had zero history and couldn't join any verification websites... So he did get a taste of the good life that day. He's been too broke feeding her compulsions, plus he felt guilty for quite awhile.

That may change soon!

It's tough with kids.  

Yes, in many ways it might be better for the kid (and everyone) if they split, but it depends on the kid.  My marriage is not great or I wouldn't be here.  But leaving my son with my wife would be horrible for him.  Fighting for custody would be horrible for him.  Staying has been horrible for me but less horrible for him, I think... you're never sure.   Life is complicated, that's why there's a hobby.  To remind us of how simple things can and should be.    

Odd, being in a dead and/or dysfunctional relationship is legal but...  

It's nice to be in a place where life can be simple a couple of hours at a time... it goes a long way... I feel for the op

But Mocha called it too!

If she is up in the bedroom texting her husband for room service it doesn't sound like she is that engaged with the kids. What is she teaching the kids. I wouldn't put up with that shit for a second. I wouldn't need you to introduce me to hobbling, I'd be on here and a gold star black card member.  Get out. Save yourself.

Adrienne,
Youre a perfect example of what I was referring to. Im thinking a lot of guys thank you for doing what you do..and making their home life bearable(in keeping a two parent house hold) for the benefit of their kids.

Hope you get to DC sometime..!

sex aside which is a very important one but how crushing is that to a mans pride and ego that he has to go home to that everyday. My Uncles ex wife was like that, laid around did nothing and he worked full time, cooked, cleaned and took care of their two kids. She was around 300 lbs and had a beard (which she claimed was a hormonal problem) yuck. All she did was scream all the time, he eventually left her and got the kids. All jokes aside, your friend needs a support system, not for the hobby but to get out and keep his sanity.

I am aware of a number of marriages where it is a sexless, loveless marriage but they stay married for the kids.  Sometimes there is still sex but it is only once or twice a month and she just lays there and wants it to be over as soon as possible.  The easy answer is always get a divorce but it is not that simple due to concerns about money and kids.  Men get shafted in a divorce with half your assets and likely, alimony and child support payments.  So many men just continue the marriage and hobby on the side.

My situation is not quite as bad as yours but I am also putting my kids' happiness and emotional well-being above my own.

-- Modified on 7/31/2013 2:37:01 PM

the LUCKY divorced men get half the assets.  Mostly however, the man's half is no where near "half".
Often, with the kids gone, economics dictate marital status and the hobby keeps the sanity.  Thanks ladies!

JawKnee- actually I think you are asking for advice on how to help your friend.

Here is my advice, as I went through a divorce myself.
1. Support from his friends and family foremost.
2. Honest and unbiased communication from those closest to him, as they can tell the toll this relationship is taking on him and his children.
3. Help him to make a decision- no matter how much you love your friend- the decision is his not yours.  
And there are only three decisions here: Get couples counseling, get a divorce, or live the way you are now.
 
There has to be a reason he has not jumped ship before.  From my personal experience I would say the top factors are: psychological abuse from wife, wanting to provide a stable environment for the children, and the economic hit to his wallet if he gets a divorce.  

The economic is easiest, but he thinks is the hardest- I know, because I thought the same thing, and it sucks wanting to get out of a marriage but unable to because you have run the numbers and know ahead of time a divorce means you cannot afford your own place,  and pay the alimony / child support.  If you have the means to help him get a better, higher paying job *after* the divorce, let him know- you get that boulder (excuse) out of the way, then you can help him tackle the others.

The psychological abuse from the wife can only be salvaged by a psychologist- the only thing you can do here is tell him, he is not a bad person, he is doing great as a father and husband, but if you don't treat others as badly as she does to you- why take the punishment?  Psychological help - with his 100% desire to go, is the only way this will be beat.  He cannot do it by himself- if he had the tools to fix his problem he would have. The fact he is still in his marriage means he does not, so good psychological help is needed.  

The last one will be the kids- well he will say kids and dollars (but there is a plan, right?, for the dollars aspect), so then you tell him- do you want your kids to grow up only knowing a marriage like yours?  If all they know is how to love someone the way your wife loves you, what do you think their relationships or their marriages will be like?
Statistics do show that many divorces lead to kids with difficulties later in life- but so do marriages that are lifeless and have no love.  Also, there is nothing that states his kids will later get divorced themselves, but he has to work hard on providing them love, reassurance and support if he does get a divorce.  He has to make the kids understand they had nothing to do with this, it was a decision that was made by the two parents, and above ALL do not bad mouth the mother.  Kids are freaking smart- they will figure it out on their own who mucked up, but do not ever go down to her level because then the kids will think "great, I have two mucked up parents- glad they got divorced, I CANNOT WAIT to get to college and get the heck out of dodge".   That is the fastest way to lose the kids- You do not want that for your friend, you want the kids to love your friend and the way to that end is the high road- no matter how difficult it is.  This also includes his family by the way- the adage "it takes a village to raise a child" applies here; they have to be extremely supportive and cannot bad mouth the mother either.  They have a right to be present at bdays, call their nephews/nieces/grandkids at both parents homes, and other events too.  But they have to be his rock, his strength, not the hammer that breaks him down- that's her.

I hope this help in whatever way it can.  And oh by the way- he might not have the money to participate in the hobby.  He doesn't need help with sex, he needs help with his self-esteem; maybe you get him a nice birthday (or make up a holiday) blow job from one of the fantastic ladies here.

Reading the thread, just wondering if his wife doesn't have horrible self-esteem issues.  Not necessarily an excuse, but she doesn't want him to see her 'fat' - whether she is actually fat or thin.  

Women will also keep pushing, and I've been in many a conversation with women who say they want a 'challenge' and really dislike a pushover.  So the more she pushes, the more he gives-in, and she becomes even more angry with him.

My friend had a great quote in response to when I said women are different levels of crazy.  "They're all bat shit crazy, its just how well the governor works on their craziness".  (for those of you not into engines, its an old term for a mechanical device to regulate the throttle/gas on an engine to slow it down).

No easy answer for your friend.  Feel bad for him.

Adrienne - It's really nice to hear you say this. I always feel like a little bit of a scumbag walking into an appt w/ my wedding ring on. I'm glad to know that a) most providers are not immediately thinking I'm a scumbag even though I'm cheating on my wife and b) you all are DEFINITELY providing a service that I am not getting at home.  

I am grateful to have great ladies like you (and others) in the hobby... so thank you.

-- Modified on 8/1/2013 11:13:35 AM

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