Don't out her. Use the back channel to let people know what is going on.

I have been asked to write reviews but write them for this and many other reasons, especially what happened this past fall when folks were outed.

If you have a provider friend let her know what is going on so she can clear you name. Some of the higher quality dns sites can see BS and get things cleaned up without you having do anything.

Sounds like the damage you can inflict on her is tremendously more than the damage she can inflict on you.  Handle with care.

I'd first try to talk some sense into this girl. If all else fails, tell eveyone you care about "through backchannel" who this biyatch is so they don't run into the same situation.

Honestly, If it was me, and I tried everything but she still didn't budge,  I'd blast the biyatch publicly like there's no tomorrow and put her where she belongs... See how she likes the taste of her own medicine. lol But that's just me.

This is another reason why the review system needs an overhaul...

You need to identify her [stage name only], to serve others. You also need to protect the innocent other popular local providers, to avoid guessing/rumors, [as there are not so many locals].

Otherwise, your post has no pertinence.

But in what you can choose NOT to.

I understand the feelings.  Very recently went through events that caused me to have a number of revenge fantasies. Some of them were very much "doable".  I chose to keep them what they are .. fantasies.

Once initial anger is gone, think how you can mitigate the damage and go for best revenge of them all - living well.

Re: I got plenty

Unfortunately not all of them I can or wish to post on a public board.  


Here is public version of 12 Step Plan.

1) Do you have one or two well trusted and really close friends who are willing to hear you rant about it like a madman for couple of weeks? Then do. While at it, spell out every possible revenge fantasy.  Be as creative as you can

2) If you are on RO, don't be shy about posting her stage name there.

3) Get seriously wasted with select trusted friends.

4) Pull yourself together and mitigate the damage done to you to the best of your abilities.

5) Live well, enjoy life and watch her come out under different name.

6) Repeat Step 2.

7) Repeat Step 5 and 6.

8) Repeat Step 2.

9) Repeat Step 5 and 6.

10) Repeat Step 2.

11) Repeat Step 5 and 6.

12) Introduce her to someone with ethics similar to hers.

As for step 12, I have a list.

Would you like it in alphabetical or chronological orders?

Will be honest here, Initially I admittedly had "some" doubts about your side of the story but now seems more clear that you were innocent.

But do not ever out her personal info. As one lady here said, it could cost you a lot more and even a visit from those who munch on donuts if something bad resulted from it.

Still, this calls for a little revenge.

As for finding the likes of her, contact one of the local agencies who recently  tried to get an innocent guy blacklisted. May get along very well together.

either out her stage name here or on the RO board.

once you start asking the board for ways for her to make it up to you it sounds like you may be in the wrong. you may be using the flap on the board as a way to pressure her to do something.

i'm starting to smell fishiness.

Forward the messages to the mod and let admin know what happened. It might not do anything initially (or maybe it will, not really sure) but the more TER knows these things about specific people, the more they can help if things go wrong with the next guy. It's a paper trail.

Friends, sorry about the alias.  Can't be helped, I'm afraid...

Put yourself in this position and tell me what you'd do -

- You saw a very popular local provider and had an 'OK' date at substantial expense
- You wrote a reasonably complementary review with a mix of 8s and 9s
- The provider attempted through a number of TER PMs to you to persuade you to a higher score to keep her local standing up
- You declined because you thought your review was fair, even gracious given the circumstances
- Then, after retracting her TER white list and other site references she had done for you, the provider then went on to post your identity, by name and site handles, on an Internet blacklist site, posting a wholly fictitious account of the date and her rationale behind the report, outing you to the planet by name

So, bottom line, you've been publicly outed by a provider who was pissed at you because your review didn't meet her minimum expectations for reviewing scores.

Let's also establish that you have substantial resources at your disposal, enough to easily out the provider, her real identity, and numerous other details of her personal life and circumstances.

What would you do?  Not even kidding here.  What would you do if similarly fucked over by a provider?

shouldn't other DC gents know that their very privacy is in the hands of a manipulative provider willing to sacrifice their personal identity for her personal gain?

I wouldn't stoop to her level by giving out her real name.  I would, however, share which provider it is so that everyone on the board can make their own decision as to whether to ever see her.

You need to out her. She has already caused you enough damage. Your reputation is everything in this hobby. If you have enough reviews and access to RO board, I suggest you take this matter to that board.

I, however, would not recommend outing her real identity, but definitely her stage name.

Just my two cents.

This is an old story from when I was more plugged in to the scene.

A hobbyist friend I met socially was interested in seeing someone privately whom he had seen on those social occasions. A few gentlemen and ladies knew of his interest. He got highly conflicting information about her that was PMed or emailed from several gentlemen and ladies. Some was very positive: she's no problem and great fun. Others had experiences like yours or even worse. It was difficult for him to sort through the contradictions and make a decision and what tipped it was a little slip by the provider herself.

The RO board is a great resource for this if you can get to it.

Now the only time I had ever been thoroughly messed with by a provider was initially _within a session_. So it became a legitimate part of my review. Several folks with ties to that lady persuaded me to pull that review, which I regret to this day.

Once the review was pulled she really went to town with some very colorful stories that were simply not true. I was clued in by some providers and clients.

Good luck. Let folks know. Once you do, don't alter or remove the record of what happened like I did. She may come back with a vengeance if you try "forgive, forget, erase". I'm all for "forgive and forget" but erasure sets you up for more grief.

Simple enough, I'd post up copies of the PM's, to show the convo.  Then out the provider (stage name)    I think that is the best you can do.  anything else would probably be petty and won't help your case. Though it may make you feel better !

Your profound wisdom brings tears of joy (only half kidding), but rage is tipping the scales at the moment.  Got anything else?

Except for #12 - not sure I could find a match.

DO NOT reveal this provider’s personal information!

Are you aware that a lady was murdered recently because someone outed her to her family? It’s just not worth it.

Her limiting your ability to participate in this “hobby” is not nearly equal to you potentially ruining her life.

I understand that you’re upset, and according to your story, justifiably so. But please think about the after effects of what you’re proposing. Quite honestly, if anyone outed my personal information, they might as well move to another state under an assumed name. When you put someone in a position where they have nothing left to lose the escalation of force can be quite exponential. Just a thought.

Now, you do have some recourse. The sites that I use allow ladies to dispute and/or add comments to blacklist reports. You could ask some ladies that know you to vouch for you on those sites.  

And I agree with the previous posters…reveal her stage name in a private setting (ie RO Board).

Xox
Colette

Very good points.  Thanks.

Why do you folks have to be so sane and well-adjusted when there's so much to be pissed off about?

Stage 1 is shock, Stage 2 is pain, Stage 3 is rage.

Wait for Stage 4.  It will come.  It's called Cold Calculating Revenge

so why would one be mad. I could see if you told her you were going to give her a 10/10 & recanted  during your review(no reason to blacklist someone) What you could do is PM every one who asks you her stage name, but you can NEVER OUT any one, provider or hobbyist.

There are a variety of reactions that I might have to a dog biting me, most of them violent, one of them fatal for the dog...

Something similar happened to me a few years ago. I was googling my own name and lo and behold the 3rd or 4th listing down was a strange post saying that I had physically abused someone and it was posted on the National blacklist. I was flabbergasted and freaked. I hadn't even had a rendezvous with a provider within months of the date of the post. I have no clue as to who wrote it. I have no recourse to dispute the providers claim( according to the website bylaws). Not knowing who it was left me helpless to even respond to the claim. I don't know if someone got a hold of my identity, or a provider mistook someone for me. I would not care if it didn't affect my personal and business reputation. I even went as far as contacting reputation defender to see what could be done. Without spending thousands of dollars to force the post farther down the search list when I am googled, there is no recourse to remove this posting. It really sucks. You should out this provider.

to hobby friends (ladies and gents) via PM and on the RO board. that's what quietly means.

8 and 9 are a scores. But this person is a zero. Reviews are not that important. I want to stay away  from her.So share her stage name.

agreed. When a hobbyist is a problem providers share the info to help the women. It not a bad idea to do the same for the men. That what this community s all about.

include links or Copy/PASTES to the black list thing. The more info they have the better.

Do you want me to keep silent about it
Or are you cool with me warning my fellow buddies about her?

Don't need to make a case to TER; they already get it.  This thread solicits the community viewpoint, both escorts and clients, rather than the board's official position.

We can have a constructive philosophical and pragmatic discussion without naming her.

Yeah there is a way. Have her delete or modify her post on the NBL to not include your name, apologize, and give you a year of freebies. If not you will out her and she might as well move to another city. I know who it is and would certainly never ever try to see her. She at this point needs to make amends, because I am sure I am not the only one who has figured it out.

I'm sorry but to quote Colette

The difference is that what this provider did is already done.

Adding “fuel” to this provider’s already irrational behavior is probably not a good idea. Hell, we already know that she’s not wrapped too tightly. The fact that she put her demands in writing in the first place indicates that she’s not very bright either. Which is why I suggest outing her stage name in a place that she cannot see it. At this point, focusing on clearing up his name and doing damage control should be his next step. He will gain nothing but a short lived sense of satisfaction by outing her real information, because he’ll then have to worry about her next move until she makes one.

As far as where he is listed: I don’t use National Blacklist for this very reason. Information posted there is not monitored for accuracy, and the fact that Google picks up individual postings is problematic for me. I’m not very familiar with that site, and honestly don’t know how to remove information from there without the help of the original poster.

I really do wish him the best of luck. The entire situation is quite unfortunate.

Xox
Colette

Dude....

Listen....If you want us to believe you, you need to tell us who she is. Your story has no credibility unless you tell us who out her stage name.

I have a 3:00 PM appointment with a well reviewed lady in NOVA...Could it be her? Well, I don't know...

This information would definitely help us make well informed decision...

But she's very expensive and 8's and 9's are not good enough for her so that narrows down to one person. If I'm correct, your review did indicate you two are not on the same page and you also implied other reviewers' experiences are too sensational. FWIW, I made an appointment with her about a year ago and decided to cancel after perusing the gallery on her website (she gave me the password after I made the appointment). Beauty is in the eye of beholder but I wasn't attracted to her at all. She bugged me a couple of times through pm's because of my cancellation.

I'm more Larry Holmes than Sherlock Holmes but I'm pretty sure I know who you're talking about, there is enough info in the post to narrow it down, and if I'm right, the review you wrote was very positive. Her scores are great and any TER regular is savy enough to know that an 8 mixed in with 9s and 10s coupled with a positive review is just a personal preference issue.

This further highlights how much trust we place in each other as clients and providers. The information we share can do a lot of damage in the wrong hands. I'm as average as they come, neither wealthy nor powerful, but were I outed it would ruin my life. I was not planning on seeing this seemingly sweet girl anyway, but even the accusation that this is possible guarantees it.

Finally, to any provider who is that concerned with their scores, you should just tell us. I've dealt with customer surveys before and sometimes running a great business isn't enough to generate maximum scores, you need to ask for the score. Of course, the performance still has to back it up, but I'm telling you this strategy works.

I think by putting pieces together from NBL and TER reviews, I was able to figure out who we are talking about here.

Is this the same girl that has two names in format   Jane Doe/ Mary Doe?

I've been asked to give a certain score by multiple providers. Some even felt like my score would really help them. I will certainly be welcome to not mention any minor negative I had because I was asked. I'm not a jerk towards women and I feel this is a TOUGH and personal thing to be JUDGED by someone who knows you for only 60 minutes. At the same time try to respect the potential John's as well. It a high wire act for sure but I feel 8, 9 and 10's should all be considered as positive on both sides. Anything else is just splitting hairs.

We all have our taste. Its the description of service that counts.

For some reason, Fugly and the TER gods have allowed us to continue this discussion, but if we don't exercise a little self control, we may loose that privilege.  As the OP, I have a small favor to ask.  If you are mostly interested in speculating about who the provider is, please either do that privately or start your own thread.  If this were meant to be an "out the provider" thread we could have named her up front in the first post and saved a lot of time.  This topic is about the best course of action to deal with an especially crappy situation and what you would do or recommend doing in these circumstances.

As an example, is there a way to turn this around, to give the provider an option to fix things somehow?  If it were you, would you be satisfied with some course of action that did not require outing her?  If so, what would those conditions be?

Appreciate all the feedback.

That's what TER is all about. It's about us guys helping each other out by reviewing, and sharing our experiences with, the ladies.

I somehow feel that there is more to the story than what's going on here.

I truly doubt that a popular provider would risk her reputation over the difference between an 8 and a 10 on a single review.

The story simply doesn't add up.

At a minimum she would have lost your business by blacklisting you. If she did this simply out of spite... well then hell yeah she needs to move to a new area.

I suggest both parties talk to a third party moderator to figure out what REALLY happened and then clear the air.

my .02

the OP is not asking for ways for person in question to "make it up to him". He has ask for opinions from the masses on how you would handle the situation if it happened to you and he has further ask opinions if there is way for her to correct what he feels in an obvious wrong done to him.
What I see is a man trying to get opinions before he decides what course of action he wants to take. I think he is trying to take the high road rather than just react out of anger.

Let it go.  Move on with your life.  Revenge only drops you down to her petty level.  Be a man and move on.  

what has me concerned is this quote from the post linked: "As an example, is there a way to turn this around, to give the provider an option to fix things somehow?"

all she might do is retract the blacklist posting. it's very simple. anything beyond that would be highly suspect and smell like an attempt at coercion. i find coercion to be distasteful.

as i see it there are three options:

1) be quiet and deal with it as best you can
2) out the stage name someplace, here or RO
3) have her remove her listing outing him (apology to him and or the community might be optional additions, the last would effectively out herself)

now #3 is of questionable value. squeezing toothpaste back into the tube is ineffective. IF nobody has found his information and IF the site isn't searchably cached somewhere it might be ok.

my interest is this, so it is clear. i haven't figured out who he is talking about. id did a little work and have it narrowed to 2.  1 of the 2 is on my list.

now if the purpose of this long thread is to pressure the provider to do the "right" thing and that right thing is only #3..... (shrugs)

and this is why it is often used for wrong reasons.

I personally do not use it for screening purposes.

I mean seriously, WTH! That is really tacky.That's all I can say.

There seems to be some gaps.  

1. The black list sites I'm familiar with (Provider Buzz/National Blacklist) are member (provider) only and password protected.
2. How did you even know that you were listed on them?
3. How did you access the account without being a verified provider member?

Even if I accept your story, outing the personal info of someone that has your personal info and that already has demonstrated that she's unbalanced is not wise.  As Colette said, if you leave her with nothing to lose she will be inclined to do the same for you.  

I'm trying real hard not call bullshit...trying.  There are some critical facts we're not getting.  

If you were going to do something other than vent, you would have done something.
I am so shocked that this could happen.  After all, when you meet a provider's screening requirements by providing personal information, it's for  YOUR protection, isn't it?  Isn't that the standard rationale offered by providers?
Reasons #1 through 100 why you should never ever give your personal information to anyone associated with this hobby.

We've heard the full spectrum of opinions, I think.  I'm slowly emerging from my incendiary phase.

For the questions about access to the blacklist site, an account was actually purchased so the full report could be seen.  TER has also seen it.  TER has also seen the full PM thread and knows exactly what's going on (why do think this discussion thread has survived?).  The bullshit factor here is zero.  To another recent post I saw about why would a well-reviewed provider do something so rash and senseless, only to jeopardize her professional circumstances, I couldn't agree more; it was a completely reckless act.

There are a number of opinions on the table, to include (1) be a man and walk away silently, (2) be a man and just napalm the bitch already, and (3) give her an opportunity to make it right.

I have certainly fucked up in the past, not quite like this, but I've made plenty of mistakes.  I've always been grateful when I'm offered a way to turn it around.  If this can be fixed by the provider doing the right thing, why not go that route?  I'm thinking this person should be offered 2 options.

Option 1 - Clean up your mess.

Option 2 - Live with the consequences.

The 'Clean up your mess' option would at a minimum require the deletion of the national blacklist report, a formal apology to TER and a statement of intent to TER promising to never do anything like this again.  If so inclined, a really classy apology would include restoring the white list and other references she retracted.

The 'Live with the consequences' option would include the disclosure of her provider name on the RO board in reference to this thread (with TER's concurrence) and a request to TER to ban her from the site.  TER's formal position on this can't be predicted, but I think it should be requested as a consequence of her unwillingness or inability to clean up her mess.

This is how I plan to proceed.  Thank you for your feedback and interest.  I'm out.

it is sane and reasonable. please proceed.

Ask her to take down your info and let her know you will be telling people who she is and what she has done if she doesn't. This way you are giving her the chance to do the right thing. If she ignore you or doesn't do what you suggested then out her. Letting the TER community know about someone like this is only a + to the board and helps the safety of the hobbyists.

I'll be honest..I don't like the plan.

You should go ahead and out her anyway. This is not just about you. It's about rest of us who could be her potential customers.

Yes, you hobby for your own pleasure, but this board is about the whole hobbying community...

Hopefully, you will change your plan.

Thanks for nothing OP.

You start your little bitch-fest (using an alias no-less) and then leave us, your fellow hobbyists, with nothing. TER is all about the guys reviewing the girls and sharing our information. What the hell are you afraid off? Man up and out the bitch.

you're not going to persuade him.

i'm still a bit cynical about it all. so my "if this is your plan.... please proceed" should be read with a very big IF.

i recall some time ago that there was a similar trainwreck involving a reviewer with a very similar MO. he was using the threat of outing a girl to try to force her into doing something she didn't want to do. i hope this isn't the same guy trying to pull the same scam under an alias. i don't want to waste any more of my time on this by looking it up.

so i now have 3 girls under suspicion as possibles. 1 was never on my list. 1 is recently added but now i am not so sure. 1 did such things in the past, maybe.

by not outing her, he is going to raise doubts about a couple of girls i might see. a pointless "bitch-fest" indeed unless he is making a point to her and using the board to help him do it.

Do you guys want to swap info as to who these girls might be using back channel?

I just don't want to be the next dude setting up appt with her.