Married women here, recently found out my guy has been participating in the the hobby. Sure, it bugs me. Oh hell, I could destroy his life if I wanted! And yet I just want to understand why? We have a great sex life, and he makes me happy. Honestly, no complaints. I'm also very liberal and open minded. Come on guys....help an understanding wife out. Love this man. Should I still love him?

Having the same pussy everyday gets old and boring. Every woman is different. Easy pussy has a different feel to it. Also some of have wives who don't do greek. Some of our wives are fat so we want to try a skinny lady. Sometimes we want to have a lady who is of a different race. All types of reasons. It is pretty nice that you can see an escort for as low as $60 to $100 for 1/2 hour and use of hotel room is included, along with the shower.

First and foremost I want to ask you this question. Why are you confusing love with sex? They are not the same thing. Secondly, being liberal may have come back to haunt you, because he may be even more liberal than you ever imagined.

As a man who has been married twice and is currently giving monogamy a try, I will try to be as to the point as I can. It can be one or more of the following:

1) he is a sex addict (Not like if there is anything wrong with that).
2) he can not be satisfied completely by one woman
3) he gets a high from the rush of doing something that is forbidden  
4) you may love him but may be failing in the way that you express it
5) he may be stuck in a marriage he regrets and it would be too costly to leave
6) he is and always has been a polygamist  
7) He has sexual urges that you have failed to satisfy
8) He may have a weakness for a certain look or ethnicity (Asians, Ebony Chicks, Double Ds, Snowbunnies, redheads)
9) he has fetishes that would be too embarrassing to ask his wife to participate in
10) He loves variety
11) the convenience of not having to go through the courtship process, plus the discretion, throw in a beautiful partner makes this way too easy for a virile man with a couple extra dollars to turn down.  

There may be many more reasons. These just poped in my head

-- Modified on 11/15/2014 2:25:59 AM

Monogamy is utterly boring and men are not wired to be with one person. Like the person said above me, love is not sex and if you two have great sex and like being around each other than there is no reason not to love him. Try bringing another guy into the bedroom and see if he objects. Do you ever want to have sex with another man? If your guy is truly open minded, then that's open game now. See how this brought some spice into both your sex lives? That's how you keep things going, change and try new things.

Why do dogs lick themselves all over? Because they can.

it great that you are trying to figure it out instead of just flying off the handle!!  He most likely loves you and just wants something a little different. Maybe he didn't get a lot of experiences early in life and feels he miss out a little.  One thing is for sure he should appreciate the way you are handling it.  Have a good day

Mine certainly is/was not (divorce pending). We had no sex life for years and terrible communications. If our marriage had been like your sounds I probably would never have started the hobby.  

But, what I have gotten out of the hobby in just a year has been a lot more than great sex. I have learned a lot about communications, tried a lot of things I never would have otherwise, met some amazing ladies, and learned a lot about myself.

Perhaps your husband is in search of experience and knowledge that can best be found through the hobby.

answer your 2nd question..

Why would you come here and ask us.. you would love him or not.. How can we make that decision for you?  There are plenty of couples who have open marriages. There are also those who see providers together in FMF situation.  

Let your heart be the guide...Not us..

-- Modified on 11/15/2014 8:38:18 AM

eom

The current sex theory posits that we're naturally non-monogamous (for the sake of propagating the species) and that monogamy didn't come into widespread practice until the advent of agriculture and the subsequent desire to protect property and inheritance.  

We all see how so many struggle desperately to stay faithful, which really is such a waste of energy. Just because he (and probably you) likes a little strange should be uncoupled from whether he loves you or whether he's searching for love from someone else. You'll both be happier if you can let go of the societal-based expectations of strict monogamy in your relationship and give each other a hall pass.  

This is really only a problem if he's neglecting your relationship in favor of her. In fact, seeing hookers is a good sign that he's not looking for another love, just sex. If your libidos are out of sync, then it actually takes the pressure off of you to fulfill all his needs.

-- Modified on 11/15/2014 7:51:10 AM

Would throw in it has nothing to do with whether he loves you or not - in a weird way.  More like he likes to play golf, doesn't affect how he feels about you.  Now, that is twisted in he could transmit a disease to you if you're still having sex.  The financial problems if you have bills to pay, bu that all goes to the addiction and other points.  So, yes, its horrible because he isn't 'caring' about you, but in his head thats not a point.  Like I said, weird, but so are women.

...But are more just hurt - and that asking this is more rhetorical, as in, "how can you guys do this?"
Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel, and hopefully he will respond with equal honesty.
I hope things work out for you.

-- Modified on 11/15/2014 8:44:38 AM

You aren't a woman married to a hobbyist...it's pretty obvious on so many levels.  

The fact that you use the word "hobby" yet claim to know nothing about this lifestyle is the first clue.

 

How did you even know about this site to come here and query gents. Did you just so happen to have TER saved in your favorites, LOL....

Stop it Dude....

I Love All You Sexy Ladies, Please Don't Judge Me, I Will Get 100yrs....

DaTrufe

When you publish please share the link so we can be even further amused.

She sounds like someone who boyfriend was stolen, imho.

Well I guess that's eight words. Wet, sloppy, like a dog with a bone kind with enthusiasm. Since you're edugimicated yourself to all that is Ter., I'm sure you know
 what I'm referring to. And that's my reason . See a good porn flick for more graphics. Post kinda reminds me of the country song where the lady turned her basement into a bar so her husband would stay home. Yeah..no.

Yelp. Seems like the Ghost of Fredrick.

You are obviously a very discerning gentleman that is well-educated, well-mannered, and has a high regard towards the opposite sex!  I would date you for free!  (Are you on the sex offenders list?)  I'm surprised you used the word "lady" in any of your sentences.

Some very interesting reply's here. First off, I'm not a journalist, not writing a college thesis, nor do I work for a news agency. I am truly the real deal. This is my second marriage....and I love my husband, deeply. As stated before, our lives are happy! OK, MY life is happy. And to one of the posters above, I actually have known for a few months. Since I'm not the type to initially "pop" when I find something out, I prefer to read and research. This is why I know you gentlemen call it your "hobby". I even went as far as to purchase a prescription to TER to read the juicy details, which were enlightening. So very sorry to all you guys who think your significant other can't dig enough to figure things out. Perhaps if you used a different handle from what you regularly use, it wouldn't be so easy to find you on Google. I very much appreciate those who posted that there is a difference between love and sex. And yes, being liberal and open minded, maybe it's time to ask for a threesome. I really do appreciate those who have an honest and non-judgmental response. The rest of you can kiss my round, apple ass! I think a talk is in order....it will be calm.

-- Modified on 11/15/2014 6:40:03 PM

You make an excellent point. However, I'm here because anyone living on these boards are living this lifstyle. And before I pass judgement, I want to know why. Is it so strange that apposed to being angry and unhappy that try to figure out what's going on?

-- Modified on 11/15/2014 6:37:31 PM

....and you my friend are an ass. Google "datrufe the erotic review" and see what you come up with. Try it...I dare you!

END OF MESSAGE

Ghost of Miss Potts?

-- Modified on 11/16/2014 5:32:29 AM

Reminds me of a joke.

Two guys are walking down a street and there's a dog on the sidewalk licking his balls.
One guy says to the other, "Man, I wish I could do that"
The other guy says, "You better pet him first!"

Some women find it empowering and a turn-on accepting money for favors. Perhaps you should give it a shot.

I was married only once twenty-two years ago. It was a complete &*@%$ disaster. After getting thrown under the bus by her, LE and the judicial system tag teamed against me. Our laws are designed to protect women and children. It doesn't matter if your wife's accusations are true or false, our judicial system needs (criminals?) to validate their jobs and careers.

After surviving that nightmare, I decided to live alone and hobby the rest of my life. It has worked just fine so far.

END OF MESSAGE

Background. I had been married for almost 20 years before the separation and I started this "hobby" 3 years after that. Never cheated on my wife.

As you can see a lot of married guys here would make excuses to justify their cheating.

One of the more popular excuses that is stated as fact is that men, or male animals in general, are not meant to be monogamous. There are birds that are monogamous. Another excuse is that love is different from sex. However if one does not care enough about or respect his loved one's feelings and lie to her everyday, is that really love? To understand the relationships between love, sex, and monogamy, search for "oxytocin and monogamy" and click on "scholarly articles".

I can't answer the question "why do you do it?" but I may be able to answer "why didn't you do it?" I never thought of doing it because I cared about and loved my wife and family

Don't let the doubters bother you.

On an Internet forum like this one, there's no way to ascertain the motive behind the question or the authenticity of the questioner. All we can do is to answer the question posed if we have an answer.

Ignore them

I admire your bravery for coming out asking. I love your wisdom and self-restraint for being so lady like. Glad to hear you calling it a hobby and not cheating. I would say that you have an understanding of what your husband is doing and yes, you should continue to love him.
 
Don't allow your own understanding and beliefs of the two of you are as happy as can be with a great sex life so, why is this happening. The conclusion I get from this is that things seem to be too perfect and he needs a bit of shaken up. He my be able to predict your every move. Don't be predictable. Give him the spice he desire.  
 
Check out some swinger clubs. You should be mentally and emotionally stable enough to participate with him. Who knows, you may enjoy it yourself! There will be other couples there with wives that are respectful and understand the purpose of that type of play. It's all about trust. There will also be single women there that know and understand the boundaries. I am one of them. Become apart of what's going on so that you too can be at ease.  
 
If you find yourself to be interested, feel free to contact me. I can share some information about them and a few sexy, and spicy tips if you like. If not, I still respect you for searching for an answer without harming anyone.

I think Golfer1953 answered the question most truthfully.  BBBJCIMNCNS.

Unfortunately no, I had a short, 3 month membership, read what I needed to see and didn't renew.

Worry not, this thread was started specifically for married men. Since you're no longer in a committed relationship, what you choose to do, and who you choose to do it with is up to you. I for one won't judge.

I say perfect place because it's always good to get the perspective of the participants.  While our answers are, for the most part, NOT based on civilized culture and meaningful psycho analysis you can get some insight.  In particular when us dudes give insightful answers and not that dumb ass, shyt-for-brains answer, IMHO, BBBJTCIM.

With that said, I've been married twice.  My first lasted 10 months and my second is going on 21 years.  AND my wife current wife has busted me hobbying; AND we are still married.  Strained but married.  AND yes, my dumb ass left up the TER screen and my wife saw it and read some stuff but not much as she was simply pissed and did not do as you have done and/or are doing and seeing how deep the rabbit goes.  Which, IMHO, is commendable as you want understanding and not just getting pissed.
 
Guard provided a good starting list above and as he noted you could add a whole bunch more reasons per all the different situations and circumstances married couples can find themselves in.  I would highlight the point made about sex and love can be 8 different things.  I love my wife but if she's not having sex for whatever reason/s nature still works for me.  And the dude who responded with the hollywood movie answer of "....if you love your wife one would not cheat..."  Bullshit!!  If the reason/s for dude not being able to regularly bust a nut in a manner that is satisfying to him and his wife.  Dude is gonna cheat!  AND, he can still love his wife at the same time.  The key, is communication!!

As such all I can offer is my "Why."  My "why" is due to the classic sexless marriage.  In my experience, sexless marriages are a result of an inability to communicate, for whatever reasons i.e. he may like sex stuff that he is unable to and/or unwilling to communicate to you.  And the sex stuff could be a host of things including.  Another good point on Guards list is the marriage/monogamy thing may not be for him and he has come to that realization in his own mind.  And maybe the exploration into 3 somes and the like is necessary.  However, it takes a special couple to pull that off as jealousy and a host of other issues tend to creep in and end up ultimately killing the marriage.

I do believe in marriage and monogamy but in these modern times that shit can be hard given all the sexual culture we're surrounded by.  As a result couples have to make a conscious effort to keep the sex part of the relationship a priority and be vigilant to stay in-tune with each others needs and desires.  I know for myself and working in an office environment and traveling often I come across sexy women all day, every day that would love to fuck.  They did some study that concluded that dudes think about sex at some outrageous rate daily.  So as comedian Chris Rock joked "......ladies you gotta know your man and you gotta know when he gotta have his medicine!  You can't let him leave out of the house everyday without his medicine.  If you gotta give him a BJ every morning before he walks out of the house that what you need to do...."

I could go on and on but to keep it simple; the key is communication!  I would suggest this.  Let him know you busted him.  But do it in the same manner you're doing now.  Tell him you're not mad but you're defiantly surprised and taken a-back by his actions as you were functioning under the impression that the sex was good!  You love him and you aint going no where.  However, you do want to know the truth about why he did it and you're willing to address his needs and even expand your horizons on sex to make your relationship better.  With that said, you gotta be prepared for the real answer.  He may say, you know honey, you're right we do have good sex but this married thing just aint for me.  I need the freedom to be a sport fucker cause that's who I think I am.

If however, he takes a sigh of relief and is all for you and him addressing the issue/s in a manner that is ACCEPTABLE to BOTH of you then move forward.

My .02

I think many might of wasted their time responding. I apologize for you all.

Adultery? Thou shalt not die. Die for adultery! No, the wren goes to't, and the small gilded fly does lecher in my sight. Let copulation thrive.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, King Le