I quit hobbying a year ago, and started a new TER handle to occassionally browse the discussions. I quit for a different reason though. Did not like the often bashing of hobbyists, who bankroll this business. Of course there are bad apples, but from TER mods to white knights to providers everybody takes a go at hobbyists periodically. Seems like a gender war where the hobbyists are made to feel like culprits and the providers victims. Too bad, I paid the quoted price and was as considerate to providers as I would be to the girl I am dating the first time.
Good luck. It will be hard for the first few months, but once you overcome the urges and try hard to have relationships, you will be happier, and wealthier!
This post is something I have considered writing for a long time...I doubt if I am alone in feeling somewhat emotionally conflicted about my involvement in the "hobby” – the time it consumes, the dishonesty and violation of significant others’ trust it entails, the money it costs – and I have struggled for years with kicking the habit.
Honestly, spending hundreds of dollars for an hour of fun, in the final analysis, seems silly when the dates are rarely perfect and when only hours of later I need another “fix” anyway. I mean, I am handing over money that could purchase an Ipad or a small piece of furniture for a few minutes of pleasure! It is more an addiction than a hobby, at least it has become that for me, and while I might be speaking only for myself, I am sure my words must resonate with someone here.
I feel like the more time I spend in the hobby, the more it pulls me in and causes me to behave irrationally without regard for consequences – accruing debt, squandering time that should be spent in other activities, and straining relationships. So, while I do not presume to judge anyone else in this forum, I don't mean to offend anyone and I am certainly not putting down the providers who do their best to bring some enjoyment into our lives, the time has come for me to move on, once and for all.
Thanks to all of the ladies I have had the pleasure of spending time with – there have been many that I never did get the chance to review or that I reviewed under previous handles - to the discussion participants who have entertained me with their banter, and to all the guys whose input has made the hobby experience that much better.
I will do my best not to regret the positive things I gained and learned from this seven-year chapter of my life, which were many. But I have reached a point where I finally need to genuinely and honestly earn the trust and respect others give me, and this means making a clean and decisive break with the world of hobbying.
It could be that there are some people in this forum who don’t practice the hobby and simply enjoy talking and reading about the antics of others…chime in if that describes you….but insofar as being an active hobbyist myself, I had what I have decided will be my last experience with a provider this evening. I hereby retire, and wish all of you the best in your present and future adventures.
The meer fact you posted a retirement post almost guarantees you'll be back at some point.
....I've attempted quitting cold turkey before myself and it did not work. Then I tried just doing the FBSM thing to help scratch that itch and that did not work.
You're obviously hobbying for a reason (no sex at home with wifey, no sex with civis you may meet, mid-llife crisis) it could be a host of reasons. The bottom line is if you dont address the cause of why you are hobbying in the first place......you'll be back.
Guilt alone will not cure your violation of your moral code.
So all I can say is good luck! You're fighting nature my friend. And when nature calls........
The problem is this hobby is too "easy"...an add water and stir relationship is hard to walk away from.... and it takes a certain personality type to truly quit. How man times have we seem providers post about retiring only to see them back in action a year or a month later? Hobbyists go through the same thing....they quit only to return when things go wrong in their relationship or life gets boring. Once you cross the line it is very hard to cross back over unscathed. Addiction? Maybe for some. For most though its just hard to give up something that gives us so much pleasure so easily....for providers, its very hard to walk away from the lifestyle and go back to a totally civilian life. s I said in the other post, there are no hard and fast rules across the board, but one thing is for sure: you can't always go home again.
...perspective Cara thanks for sharing.
odd similarity in the numbers lol
This post is something I have considered writing for a long time...I doubt if I am alone in feeling somewhat emotionally conflicted about my involvement with "hockey” – the time it consumes, the dishonesty and violation of significant others’ trust it entails, the money it costs – and I have struggled for years with kicking the habit.
Honestly, spending hundreds of dollars for an hour of hockey, in the final analysis, seems silly when the games are rarely perfect and when only hours later I need another “hockey fix” anyway. I mean, I am handing over money that could purchase an Ipad or a small piece of furniture instead of 60 minutes of hockey! It is more an addiction than hockey, at least it has become that for me, and while I might be speaking only for myself, I am sure my words must resonate with someone here.
I feel like the more time I spend on hockey, the more it pulls me in and causes me to behave irrationally without regard for consequences – accruing debt, squandering time that should be spent in other activities, and straining relationships. So, while I do not presume to judge anyone else in this forum, I don't mean to offend anyone and I am certainly not putting down the hockey teams who do their best to bring some enjoyment into our lives, the time has come for me to move on, once and for all.
It could be that there are some people in this forum who don’t love hockey and simply enjoy talking and reading about the antics of others…chime in if that describes you….but insofar as being an active hockey fan myself, I had what I have decided will be my last experience with the Caps this evening. I hereby retire, and wish all of you the best in your present and future adventures.
OK, so much for editing your message. Spending money on entertainment may seem like a waste to you, in which case you should stop spending it. I love hockey and paid $700 for 3 tickets to Fridays Caps game (front row) and would do it again. Dollars paid for hours with providers is no different. If it's worth it to you, go for it. Costs for providers are typically in line with other entertainment options. It's all about what it's worth to you. Personally I wouldn't pay $1 for a Redskins ticket but others might. That doesn't mean Redskins fans are stupid (they are -- LOL).
-- Modified on 11/18/2011 10:44:40 PM
Life is short. Spending your valuable time and money watching other play games is wasteful.
Anyone who have to lie to his SO about watching sports should quit too.
well....I think there are differences here. Just ask your SO 
I quit the hobby a couple years ago (see my Emma Anderson Review), and almost quickly realized that I will be a hobbyist for life. At the time I wanted something more than just good sex. I wanted something more emotionaly fulfilling as well. Eventually, I realized that the two do not usually go hand and hand. If you get the two from a person then I suggest that you fight your best fight to hold on to that person because relationships that are both physicaly and emotionally fullfilling are the exeption not the norm.
Another thing is that I think you took hobbying out of its intended purpose. It is about intimacy with beautiful women and nothing more, at least for me. I used to try to become friends with the providers but this turned out to not be a good idea. Also this is by no means a cheap high. This is a very expensive game and if you have to worry about not paying the bills, then it would be best to rent a porn. Like you have spent hundreds of dollars for an hour with what I thought was going to be a 9/9 and it turned out to be intercousrse with an overweight hairy female gargoyle. Hey, its hit and miss, but you knew that before you crossed that like and knocked on that hotel room door.
Go do your thing. You come back, just as I did.
Peace Braddah
I agree with this comment, but I would like to add that you have more options than you may realize. I really enjoy the providers I have had over the years and would not take back the experiences. Yes, it is too much money to be spending on an urge that is addicting wanting just hours later. This hobby shouldn't be your only pleasure outlet. Find some other companions that will fulfill your needs from dating sites, clubs, etc. Treat it like going out to a Crab Feast, no pun intended. If your like most you aren't eating crabs every week. You might want some fresh new pussy, but there is a girl that wants some stiff dick too and wants to give it to you free. Just be true to your desires and get a few other women on the side minus the emotional attachment. At one time I had four different girlfriends with benefits and it was great. I didn't care what they did when I wasn't with them, but I had great relationship when I was with them individually. Occasionally, I would run out of whipped cream, but I faked it and kept it moving.
Respectfully, I think you briefly explored the "wild side' for a while and it simply was not your cup of tea. nothing wrong with that. And I wish you well. Sorry for your guilt.
Something tells me he'll be back when he gets a raise or wins the lottery.
It is not guilt, Ladies and Gentlemen, but a lack of money that is driving this man away. He cannot manage his finances and likely does not make very much money either. If he were to win the lottery I am sure his "guilt" and other "issues" would surely disappear and he would go on hobby spending spree of the likes even a first round pick NBA rookie would after his first paycheck.
lol
db911
flame away!
LOL, being wealthier would have made me less worried about being financially irresponsible in the hobby but it is nowhere near the whole picture. It is important to feel good about who you are, and the hobby damaged my self esteem for many reasons that go far beyond money.
When you make a statement like that, you should provide evidence to back it up.
Before I moved out and separated from my wife I had a lot more money, I didn't hobby. Now that I am single and poorer, I hobby frequently. It is not about money.
It's about whatever it's about. For some it's money, for others it's addiction, some use it as a supplement and keep it in check....for others still, it might be loneliness. To say one thing cross the board is wrong and it changes as we stay in it.
I quit hobbying a year ago, and started a new TER handle to occassionally browse the discussions. I quit for a different reason though. Did not like the often bashing of hobbyists, who bankroll this business. Of course there are bad apples, but from TER mods to white knights to providers everybody takes a go at hobbyists periodically. Seems like a gender war where the hobbyists are made to feel like culprits and the providers victims. Too bad, I paid the quoted price and was as considerate to providers as I would be to the girl I am dating the first time.
Good luck. It will be hard for the first few months, but once you overcome the urges and try hard to have relationships, you will be happier, and wealthier!
Good luck. It will be hard for the first few months, but once you overcome the urges and try hard to have relationships, you will be happier, and wealthier!
Why? You can always do what you've done before and reinvent yourself with a new hobby handle to hide the shame.
Best if luck to you
See you in your next life
jjmarvell1, it took a big sack to step up and write your good bye. I too feel the same at times for the same reasons. This is a dark side that one truely needs to balance, if possible. Good for you and truely wish you the best in the future.
....Yeah, I may can email the guy but other than that we dont know him and he does not know us.....if you walked by jjmarvel tomorrow you wouldn't know who he was.
Let him get on the six-o-clock news and confess his hobbying ways....then I may say his sack is bigger than mine.
Until then...........who the fck is jjmarvell anyway? For that matter who the fck is DCdaytimer?
...peace you are seeking. A suggestion to consider: To attain the goal you have established for yourself, you may wish to consider trying to find a support group, since you consider your experience "more an addiction than a hobby..." Am fairly confident that your experience is not unique. Good luck to you. Wish you the best.
To be honest you should never say good bye because you can come back a year later, or years from now, so live & learn!
xoxo
When you have other responsibilities such as funding college for the kids or saving for retirement, and are not rich, you have to hobby with a budget in mind and not just with your dick. Just because you are horny and want to bang hot chicks every week, doesn't mean you can do it just because you have some free cash. Budget accordingly and treat this hobby as a luxury with a set limit. I know too well friends that have freely spent on escorts and have little in savings for the future. As for those who significant others, it does become more difficult but if your SO isn't putting out, I think it is reasonable and just to see providers for an outlet other than just taking matters into your own hand.
....when you get that itch it's gotta be scratched. And after one starts hobbying jerking off is a very distant second to calling a provider and getting the real thing. So it's rationalized.."I'll put it on my CC (cash advance) and pay it later..." after doing this repeatedly you look up and got money problems. How do I get relief from the money pressures go see a sexty as hell provider..lol.
and the cycle is repeated...
The board wishes you good luck in you future endeavors.
Especially when you have an SO whom you don't want to deceive. Tell are more important things; I would quit this hobby before other hobbies that I have. Some of us should have some perspective.
When my funds run low, when I am busy or when there are no ladies who's not up to my standards, I don't hobby. I have gone months without seeing anyone and also have seen up to 4 per week.
Active members on this board are probably avid hobbyists, but I am sure many others can take it or leave it. After all, it is just a hobby.
Some of the skeptics here should just speak for yourself.
It's never just a hobby. This is addiction for all of us.
Not only can this become an addiction but this community is also a really negative place a lot of times. This post is a good example of that. The guy was just saying buhbye or whatever and look what he got. Sheesh
Im a meanie at times too so Im not trying to sound perfect, just saying.
Im a meanie at times too so Im not trying to sound perfect, just saying.
I appreciated reading this entire thread, and this comment here? I like the humble attitude of it. Thanks for reaffirming for me that integrity matters, and that it's not all that difficult, or shouldn't be, to practice diplomacy.
(I am referring to your "sticking up" for the OP, as well as your "admission" that you can also be a meanie at times--me too, though I don't like myself much when I give into that very base urge.)
That said, this is a good topic. The OP is, as Assistant reminds us here, just trying to say goodbye. The OP is hang difficulty living with how his life has been going with this as a hobby. Then we should support this person.
I really do question the integrity of anyone who would post something with a mocking tone in response to this topic. What? Seeing a bit of yourself here and need to laugh to squelch your own unhappiness? Stop that, please.
I am not a man, and would not insult any of you by pretending to know how your minds work. Still, since the OP uses terms that sound eerily similar to bona fide addictions, I would like to be supportive to this person, just as I would be to anyone battling with any sort of addiction. I cannot claim to fully understand or empathize with ANYONE's reasons for doing this (and that would be true also of the women in this hobby). It is what it is, and we are each unique. If it becomes destructive, it is time to stop, or at the least, take steps to attempt to put an end to it.
I wish this OP well. He has done something here that is similar to the Twelve Steps "program," and while I have sincere reservations about the whole AA crowd and their philosophy (or rather their behavior, as individuals?) , there is much to be said for someone who is willing to tackle what has caused pain, no matter what it is--alcohol, nicotine, hard drugs, gambling, sex, etc. Admitting that there is a problem is the most important step.
And further, it does not matter at all that we would not recognize this man on the street. As Assistant has duly noted up there, this IS a community, so the OP has taken a step here to stop something that is causing turmoil, and he has made as public an announcement as necessary. (What? Would we have time take out an ad in a major newspaper to [truly] publicly humiliate himself? Punitive much?)
I myself had a client whom I loved seeing, really loved spending time with him, and he too recently quit the hobby. His reasons for doing so are his own, and I won't share them here (because this IS a small world), but I respect his decision. More than that, I support his decision. I know it's difficult for him, and I really, really do not want to interfere. I want him to be happy, period. Whether that entails spending time with me, or working on changing things in his life that made him unhappy in the long run, I support what I believe is a divine right to be happy and joyful. Quitting for him is the right thing, so that's what I will encourage. Sure, I could give in when he shows signs of weakness, right? (Hey, more $$$ for me, right?)
What am I going to get out of that? Some money? More for myself? Sure, I am in this to make money, but I also really do care. And I am a believer in karma, as trite or disingenuous as that might sound to those who are that cynical. I want this man to be happy. I am not willing to interfere and disrupt steps he has taken to improve his life. I might be in the oldest profession, or whatever we are currently calling this, but I am still a person who wants to live with dignity; I want to lay my head down on my pillow at night, knowing that I have not harmed anyone today.
So? I wish the OP well. I hope that you find ways to make your life better. If this is harming you--and self-loathing is very harmful--then yes, you need to stop. I support you and every other man who wants to stop doing this. Just as I would support another woman who wanted to stop being a provider, I support any man who feels the need to stop.
I wish you well. Don't listen to anyone who mocks you, insists that you will be back, or anything else negative about your decision. Strive for happiness and health. Create your own reality. And do keep in mind that all too often those who mock us when we are in pain are those who recognize themselves in our pain. Let it go right through you, just wash over you, as you begin a new chapter of your life. You do have a divine right to be happy. Go for it. Success and joy--may they be yours.
.....but I'm sure that's where the caring stops
.....yeah yeah yeah, it would be nice for everyone to pat him on the back with "Good Lucks" but the reality is it aint gonna be easy!! Hence it needs to be shared that making an annoucement on TER that you're retiring is like telling your drug dealer that you're quitting. The dealer is going to try and find a way concieously or unconciously to take that one last hit......hey, he needs the money too.
Well I wouuld offer that TER is that mental dealer....."I'll annouce my retirement on TER." Knowing full well you'll be back to see what people say and the responses you get. Then you'll slip over the Ads page and see who is coming in town...."I'm not gonna arrange a session, I just wanna see." then as this snowball gets rolling before you know it your dick is in some sexy womens mouth. Then the cycle starts all over again....oohhh I feel guilty, I gotta stop, that was my last session, let me annouce my retierment again on TER........now hit repeat.
I can summarize the above with confidence.....been their done that.
Hence, the OP needs some reality.....your retirement DOES NOT require an annoucement. Just quit and keep running as far away from this easy sex with sexy women.
It may be an addiction for you and preoccupation for some but it's not an addiction for me and it's certainly not for some of my friends.
Perhaps what the OP wrote makes some guys feel uncomfortable. Maybe it makes them think "that's me." I personally see myself in virtually everything he wrote. Kudos to him for making a choice that a lot of us have contemplated but have never quite followed through on. I do not believe it is an addiction the way drugs or alcohol can be, but hobbying can certainly lead to compulsive behaviors that leave you at times with an unsatisfied feeling.
The issue of lying to significant others is whole other mess of fish.