FDR once said: "The only thing we have to fear is FEAR ITSELF".  It is often said that one of the strongest fears of people is "the fear of public speaking".  Since posting on a board (controversial posting at that) is a form of public discourse, I think it is obvious that I have never had THAT fear.  Frankly, I don't think that is the strongest fear of most.  I believe the strongest fear of most people is the fear of CHANGE (either that we have chosen or worse that we had no control over).

 The term "turning point" seems to have a bit of romantic flair to it.  However, it also seems ominous.  A turning point is really a time in life when things "change directions".  It is a "point of no return".  In some instances, it is a "rite of passage".  Just growing up forces changes and causes turning points.  In addition, there is constant change in the world which impacts us all.  Examples of turning points are: graduation, marriage, having children, a new job, having a debilitating injury, retirement, etc.

 Almost four years ago, I had a turning point when I underwent a rather forced retirement (which fortunately came with a rather "sweet deal" to a point).  This past six weeks I have had two other turning points in my life.  The first was the death of my mother, right after Christmas.  Although not unexpected, such is never easy to go through, and we are still going through the aftermath.  The second happened two days ago and was TOTALLY unexpected.  It was the loss of my part time job.  Although that will certainly come nowhere near putting me out on the street, it will greatly curtail my resources for hobbying.  Perhaps I can find another job, but my health concerns will greatly limit me in those attempts.

 Does this mean that I will have to "retire" AGAIN: this time from the hobby?  No, but it will force me into a form of "semi-retirement" (at least compared to before).  Those who have told me that they enjoyed reading my reviews will have to realize that (out of necessity) there will be less of them.  Those providers who I had hoped to have several follow-up experiences with may not come to see those realized.  At a time like this, one tends to become rather reflective, as have I.

 With respect to the providers:

CJ, and Ashana.  What can I say?  You are in my top five ATF list.  As far as I am concerned, you're not going anywhere unless YOU want to.  I will continue to see you gals NO MATTER WHAT.  I'd be CRAZY not to.

Yasmine Greek.  I had just started out with you.  I had many "future plans" for us.  At this juncture, things are shakey.  I hope that some of them can still be realized.

Sofia from MC.  I doubt you are anywhere CLOSE to be able to read this, but for the record, you too are in my top five list.  I hope to still be able to see you at least some of the times you come to town.  This particularly includes the NEXT.

Honey Jones of WOE.  You were the first provider I reviewed and the only one I have reviewed twice.  You will always hold a special place for me, whether or not we will be able to meet again.

Jenna of WOE.  I've tried to meet you FOUR TIMES now without success.  I will make every concerted effort to meet with you once, anyway.  By all accounts, that would be a "once in a lifetime" experience.

There are many, many others that time and space will not permit me to mention.  Please realize that you have ALL had some impact upon my life, and are special in your own way.

 Now, for the hobbyists:

Jeopcon1, what can I say?  You are the Grand Jedi Master.  I have thoroughly enjoyed "serving the force" (of hobbying) with you.  Now, as Obiwon, I will have to enter a form of partial seclusion.  However, I will still be here to hopefully offer input of wisdom and wit.

Tuxedo_Vince and jjkool.  The three of us are the Bal'mer gang.  No one can take that away from us.  TV, I won't be able to "act on" as many of those "suggestions" of yours anymore, but keep some coming, anyway.  It's always great to compare notes.  jj, I know you're busy at work, but remember we are still "blood brothers".

Joe Baloney.  I know you can get a bit carried away at times.  I also know how you like to push NoVa to the apparent detriment of my B'More.  However, I really couldn't imagine this place without your input.

RCPro.  We could hardly have a better moderator, IMHO.  You have helped in so many ways.  I hope to be able to continue to return the favor.

JT, jc, and so, so many other too numerous to mention.  Keep it all coming.  Like I told the providers and jeep, I will still be around enjoying your input and adding some of my own.  I will be undergoing less "exploration" apparently, but that doesn't mean I'm DEAD or anything.  At least not YET.  LOL

Finally, my dear buddies, DOES ANYBODY HAVE A JOB??  HAHAHAHA

 Oh yes, one final note, last but not least.  She would probably KILL me for posting this, but I feel compelled to do so, anyway.  There is a gal that many of us knew from TGND.  She retired from there about a year ago, and she and I have remained in contact.  She started with them from the beginning.  Melonie, my most fervent hopes and prayers go out to you and your three kids (all boys as I recall) for your very crucial and delicate surgery early next month.  May it be a total success and found to be benign or fully controllable.

-- Modified on 10/17/2005 10:10:07 AM

It will work out! C'mon guys lets find this man a p-time job!  He is a very sweet and caring individual.  

I'm still checking the papers!

Charlie Jean

And then there is always tomorrow. If you have good communications skills, can answer phones, take appointments, schedule time; the choice job would be with an escort agency or Indy that needs a male voice for pre-screening. Just a thought.

Of course if you are married, this may not work. But think of the perks and benefits you might have???

Well, it sounds like a farewell speech with no hope. There is always hope as long as you keep the damn door open - and writing epitaphs like this is like nailing the coffin shut. Though it did bring tears to my eyes, as I am sure one day this hobby will end for me.

Hey, see if TER needs staff assistance, low wages maybe, but you keep the peace on the boards or report honest.

Keep all options open - at least while you are still breathing.

Have the courage and strength to try new thing old dogs usually don't - just no back flips and splits to impress the girls.

Good Luck in doing what ever it is you choose.

Wow, so many nice sentiments....  Seeing these lovely ladies obviously means a great deal to many of us.  I'm glad you posted your message, giving thanks and showing appreciation to many of the providers in our area.  They are incredibly courageous for doing what they do for up.  And for more thoughts along these lines, please scroll down to my post to envirogirl's message about receiving creepy e-mails from some ignorant jerk(s).

Ponz, I am very sorry to hear about your current circumstances.  I just began my career in this realm, and you have been a great resource for this newbie!  I'm glad you are here.  And I look forward to your continued involvement, even if it becomes somewhat more limited.

But let me say this: Keep your chin up!  One of my favorite quotes is from Winston Churchill.  "Never, never, never give up."  Such a simple thought; but such an important sentiment.

Try to stay positive, and take care, my friend.

:'-(

I, like you, have also reached that point but with different circumstances (new SO).  To the few who actually get deep into this hobby, you will realize how lucky you are.  I have met some of the nicest people thru this hobby and made some great friends.  To my top 5, I hope to keep in touch and maybe meet again.

Ashana, Grace, Catalina, Kenya (ATL) & Sophia (MIA) we will meet again while all the others I have had the chance to see, I wish you good luck.  Same for all the great posters here.

ps.  I am still waiting on the Ashana's video at exploitedblackteens.com.

I know what you mean about jobs. I was out for about 9 months. You have to network. I have seen alot of folks with all types of skill sets take a very long time to find work in the DC area. I guess it is a good thing that providers require your work number. If you don't have a job it forces you not to spend your cushion of money. It is nice to see the quality of the provider has improved. There seems to be a better supply.

I too am in semi-retirement. I have a part-time job that allows me to do a little hobbying. Hanging around here makes it very difficult though. There are so many wonderful women.

I'm sure something will come along and you will soon be back enjoying the company of the ladies as well as they seem to enjoy yours.

Good luck to you!

Hey Ponz,

Nice message. Hate to think of hearing less from you, always enjoyed your posts and pms. However, I have a strong feeling we will hear from you in the future. Part of that is wishfull thinking, we Baltimore area guys need you. Have you noticed the lack of ladies visiting B'more lately, more fake ads and tv than rel ladies. I guess the rumor of your backing off a bit has reached the industry.

Stay in touch and good luck. I try not to worry about things, always figure things happen for a reason.

Take care,
JC

Wish you the best for the future. We will see you soon..
you will be missed

Tanman

Another Balimoron bites the dust..

Damn.. well ponz.. save enough dough to go see your Angelorioles once or twice this season and chuckle at us DC people having our own sucky baseball team. Consider it a cheaper (oh wait, it's an Angelos run business, it's not cheaper at all), less gratifying, replacement hobby.. Feel the strength in that $16.00 warm, watered down Pabst Blue Ribbon beer as you chug it down as the Angelorioles lose another game.

Run down to the Block every once in a while and have a $6.00 Bud and a $30.00 bj to remind you of the good ole days..

Grab yourself a crabcake at this little pub across from the BO rairroad museum (can't remember the name, damn it all to hell), they're almost as good as sex and much cheaper..

When ya wanna see a real NL baseball game, let me know, i'll give ya a ticket to one of my games this year! Oh wait, the other team is real.. See, i can poke fun at DC too..!

Besides all this.. one never really leaves this hobby til willy stops workin. So, I'm sure you'll be around!

Hmm.. did i make enough bmore jokes for ya?

--jb

Ponz, Well I hope everything works out for you. You were one of the first who helped me in this hobby by giving me great advise.
You have never lead me wrong whith the ladies which was greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
UD

Best of luck to you - hope you find the job fast.  I often wondered what became of Melonie - she definately deserves the best in life and my prayers are with her.

Dont see it as *semi-retirement* hun. Just look at it as taking a break. Through all of the things you have recently gone through I doubt you have really sat back and taken the break that you needed. Mentally and Physically.

Things happen for a reason hun. You know this. You should take this time off to sit back, kick your feet up and relax. You are always on the go and this seems to be the *break* that you need.

The way I see it, when you do get to enjoy the *hobby* it will be all the more pleasurable.

As for us, I am patient and I can wait. You definatly have opened a door for me and I will patiently wait for the day you call to let me know to have the HOT wax ready I do enjoy your posts and hope you continue to write and stick around. You truly are a sweetheart and im sure I speak for everyone when I say that you are a part of what makes TER as interesting as it is.

Besos
Xoxo
Yasmine

Best of luck to you Ponz; the Baltimore crew on the board will definately miss you! PM me with the kind of PT job you're looking for. I've got a decent network of contacts I can use for you.

Very thoughtful..well said. But I sense you will be back. I do not post much but do enjoy reading all..you have taught me much as have so many of the others..............so unreal to hear about melonie...she was one of my ATF and wondered what had happened to her....will send positive thoughts her way ...if you hear more from her please let us know. phil

CJ, I hope you have a very BIG shredder with all the papers you will have to check (or a very LARGE recyclable box).  HAHA  Thanks for the sentiments and plugs, dear.

Believe me, the thought has occured to me, slip.  Hey agencies or indies out there; anybody HIRING???  Hmmmm??

 TER?  Well, I think RCPro serves gratus.  But then, what do I know?

 Don't worry, as long as I'm breathing I'll still be kicking (and doing lots of other nasty shit).  LOL

Don't worry, Derringer.  I may be down, but I'm certainly NOT out, I can assure you.  I'm just too spunky for that sort of thing.  And yes many of the gals DO mean a LOT to me, and I appreciate my hobbyist friends as well.

 Don't worry, my "continued involvement" is assured, as long as I am still breathing.

...how did you know that I looked like Alfred Hitchcock's other side, only with glasses and more hair??

Grace and Catalina were on my "short list".  Now, it looks like I will have to put it away in the "drawer" for safe keeping.  Maybe I can still see them some day.

 You bet.  I have met many superlative people in this hobby.  I feel we are among the most "open minded" people on earth.

Job number?  Well, my cell phone is tied to my consulting business (when I have any as I fortunately do now).  With my retirement checks, date-check references, and many many other references, I really don't have a problem of this nature getting to see new providers.  As I said before, the problem is that the till has far more limited capacity, these days.

-- Modified on 2/11/2005 6:16:57 PM

Thanks for your good wishes, sm (hmmm that has a ring to it).  I like the "master" part, too!! {laughing}

jc, rest assured it is NOT goodbye (as I hope my original post conveyed).  Some reduction yes, but not goodbye.  Don't worry, I'll still "serve the force" as best I can--especially the BALTIMORE FORCE.  Reduction may mean less hobbying, but there STILL will be hobbying.  Hopefully it will not be more than I can afford.  We all know how addicting this can get.

My good buddy tm, you won't need to MISS me.  I will still be around, only in a somewhat diminished capacity.

Re:Another Balimoron bites the dust..

You sure DID, JB.  As for "Peter the Great" (not referring to Johnson's other name), as I told you many pages ago, I can't stand the jerk either.  Everyone in the world knows the Orioles need pitching.  They could have gotten two very good pitchers for what it cost to get Sosa.  But Peter is about glitz and money, short term.  Well, it isn't gonna get me back to the park, like he thinks.  Maybe once or twice for the novelty, but that's it.

 The block?  Don't go THERE, don't do THAT, anymore.  Any native KNOWS better.  Besides, I'd NEVER be THAT desparate.

 I like the crab cake part too.  Of the three, that may be the only thing that might be BETTER than sex.  HAHAHA

 Watch OUT.  I might take you up on those NL Nats tickets!!  At least it won't be the same ole crap they're dishing out at Camden Yards these days (real team or NOT).

 And, rest assured I'm not LEAVING the hobby, till they KICK me out screaming!

...it's hard to go wrong with the well discussed and reviewed ladies on this board.  We all face YMMV.  I just endured it last week.  It's just part of the gig.  After all, would anyone want the providers to be androids??

She's keeping a "stiff upper lip", falcon.  Based on her mom's experience, she is confident of the outcome.  As I said, my prayers are with her as well.

You will surely be missed.

See ya!
Ashana

I LIKE the way you look at it, Yasmine.  That is quite upbeat, and I feel accurate.  You're rarely off the mark, and I think you hit THIS one right on the head as well.  Yes, I can use a break.  Unfortunately, all the stuff that has gone undone at the house now beckons.  Now that's REALLY work!

 Yes, things really do happen for a REASON (or perhaps several).  In this instance, I think I may have all ready figured what some of them might be, too.  Believe me, I'm not exactly "crying in my beer" (and unlike what JB says, I don't pay $6 for my beer).  Come to think of it though, I'm not sure I can taste MY beer either, anymore....:~(

 Hot wax?  Whooooaahh!  You sure know how to HURT a guy, doncha?  Looks like I may have to dip into some reserve funds.  Now that you've been "introduced", it's hard for me to figure out how YOU had been "holding up" either.

 Much love, darling.  You're the BEST.  Now don't go gettin' jealous CJ, and Ashana, you're the BEST too!

-- Modified on 10/17/2005 10:08:33 AM

As I told tm, you won't have to MISS me, either.  I'll still be here.  Perhaps even more refreshed, albeit a bit hornier.  HAHAHA  I will pm you soon.  Thanks.

-- Modified on 2/11/2005 7:08:47 PM

Yes lancer, I will keep everyone apprised on Melonie's situation, as long as I can continue to gather the information.

 I won't be back, BECAUSE I am NOT leaving.  Don't worry.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your job, I'm sure you'll get another one

But one of your meets I'm sure can be with that hot latin lady that we're all waiting for to come back. I'm betting she'll be back in the Spring/Summer to sizzle us some more.

you have me confused with someone from the Bob Dylan School of Music, BDSM for short....LOL ... I least I think that's what that stands for. One of my ATF goes to that school. I was kicked out for being a good boy......lmao...NOT

Thanks so much for the sentiments, Ashana sweetie.  I may be missed, but not by YOU.  Go back to my original post.  You were (and are) in that "SAFE list".  Hmmm: "safe".  Perhaps a poor choice of word.  I'm really anything else BUT...LOL  Oh yes, I come across that way in the BEGINNING.  

 No dear, you're still in my lair.  I trust I will be seeing you SOON; VERY SOON.  The "well" still has a good supply of water (and other fluids) in it for my ATF's!  BESIDES, since I lost the job, my BUSINESS has picked up!  And, my business is much more lucrative.

-- Modified on 2/15/2005 8:03:37 AM

Yes Guz, I DEFINITELY know WHO.  After all, in my original post, I mentioned her in my top five list!  Sheesh, and to think she told me she would be back in February.  Now I don't know when.  Could contact Laurie to try to find out, I suppose.  Maybe she foresaw that times would be a bit tight right now (after all it seems she can work OTHER miracles).

 Sofia darling, head back just as soon as you can.  Guz and I are just TWO of the "broken hearts" you have left behind up here.  Besides, your sizzle would thaw out the WINTER, as well!