In the last couple of years, I have met several people who would say at some point during our encounters, that if they could turn back time, they would have no hesitations in dating a ts.  

Is this something guys just say? Or do you guys really see us as equals to ggs in the civvie world? I understand that there's still a lot of stigma on the subject, and a lot of guys still think that they will be perceived as gay if friends and family found out that they're dating a trans lady.  

are we just another commodity to you guys or would you consider dating us in the civvie world? What are your thoughts on this?

-- Modified on 12/26/2015 9:35:46 AM

As a young man I dated a TS for a short time.  She was no different  than any gg. I'm straight and I knew she was a TS but it did not matter.  Kissing her and making out was no different than any other girl. However, I would never kiss a guy and find it hard to even hug one.  What does that make me?  I regret that the relationship did not go beyond the kissing stage because it would have answered questions I still have about myself.  
She actually dumped me

I think a lot of guys would if society were more accepting of it. Speaking for myself, I could never see it happening because of my family. And my family is pretty liberal and very supportive of me in general. There just isn't the level of understanding and acceptance for dating a ts. If I were gay and dating a man they would be supportive. But if I were dating a ts they would think I was confused and going through a phase.

I would love to date a TS. I tried recently with sugar daddy sites too, but, most are looking for a quick hookup. I live in LA, where you'd think it would be easy. Maybe it's just me?

The majority of my encounters with TS ladies as well as with GG ladies turn out to be enjoyable but strictly compartmentalized sexual trysts. Once in a very rare while I meet someone whose personality and background ring true and touch my inner core (to the extent possible in a P4P encounter) and make me wish I were younger and more attractive and could woo them.  

On the flip side, I suspect that being a professional provider can affect someone's outlook. Surely a long stream of anonymous encounters often with relatively unattractive and/or needy customers would likely require many providers to be quite jaded. However, my hunch is that SOME TS ladies do yearn for validation and romance and that is fine, too, and actually would seem to preserve more of their humanity. Humans often harbor conflicting emotions and objectives and there is no reason to think that we are always more rational in the hobby component of our lives.

The thing is, I don't really interact with any on a regular basis... at least not that I know of.  I'm also in my 40s and was never into the club scene, so there is little realistic chance of me finding one that I would click with.  

When people develop far enough, societal imposed roles and expectations become meaningless.  Our culture is broken, and inflicts roles and attitudes on people before they're developed enough to form a broad, genuine perspective.  

-- Modified on 12/26/2015 6:01:35 AM

When I first accepted my attraction to transsexual woman in the mid-1990's the answer would have been absolutely not. Today, I would and would no qualms about doing so in a public manner. I don't know that I would date a girl that is a active escort, I'd probably be to jealous to accept that very well.

Considering the OP, that's a slam-dunk "yes" on the dating thing, but that might just be my Sasha-crush talking.

Really, I've only ever met ladies in the hobby, so it's tough to answer in a real-world scenario. Although I never look at a provider as a "commodity", sometimes it is just a fun, physical experience at which point I'm cool with just that hour or so of playtime, but I also enjoy getting to know someone on a less superficial level if they're open to it. I've contemplated Sasha's question previously as I've had instances where I spent just as much time chatting with a girl as with the extracurriculars. Honestly, trans ladies understand some things about men on a level a GG never would, which is refreshing from my perspective. I also think they sometimes know which buttons work better (metaphorically, I mean), so that's another advantage.

Having said that, I also understand that many ladies have a lot of extra obstacles they may have to go through because of their gender, whether it's social, mental, medical, etc. which are probably not so apparent to those of us on the outside. Perhaps it's easier to say yes not fully understanding these challenges and how they might affect a relationship.

If the connection is there, though, sure, it's worth the chance at mutual happiness to me. You're right about the stigma, though. There's a huge difference between being into trans ladies and being into men, as those that are into either know, but I don't expect my friends or family to be able to understand that differentiation. Then again, they don't ever meet my gf's anyway, so it wouldn't matter for a while.

My only real problem is that most trans ladies seem to love to dance and I, unfortunately, dance like a refrigerator.

you are sad... you will never be happy in your life if you seek validation from society and your family instead of doing what you want its really sad.. I'm so thankful that i do whatever i want to do without caring what people think life becomes so much better !!

I'm sorry I didn't ask this question so we could pass judgment on others. Unfortunately he's right. Life isn't as black and white Alexia. There's some white and black around the edges, and then there's a crap load of grey in the middle

-- Modified on 12/27/2015 12:00:11 PM

If I could luck out and meet a nice TS had the same attributes that I look for in a GG, then yes.  Being attracted to each other and being compatible of course is very is important.  Having a common goal in life is also important.  Also, being feminine is an important attribute.

advertising as a gg on escort sites?  Hope some backward ass redneck doesn't figure it out one day.

I would have no issues with dating a transsexual, M to F pre-op. Of course I would look for the same kinds of things I seek in GG dates...intelligence, sense of humor, common interests, physical attraction. However I would be very reluctant to date a provider, because in my experience it is very hard for providers to walk away from the money and the variety of sexual encounters. So it's not just that I would be jealous, although that plays a role, but that I would worry about my own ability to sustain her interest.

One lady really rocked my world!  She was impressive in her appearance, very feminine, and sexy as hell.  I would definitely make her mine if given the chance.  My answer is yes.  I think it is the best of both worlds.

I've taken a lot of tgirls on dates, but have never "dated" one. Would I? Yes.

Cant figure out why I would want to be (outed) by family or associates. Date? Me sitting at a bar or dining might say"curious". Me having a hand in hand,kissykissy relationship? I'm Gay, a DownLow,Undercover...Really what would the women I deal with say? I pay them(Tgirls)for a reason. I'm not that lonely.Never get involved!

END OF MESSAGE

I would not have a problem dating someone I was attracted to, regardless of their spot on the gender spectrum. If my friends are bothered simply by the fact that I am dating a transgender person then they really aren't kind of people I want as friends.  

There are issues and concerns that would come from a serious relationship with a transgender person. There are still backwards people and barbaric places in this world that make it difficult for individuals like yourself to live the decency and nobility of an ordinary life. There will be awkward and embarrassing situations throughout the relationship. But that's why people have relationships; so they can get each other through awkward and embarrassing situations with a sense of humor and sanity (or some resemblance of) intact.

I can't really guess what goes through a trans-lady's mind about relationships. "There be dragons" as the old maps used to say. But I could say the same thing about Cisgendered women thoughts as well.

Let me start by wishing everyone best wishes, good health, and prosperity for the coming new year.  

In the last couple of years, I have met several people who would say at some point during our encounters, that if they could turn back time, they would have no hesitations in dating a ts.  

- Not sure what turning back time has to do with dating a ts.
Are they now married or in a committed relationship?
 
Is this something guys just say?  
If before, during, or after sex then likely yes

Or do you guys really see us as equals to ggs in the civvie world?  
Speaking for myself yes, whether or not you are in or out of the sex industry.

I understand that there's still a lot of stigma on the subject, and a lot of guys still think that they will be perceived as gay if friends and family found out that they're dating a trans lady.  
 
are we just another commodity to you guys or would you consider dating us in the civvie world?
To some yes but so are gg escorts

What are your thoughts on this?
Highly probable those responding here are hobbyist / admirers and possible only encounters with TG are through hobbying.  As with GGs, not all TGs are blessed with physical beauty and many who are on the board may be naive to the reality and see the girls here as being the typical TG.  

I am not speaking for anyone or everyone, only commenting on observations

My last ts girlfriend was for 4 years and as a relationship with a gg we have great and bad times, I introduced her to my friends and family and whoever don't like that, is their problem, not mine.
I'll still dating transsexuals no matter what. I'm an adult man who deserves respect in all my decisions.
I'm not attracted to any gay guy, I like feminine ts with a surprise, so I don't consider myself as a gay. I'm confident in who I am.

I am at the stage in my life where I am comfortable with myself, myself with my friends, myself with my family (parents are now gone, they might not have been ok with it and perhaps would have stopped me from pursuing the choice) and myself in the business world.  Certainly, some would talk, question and ridicule this choice but who cares really, it's my life to live and if it all feels right...it's all good.  Nick14

I am a middle aged married professional straight male who has been having an ongoing affair with a transgendered female...this relationship has been ongoing for multiple years at this point in time.. I have been with her many times and she has travelled with me on frequent business trips.  Maybe every two to three months.. I certainly have no issues with dating her, eating at restaurants or going to shows with her.. In short being seen in public with her has not been a problem.. I like her as a person and not as a sexual object.. Much as I have in my "real " relationship there is a genuine like of her as a person .. She is interesting and funny and stimulates me mentally as well as physically.. However I doubt I would ever be comfortable introducing her to others even if I was to become divorced.. I think there is a huge stigma associated with TG people still..  

Some have commented about whether they would ever date an escort.. Well my affair has been with someone whom I first met as an escort.. There was something special when I first met her ( had met many escorts both GG and TG previously).  Saw her multiple times which worked out since I lived maybe 30 minutes away.. She was in city where I worked... We gradually evolved into something much more.   But the escort thing is difficult.. It does lead to self doubt.. It does lead to jealousy and also wondering if you are truly able to be equal sexual to other she " entertains".  It is upsetting when she has dates and you want to see her... Definitely something that I don't recommend and I wish I had met her in a different situation frequently.  I think dating an active sex worker either TG or GG is not a good idea

If she looked and acted like a woman, and was a pleasure to be with, tgirl or ggirl, either way.

If I were attracted to her and she to me. If we had mutual interests and similar out looks on life. If she could make me laugh and in turn she enjoyed my odd sense of humor..... The answer is absolutely Yes but not because she is TS but because I enjoyed the company of her soul. TS, GG just a label. I would not have to turn back time. Today if the time was right.... would never be a problem for me. I don't care what anyone perceives of me anyway.

I'm going through a divorce right now, so my feelings on relationships in general are a little complicated right now.  I have figured out that humans are generally polyamorous, so I will no longer be exclusive with anyone.  In addition, even if I didn't have polyamorous tendencies, there's the fact that I love both natural-born and trans women, and need both in my life.  For instance, I couldn't (traditionally) marry a trans woman and go without pussy for the rest of my life.  By the same token, I've developed a taste for ladydick that will never go away, so I wouldn't want to be trapped in a monogamous relationship with a natural-born.

This does not mean that trans women are a commodity to me.  I am still in the early stages where this is a fetish for me, but the trans woman is not a fetish...she is a human woman with feelings, and I will value her as such, and love and respect her the same as any other woman in my life.

As for the sex worker issue, as I stated above, I'm polyamorous, so that makes sex work a non-issue for me.

Stigma?  I've always been a person who likes to buck the system and shock others out of their comfort zones.  I've already come out as an atheist, I think it would be a nice touch to go to the alumni dinner at my old christian college and introduce everyone to my transgender girlfriend, LOL.

Sasha, I hope you find a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who can love you as you are.  Maybe if you move to Minnesota, I'll date you.

I am involved in a multi year relationship with a TS I met as an escort.  I am in my fifties and I can say that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  She is beautiful, fun, smart, witty, difficult, bitchy, kind, selfish, moody, sexy, charming and she loves me and I wouldn't trade her for the world.  

I am married so I am discrete when bringing her around friends, but she has met some of my friends who agree with me that she is beautiful, charming and fun.  We have discussed making her history more public, but we both agree and have decided her history is nobody's business, and what people don't know, won't hurt them.  However, even if my friends and family learned that she was transgender, I wouldn't stop seeing her and loving her because, ultimately, I don't care what people think.  We are all going to die someday and it would be nice to die knowing that we have lived life on our own terms and knowing that we have not let others dictate what our happiness should be

If a friend or family member would be alienated by who I date, live with or marry, my response to them would be "live and let live" and "judge not lest ye be judged".  If they still had an attitude, then fuck them, they are not someone I would want to be close to anyways.

The only issue I have in this relationship is that I am married.  One day (hopefully soon) I will grow the cojones necessary to tell my ole lady "I am outta here" and when that happens, I will truly be living life on my own terms and I know exactly who I will be living my life with.

What if she planned on having SRS and/or refuse to provide the best of both worlds because she desires to be only one, would that change your liking for her ?  

Just because a TS is the best of both worlds in the hobby and in YOUR view how YOU like it doesn't necessarily apply to their personal liking, as every TS is different theres no one way only to be a trans-woman. Many men seem to generalize or assume that just because we have a penis or what they see in porn that somehow we ALL process things like a man and even sexually. Some may enjoy being both . Please let's not confuse porn/hobby with reality. While there might be some TS who will relate to you, there might be some that won't.  

There's real issues underlying behind this hobby/porn that a transgender life has to go through on its own and its a very challenging life, and its takes a strong, empathetic, experienced, stable, define and grounded partner to partnered up with a trans.  

TL/DR Yes, my wife and I would love to openly date a trans girl in a long term relationship, play with one openly at kink parties, see TG providers together.  

I have had a desire for TG girls that was a curiosity for a long time before trying it out with a provider.  I got lucky and had some great times but I was definitely fulfilling a fetish... being topped by a girl.  Of course, I saw GG providers, mostly Domme, who did the same to me if either strapped on or with fingers.

But with time, as I became more and more aware of the issues confronting gays and bi's and trans folk, my feeling changed.  I still sought out TG providers, but I had a fantastic experience with a bottom... she was sweet and empathetic as any provider I have been with.  

At the same time, my wife has become interested in kink.  I was lucky in that i had a DADT rule in place with her so she knew and approved of my seeking out things she didn't want to do with me without her knowing more than I was enjoying myself more and as a result our sex life improved.  I also had the freedom to see more providers.  

Since she was no longer, my wife and I explored more that before.  Any time she tried something new with me it was a bonus, not a disappointment in that she didn't go father.  One of our favorite games is to sit at the computer and d a search for "couples" on eros and click on providers we find attractive.  At first, she wouldn't even think of clicking on a transgender provider so I never did.  But clearly she became a little curious and one night we clicked on a transgender girl and our fantasy that night involved imagining me being with her as my wife watched.  

Also at this point, my wife had developed an interest in hotwifing and we were doing three ways and fourways, some with me in a cuckold role and some just as a bunch f people in bed together.  She introduced me to giving head to a guy with her watching as part of her turnon and it was completely different than being with a transgender girl and taking her penis in the mouth.  

Our play took us to BDSM/Swing clubs and we have met several transgender girls there.  We have played with a post op girl who gave my wife her first dildo fuck and my wife watched as the trans verbally girl humiliated me as i licked her to a cum.  We met another trand girl, a bottom, who I am totally hooked on but she is married to another transwoman and is only played with by her wife.  But I am teased with/by her and my wife again loves it.  

Finally my wife wanted to be with a trans girl who had not undergone SRS and we looked at a provider.  Our time with her is probably the peak sexual experience we have ever had.  We have had more encounters with trans women as a couple, some my wife cuckolding me with a trans girl as I watch only, some her fully engaged in sex with the trans girl.  

We are not plainly out as kinksters in our daily vanilla life although some friends know more than others.  And there is no shyness with my admitting that I am bisexual and the cuckold fantasies that once were "the price of admission" to watching my wife have sex with other men and women are now just as ot to me as to her.  I do not seek out sex with other guys, but when my wife wants to watch it, I do gladly.  We are actively open to dating a trans girl and cant wait for the day when our business is successful enough for us to afford to see providers, Domme, GG and TG as much as we want.    

And lastly, the #1 top of our list playmate we would love to be involved with is the total bottom submissive, being her sister slave to my wife and her Mistress would be a total hotness.  And both the bottom and her Mistress know it and its the base of some hot play when we see them together at a party.

By the way Sasha, given your list of friends on your web site and reading you as well.... we would love to put you on our wish list!

END OF MESSAGE

After a session I accepted a dinner date request from a very hot provider with whom I clicked sexually.  I enjoyed myself, but she and I are not compatible from a BF-GF standpoint, and i wouldn't repeat.  However, assuming things were kept very discretely, I wouldn't have a problem dating a T-girl who turned me on physically and who had a nice personality.  There are several T-girl providers I have seen, including you, who would meet that criterion for a dating companion.  Again, it would have to be discrete.

Would definitely see someone if we had mutual interest and attraction.

(sorry if this is a double post, I got timed out and re-posted)

 
Sasha,

I can only assume that a TS has to deal with the hardships that most GG face with the desire for variety that plagues men, as well as the potential suffering that a homosexual faces when stuck in a closeted relationship.  I am sympathetic to that, and after reading a great deal of your writing, I hope you can be a large part of bringing a greater respect to the TS community.

I have a few thoughts on the dating issue:

1. The social stigma factor is obviously still a major issue.  I am not a romantic believer in finding a one true love.  I believe in the saying that goes something along the lines of "the one" is simply the one you happen to be with when you are ready in life to commit.  With that being said, for most men, why would we choose to make life harder by going against the social grain.  For a TS, there is no choice but to be brave, and deal with the ignorant and hateful.  However, making life easier for mom and dad is a choice that most men have, and go for.

2. The kid issue.  I grew up in a diverse area, and I'm attracted to women of all races.  However, I'm also contemplating having children.  Instincts make me want to have kids that look like me.  For that reason, I have always been hesitant to date women outside of my race.  I feel like doing so would be lying to those women of my intent for a committed future together.  I feel like dating a TS would be a similar issue with lying to the person of my intent.  Obviously there is adoption, and using a surrogate, but either way loses the ability to make a child together, which is another instinctual issue of man.  Using the services of working providers, be it of the GG or TS variety, makes it possible for men to satisfy their needs without lying to a woman just to get her naked, or having the awkward conservation of desire for a no-strings-attached fling.

3. Maybe I'm not the type that you were directing your question to, as I have never been with a TS, but in some cases there is bound to be the sexual issue.  I am intrigued by the idea of being with you one day just because of how you have presented yourself.  Your blog has made me develop a crush on you, but I know that I have no desire to have someone inside of me.  I know that if I do meet a TS one day, it will be because I'm attracted to them like I would be any woman, without the need to try out being a bottom.  I'm sure it would be welcome by many TS to not have to perform in that way in a work-related meeting.  I'm sure it would be great for you and many other TS to just be treated like a lady on occasion.  However, in the long run of a dating relationship, I would feel like I was cheating you out of a fulfilling experience.  Obviously making that assumption in advance isn't right of me, but the thought would always be in my head.

I hope this doesn't sound like the ramblings of an idiot, or was in any way offensive, and that it is a welcome change of perspective.

I think this point of view is nothing new for a TS and YOUR views are from a personal position and too narrow.  

Not every TS encounters a closeted relationship.

Not every men wants kids and a family. I meet many and some in their 50's and never desired to have a child actually some even ended relationships due to the female wanting kids.  

Not every TS encounters a deal of ignorant and hateful energies of society as some TS are low key due to being very passable so they don't necessarily deal with society unless they reveal themselves.  

Not every men is a coward and afraid of society.  

You said it yourself: "Maybe I'm not the type that you were directing your question to". You have set goals on your future so why answer it ?  

Thank you for the response. I'm sure that all of your points are true, and I was indeed answering for myself. The impression that I had from the OP was that she was wondering about a true civvie partnership with a peer, not an open SD/SB relationship with someone 20-30 years her senior. I thought it was appropriate to give another point of view, rather than just reiterate what has already been repeated in prior posts. I have certainly been wrong and misguided before though, and this could be the same.

I don't have much experience in the TS Hobby and have always considered myself to be straight. Well, now i know different...
With the proper circumstances, i'd have no problem dating a TS lady in my real life. In fact, I'd certainly be in favor of...Any social stigmas, shame on those people doing the stigmatizing. this is the 21st century.
For the few encounters I've had, I favor a TS Lady who is passable. And either before or after our tryst, i enjoy going out, having dinner or drinks, with her. For me, spending time with a person and getting to know them is just as important as the deed. I do this because i feel it's the right thing to do, treating the lovely ladies as a real person with respect instead of an intimate object.

You mentioned turn back time.  I'm in my 60's and hell yes I would. I have a fav here in LA I'd take away if I were "younger."