that guys will IM or email me AFTER seeing me in club and not saying a word to me in person, to try to talk to me, or hit on me online?

This happens to me all the time. The most recent time, a friend and I actually said hi to the guy, since he was standing so close and staring so much, and he barely managed to say hi back.  But the next day, he IM's me and is VERY aggressive.  

Why are some of you guys lion's online and lambs otherwise?

meow

I think some (maybe most) guys are shy or even scared to talk with a t-girl in public, even in a club or bar where they expect to see t-girls. But the anonymity of the PC gives them the freedom to express themselves--sometimes I sure too boldly. Somehow it feels safer to IM or e-mail you privately than in a club, and certainly they feel freer to be aggressive: there's no risk if there's no real contact.

I tend to be shy around anyone I don't know, and more comfortable emailing someone I don't know than telephoning. I don't go to clubs (Allanah's One Night in Bangkok being the only exception in more years than I can count, and that because I knew someone who was also going), so I can't really speak to that (though I did strike up a little conversation with Joanna Jet at Allanah's party--she was very friendly). But for me it's that initial exchange that's hard; once we start talking I'm very comfortable.

What I wonder as a follow-up to your question is (assuming you're open to it, I don't know) how many of these guys follow through with meeting you and whether they are shy or aggressive then.

Okay Felicia, let me try my perspective on this phenomenon.First off, let me say that I am always extremely courteous, respectfull, and at all times a gentleman, whether in a TS club, or on-line, so I guess that would make me a "lamb". Why don't I personally approach the ladies in the clubs? Well, my experience is only with El Gato in Chicago and The LV Lounge in Vegas (I HAVE to get to "Peanuts"). I find that in most cases you ladies are some of the most attractive, exotic, and stunningly sexy women I have ever come across GG or TS. I guess you could say it is the old addage "the prettiest girl in school never has a date on Saturday night, because the guys are too intimidated by her". Some guys probably just are too intimidated by you in person, and need the comfort and buffer zone of the internet. Personally, I feel more comfortable if the woman approaches me first, so I think there may be some (even if it's just for the $$$) of mutual attraction...

Just my two cents.... Steve

Some guys are shy, some aren't.  The internet makes shy guys less so because the alleged humiliation of rejection isn't as bad on when you're not staring someone in the face.

I think this is even stronger when it comes to tgirls.  Alot of guys have many many hangups relating to the love of tgirls: guilt, shame, fear, etc.  So the guy who is generally shy becomes even more so around you.  Yet, his desire (obsession) for you compels him to use other less threatening means.

No, I am not as psychiatrist, but i did stay in a holiday inn express last nite.

Half the battle is over as soon as you say hi an intialize the conversation. Its all down hill from there. Yes beautiful ladies intimadate us and the computer gives us a veil to approach you from whle being anonymous.But like anything if he's visiting a local club that has beautiful TS ladies as major patrons then why be shy!! I would sure say hi.
Just my 2 cents

I can count on one hand the number of times guys have said hi to me in person from having encountered them before online.  I am pretty much a regular at Peanuts and am frequently at the Lodge. I am online a lot, my pictures (under a different screen name, sorry) are all over the internets   so I get IM's and emails from guys all the time. I always tell them to say hi to me if they see me at a club.  and with a few very rare exceptions, they never do.  
They should.  I'm always friendly and polite.  and I don't even drink, so I'm not going to stretch their bar tab out too badly

I am a newbie here (both in the general sense and the t-girl scene).  I am curious (very), but a little bit apprehensive about how to step into the pool.  Is there a way to get my toes wet first?  I am really intrigued by the idea of an evening with a t-girl (and all that entails).  How does one go about finding a safe first time experience?  The reviews on here are somewhat helpful, but a little sparse for real data.

Would appreciate hints, tips and pointers from hobbyists and providers alike.

That seems a little odd. If I had already made contact with someone (in a forum, through email, or otherwise) and saw them in a club, I would definitely introduce myself. That's what I did at Allanah's party with Joanna, and had a very nice conversation with her. She recognized my nick from the Hung Angels forum, Shemale Yum forum and SER and remembered exchanging posts with me following my first TS encounter a few years back, and seemed honestly happy to meet me and, as she said, to put a name and face with the online personality. I also said hi to a few other girls there, including Gia Darling, who gave me a nice hug. Why wouldn't a guy say hi if he's already chatted online with you? Assuming I would know you, Felicia, I would definitely say hi! (I don't know what you look like, though, so I wouldn't know how to recognize you--and I live outside Boston, so I've never been to Peanuts anyway.)

http://articles.urnotalone.com/15

It is called "Conflicted."

You might enjoy it also, The Answer.

- LAA

Nicely done LAA.  I momentarily regretted you failed to provide a wrap-it-all-up  Answer to the Universal Question, but then as I re-read the last line I realized the Conflict is the Answer. Life is a marriage of heaven and hell.  On our good days we make it a thoughtful marriage and remember to appreciate its glories.  
Thank you.

well said    I just hope some of these guys will take what you wrote to heart.  and take this from me, from the heart:

Don't lurk
Don't stare
Don't grab
Say Hello
Buy drinks
Converse
Don't be rude, crude or lewd.  at least not right away

We like it when men act like men, and treat us like women.

You don't have to be rich, or handsome, or devilishly witty.  Just be yourself.  (of course, if you are, rich handsome and devilishly witty, all the better   )

meow

Wow.... that was an amazing article.

Guys in TS bars always seem to get mad when people talk about buying drinks.  Don't guys offer to buy girls drinks at straight bars?  Isn't that a universal "ice breaker"?  Why should TS bars be different.   If you are THAT short on money, at least make up for it by being very charming or witty or just plain nice.

Now before you think I'm a lush, more often than not, if a guy does offer to buy me a drink, I will be very gracious of the offer and not even take him up on it.  I don't care for drinking very much, but just that simple gesture on his part makes a lot of points with me.

Oh.... and if you are going out to meet people, WEAR CLEAN CLOTHES!  No, you don't have to wear a suit, but just something nice and clean.   I actually saw one guy where he literaly looked like he just got off work after painting a house for the last 12 hours!!!!  Who wants to be seen with someone like that?  (Hey, guess what?  He went home alone!)




-- Modified on 11/2/2004 12:14:30 PM

One guy we talked to one nite at Peanuts came straight from work.... in his plumber's uniform.  complete with his name tag.  No Shower.  straight from rooting out clogged pipes or what have you.  ewwwwwwwwww

meow

Whether I am in a TS bar or a straight bar, I don't mind offering to buy a girl a drink as an "ice-breaker"; however, the operative word here is offering. Nothing turns me off more, and turns on my scam guard faster, than a girl or a TS asking me to buy her a drink after I say hello.  Worse, asking me to buy drinks for her and her friends.  Again, let me repeat this, I like it to be my idea.  The other way reminds me of the old B-girl rip-off clubs, where your drink is $10 and theirs is an outrageously priced glass of juice or cheap champagne.

"At the Tip of the Tongue Lives the World"....so said Victor Hugo

At some point you have to open your mouth if you want to hook up.

Plus it's a matter of comfort level. Some guys ARE uncomfortable chatting up a T-girl in the same manner as a genetic female. But, if you are going to do this at some point COURAGE has to kick in and you have to take the first step.

As some of the board residents know (esp. you, Star) I am very proud of the TS provider I'm with and I feel that if I could not both take her anywhere and introduce her to people I know I wouldn't have started seeing her on a repeat basis in the first place. As a treat, because she had just been dumped on by a guy she REALLY liked (but who psychologically couldn't handle being with a "T"-version girl socially), AS A SURPRISE I treated my T-Sweetie to the following:

a) Two round-trip tickets to NYC on JetBlue;
b) weekend at Ian Schrager's Morgan's hotel;
c) Two tickets to "Avenue Q" on broadway (a must-see, BTW)
d) Metropotitan Museum of Art plus romantic carriage ride in
  Central Park;
e) Partying till dawn on Bleecker St. in the Village at some of
  my favorite spots, PLUS
f) A very generous "donation" for the pleasure of her company on
  The trip (8x my usual)....

THE WEEKEND WAS FABULOUS we got back very late Sunday (she insisted I stay over at her place Mon. to de-jet-lag)..best getaway I have ever had......with lots of affection and TLC
all around...

Just another adventure from The Aviator.....review forthcoming.

Nice Aricle. My sentiments exactly.

TGav8or

its been my experience that guys rarely offer.  Either they don't approach at all, just stare or follow you around the club, or they will approach but not say anything, instead they will start grabbing.  Or else they will approach, and propostion before even saying hi.  I have had guys ask me for a blow job before they have ever made eye contact, let alone any real social connection.

some one earlier in the thread said they like it when we take the initiative.  we tend to have to do that just to get offered a drink. I try to do it in a light, friendly fashion.  But if you guys will try it as an icebreaker, maybe you won't get the cold shoulder?