I have a real situation on my hands. Recently my SO found out about my love of TS's. She really went crazy and left me. Afterwards I promised to give it up, if she came back. She has since come back and also promised not to tell anyone.Since then (about 2 weeks) I have tried to stay away, but i keep coming back. I don't really see this as a problem ( different strokes for different folks), but she does. In EVERY aspect of our lives we are perfect for eachother. After dating many GG's (even those who knew about my love of TS's), I feel this girl is the most compatible girl i could possibly be with. Should I:
A): Seek help in getting over my love of TS's to save the relationship.
B): Keep loving TS's but do a much better job of hiding it.
or
C): Tell her it's a part of me I don't feel I need to change and almost certainly doom the relationship and most likely "settle" for another girl who understands my love.

The info you give me will be factored into my choice.
Thanx alot everyone!!!!!

You should recognize a few things.

1) hobbying, whether we like it or not, is considered somwehere between deviant and disgusting by most women.
2) transsexualism and tranny chasing is considered far more deviant than hobbying.  even liberals who support gays find transgendered people deviant (shit, even gays do!).
3) so, transsexual hobbying has got to be, at a minimum, an incredible shock for friends, much less a spouse.

The chances of finding a spouse who might understand these issues and synch with you on other levels is probably almost nil.

So, its easy for me to say forget about the hobby, stay with your spouse and get help.  But I'm a bit skeptical some shrink can get this out of your system.  Me?  I'd consider the "Eyes Wide Shut" strategy - its ok to have fantasies, odd as they might be, as long as (1) they don't interfere with your spouse and (2) you understand and tolerate the same.

Hmmmm, ve mus' look into dis ...

Okay, you've mentioned the obsession part, so what exactly is the compulsion side -- if any -- of the equation ? Do you act on it by having to seek the company of TS women, or by having a strong need to purchase or rent TS videos every night, or do you simply play the voyeur by hanging around TS web sites such as this one on occasion ? As the Bee-Gees once put it, just "how deep is your love" for TS women over that of your girlfriend ? Does your "love" for the TS world interfere not only with your relationship, but is it also to the point of possibly disrupting other aspects of your life ?

It sounds like you're kinda between a rock and a hard place from the little you've described. My guess is that you not only not know this woman as well as you think, but also that you might not know who you are yet, or more precise, what you want. If the two of you really are so compatible with one another as you described, why is she then so threatened by your "love" for TS women ? Would she also be threatened if you read books all day, or by being an ESPN junkie all day, you think, or does she just think that what you like is too perverted for her to handle ? In other words, is it what you like that she is uncomfortable with, or does your enthrallment with this world making you do things that would threaten ANY relationship ? There's something amiss here that I'm not reading very clearly.

Therapy MIGHT help the two of you iron things out amongst the two of you in combined sessions, but it won't cure your "love" for something. It might teach you not to act on your impulses, but it certainly won't tell you that a beautiful woman with a cock is bad for you.

Your choice is clear stay single or give it up. If it is an addiction you need help that can not be obtained in this board.

First and foremost remember that we are not therapists and that our experience is our own and the advice we give is anecdotal. You should go seek the help of professionals.
That being said here is my 4 cents worth.
I agree with Piqued that we need more information. How did she find out about your obsession? Did you tell her or did she find a bunch of stuff on your computer? Have you acted out on this desire or are you just a silent observer?
You have to be honest with yourself. "To thine own self be true." I have found that this is not a passing fancy. This desire is at the heart of my sexuality. I don't believe that it is necessarily a genetic determination although there maybe some predisposition. I do think that these desires have a learned component and therefore can be controlled or managed.
The question you have to ask yourself is, "Do you want to stop this behavior?" If you do then there is therapy and 12 step programs to help you unlearn or control this behavior. You walk away from your curiosity and live happily ever-after.
If you don't want to stop then that is a whole different situation.
How do you feel about this behavior? You seem OK with the idea but that is with us on a friendly site. What would happen if your SO told your family and friends about your secret? This, I think, is a more important question than whether you tell your SO about your desires. Like Answer said this is not a mainstream behavior. The gay community will think you are in denial, the straight community will think you are gay and the trannies you chase will think you are a john.
Some are able to accept this in themselves and feel comfortable with their secret desires. They can have their secret life without it interfering with their social persona. They live happily ever-after and their SO never seems the wiser.
Some come out to their SO and they understand but don't condone it from a monogamous perspective and they learn to use a strap-on for them and they live happily ever-after.
Some come out to their SO and they call them a rump riding butt bandit and hit the door running. They both go their separate ways and live ever-after.
Others don't accept this about themselves and can't get over the stigma of having "gay" desires. They suffer in silent desperation. The behavior will escalate just like an addiction where they will develop a tolerance to whatever level that they are at and they will need a greater thrill to achieve the same excitation level. They may even do things that may risk their getting caught to increase the excitement or relieve the guilt. They feel isolation and guilt when they cheat on their SO and only feel momentary relief from acting out. Their intimacy with their SO suffers from this dark secret they hold. They are trapped in a cycle of guilt, isolation, and self-loathing.
To the topic of what to do with your SO I tend to side on the honesty route. I think you have some soul searching to do. I think it is only fair to tell the person with whom you may spend the rest of your life about the real you. I also agree with Piqued and question you on your standards of compatibility. You say that your SO is the most compatible but this seems like a deal breaker. You got caught once you will probably get caught again after you both have invested a lot into your relationship.
I said that my advice would be anecdotal so here is the source. I came out to my wife and told her about my proclivities. She took it real hard and felt betrayed. I told her that I loved her and wanted to stay with her for the rest of my life. I told her I would walk away from my lifestyle and I did for about 10 years. But I was in denial and I lived that cycle of guilt, isolation, and self-loathing. Eventually I succumbed and I saw my first tgurl escort. I would set guidelines for my behavior only to find myself crossing that line and drawing a new one. I felt extreme alienation and fear that I would be outed. I lived this life for about 5 years.
I became so desperate that I had to come out again to my wife. I told her that I still loved her but I had issues I couldn't resolve on my own. She was very understanding and didn't want to give up on us. I told her that I would seek therapy to root out the demons that haunt me and we adopted a don't ask don't tell policy. She has come around in our private lives to accommodate my desires and when I go out I try to be as safe as I can. Is this happily ever-after? I will tell you after ever.
Sorry for my rambling but talking about this is my therapy. I hope that this rambling helps you on your path to self discovery.


-- Modified on 4/26/2004 11:29:10 PM

Thanks for all the advise so far. Many said they need more info so I am back to give you more...I have been into TS's before I even met her. Although I have thought about seeing a TS provider, I will not cheat on my SO and have resisted the tempation. Sometimes it's hard but the thought of cheating is somthing I refuse to do. Also I would not be lying when I say I have no desire to be "topped". I know this will not really make a differance, but it might quell some "gay" theory she might have thought about. I only admire from the stand point that I buy DVD's and Videos, as well as look at websites. She found the DVD's and thats how it all started. I don't spend much money on them. Maybe buy 1 or 2 videos a month, but I have not purchised any for a few months now because money has been tight. This has lead me to believe that it really isn't much of a "habbit" since I don't feel compelled to HAVE to buy more and more. I am a believer of "everything is relitive". While many, including my SO, think this is sick and perverted, I don't think it is. It's just somthing I like. I know people who WILL NOT eat pizza because they think it gross. Does that mean there is somthing wrong with them? Some people think its OK to rape and kill, but they are psysically hurting someone. Mentally hurting someone? I feel this might fall more into the "closed minded" catagory. If there is anything i missed please feel free to ask and i can PM you.

I second that... If you are happy in your relationship... keep it that way... Decide which you love better Tranny's or your SO... Make the choice! Which ever you choose you will most likely be sory later... but for very different reasons

That's not very deep at all. I thought this was a bigger problem for you. I would remind you that desires like this are progressive in nature. Talk to your SO and work it out but if you do decide to stay with her walk away from this desire before it becomes an obsession.

Ask your SO to indulge your fantasy.  Have her strap one on and have her way with you. Maybe if she felt that she was involved in your fantasy, she might let you in on one of hers. The GG girls have them, they just lie deeper.  Focus any and all fantasies around her and she's sure to come to see you for the deviant yet loving man you probably are.  Best of luck!