My now former main went nuclear on me.  Tons of men messages about how terrible I was.  Keep in mind, she put no effort to get me back.  Rubbed in her rebound.  And has nothing to gain from it.  

Now she has to move out by the 1st.  I don't think she's dumb enough to trash the place and get sued.  So it looks like I'll have a shag pad in LA for a few months till the lease ends.

So sorry it went south like that.  I'm always surprised when a girl reveals her mean streak.  I know that you know there are plenty of fishies in the sea.  But it's so much nicer when things end on a courteous note.  Sounds like you are handling it well, but I know I'd be very upset for a while in your shoes.

I'm upset. Almost four years together.  Doesn't feel like a total waste.  There were good times with her.  We do always have to keep in mind these young women are often very foolish thinking there are tons of other guys like us that will simp and provide for them.  We are not as replaceable as they are.  I already have a date every night this weekend with different pots

We always say these are "no strings attached" relationships (is that an oxymoron?).  

 
But the strings are always there anyway - even if they are thin or hard to see. Fortunately, we plan and take precautions to mitigate the risk of those strings choking or hanging us when they inevitably get yanked and ultimately break.  

 
Each of us must constantly evaluate the risk-reward paradigm from every arrangement.  And the process of re-evaluating leads to selecting one of three options: maintain, modify, or move on. Of the three, "modify" is probably the hardest to accomplish and probably the decision made least often.  

 
How often do you go through the re-evaluation process? Every BCD, once a month, once a year?  Maybe every message or conversation...  

 
Do you have a hard-criteria or scorecard? Is do you just react as the situation changes?  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I think you found my fatal flaw here.  I was not reevaluating this often enough.  When I'm providing so much with long term guarantees I really should, in the future, bring this back to the forefront.

I had posted in the past about her. We now seen to be in agreement.  She is my FWB hookup. She's upped her game but because of her limits we both agree that we aren't exclusive.  And she gets a lot more friendly when she doesn't hear from me.  She is now plan C  on the rotation and we both seem happier

My guess is she went nuclear because she feels like you are ejecting her from her 'home.' If it were a regular arrangement in which you were not providing her with a place to live, it's doubftful the fallout/her reaction  would be as severe. While I see the benefits of having an on-call piece with the built in convenience of her living in the shag pad, the downside of that arrangement, i/e/ her going ballistic and spewing toxic waste, even possibly trashing the place is a big no for me as it would trigger too much negativity and needless worry for me. On the other hand, if you found the right SB that would be appreciative and honor such an arrangement, as she did at the beginning, perhaps all those years of 'good' outweigh the relatively short period of 'bad.'

There are strings of some sort, yes, I would agree, Herb.  

 
I always evaluate how the arrangement makes me feel when I am not with her. Do I feel appreciated, cared for, respected outside of our meetings? There are always downsides to each arrangement. People have flaws and rarely check all the boxes we would like them to.  

 
Some of us want more of a hookup, while some of us are looking for something with more of an emotional connection. Some of us are looking for something in between those two poles. Every SB comes to the table with her own expectations and needs as well as emotional baggage, as do we. The evaluation period for me is ongoing.    

 
I try to weigh it out and make decisions when I'm a day or two after the date when my dopamine is in check and not hijacked by the stimulation of lovemaking. I also try not to make hasty decisions when the little head is throbbing.  

 
Do I really LIKE this person, does she seem to enjoy our time together, does she show appreciation of our arrangement both when we are meeting and even when we aren't?    

 
The other consideration is, is there something better than what I have? Realistically, for me, finding a replacement SB of better quality than a current one is a considerable investment of time and energy. It's easy to fall into the grass-is-always-greener mentality, but the fact is for me I know it takes 1-3 months of vetting to find a suitable replacement for my A-List rotation. Good 7's take time to find. [Anything above a 7.5-8 on my scale is a rare find indeed.] And to be sure any new SB is going to come with some downside or drawback.  

One is that the relationship is ending and that sucks if it was a good relationship.  

The other is how it ends, how you and she react.  I have never had anyone go nuclear on me. Indeed, of the two long-term  arrangements I had, I ended one and made a special effort to let her down slowly -- and she understood.  In the other one, she just ghosted me, and I took the hint.  But the her reaction is really the wild card.  I have always tried to guess about that at the beginning,  that is before the arrangement starts. Not just is she hot and DTF but also is not a basket case.  

Anyway, I hope it all ends well