I say it all the time, probably more than most want to hear: Never burn bridges.  

 
I got a Snapchat Add request last night from a name I did not recognize.  This was different from the seemingly random "add suggestions" the app always shows. It was a Friend Add request, which means the other user had to know my Snap account name.  I accepted just to see where it goes, and knowing I can always block if it goes south. It did not.  

 
She asked me if I remember her.  OK - this is the typical Pig Butcher start where "she" tries to start a conversation with a stranger, hoping to catch some lonely guy/simp who is too stupid to know he's going to be scammed.  But this time she used my first name and that is unusual. Most scammers don't know your name when "fishing." But if the scammer knows who you are and is deliberately targeting you (spearfishing), she will know your name and possibly lots of other things about you.  I told her I did not recognize her name and asked her where we met. While waiting for her reply I searched all my contacts, saved sugar profile pics (going back to 2012) and other sugar records I had saved. No hits.  I was late at this point, so I went to bed with no reply.  

 
This morning, she replied. She used to be a dancer, so it was either "club 1", "2", or "3".  These were all clubs I frequently visited over the last 15-20 years, but less so in the last 5 years. I asked for a picture. She sent one (topless) and asked if I still have the same phone number. I told her I did without actually giving her that number and asked her to text me there.  When she did, her old contact record popped up in my phone using the name she had at that time.  It was a stripper I had played with at a full extras strip club near me from 2016!  I actually still didn't remember her or any specific fun we may have had in the club almost 10 years ago. But the text messages were right there on my phone.  We stopped communicating back then - not really sure why, but it was right around the time I started dating an SB who would become my #1 for the next three years.  

 
We spent a few minutes catching up - I am now retired, she just graduated from nursing school - and then she told me that she'd like to have fun on the side while she looks for her first nursing job. She lives near me and has a car.  

 
Why me? I really have no idea other than her comment that she always thought I was nice to her. I moved forward as though this was now a sugar dating negotiation. We went through details like allowance, preferences and boundaries and locations for meets.  I offered a moderately low-ball allowance just to test her level of interest specifically in me and she accepted without any pushback.   The amount was about what I was offering as a mid-to-high range allowance in 2016. Perhaps she had not worked in a club in a long time and/or hadn't sugared in a while either. Perhaps she just wanted to get laid for some cash and believes I am a nice, generous guy - which I am. Perhaps she is tied of not attracting a civilian boyfriend as she has a school-aged son. I am not really sure which, if any of those are true. We have a dinner date this weekend and expect to go BCD after.  I'm guessing she is in her mid-30's now.  

 
This could still be some kind of set up. Or she could now look very different now. But I'll know what to do when the time comes. As Alec Baldwin's character "Blake" said at the "sit" meeting that opens the movie "Glenngarry Glen Ross" says:  "It's fuck or walk!"  

 
So a bridge never burned can still be crossed... even almost a decade later.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

It's always good advice to never burn bridges, something I've always tried to keep in mind when I've been flaked on by yet another disappointing POT. In some cases they are not worth ever dealing with again, while others have just lost their way and life gets the better of them and they move on.  

Nothing is gained by being angry, always best to show kindness and understanding while remaining firm. [ahem!]  

One never knows when an unburned bridge will be recrossed - as you are seeing now, Herb! Will it prove to be a bridge too far? We will stay tuned to find out the answer... and good luck!

My first serious long term arrangement began in 2015 and lasted over a year, at which point she ghosted me.  Fast forward to now and she has resurfaced and sent me a few emails.  She says she wants to meet again, but never replies when I say ok and suggest a time and place.  So she clearly does not know what she wants.  But it would be wonderful to see her again!  The bridge is shaky rn, but not burned or on fire!  Good luck with your returnee, let us know how it goes!

Keep the hopes up and the expectations low?

I can relate, Sweetman. That's a tough one, having an SR last a year and then to be ghosted. Dealing with POTS on a weekly basis I see a lot of strange behavior. Broken, inconsistent, delayed or non-existent replies... erratic behavior has become the norm for many POTS and SB's I deal with. Sugar relationships are a house of cards. We are dealing with girls whose lives are barely manageable. Thankfully we can find a few here and there who are reliable and steady. But sooner or later they are gone. All we can do is leave the door open and wish them well.

...never taste the same as fresh!

That may be so... but but fine wine always tastes better gently aged

Gorgeous SB Ive seen 6 or 7 times was starting to annoy me. She'd always have a huge O. Maybe. Then claim she was too sensitive for more play. She has been in contact with another mongers I know but never met. About a month ago she booked both of us 1.25 hours apart. So much for being too sensitive.  Both of us canceled.  

Yesterday  we had an appointment at 4.  By 4:30 I hadn't heard from her and wrote it off. She then texted with a weak excuse and said she can run home to shower and be at my place my 6. I started thinking I was her sloppy seconds appointment  and said maybe tomorrow or Friday. I was very calm and told her no, Im not mad. When she realized I wasn't going to see her that day she went ballistic. Basically telling me to fuck off. An over the top reaction it seems to me. Also seems like a hooker reaction.  

Im tempted to message her in a couple weeks that I knew about her back to back booking and felt she did it again. That bridge would certainly be burned! Lol

You are obviously not getting what you want out of her.  I would cut it off or at least give her the ultimatum of your expectations.  If she balks, walk.

It's a classic play taken from her personal "He's really a simp" play book.  

 
She cancels on you, then calls you the asshole for not fixing her problem.  You were correct to decline to delay your date to accommodate her poor time- (and presumably dick-) management.  Even if she was not seeing any other SD's or even civilian dates/hookups, her behavior has been disrespectful from day 1. She's treating you like an ATM instead of a generous older guy that she dates.  Terrible foundation for a lasting dating (even if compensated) relationship.    

 
So totally proper to call her out for bad behavior and ask her to correct it immediately. And the more she balks at your "guidance" and the less she acknowledges her poor behavior, the more reason you have to terminate the arrangement.    

 
But do you burn it all down, or just turn away for better opportunities?  For me, I'd have to think about how much I enjoy going BCD for the current allowance. I'd also want to consider if she is really trying to scam me or is just a sloppy hot mess who can't manager her way out of her panties.  

 
No question that if she is trying to steal or scam, get out the flamethrower and go scorched earth.  But if she's just careless and lacks an understanding of good/professional behavior, and if the sex is better than good, then perhaps pick from a less destructive path:  
1. Tell her you need a break and will contact her again in the near future, but for now, it's off, or
2. Schedule less often, like go from 3x a month to 1x. When she asks why, just tell her you are busy. Let her fill in the blanks on WHY you are busy, and she will assume the worst, or.  
3. Have a frank discussion with her, preferably by phone, but by text if needed: You need consistency and reliability. If you cannot rely on your date to meet when agreed, you will look for other dates.  (Note: this is carefully worded about what YOU will do. It avoids telling her to change.  Just like money questions are always about your budget and not her worth, you can only control your behavior, not hers. Let he decide that she needs to change on her own if she expects to date you in the future.)  

 
For me, I see no upside in busting her about her activity with other SD's. It will likely tip her off that you and he are talking to each other. And that will likely make her behavior even worse. She may now try to play you two against each other, or she may try to ask for more allowance to get "preferential" scheduling. Ultimately, you will just be teaching her how to do a better job of behaving poorly by pointing out where she fucked up.  

 
Please let us know what you decide.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I did several days ago. I told her we seem to have some basic differences in what we want.  Yesterday just blew the lid off.

All good advice. I think I'll keep quiet about what I know and take a break from her and see if we can try again a bit down the road with clearer expectations.

I had a similar situation. She was hot but not real reliable. She was late by 30 mins a few times, then she missed a date. I made it clear if it continued we'd have to end it. Our next date she was late again, I told her if it happens again we're done and she went crazy, blowing up my phone and spewing toxic nonsense, blaming me for being rude and 'pissing her the fuck off'. I blocked her and moved on. Some of these gals are borderline. Thankfully I've found a few that are stable and reliable but you never know!  

I sent her a text saying I was surprised by her reaction but  just wished her well. She contacted me and wants to keep seeing me. We'll see!