So I'm going on week 2 after letting the unicorn slip through my fingers.  And it has been just unbelievably shitty going back to panning for gold again.  Many messages without responses, 1 disappointing M&G, 1 stand-up, and a handful of texts/messages that will probably go nowhere.  The relationship that just ended for me was my first really good one and I can't help but compare all the others to her.  It took YEARS of being on SA before I finally found someone who checked all my boxes, although I wasn't too active during all that time, but the prospect of doing it all again is pretty damn depressing.

I'm curious what others on here do after a really good sugar relationship ends?  Do you step back for a bit or jump right back into it?  I'm thinking I might have to step away for a while and go back to the professionals, but honestly the idea of that puts me in a funk too.  Once you've had such a good connection, how can you go back to the transactional nature of a pro?

I almost always keep several SB's in the "rotation" and knowing full well how transient this game is, I am always looking for new talent to replace the ones that either fade away or I kick to the curb.

I did have one SB who was serious GF material and when things didn't work out with her I will confess I actually missed her and thought about her often. To get over her, I simply went and fucked a half dozen different girl over the next week or so and put the "loss" in proper context. It was NEVER going to be "until death do us part" in the first place, ALL relationships end, so I simply move on to the next one, or the next "dozen" lol

I think the key is to NEVER let your pipeline go completely empty, starting from scratch is a bitch and you (all of us) make bad decisions when you haven't been laid for a while.

As stated, I am an optimist and a pragmatist as I pride myself in my ability to be able to often make something more palatable out of a bad situation when I have some control over the proverbial levers. I also tend to learn fast so I make the experience an important part of the learning process.

That said, it is pretty hard work to replicate or even to duplicate a situation which you had described with your Uni. If and when (just a matter of time) this should happen to my Uni and I, I would just step away and as much as I would resist to do so, I would most probably just resort to a high end Pro if and when I need to bury my sorrows (yeah even the fake SA relationships and consequently some SA breakups do SUCK!). The way I look at it: I am good to go with forking out 500-600 for a really great session of fucking so if the Pro delivers as promised and is not a deceitful c*nt so far as age and appearances go and IF I should pass the strenuous screening process, that is the temporary direction which I will be taking.

Bottom line: you will have to get over the breakup and let things cool off (heal) before you have the clear mindset to find another good SA relationship. There's a lot of garbage on that site (on both sides of the fence) so being in a weakened state of mind can become very perilous making one very prone to making serious errors.

SA RELATIONSHIPS ARE FAKE FOR MOST PARTS SO ENJOY THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE AND LIVE IN THE MOMENT.  

Good luck NS.

After that more serious potential GF, were the next girls also SBs?  I like your method of dealing with the loss, but given how panning for gold is going, I'm going to have to go the professional route to deal with this.  And that's a bummer to me.

and I would wager more on the same wavelength as I. Naturally, the best way to get over the more serious type of SA relationships fast is to have a decent active roster but that just does not work for certain guys. In fact whether foolishly or not (I really do not care) I just erased everyone's number and information from the last merry go around because I felt that they were nothing special to pursue and I do not get off (pun intended) on trivial pursuits.  

For the sake of sport fucking, I'd stick to the "hobby" because I am not a frequent visitor. The reason I prefer SA is because I truly enjoy the "connection" when one lucks out and finds one, therefore fucking the average SA SBs who do not end up floating my boat is a waste of my time and resources. The beauty of this thing is that, "to each his own" is most apropos!

Maybe a month off from panning for gold in favor of the pros would be good to clear the head.  And who knows if a finding a good regular pro might be almost as good as finding a unicorn?

Just funny since I was on here not too long ago singing the praises of the sugar relationships.  Isn't there something about that in Greek tragedies?  Never call attention to how happy you are.  It makes the gods jealous.

I'm starting to think that finding and keeping the "Unicorn" SB  is a false aspiration. In fact, the very definition of unicorn in this context is "something which does not exist." Let's face the facts here; if we tease apart the "unicorn" standard as achieving intimacy, friendship, companionship, no drama,  AND best-in-the-world sex, then no one will ever get 100% in all these areas. You can feel pretty good if your SB delivers an average of 90% or better, but remember at the end of the day, she wouldn't be in a sugar relationship (with you) if the $$ wasn't an ongoing part of the deal.  

Don't believe me? Try telling one of your current SB's that you want to go cash-free for the next 30 days because you feel like you two just belong together.  She'll drop you before you finish the sentence.  

So perhaps we need to rethink the "unicorn" standard as the 90% Plus standard.  That will allow you to deal with the loss of a 90, 95, or even 99% SR the same way you would an 89% or less SR; just factor it in to your search and acquisition process and move forward.  I've had some amazing SB's that started out well over 90%, but with time, things change.  If she really bails on you while still over 90% then you might want to reflect if she dropped you to less than 90% for her needs and desires.   If yes, use that feedback and adjust (or ignore) at your own judgement.  

For me, I always prefer to have one Top-of-List SB and focus on her. If I need to replace her, I start the search almost from scratch.  But I have about 4 or 5 SB's who are "on call" whenever I want them. I can usually text them out of the blue and set up a same day, or next day p4p.  No need for dinners or shopping.  I have to assume they have other SD's that they see, but no questions asked either way keeps it simple. Yes, some of these should probably be considered semi-pro, or FWB pro, but that's the point isn't it? This on-call stable for me currently consists of a 19 yr old recent HS grad who lives with her Mom, a stripper/bartender who works at a club 3 miles from me, a retired Asian porn star (28 yrs old - no I won't give her name), and a 25 yr old black spinner stripper/escort who was led into porn at the age of 16 by an unscrupulous pimp/agent who later went to jail.  It's kind of like the salad bar at Sizzler, but with SB's instead of veggies. :p  

BTW for Nat: Love the Cigars!  Haven't been to the NY shop in years, but still a fan. :

To coin your own phrases and sentences:

You achieve a high(er) level of comfort, friendship, intimacy, good-great sex and very little drama making one believe that he's in a real relationship akin to having a GF (a much more reality based GF experience rather than the mere DFK'ing, DATY, BBBJ and at times BBBJNQNS as the GFE terms are generally defined in this "hobby".

So why a Unicorn? Well, like you had already stated try to shut off the allowance spigot to try to find out as to what happens next!

It's a shame you no longer enjoy the company of hookers.  

I have to agree that "panning for gold" can be hot and cold on SA. It's the reason I always try to keep a couple at least on the side burner as I don't like to "go without" for any length of time and for me any "length of time" means more than about two days. lol  

I don't know how badly your itch needs scratching, but given your current feelings towards the "transactional" feeling about seeing hookers, if you don't have to scratch that itch just yet, maybe you should get right back on that horse and find yourself another unicorn.

Lol I stopped going to the NYC shop because I realized that due to city taxes it was actually much more expensive than buying out of state lol.  It's a gorgeous store though, definitely.

I appreciate your attempts to help me rationalize the loss.  The reason this particular girl got to me was that our relationship ran red hot almost from day one, the chemistry was so strong.  I'll never forget when she looked at me once and marveled aloud, "How did I find you on that site?" And while we never brought up moving from a sugar relationship to a more vanilla one, more than once she got the allowance and said, "You  didn't have to.  I wasn't expecting this."  Of course, she never gave it back, but she definitely wasn't stupid lol.

Your method makes sense, but it's just hard to see her as something on a spectrum of satisfaction.  She was as close to perfection as I have ever come across in my life, sugar or otherwise.  The way I see it, we get at most a few chances in our lives to meet someone who makes our hearts sing.  Finding a substitute, whether SB, pro, or vanilla, will just be trying to fill the silence now the music is gone.

Last week I ended first arrangement (31 yo) for couple reasons. Have to admit I have been thinking about her a lot, we had great chemistry and had a lot of fun. Almost texted her a few times to say hi, but I know that would just prolong things. I really felt bad because she was willing to be GF even without allowance and I noticed her tilting that way anyway, but I need a GF right now as much as I need a hole in the head.

I met a 21 yo over weekend and meeting one tomorrow, there doesn't seem to be shortage of girls willing to be a SB. Truth be told though, its a lot of work and just seeing pro's may be better, still deciding if want to continue with SB's.

The OP never went into the details as to why the breakup happened or even as to how long the sugar based relationship lasted, but it got me thinking that this method of "dating" is very short lived for a variety of reasons and trying to convolute matters further by transitioning from Sugar to conventional, IMHO will just expedite the down spiral.

In the absence of a "model" for this scenario I would volunteer myself! As previously and often stated I'm in my low 50's so unlike these 30 something YP whipper snappers on SA, I'm not trying to cheat or to game the system to acquire a GF! That said, I do understand or at least do try to understand as to why some newbie and/or gullible SB types would abandon the sugar idea when they meet a "promising" mid 30's POT SD as opposed to someone in my age bracket (not that I would necessarily want a GF from a sugar based site!).

I had also stated in the past that the idea of "sugar dating" via a vis an allowance commitment was not an alien concept to me because in the past and when much younger, I had helped quite a few real GFs with bills, rent, car payments, etc. That said, I do not think that the process is seamlessly interchangeable, i.e, going from GF to SB is not quite the same as going from SB to full on GF. When it comes to defining and managing expectations, I would like to be in control and call the shots so IMO the latter (SB to GF) would be too tricky for someone like me who likes to be in control. When a GF became a SB and mooched off too much or was becoming a mooch, I could get rid of her far more easily than GF'ing an SB for the sake of saving a handful of Benjamins at the expense of much more time and emotional investment into the redefined relationship!

The bottom line and the moral of the story still remains the same for me today as it was a few years ago when I finally grasped the concept. This is not a place to look for a GF but if you are lucky, you can find a very good FWB type of companionship whereby you do not constantly feel like an ATM machine and she does not constantly feel like a fucktoy! How meaningful or trivial the extent of your relationship ultimately rests on both of you (the SD and the SB).

None of the stuff which I have said is meant to apply to the P4P and the quasi hooker hookups which are prevalent on SA. If that sort of objective is your pleasure, then assume that you're probably not going to see her for much longer after you get your dick wet same as if you were in hookerville.

Take the holidays off from chasing SB's and just hit the hobby for your holiday cheer.  Besides the current batch of SBs are probably just looking for holiday money anyways.

Even the most expensive SB's tend to only want a fraction of what a decent hooker charges. Does it really matter if they only want the money for the holidays?

IMO the sb/sd relationship will always be short term by nature. The SB is in a bind and needs help. They may stick around for a bit but they get another daddy, bf or want more than this daddy is willing to give. I've had 4 ongoing ladies. 2 moved. 1 got a BF. One turned out to be BSC. And at no time did I stop looking. Next woman up! Lol

but I did have an ex hooker, turned employee, turned sb, turned GF, turned FWB, turned "friend" relationship that has lasted almost ten years. she is now approaching the ripe old age of 28 and while we had not had sex in over a year, I would not bet on us "never" having sex again. I think I have probably had sex with this woman more times than any other woman I have ever known, actually I am sure of it as we most probably have had sex at least a thousand times. I will confess the first year or so really skewed the numbers as we had sex about twice a day almost every day literally for months. lol

so far in the SA world, my "relationships" have lasted from as short as a single date to as long as a few months, I've had a couple go BSC, a few move, a few I've just grown tired of and a few that simply dropped off the map, I assume they either got tired of me, got a "real" BF or found someone better/richer/more generous.

Like you, I believe in the philosophy "next woman up" lol Or more accurately Next "women" up. lo

for some it probably does. If the idea is to go fuck yourself silly then why go through the hassle of searching through the SB listings, unless of course you have a few on the side that you know are quasi hookers and will respond at the drop of a hat.  If you are talking a true SB, then its going to take some effort which is probably not what he is looking for, specially if the SBs motivation is just give me holiday cash.  You might as well get any low rent, semi-decent hooker and get your rocks off until a) the holidays are over or b) you feel like panning for gold again.  Truthfully, a little hooker action to get make you long for the SB hunt again probably wouldn't hurt.  Besides someone's gotta give the hookers their xmas bonus

I live in a world of VERY blurry lines and I like both hookers and SB's and even the occasional civvy, when ever I can charm a young hottie into my bed of course, which is happening less and less often as I get older, but my tastes in women have not. lol

and just what's wrong with a "quasi" hooker? If you like SB's and you like hookers, why not a girl who's a little of both?

My idea really is not to "fuck myself silly" not by my standards at least. Fucking myself silly would be an SB who likes to fuck several times a day every single day. What I really prefer is to fuck about every other day or a bit more. Four to five times a week is about perfect for me at my "advanced age" lol down from about 10 times a week only a few short years ago. Damn, it sucks to get old, but it does beat the alternative.

My point does remain. by and large, it's cheaper to get laid in the Sugar Bowl than in hooker land, even if you are fucking quasi hookers in the Sugar World.

In fact, if and when the arrangement with my own Uni runs its course, I will either have to seek a new quasi-hooker SB type or resort to the older ones from the last round whose contact may still be on my iPad. The reason being that with my several years of dormancy on TER and lack of any recent reviews (under my main and now defunct moniker) plus unwillingness to jump through hoops to get verified, I will have no other choice but...

However, I doubt very much if I will be seeking another Uni until the experience with the prior one has been positively compartmentalized. The fact that I work withing very tight parameters to land a Uni, just makes the task that much tougher to succeed at without putting a good amount of research and effort into it.

You put a good amount of "research and effort" into it. I have a completely different approach. I take the "slap enough shit against the wall and see what sticks" approach.  

Quite simply, I just see a LOT of POT SB's, they of course have to meet certain minimum standards for looks, age, and BSC quotient, but once I get those prerequisites out of the way, I simply meet them all and fuck most of them. Quite a few are a one time deal for one reason or another, others are short term and I tire of them in a few days, weeks or months, but actually seeing women rather than researching them is a LOT more fun as far as I am concerned. Even if I NEVER find the unicorn, it will be a fun ride looking for her.

I don't think the OP was looking to run through the gauntlet of SB panning for gold right now and it might just be easier to go the hooker or quasi-hooker route.  If my unicorn SB goes BSC on me or whatever happens, I will probably call one or two hookers I know to relieve the stress of hunting for another SB.  Plus the SB I have local is more of quasi-hooker type and she would willingly ease my cock of its pain of missing the unicorn (and my wallet).

And yes we all have our different approaches.  I laughed when I saw you say throw enough shit on the wall, because I knew without you saying it that that was your approach.  It works in all sorts of situations and the sugar bowl is no different.  Some go gold mining for unicorns like Princess, I think I fall more into that category too, and some just dive head first into the pussy, like you.  We measure success in different ways, but in the end we all find something that suits our tastes.

I'd been visiting my own special Unicorn for over a year.  The connection we had, both intellectual, emotional and sexual, was simply amazing.  At the risk of being teased about it, I'm ok saying that I loved her.  Still do in fact.  I was pretty broken up when she decided to end it for personal reasons which I had to respect, but did not like one bit.  A half year has passed since then, during which I have slowly gotten to the point where I no longer maintain the hope that we will get back together again.  I've quit mourning the loss of that Sugar Relationship.  And I am so happy to have known her and will always cherish the memories. So it's ok and it's normal to grieve for a while.  But at no time did I ever stop trolling on SA for new prospects.  At no time did I stop playing with other girls, even when I was still involved with my Unicorn. I always maintain several active SBs in my rotation and will continue to do so.  That's the only prescription I know that can help ease the pain of a difficult break up.  Everything comes to an end eventually.  Go out and find some new playmates.  They won't be your Unicorn, but they might be even better, and at the very least will help you get over her. It's hard to be in a sad, bad mood while fucking another lovely SB! I hope my story is helpful to you.

will go through this at least once.

I've gone through about five such experiences over the last 40 years.  In a way it sucks, especially at the time, but in retrospect I look back on those affairs with affection and I wouldn't do anything differently the second time.

Age mellows

You are so right.  I've only been at this for 15 years.  Wouldn't change a thing!

Last week I was feeling the itch and my SB wasn't available. I noticed an agency girl that had caught my eye previously was in town and so I made a date for the next day. Long story short, this pro was a fucking rock star. Hot as hell and all of my preferred menu items were available. Besides that, she had the most gorgeous smile during the whole appt. She was from outta town but said she will be back about once a month. Can't wait to see her again.  

I thought I was done with hookers for a bit but I think that it's healthy to keep both hookers and SBs in the rotation.