So I've read through a lot of messages on here, and though I GUESS I know the answer already, there seems to be a ton of experience to be mined, so here it goes.

I'm married, have a kid, and my wife is actually pretty hot, a generally great person, and not bad in bed, either. But I still find myself, greedy bastard that I am, yearning to find one or two scorching hot providers (i.e. threesome) in their 20s for an all-out time of pure lust.

On the one hand, I feel like I can handle the guilt that would come with it, or at least, shake it off knowing that these two women (leaning toward the threesome -- can you tell?) were hot enough to make it worth my while. On the other hand, there's the risk of STDs, of my wife finding out, and all that minor stuff that could ruin my marriage.

It's not that I'm unhappy at home. I'm not. It's just that I've got an itch that I can't seem to stop wanting to scratch.

Any/all thoughtful advice, particularly from married hobbyists, would be really appreciated.

Thanks!

Personally, I feel if you are feeling guilty, you shouldn't do it.  I indulge in the hobby, am married, but I don't feel guilty at all. It's part of life. It's just me and I'm probably not the normal.

I am married with children. I love my wife dearly. Our sex life is great in many ways but she is not as adventurous as I would like her to be. I have just finished my first encounter with provider and I enjoyed it greatly. I have no guilt because there is nothing to be guilty about. I love my wife and I am not seeking love or acceptance from a provider, there does need to be some chemistry there but it does not entail some kind of commitment. I was very careful and made sure that the girl was careful and used protection. Does this eliminate all risk, no.
The bottom line is if you think you are doing something wrong, then you are and you should not do it. There is risk in everything we do, hell marriage is a risk. Weigh out what you think the risks are, how real they are and whether you can bear the consequences of your actions.
If it were me I would scratch the itch. Enjoy yourself.

There is no easy answer to your question - I think every hobbiest who has a SO faces this issue and has to answer for themselves why they pursue the hobby.  

Some may be looking for something that they don't get at home,
Some may be looking for more than what they get at home,
Some could be looking for something different than what they have at home,
Some like the excitement,
And some are just looking for more period.

It sounds like you have already made up your mind and are seeking some justification to do what you are "itching" to do (I'm not critizing, just telling it as I see it).  

However, regardless of whatever advice you receive or what I or anybody else may say, it will ultimately be your decision as to what you decide to do (or not do).

Hello wildray_42,

This is one of those situations where I believe that you're going to go off and do whatever you want, regardless of the advice you obtain from other people.

I have to give lots of posters LOADS of credit on this board, because it's not as cut and dry as it seems. Check the threads of "sifujeff" further down below. Bona fide hobbyists are actually advising him NOT to hobby! Who would have thunk it, on an escort review site, and on a frank discussion board, no less?

But I'm PROUD of all the reg'lar boys on this here board! They are thoughtful, reflective, they weigh each situation carefully, and they really speak from the heart. Now as to whether you will take in the postings from all of us anonymous folks, that's a different story. What sort of answer would you like? A blessing? A curse? An admonishment?

I think you'll get a variety of responses. Mine would be this one: Please assess what "all that minor stuff that could ruin [your] marriage" really means. If it can ruin your marriage, it surely ain't minor.

Also: your posting seems fairly easy-breezy about the whole endeavor. Just a word of caution - you may surprise yourself. I'm going to pull a Judge Larry Seidlin here, with the risk of sounding maudlin and off-track: When I went to my Dad's funeral, I'd never been to one, and I marched in there like I was doing a presidential campaign..shaking everyone's hand, flashing the electoral smile, etc. Once I got to the casket, I completely decompensated, broke out in hysterical crying and had to lean on my friend for support. I was not at all prepared for my emotions.

Something analogous may happen to you; you may be in there, with the two babes, and wham!?! anything can happen - before, during, after. Guilt and fear are extremely powerful eros killers. If you are going to get some enjoyment out of this experience, you'd better be prepared to jettison that overriding Freudian Superego, or it can come back and bite you in the butt when you least expect it.

Itchy & scratchy,
the Love Goddess

I'm married 32 years, two kids who are now married and out of the house.  Sincerely love my wife and my family life.  We get along great in all aspects except for our sex lives.  Hence I entered this world about 2 years ago.   Guilt is surely an active ingredient mixed in with some fear, shame and personal disappointment, i.e I'm the person looked up to solve problems yet I'm not handling my own so well.  It's a heavy load at times but I'd be less than truthful if I did not say that I also find pleasure and excitement in the hobby.  Be that as it may this is the road I find myself traveling right now.

So as I ponder your post, I'm torn.  Who am I to give advice?  But what the heck, I'll give it a go from two persepctives...

Carefully sit down and evaluate your risk/award tolerance level.  It's probably a breeze and somewhat fun to think of the plus side.  Enough said there.  But what about the down side?  What do you perceive to be worse case scenarios and outcomes?  Can you handle them?  Are you willing to pay that price?

I'd also try to evaluate if you think that this is just a one-time itch to scratch. Will it be a 'been there/done that' conclusion that will be a single naughty memory to file away?  Or will it open a window of realization that you did not get to sow the wild oats of a single young man before you got married? So will you do this just once or on occasion when you are overwhlemed with a new urge?  

Tough questions to ponder; some very difficult to answer and others perhaps impossible to answer.  You have gone as far as to post your message so it is apparent that you are thinking before leaping.  But it does sounds like you made up your mind already.  Think of all the angles and try to make a decision based on your sincere thoughts.  Either way you'll get no judging from these circles no matter which way you turn.  Good luck to you...                  

                 

 

-- Modified on 2/23/2007 7:35:56 AM

I thought about what I would feel like had I gone my whole life making love to just one woman that whole time rather than having the experiences of making love to many, and I didn't like what I was feeling.

It's better to regret something you did rather than regret something you didn't.

WR,

First of all, congratulations.  I think being nervous and introspective are all very natural aspects of debut hobbying.  You DO need to give many things alot of serious consideration.  I went thru the machinations of feeling guilty, that my wife and children deserved better from me, and then there's the legal and STD risk.  THERE ARE ALOT OF RISKS!!

The other variable is your first provider experience.  My first experience was disasterous - I can get into particulars if you want to PM me, but that experience alone made me take a second look.

I agree with the previous opinion stated - if you're thinking about it and you don't do it, you'll always wonder about it.  The best advise I can give you is consider it - get into it slowly, just get your feet wet.  

Probably the single most important advise I can give is be very selective on choosing your first provider.  Use TER to screen your potential providers, and then contact them.  Some providers if they know it's your first time will give you the extra TLC you'll need.  Others, hell, they're very callous and lack understanding - and only want your donation.  That may or may not be important, but for me it was critical.

Talking with a provider can feel kinda awkward at first, but do it a couple of times and you'd be surprised just how open many can be.  I personally would try to find somebody who is NOT a high volume provider - and you can get a feeling for that by their TER reviews.

Best of wishes!

in your right hand.  Only you can answer for yourself if the risk is worth it.  Remember, The Universe loves drama.  But maybe the Universe needs to experience hobbying from your unique awareness.  It's your incarnation.  Good Luck.

-- Modified on 2/24/2007 2:03:14 AM

If you have reservations, dont do it. You have to be sure to be safe and use protection and also be certain that you'll never tell your wife if you are overcome by guilt. I have been married for decades and if my wife and I still had sex at all...I never would have hobbied. Its a fun way to pass the time, but you have to feel good about yourself doing it.

after a few times you will feel better!