ok not the typical met a provider and fell in love but totaly the opposite .... We met and it was kinda love from first sight . Soon after we were engaged had a great relation and wonderful time keep in mind had no clue what she did before we met and nor did she do it from the moment we were together till later down the line we split and I found out that that's what she did before and she's back doing it .... Long story short she is doing it for the money and trying to get out asap ... What's the best way to deal with it .... Do I get involved ?? Do we try to make it our own little fantasy ( which she hates talking about it ) but I feel maybe if she does then we can like play and maybe I can take it easier or what do u guys think ... Keep in mind she's the top rated / looks / and performance on all of ter on all the cites ... And she might see 3 or 4 appt a month and usually ppl she saw before and never a hotel thing or couple hrs date ...

Do you want her to stop being a provider? Or do you want to use her services?

Welcome to our little here board, mossant1978,

And thank you for keeping our stats up! We usually give out the Hobbyist-Fallen-for-Provider award every month, and this one belongs to you . In all seriousness, however, you are asking the following questions:

1. What's the best way to deal with it?

2. Do I get involved?

3. Do we try to make it our own little fantasy (which she hates talking about, so there's your answer right there...NO!)


The all around answer is to ASK YOURSELF - NOT ANYONE ELSE - if you can handle being in a romantic relationship with a woman who sleeps with other guys for money. Because that, my friend, is the bottom line, pure and simple. Don't sit around and wait for her to quit providing, even though "she is doing it for the money" [that's usually the main reason for why people do it, even though some sex workers discover that there are a whole host of fringe benefits to be had, given the compatible psychological frame of mind]. So unless you've got the big bucks and can buy her out, plan on signing up for this situation long-term. I have no idea if she was taking a break from work when she met you, or if she stopped for a while BECAUSE she met you, but now that is not the case.

Interesting to hear that you "split" and came together again. My educated guess is that you are a young man and she is a young woman? And that this relationship is one of your first more "serious" ones? In any case, as long as your feelings are involved, YOU are involved. Simple as that.

The making of a private fantasy out of her job is going to be very difficult, since one of the hallmarks of providing is compartmentalizing. In many ways it's like acting. When she's on the job, she's someone else. Not to the point of being delusional, of course, but to the point where her more relaxed, non-working self is pushed aside for her 'provider persona,' whoever that may be. She is providing a service and in doing so, acts in ways that the client/hobbyist has contracted with her to do - for money. It's interesting in that sense, because people who are clueless about the profession imagine that it's just about intercourse and nothing else. Far from it [as the sophisticated boys and gals know on this board]. It's about presenting a total package, complete with visual image, speech, emotion, and yes, sexual performance. The client/hobbyist is not renting a vagina - he's buying a "top rated" [in this case, apparently] EXPERIENCE. Conversely, for the provider, it's not just about spreading her legs and taking the money. That's THE LEAST of it. A great provider is a PERFORMER and if she enjoys her work, her ratings will reflect it.

Now, your girlfriend may feel emotionally torn and slightly bitter when she's with you...but I can almost guarantee that if she felt so awful about what she does, she wouldn't be doing it. Of course, there comes a time in each provider's life when hanging up the g-string becomes a fact of life, but if that's the case, it's not because she meets the man of her dreams, but simply because the time has come to do something else. What I am trying to tell you here is that if your girl wants to quit, she won't do it because of you, she'll do it because something inside her is telling her to stop.

As to the frequency of her job, the location, all that stuff - I believe it's immaterial for your decisionmaking process. You just have to ask yourself the basic question in the beginning of my posting.

If you can't take the heat, then really, do get out of the kitchen, even if that cookie smells reeeaaallly gooood,
the Love Goddess

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IT does happen a lot.  I "love" my ATF, but I know what reality is.  I am with a possible Non-Pro, if there is such a thing.  And even then, while love is ok, and we do love each other (it's not just me); for sanity, compartmentazation (sp) is always required by both parties. Someone once told me, be happy with her, but respect your decision to lead separate lives when you are apart.  Can you do that?????

I asked if she feels bad that we can not be together (serious), and she said that she is happy with the way things are.

The Love G is right, in some situations -- other benefits do occur while providing, if chemistry is correct.  And even if I am the only customer my girl has (I was the first), I still have to pay.

In your case you don't have to pay, but the business is what it is.

Hope this helps.

but I guess love can be defined in various ways. Real, healthy relationships are not easy and I will admit I have not been very successful with them. I've given those my best shot and really do not have any regrets about that. I'm pretty content with my life. Been there done that

These falling in love with a provider threads are fantasy which is OK as long as everyone realizes they do not know the person well enough to take the feelings seriously.  This happens all the time in real dating.  People get married after dating two months and have no idea what day to day life will be like with each other. If it works out it is pure luck.

I took my emotions for a provider too seriously and did not control them adequately once and that ended up taking the fun away for both of us. That was mainly my fault. That's one of those things I only need to learn and experience one time. Won't be doing that again

I have retired from real relationships. These relationships thus meet many deep needs I have for fun, developing bonds and feeling close to someone while understanding the context and reality.  When I do this right I can feel beautiful feelings, and enjoy them for what they are. I have met some wonderful women that I respect and are so much fun to spend time with.

So I will conclude this insomnia rambling by saying most of us are a lot better off enjoying the bond with our favorites and understanding it for what it is. If you make it to serious it won't be fun any more and that will ineveitably ruin things. I speak from experience.

So lets all have fun and not take things too seriously. If you want a real relationship with real love and the ups and downs that go with it this is not the place.

Hey Crusin, I meant this as a reply to shouldaknownbetters post but I am way to lazy to delete it ans put it in its proper place. So this is not in response to what you wrote at all.  That's OK it just means it makes little sense which is par for the course for my posts so nobody will notice anyway




 

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Then you'll want to do what's best for the lady.

That doesn't mean that you won't desire lots of other things but, if you're truly in love, you'll want most whatever helps her become more who she is. Finding out what you can do to express that love can be difficult and tedious and many, maybe most, people don't have the ability to be honest enough and work hard enough to carry through.

If you really love her, ask yourself what she needs and try to give her that.

I do think LG made some good points about this particular situation that need to be considered.

I also think even if mossant 1978 does love her he also must consider his needs and whether what they both need is workable and compatible in this situation. Unfortunately two people can be truly in love and still have a very dysfunctional relationship. Takes a lot more than love. I hope this works out for both of them.

Of course I am not exactly a role model here for long term relationships.  I just love processing human relationships. An introspective dude am I

Hey mossant 1978, Good Luck to you!

I didn't mean to suggest that the OP should ignore his own needs but, if one truly does love another person, then the needs of that person come first. That's what is so enjoyable about a loving relationship in which all partners are dedicated to meeting each others' needs.

I hear you on whether loving relationships may be dysfunctional. Very often, we don't have a clue what the needs of others or even ourselves are.

Escorts are no different than the general population of which they are a subset.  Some make great wives, some don't.  

I know several escorts who have great families, are effective parents, and have loving husbands and long mariiages.  And I know some who don't.  It depends on the woman, not their job.  Same for guys, BTW.

If you just bottom-fish on CL for a bunch of 1-hour appointments, then I can see how you might come to your misled conclusion.  But if you ever get to know some of the ladies who set up serious businesses as paid companions, and then spend a good amount of time with them, then you'd likely see things more accurately.

-- Modified on 9/14/2008 5:59:41 PM