I started this "hobby" when I was very young - 20. I had just come across my own ways of being independently wealthy (relatively), and can and still earn enough for me to live fairly well. I started hobbying while still a student. It wasn't for a lack of dating or women in college - I got my fair share. I just have always been attracted to older, more experienced women. I also have never truly enjoyed the idea of dating and strictly monogamous relationships. I love sex, I love meeting new women. Hobbying is an easy, safe, and quick way to do both.

There has been no significant toll on my life because of hobbying. I'm not broke, I'm not addicted, I'm not unhappy.

I still go on dates, and still meet other women my age. But I always find a time in the month to hobby.

I'm still in my early 20s. Is this wrong? Should I seek therapy, or some sort of help? I don't know if I want to see my self 5, 10, 20 years down the road doing the same thing.

If anyone has an experience (especially providers) in dealing with young hobbyists, stories, help, etc., feel free to share. Despite all I do, I still sometimes feel like I'm the only one out there.

So all we can do is give you ours, but ultimately you have to decide for yourself.  Just be sure that you aren't being buffaloed by the Victorian culture that still pervades this society.

I started young also, in my twenties; and I continued to hobby through twenty years of marriage.  Now, thirty something years later, I can honestly state in looking back that hobbying has given me some wonderful memories and I would gladly do it all over again.

Soldier on!

I started hobbying in my 50s. If I'd started earlier, I'm sure I would have lacked the self-control necessary to make hobbying a positive part of my life instead of a compulsion. If you have that self-control, great!

I'd suggest paying close attention to your relationships with people not in the hobby- both male and female. The quality of those relationships is frequently a great indicator of your own personal state of mind/emotions. If those relationships are good and improving, then there would seem to be little reason to worry about your hobbying. If they begin to deteriorate, then that may be a red flag.

That all depends, young blood,

Please read the response from "wormwood." He has some very sage advice in his last paragraph. As to this therapist's opinion:

Should you "seek therapy?"
Only if the behavior [hobbying, in this case] is a source of emotional/physical/financial distress to you, and it interferes with your daily mental, emotional, occupational functioning.

"Is this wrong?" You mean, morally? Or in terms of your adult development? Is it more "wrong" to see providers if you're in your 20s rather than in your 40s?

I can't say if it's "wrong" morally. Each person has his or her internal compass. I'll reveal something to you: I think it's "wrong" to indoctrinate children in terms of religion, and yet it goes on in millions of fine, upstanding American homes every day, for the instillment of moral values, among other things. So I'm clearly not the person to tell you if you're "wrong." And I don't say this lightly - I say this as a licensed psychotherapist who has a clinical understanding of individual differences.

It appears that "there has been no significant toll" on your life as of yet. And there may never be. But by merely pondering the question, you seem to be open to self-reflection and inquiry. I believe you will know the answer if you continue to self-focus and ask yourself these important questions.

In my clinical practice, I deal with men and women who have become, in their own words, "damaged" from the hobby. In terms of my male clients, these are frequently middle-aged, successful professionals, who have some long-standing issues with deepened intimacy, self-disclosure and honest communication with their wives, SO's, girlfriends, etc. What brings them into therapy is the realization that hobbying is not as "FUN" as it used to be; in fact, they often complain that it's done by rote, but that the behavior is nearly impossible to change. They are genuinely unhappy and wish for permanent change. Often, they tell me about hobbying since late adolescence; when we dig deeper, we often find early impaired maternal relationships, or massive disappointments and narcissistic injury when male-female relations are concerned.

To me, it seems you've got a healthy sex drive and want/need an outlet for it. Hobbying has afforded you some pleasure due to your financial status. Just look at rock stars and actors who are very young and can have anyone. It seems to me that they do "sleep around" with gusto. They may not all pay for it, but that's merely a function of being famous and getting it "for free." Who's to say that you're not living every post-adolescent male's dream right now? So, if you or your wallet aren't hurting, and you are still meeting "civilians.." In sum, based on what you have written in your post, I have a hard time finding something "wrong" with what you're doing.

You have many years ahead of you, during which you will fulfill the stages of adult development. If your psyche hasn't been traumatized during childhood, or you suffer in relationships with women for any reason, you'll probably negotiate this hobby as well as any other one.

Just keep observing,
the Love Goddess

transcendence, that is, the feeling that there is meaningfulness within the things we do, especially those things to which we attach a lot of value and/or time.  In the present case: sex.

There is a cliche in our culture that automatically assumes that sex for pay can never have any worthwhile emotional value, and is only a physcial sensation often combined with an illusory feeling of making contact where none has been made.  The realization of this "fact" is probably why quite a few people end up with a therapist.

I disagree that these interactions must turn out this way.

I find a great deal of value in the relationships I have formed with providers and continue to view them as an important as well as enjoyable component of my life.  I offer no apology to anyone who thinks this is either immoral or that I am deluding myself.

As said earlier by many here, you have to decide for yourself, but do know this:  that path is not preordained if you decide to follow the hobbyist's life.

and I will Hobby for you and you can live vicariously through my reviews...it is really the only fair thing to do!

I promise at least one review a week for the duration of your funds.  I will personally email you the reviews upon request and will read them aloud if needed...I am that willing to help a guy in need.

Now Exactly how much cash are we talking here...lol.

In reading your post, I see you asking for something, anything, but you're not really sure what it is. As a 50 yo. guy who has hobbyed for only the last 8 yrs. or so, I can honestly say, in retrospect, if I would have started hobbying in my 20's, I'd be about the same, maybe a bit happier than I am now. Really, not much difference at all.        You're not broke, addicted, or unhappy, but I'd bet you're bored.  Likely with sex, maybe with life in general. (If I'm wrong, feel free to laugh, as I sure will be!!).   Becoming wealthy at an early age is almost always a disaster, unfortunately it can't be seen until much later in life, if ever at all.  It can however, be dealt with appropriately.       Looking back on my own life, everything I have, and I mean everything, I earned from the sweat of my own back, no one elses. (I've spent the vast majority of my life in the construction trades, so it's literal sweat!! lol). The world of work has taught me things, important things, that I could not have possibly learned any other way.   You might be different, but had I become wealthy at an early age, I would have missed out on some of the very best experiences of my life. I might have had others, different, but just as good, then again, maybe not.     I don't say this to encourage you to give up your wealth and live in poverty, that would be foolish.   I bring up this point so you might look as deeply as possible into your life, see the biggest picture you can, and find your own path to true happiness.  It won't be the same as mine or anyone elses, only you can find it, but you have to look for it.   The sad part is, it's a moving target, but half the fun of life is chasing it!

I am in my 50's and just started hobbying. I would have liked to have started in my 20's, but I could not justify the expense when funds were needed for a growing family and most recently, tuition bills. Now, with the kids grown and house just about paid off, I have some extra income to enjoy in this most wonderful pursuit.

young blood, you strike me as wise for your years - and all these older posters seem to agree.

I started in my '60's - and wish I hadn't been so inhibited in my 20's. [But the 1950's were really puritanical.]

My unsolicited advice is: just keep on staying open and self-observing. You don't want or need monogamy now - but some day you may find you want do want that and the values it encompasses, including having children.

But you're not at that point yet. Just relax and enjoy yourself , in and out of this hobby - and let a right lady find you, when you're ready to settle down.

-- Modified on 5/10/2007 7:56:59 PM

mmmmmmmmm was your first experience a la 'mrs. robinson'?
If I may be so bold, when you started young, did you obtain a provider for a first-time experience to be de-virginized?

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but if you found the 'right-gal" I certainly would not keep doing the hobby.

If you love older woman, good for you. Nothing wrong with that and it is not frowned upon in today's world. If you crave older, go to places where older woman go.  If you find you are always "finding a time in the month to hobby" well, in my opinion it's just that you haven't found the RIGHT woman to explore your sexual needs or chemistry.

25 to be exact and have just started hobbying. I personally feel that it isn't so much what you are doing, but how you do it and your motivation for doing so. It seems to me that you are simply doing because it is something that you enjoy and you are doing it responsibly. That's the key for me. I started because I am very bad socially with women and wanted to build confidence and teach myself to get over nervousness. I make sure that I am in control of my hobbying and not the other way around. I used to watch porn alomst addictively and felt that it wasn't at all healthy. Hobbying has actually gotten me away from porn and is helping improve my social skills and confidence. I feel that it is more of a help to my social health than something I just do. Plus I am fulfilling fantasy's and realizing that I don't have to be a cardboard cutout, gym-rat, gq cover guy to get the hottest girl in the bar. Everyone here is right, if it's not controlling your life and you have your motives in the right place, then keep enjoying yourself. It is also a good sign that you are concerned and aware that it CAN become a probem if you let it. As with anything else as well, moderation is key! It's nice to know I'm not the only young guy around here too.

mafishman1:

Very well said and written and articulate
You are a rare breed!

Way back in the summer of 1960, when I was 21 and living alone in a big city, for the first time: I knew no one to date and was horny as hell.  I had no idea where to go for sex then (or even, believe it or not, that I could).  There was no TER, no internet, and no alternative newspaper then.  

I envy you. And I'm glad you appear to be handling your opportunity, one I never had, so responsibly.

Hey, I'm impressed that you are still at it at you age..which must be about 68 now.