I fell for my ATF and had to stop seeing her because it was messing with my head too  much.  I see other providers without a problem.  I desperately want to be able to see my ATF again.  Do I have to stay away forever?

Judging from your review history it appears that you have not been hobbying for that long.  Perhaps in time, and by seeing many different ladies, you will be able to put your feelings for that one woman in perspective.  I would say that as long as you feel "desperate" about anything it is probably better to stay away for now.

It IS possible to have feeling for a woman that you pay for sex and still keep perspective on reality. I have done it many times.  As long as both sides respect where the lines are drawn it can work.  

So ask yourself the pertinent questions -


are the feelings mutual? If the feelings are not totally mutual is the lady in question interested in you as a "boyfriend" off the clock?

If neither, move on, bro. You're only hurting yourself and maybe others in your life as well by keeping yourself hooked on her.

If the answer to number 1 is yes, who get's hurt? Do you have a spouse or family who could be damaged or lost because of the relationship?

AND - beware - off the clock sometimes means the lease instead of rental plan. That costs *way* more and the service often suffers lol.

If you've only yourself to injure, and if the lady desires the same thing you do, I'd say, step on in, the water's fine. Honestly I think it's an experience every die hard hound should enjoy at least once in life....

I've got the bumps bruises and scratches to show for having been in a cohabiting SO relationship with a provider.... but it lasted for quite a while (longer than my one marriage did lol) and we did part amicably and are still friends.

and blessed Quan Yin but am I *jaded* now, if I was not already lol! Seeing and hearing a provider's uncensored viewpoint about the sport, her experiences and attitude toward her clients will do that to you.

Now any sane and sensible human being would tell you to walk away and never ever get emotional over a lady whose *job* it is to provide you with sexual services (and to provide same to others as well)

But would I "take the plunge" again?

You bet your ass I would. But what the hell do I know lol..

She likes me as a client and as a friend.  She does not have the chemical addition to me that I have for her. I think there could have been more if I were not married and planning to stay that way.  Maybe things can settle into perspective with more time in the hobby.

especially in my younger years I fell hard for several providers. I would have proposed marriage to a VietNamese girl and two Filippinas if my good friend, who was a bit more exprienced, had not knocked me in the head lol

and I do feel the stirrings of emotion for some of the providers I see.

For me, the experience generates *passion* and the segue to emotional attachment is all to easy.

I remind myself constantly of the fundamental truths of the sport.

And when I could too easily become addicted to a particular lady, I address the issue.

First, I'll reduce the frequency of visiting with her and enjoy many other ladies in the interval.

If that does not work, I'll say my good byes.

Life is complicated enough without entertaining love that cannot be requited.

My best to you -

GTM

Bostonguy57 "I would say that as long as you feel "desperate" about anything it is probably better to stay away for now."

Great advice and I will add they haven't invented a desirable woman yet, who is attracted to desperate guys..

Unfortunately, treetopflier,

You won't get a reliable answer from anyone on this board because it is safe to say that you haven't met anyone - me, the psychotherapist on this board included - on this board who has assessed your:
a) ability to tolerate disappointment or psychic pain
b) ability to think logically and without cognitive distortions when it comes to women
c) ability to separate love and sex

Obviously, you have understood that she is not interested in your beyond a professional arrangement. And, as other posters so helpfully have pointed out, the concept of "forever" is different for everyone. Now, if you are a mental masochist, go ahead and make another appointment, torment yourself and enjoy the feeling. If you are not, AND you are reasonably sane (which you seem to be, since you stopped seeing her), then don't see her until you're in love with another commercial sex worker. That way, your attention will be deflected and she'll be just another sexy woman to you, without any emotional potential.

Or, you can always wait another 30 years or so. Maybe she'll be less attractive by then and you'll scratch your head and wonder whatever took you there in the first place.

In the meantime, I've got a very interesting documentary to recommend. It's called "Crazy Love;" it deals with the magnificent obsession that New York attorney Burt Pugach developed for a beautiful girl named Linda, and the unexpected and somewhat macabre consequences that ensued. Fascinating to say the least.

No need to worry about the weekly Erotic Highway casualty quota, this thread took care of it,
The Love Goddess

"treetopflier"  I think there could have been more if I were not married and planning to stay that way. "

How can she be messing with your head if you are married and planning on staying that way??
Try renting some cars you really like and practice giving them back after the week end..

Yep and a girl can sense a guy is desperate .

GoodTimingMan   "especially in my younger years I fell hard for several providers."

Younger guys {me included when I was younger}are very easily influenced ..If you don't learn the "I don't give a damn" feeling about lust at a young age, the road will be long and rocky.Visiting providers at a young age will only confuse lust with love, and there is no similarity.

and the term "provider" had not yet been coined lol

Its entirely possible that I was older than the girls I was screwing at the time as well.

I'd had sex first when I was 16 years old and was not at all inexperienced, considering that you are talking 1969 - 72. Asian girls really did something to me - still do.

But all in all, I'd agree that for many reasons, a GFE type provider should only see mature gents, though I hesitate to ascribe a number to an age that denotes mature.

I know mature guys in their 20s - have know lots of them over the years in the course of my military career.

And believe you me I know total jerk offs in their 50s lol

That is something that's hugely important in determining whether you can spend time with the lady or not.

In my own relationship with a former provider, I find it necessary to go through a great deal of psychic pain sometimes in order to get through the issues which cause the pain in the first place. Sometimes the no pain, no gain adage is true.

Good luck and try not to do anything stupid!

I've been there.  I was nearly exclusive with the ATF...  the ATF knew I was falling & to her credit, did not take advantage.  
I had to force myself to take an extended break...  4-5 months, I think it was...  I did not know if I could ever go back.  I saw other ladies at the same frequency as I was hobbying before.  I not see the ATF occasionally, but will not be excusive again & rotate among a handful of Fav ladies.

I think BG really has a great way of saying it...  as long as you don't have control of your emotions as in "despirate to see her"...  then you should NOT!

skb
(8 TER reviews)

Man, can I relate. I've been walking in your shoes for 3 years now. There is one woman who totally rocks my boat, but she has always maintained a wall between us. She never totally lets go. It has been far too frustrating. She is the only woman I have seen that I could possibly care about, but in the end I am just another client. I no longer think that having an ATF is such a good thing. Too much drama, often on both ends. My advice is to branch out and enjoy the different scenery and variety. Good luck, bro.