I have a question as to what a sugar daddy is in your opinion.  I have been seeing someone fairly regularly for the past few months on a discounted pay as you go basis.
This is obviously starting to add up for me.  On one of the other boards, someone estimated he spent more than $90k/yr hobbying.  I am nowhere near that level and don't really want to get there though at the rate we are going that is a possibility which is uncomfortable.

I suppose my question is

What is a sugar daddy?  

If you could tell me your thoughts on that, that would help me understand my situation a little better.

I searched the last 3000 days of this board and never found a definition from you.  I am really content to stick with one lady at this point in my life.

Should I be trying to negotiate a different deal?  I once jokingly talked about putting her on a retainer.  She seems happy with my company.  Treats coming to see me like a vacation away from her real life which I suspect it is in a lot of ways.

-- Modified on 7/3/2008 2:34:49 PM

a sugar daddy is
An older man who is able to gain a younger woman by having lots of cash and assets. The younger woman is known as a 'gold digger'.
A sugar daddy is generally being used by the 'gold-digger' for his house, cars and clothes money.

Sounds like what you are really asking is not so much the definition of a sugardaddy, but whether you should suggest a 'long term arrangement' such as a monthly stipend for a certain number of hours and/or visits a month.  And I assume you mean a discount from her normal rate.

Here are my thoughts having experienced what you describe-  I have had three providers I spent a great deal of money on over time, either in several extended visits a month or travel.  In all three cases, I was spending on them anywhere from 25% to 50% of what they earned in a month. My thought in offering a LTA was not so much a discounted hourly rate, but perhaps being able to negotiate longer visits and travel on a monthly  stipend.

All were interested in a long term arrangement as long as it was non-exclusive and pre-paid each month.  The terms discussed varied, but it basically allowed them to earn from me what they would have earned on regular clients each day they spent with me.  The benefit to me was that the amount of time on a given visit was whatever she had available- she would give me as much as was available- so I was paying her what she would have made that day, but enjoying more hours than what that amount would have purchased based on her website rates.  The benefit to her was less screening, knowing that portion of her income for the month was already in the bank, and spending time with someone she enjoyed.

Two of the three client relationships crashed and burned before a LTA ever got agreed on.  One due to leaving the business with a bf, one we got too gf/bf as far as getting along and parted ways.  

The third, because of the first two, I decided to leave simple for now because it is working and I enjoy her-  I pay her normal rates- no arrangement!

So basically- if you get the gist of what I'm saying, life is simpler on her regular rate basis and maybe less chance of having a provider relationship you enjoy crashing and burning.  I think from my experiences anytime you start extending her normal arrangement, resentment will build over time and conflict will arise.  Either her resenting the extra time or you starting to feel taken for granted.  Or it will become gf instead of gfe.

Doesn't mean I won't consider offering such an arrangement in the future, but I am slower and more careful to consider it long and hard first!

As far as definition of sugardaddy- there are several sugardaddy websites you can join and see what arrangements go on there.  It is pretty much you pay, she spends time with you, and on her terms, but instead of an hourly rate, the amount tends to be more monthly.  The sky is the limit- you either spend a lot for a lot of time or less for less time, but you still pay!  Very few free rides out there!

Here is the executive summary:

Normal pay to play = rent

Sugar daddy = lease

SO/marriage = purchase

Consult you accountant and attorney.  8o)

I get a pretty good discount from her already on a pay as you go basis.  Doesn't sound like their is any real advantage for me to do an LTA since by virtue of distance, she couldn't be exclusive, I maybe give her at most 25% of what she earns and she can't do what she really does for a living where I live.  She needs to be in LA.

Best for me just to continue the status quo for now.  

Thanks for your advise.

Dear orthodx,

If you are asking for the strict definition of "sugar daddy," it has already been given by other posters.

As to what you should do, all I can tell you is that hobbying is not cheap, and that if you are looking to negotiate "deals," ask your question on the General Discussion board and read about the many misunderstandings and heartaches [and headaches too] that come from such "arrangements." This is because prostitution arrangements are not legalized and formalized transactions involving contract law. And any agreement involving fuzzy terms, emotions, etc. can crash at any given point. That's why the pay-as-you-go model is advantageous to both parties. And even if she "seems happy," please understand that it's her job, and that some women, despite their overt pleasure at servicing you, may get insulted or irritated at the mere suggestion of altering the arrangements.

If you really want to know, ask her,
the Love Goddess

I am thinking what you all are telling me is that

The enemy of good is "better"

I got it pretty good as it is and I need to leave well enough alone.

better said than anyone and in 11 words, three symbols!

"gold-digger" being "used" for sex?

Just wondering...

And I agree with the others that the pay-as-you-go options are best. As was pointed out, someone will likely end up being taken advantage of and thus feeling resentful.

-- Modified on 7/6/2008 9:07:14 PM

I agree w LG but if you think This is expensive, Holy cow the other will put a great deal of men who hobby in the poor house.  Its not as simple as it sounds there are huge issues and conciderations that both parties need to concider and the compatibility needs to be  strong to pull this off to everyones satisfaction.
There are other arrangements that are semi exclussive and seem to suite more people. A Lady will not be willing to just jump at the whole exclussive deal without a great deal of concideration with the right person. We, are in business with reg clients and it can be risky to go from this, to that. Too much risk for most woman.  I prefer this deal myself, can still see my regs as well as my steady 3 times a week Gent,dinners,and sleep overs are involved, and vacations, and he gets a great deal of my time but I have my other clients so this allows me to be flexable and only need to work 2 days a week for my other Gents. More time home and time for me and the kids. I like it...

Nicole~~

That depends. It's all how you feel about spending.
If you enjoy spending on her and don't feel mistreated. Or, are you not so happy since you would like to be more than just her hobbyist and would like a relationship with her. Does she see you as a boyfriend? Or as her client only? If you are just her client, then no, you are not in any way or fashion a sugar daddy. You pay for what you came for from day 1. Nothing more. Nothing less. Now, if you bought her a condo, bought her a car and don't live with her but just see her for sex, then, okay, yes, you are a sugar daddy. If you are JUST her regular, there should be no hard feelings. If hobbying at a discount is also busting your budget, see her less, pay the normal rate because frequent discounted trips can add up to more than the occasional call.
Good luck and don't feel so bad.
Be happy you found an escort who enjoys your company and is genuine in her enjoyment.
This may lead to something more...you never know.
Vannessa

There was a thread on this subject on the general board and I want to thank you for totally proving my point. The lady is, for the most part, seen as the one taking advantage of the poor guy who actually believes she is with him for his looks9 fat, liver spots, receded hair line, false teeth...you get my drift. She is given the term gold-digger, which never in my estimation has a good connotation attached to the word and the guy a poor taken advantage of human being.
How about we cut the crap and be fair here. He is using her for sex and for her looks and for the way his peers eyes glaze over when they when they see them together...in other words arm candy.

Bottom line she wouldn't take a second look let alone sleep with him if there was no monetary compensation and he would have no hope in hell of ever getting her to with out the money.

It's a win-win situation and I get so *&%$ing tired of the lady getting the raw end of the deal no matter what you call the guy. Jeez, it started with poor Eve( does no man ever take responsibility for his actions/choices?) and from there it just gets worse