how long should your average male be expected to hold out? i recall reading once that the average male typically completes the act of coitus within 3 minutes.  while this may be a biological fact, you'd be hard pressed to find someone (male or female) who thinks that 3 minutes is an adequate time marker.

on the other extreme, is it potentially dangerous to prolong ejaculation as long as possible, say 1.5 to two hours?  is it natural/healthy to prolong ejaculation indefinitely, say beyond 2 hours until...?

comments/opinions welcome.  thanks in advance love goddess

I've never heard of any health risks!
Have you LG?

When much younger, I was a rapid ejaculator, but as I grew older, from a combination of learning some tantra techniques and just plain aging, I've been able to hold out for up to an hour or more.

On the plus side, it is wonderful to be able to enjoy the sensation of multiple orgasms without ejaculating and to maintain that wonderful high.

On the down side, it has become pretty hard to come again even with an hour's rest, so no multiple pops unless it is an all day or overnight session.

If I do come within a more normal time range (15-20 minutes), then I usually can come again (if the gal is good at coaxing) within the next hour or so.

It varies with the gal which approach I take.

Dear lololancer,

Take heart - there ARE no rules as to "how long your average male be expected to hold out." My answer to all of it is, 'as long as it's pleasurable for both parties, who cares?' There are women who orgasm very rapidly and don't want any more coitus after 3-4 minutes. Others take longer. Is it "potentially dangerous" to prolong ejaculation? No...but for some men, it can eventually tweak their ejaculatory pattern and engender situational RE (retarded ejaculation).

I would really wonder about a woman who can sustain even 1 hour of constant p-v sex. My personal attitude on the matter is that if significant foreplay has occurred and the female is highly stimulated, she will orgasm fairly rapidly. Mother Nature - in her infinite wisdom, LOL - has made a point to all this in that the coital act should not necessarily take so long. Considering that people are most fertile when they are young, their ardor corresponds to this condition, thus making both parties wet, hot and pretty orgasmic quite quickly. Yes, women too, IF THEY ARE PROPERLY STIMULATED. Hence, my advice is to spend as much time on foreplay, go for some fairly explosive nookie and not drag things out for hours on end. But hey, I'm a Darwinist (happy 200th b-day, Mr. D) and I believe in nature over nurture....

Ultimately - different strokes,
the Love Goddess

I have been able to sustain over an hour of constant p-v sex.

I developed a technique to aid mature gentleman in sustaining an erection without orgasm.
I do this in the cowgirl position. Riding slow and taking control, allowing my friends to relax and enjoy. I noticed early on that many guys come so quickly, and I wanted them to have MORE.

So I've been able to prolong the orgasm for my clients and stimulate them longer than ever before. And they love it. I think because I am Mature I understand their needs and do all that I can to give them their best ever.

thanks for the reply. u sound like a mature individual, so i'll take it on faith that you're not yanking my chain.  multiple orgasms?!?! dude, i thought that was a myth!  i mean, i can see a chick having them, but guys too?!?!  WTF!  how can u have an orgasm WITHOUT ejaculating?  just doesnt make biological sense, unless YOU are a freak of nature, in which case, sir, you are TRULY blessed!

i've heard of tantra, especially after Sting divulged his now infamous "technique."  i think it involved staying still inside your partner, without moving, for hours on end.  not exactly my idea of a good time!  but i do intend to do further research on the whole tantra thing.  thanks for the FYI.

thanks for the info, love goddess!  this is a pretty neat new app TER is offering.  out of curiousity, r u a licensed practioner, or maybe human sexuality was your major in college?  i dont recall TER making reference to your qualifications.  nevertheless, from the posts i've read on the board, your advice seems to be spot on, regardless of your educational backround.

there's actually such a creature as a woman who doesnt want more coitus after 3 min?!?!  in my  experience, i've yet to meet her.  call me lucky (or cursed)!

i'll admit to having RE, which most guys might think is great, but can be quite frustrating when you're with a provider, where TIME is MONEY.

in general, i've found that most women won't tolerate a man who wont hold out for at least 15 min.  i agree with your advice about foreplay.  if the mood is right, and the woman is ready, willing and comfortable, there's no reason she cannot be brought to orgasm, although i understand that there are some women who, no matter what you do, cannot reach climax.

i'm also gonna heed mr. fisher's advice (check out above post) and look into tantric.  my goal is to have ULTIMATE control over my body, no matter how GOOD the nookie is, to become like a faucet, able to turn it on & off whenever my MIND feels like it, NOT my body.  is that being realistic?  thanks for the advice.  keep it coming.  i plan to be a regular reader of your board.  best of luck to u!  

p.s.:  why doesnt TER make it more convenient to access your board, like the rest of the boards?  unless i'm missing something, I had to go back to TER's homepage to get into this board.  just asking...

Dear lololancer,

Yes, this is a very "neat" board, moderated by me, a licensed psychotherapist in the states of California and New York, with a practice in Los Angeles. I have a MA in Clinical Psychology and am a PhD cand. of human sexuality. I am also a clinical sexologist and I specialize in "gender identity and sexual disorders," as listed in the DSM. So that's that!

Dunno about Macs, but on your PC, you can mark this board as your favorite and go directly to it. That's what I do in order to bypass the home page for extra speed.

Well it's a pity we didn't meet when I was young and cute, because that's just about how long it took me to get going and over with. All of 3 minutes! Dang, I was really synched with evolutionary babymaking, LOL. But those days are over, and now you'll just have to take my word for it; there are some very young and horny chicks out there who want just that. Of course, remember that said chicks often want it again and again, which makes them very well suited to those 18 year old guys who can get it up at a moment's notice. Aaah, that is indeed Mother Nature! Luckily, maturity seems to bring patience and all of a sudden, it's no longer the destination but the journey. And that's where foreplay comes in!
So you just be the Paderewski and play them gals loooong and with gusto, tantra included

Welcome to the board,
the Love Goddess

well, Ms. Goddess, you're lucky i was sitting down.  i was COMPLETELY blown away (and intimidated) by your C.V.  i'll take u at your word, but i might make u regret having listed the impressive credits u did.  i'll have to come to u w/any and all peculiar questions in regards to human sexuality.  i suggest u start brushing up on your DSM now!  

seriously though, not only for myself, but for ANY and ALL men who read this board, even in passing: male multiple orgasms, as mentioned (proudly, i might add) by mr. fisher in a posting above - is it for real?  i mean, you're the MA, not me, but how is it possible to have a (male) orgasm without ejaculation?!?!  i mean, that's like telling me i can eat without swallowing?  dont both ejaculation & orgasm (for men) go hand in hand? please share any and all knowledge u may have.  as the enquirer is fond of advertising, "curious minds want to know."

welcome aboard!!! i think u'll end up being a much needed (and used, i'm afraid) resource when it comes to providing factual info about human sexuality to the TER community vs. the anecdotal and dubious posts that pass for "info" on these boards.

one more thing while i have your attention (see, i'm starting already!), I have a "friend" who suffers from PE from time to time.  My "friend" has read the Masters & Johnson & Dr. Singer lit on the subject, but finds that the squeeze method as advised by both, just doesnt work for him.  in fact, he finds it counterproductive.  the last thing a man who wants to control himself while in the heat of passion needs is to squeeze his "member."  Know of any new techniques (and sorry, but stop and start is less than ideal, too!)  thanks SO much for your time.  good luck.

Dear lololancer,

Thank you for the approbation! Actually, "dry orgasms" are more common in males than you might think - and you don't have to get into tantra to experience them. Just think of those who have had prostate surgery - the orgasm is there but there is no ejaculate. In addition, there are many men who first orgasm with ejaculation, and then are able to experience a second round [oftentimes from BBBJ or handjobs] without any ejaculate leaving their body. Anecdotal descriptions show that these orgasms are more "all-over, body centered" rather than strictly genital. Those lucky enough to have this capacity report that these are most pleasurable feelings, LOL.

As for "new" techniques other than the start-stop method or squeeze techniques..that's where the tantric exercises may come in handy. On the other hand, no exercise or particular remedy works for every single person. And don't forget that there is a second person involved as well. Your partner's desire to stem the tide and his/her interventions can certainly help matters.

Actually, I think you'll find the members on this particular board very erudite and very educated on various sexual matters. Since we veer mostly toward psychosexual issues rather than medical matters, all posts become worthy of examination and commentary from not just me, but all serious posters.

So yes, we are all very special and worthy. Hang out and you'll see!


the Love Goddess

u failed to assign any homework!  That's okay, i'll guess i'll just bone up (pardon the pun) on this whole tantra jazz.  man, multiple orgams!  I'll crack the books on that topic anyday as long as there's the slimmest chance it could happen to me!  I'll drop u a line sometime to let u know if i've made any progress.  thanks and keep up the good work!  




i'll drop u a line to

This is what worked for me:

I would masturbate and notice the sensations I had as I worked up the ladder to the plateau range I get a few moments before ejaculation, then I would stop mastubating and let myself calm down for a few minutes, then start all over again.

By becoming familiar to the triggers that start ejeaculation, I became able to know at what point in sex I needed to back off, enjoy the release I get as I approach ejaculation, and then calm down before starting anew.

As I mentioned before, it becomes a bit problematic to have a second cup without a very long refractory period, but I do enjoy the long first round very much.

u mention the release u get as u approach ejaculation, but isnt the ejaculation ITSELF the release?

obviously, as men, we enjoy a pleasurable sensation DURING coitus/masterbation.  that's one sensation.  reaching orgasm is ANOTHER.  whereas u may feel a pleasurable sensation THROUGHOUT coitus/masturbation, the sensation of ORGASM only comes (excuse the pun) ONCE per session.  i wonder if the confusion lies in semantics, in what some men might describe as a "pleasurable" feeling during sex, some other men might describe as "multiple orgasms?"

mr. fisher, board members:  plz. share ideas/experiences/comments.  thanks for reading, and thanks for the post, mr. fisher.

The answer is, actually, no.

I used to think that the intensity of the orgasm was a result of the ejaculation, but in fact, my ejaculation occurs a few seconds after the orgasm.

Therefore, it is possible to get to the orgasam stage, enjoy it (and it can last for 15-20 seconds) and then pull back without the ejaculation, thus preserving coitius for another round.  

Here's another thing to notice:  The real joy of the orgasm is not the sensation at the tip of your penis, but the high that you experience in your mind.  Literally, there is a drug (I'm sure TLG can remember the name, I'm blanking on it.) that is released into the brain during orgasm and it produces a wonderful, though short lived sense of euphoria.

I've prolonged coitius for as long as 90 minutes lately and experienced about six orgasms in that span.

There is one down side which I think I have mentioned here or elsewhere and that is that I become, as one provider put it, overstimulated and getting to the point of ejaculation actually becomes difficult, as does getting a second cup within a reasonable amount of time.


So if it's a big deal to get multiple cups, and you are not doing an overnight, you might want to reconsider this, but I love it and often engage in it.

One other proviso:  Some providers really don't like it.  They want to get you off and take umbrage at men who try to "cheat" (actual term used on the GDB to describe this) and prolong the intercourse.  Some providers decided their worth, it would appear, by how quickly they get you off.

It's always something.

ur still a lucky bastard!

thanks for the response, mr. fisher.  that really CLEARED things up!  so, its like the chicken/egg thing, huh?  the orgasm comes (again, excuse the pun) before ejaculation.  i gotta place CLOSE attention to that on my next go-round.

you're right, it has both its good and bad.  it sounds fantastic if you're in a relationship, but i can definitely see it being a pain in the ass to most providers.  but hey, just because you can have mulitiple orgasms w/a partner doesnt mean you couldnt switch and have multiple cups w/a provider, right?

i am definitely intrigued & my curiousity is peaked.  gotta go do some research and hopefully get in some "field work" as well. thanks!

p.s.: 6 orgasms in 90 min, huh? hot damm!!!

How long to last?  The final question of all time.  I found Kagels help to prolong ejaculation.  But I have been cursed and blessed at the same time.

Cursed because I rarely go beyond 10 minutes (often shorter), but blessed because I can go 3 to 4 times in 2 hours. Which is better -- I'm not sure. Kagels have helped me to go longer, and I have researched Tantra.  You can get an orgasm without ejaculation, and I have, but it requires alot of concentration.

If you have the right girl, it does not matter how long, or how many.  Just enjoy it -- and roll with it.

The average is 3 to 4 minutes . Some are quicker, a few,( depending if they're on medication,) can take forever. If any man tells you different, they're lying!

Look, here's the thing.......how long you last should depend on the woman you're with......PERIOD!  It's "her" VJ.

 If she wants you banging her for hours, "great" for both of you. If you're fast on the gun, let one out, take five and you'll be good to go.

If not........... make it quick. Men need to stop trying to figure women out and just ask them what they want and how they want it; and not just once, but every time, as her moods change.

It is not fair to use Kimbra as an example.  It is true that it is impossible to last more than 3 or 4 minutes with her.  With other providers I have lasted almost 2 hours, mixing oral, kissing, manual, different positions and then rotating back through again.  It is easy to last that long when they are not as HOT or have the techniques that Kimbra has.  I still only last a few minutes with her and we have been together probably 8 times.

I do not care how hot the girl is or her skill with a condom it is at least 15-20 min for me