Hi LG,
Long time listener, first time caller .  So, over the past 5 years or so, I've seen escorts from time to time when I wasn't in a relationship, and even in those instances.. it was sort of a nervous endeavor and it took me forever to actually make a call.  Earlier this year, the relationship I was in ended and I was angry and hurt. I had started to think about (still am thinking, really) whether I'm cut out for relationships and how likely I am to have a successful one and had sort of waved the white flag, emotionally, but that's another story, I suppose.  Within a span of a three months or so, I had seen four women (a couple of them multiple times), which I had never done before. Above all, it had always been about fun and I have been never cared much for the "GFE" thing.  However, I met a woman recently with whom I could actually say that we would be likely friends in "real life", so to speak.  The first time we met, we found we had a lot in common and we talked until the middle of the night, the kind of thing hasn't happened in a long time.  The last time I saw her, the nature of encounter was closer to being with an actual lover than I ever thought possible for me in this context, in terms of the physical expression, cuddling, talking and I started to feel just a hint of seemingly genuine connection that I rarely get to people, it's hard to explain exactly.

I thought to myself.. yikes, this is dangerous.  She visits occasionally, so presumably I won't be tempted to blow a ton of cash to see her all the time if I were so inclined.  Beyond that, the bigger conundrum is the fact that I realize there's nothing possible between this woman and I outside of the professional context; however, I don't really feel like I have any possibilities in "real life" either.  I detest the people in the city where I live and it's generally been hard for me to reach out to people anyway, but for the kind of work I do, it's the best place to be, especially in this economy.  So, I feel like I'm between the proverbial rock and hard place.  I stopped seeing my therapist some time ago and have been thinking about seeing her again, but I don't think I could bring myself to talk about something like this with anyway face to face.  Any insight or advise would be much appreciated.

Thanks