Well, tubewayarmy,

It is clear that you need some kind of professional feedback for this issue. You have made all the logical assumptions - that the P4P relationship is just that, and nothing more.

My concern is more for "detesting" the people in the city where you live, and that "it's generally been hard" for you to reach out to people "anyway." Thing is, you restrict [by choice or perhaps by compulsion] the circles in which you operate, and pretty soon you have yourself painted into a corner [that's the rock and the hard place, in your words.] What you don't want to do is give up your power to affect your situation; there's nothing wrong with seeing providers as your main source of affection, but you don't want this to be your ONLY choice.

You will need to examine the bounded authenticity of engaging in a facsimile of a relationship with the escort vis-a-vis going through some painful stretching of your slightly misanthropic boundaries and reaching out. If you do nothing, then you will only paralyze yourself even further.

As to "therapy," well, you can always engage in sex-and-life coaching with yours truly. These are precisely those issues that lend themselves to this blend of counseling, coaching and philosophical inquiry. We would be face-to-face, but over Skype. If that's not appealing to you, then I do suggest that you go back to your therapist - if nothing else because you really are at a crossroads and need to make a choice. Instinctively, I think you know which one will be more functional for you in the long run.

Your resignation is palpable in this posting,
The Love Goddess

Hi LG,
Long time listener, first time caller .  So, over the past 5 years or so, I've seen escorts from time to time when I wasn't in a relationship, and even in those instances.. it was sort of a nervous endeavor and it took me forever to actually make a call.  Earlier this year, the relationship I was in ended and I was angry and hurt. I had started to think about (still am thinking, really) whether I'm cut out for relationships and how likely I am to have a successful one and had sort of waved the white flag, emotionally, but that's another story, I suppose.  Within a span of a three months or so, I had seen four women (a couple of them multiple times), which I had never done before. Above all, it had always been about fun and I have been never cared much for the "GFE" thing.  However, I met a woman recently with whom I could actually say that we would be likely friends in "real life", so to speak.  The first time we met, we found we had a lot in common and we talked until the middle of the night, the kind of thing hasn't happened in a long time.  The last time I saw her, the nature of encounter was closer to being with an actual lover than I ever thought possible for me in this context, in terms of the physical expression, cuddling, talking and I started to feel just a hint of seemingly genuine connection that I rarely get to people, it's hard to explain exactly.

I thought to myself.. yikes, this is dangerous.  She visits occasionally, so presumably I won't be tempted to blow a ton of cash to see her all the time if I were so inclined.  Beyond that, the bigger conundrum is the fact that I realize there's nothing possible between this woman and I outside of the professional context; however, I don't really feel like I have any possibilities in "real life" either.  I detest the people in the city where I live and it's generally been hard for me to reach out to people anyway, but for the kind of work I do, it's the best place to be, especially in this economy.  So, I feel like I'm between the proverbial rock and hard place.  I stopped seeing my therapist some time ago and have been thinking about seeing her again, but I don't think I could bring myself to talk about something like this with anyway face to face.  Any insight or advise would be much appreciated.

Thanks