Dear LG,

I'm in my mid-twenties and had never had sex before. I have 2 rather tricky conditions on my flagpole. First of all, I'm uncut, and I'm the unlucky 5% who have frenulum breve. Secondly, my flagpole is bent to the left. I'm not sure how many people have a bent nail and I'm not sure whether this is congenital or peyronie's either cause it's been like this since at least about 14 or 15.

Anyway, I wasn't sure how much of this has an impact on my self-esteem which in turn costs me my sex life. So, in order to find out, I recently had my first hobby experience and I have to say it didn't go very well. I had been building for the session for a couple of days prior but I was at half mast for most of the session. It might had a little to do with the fact that I wasn't quite into her and the atmosphere in the room didn't make me very easy, but I'm not sure because usually I'm quite frisky all the time. When I put my pole into her, it completely went soft. I couldn't feel anything at all with the condom on plus extra protection from my foreskin, but then again, I'm not sure that's why because of my complicated situation. I had never before went soft in front of the lady before.

As you may know already, this experience really bothered me and I'm very frustrated. I want to have a normal sex life and regain my confidence. I'd really like to know a way out.

Sorry for the long post.

Dear ArentITheLuckyGuy,

Gee, I'd like to see ANYONE who's not into a woman getting it up and pounding away like a horny chihuahua...doesn't exist! If you really were put off by not only her but also the atmosphere AND had to wear a condom...no wonder it didn't work! Not to mention all the anxiety on top of it. You "went soft" because of all these negative factors conspiring against you, not because of your penis being shaped in a particular way. Of course, I hope YOU were the one who put the condom on. Some women do not have experience with intact men and they don't quite understand the mechanism of the moving foreskin inside the rubber.

As to your anatomical issues...I'm sure you've already seen a urologist. If not, please do. FB can be fixed. And of course, you know that the fact that you are not circumcized works in your favor. Parts of your pecker are more sensate than a circumcized penis, so don't look a gifthorse in the mouth, so to speak. Be happy that you are intact. On the other hand, if there's phimosis involved, in addition to the bent, then the condom could be uncomfortable, in that the foreskin cannot move inside. Peyronie's disease? Hmm...there is no way to diagnose you over the Net, so best see a urologist and get a definite diagnosis.

Now, for the "normal" sex life: The "normal" thing seems to be that partner meets partner, experiences mutual attraction, hops in the sack sooner or later and has a good time. All of that takes TIME. Meeting with an unfamiliar woman in less-than-optimal surroundings is not even remotely akin to this process. Hence, if you want to continue pursuing the provider route, you will need to be patient with yourself, tread softly and carry a big wallet [yikes!] You'll first of all need to meet with a provider to whom you are truly attracted - hard to tell over the Net, of course, but can be done. Secondly, you'll need to book with her for a few hours, and maybe do a few repeats. AND THEN have sex. In other words, dating first, THEN p-v sex. Because what needs to happen is a replication of an "authentic" boy-meets-girl scenario in order for you to completely relax. Otherwise the same thing may happen again. And of course, the provider has to be a sophisticated sort who is very understanding. I'd go with a slightly more mature lady, maybe in her early 30s, drop dead gorgeous but still sweet and a lot of fun to be with. She will understand the whole dating simulation just fine. You need a real-life courtesan, not a quickie chickie in this case.

If this sounds prohibitively expensive, then I'd suggest going through the Yahoo personals and sweating it out. The self-esteem issue is a biggie and if it's really affecting your relation to life and love, psychotherapy may be in order. That's not cheap either, but clearly you do need some assistance in the matter. And don't forget to see the urologist for a definite diagnosis. No sense in worrying about something that can either be alleviated or doesn't even exist.

Hope it helps,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:52:07 AM

Thanks for tips SDK! I never understood why some many parents would mutilate their kids in this country. I mean, the tip is really sensitive, imagine your kid getting an erection in front of hIs high school sweetheart with the head rubbing and poking the zippers... That must hurt. I'd imagine it gets even worse if your hair is short and corse.. Ouch.

Anyway, I was just wondering if providers or women in general in  America find cut or uncut sticks more attractive. My female friends can't answerthis one cos they have never been with an uncut guy.

The answer is, it's very culturally dependent. In other words, American females prefer cut; European, South Asian and in other parts of the world where they leave the baby's penis alone, the preference is for uncut.

If you really want to know what happens, why not purchase the documentary called "Cut." You will be supporting a dedicated filmmaker and the arts for less than $30. Also, you may wish to read "Circumcision: A History Of The World's Most Controversial Surgery" by David Gollaher. If you're not in tears by the end of it, then I don't know.

Incisive issue for sure,
the Love Goddess

Circumcised or whole, both feel good to me!  The first time I was with an uncircumcised man I must have spend 20 minutes just playing with his foreskin.  I thought it was so cool that when he got hard, the foreskin retracted on its own.  Later I met a man whose foreskin seemed too tight and I had to push it down to get at the sensitive areas.

For a condom recomendation, try Pleasure Plus.  They come in a silver tin and are more expensive than regular latex.  There is a pouch in the head area and the rest of the condom is the traditional fit.  I also put a drop of lube inside the condom.  This permits some movement over the penis and also seems to reduce breakage.

My answer to the preference for "cut" or "uncut" is most definitely cut. I'm not going to broach the issue of whether it's humane or right or fair. What is unfortunate is that male babies don't get a choice. The choice is made for them and is subject to religious dogma or societal pressure. In addition, thank your lucky stars that you're not female in certain areas that get circumcised or should I say mutilated. Not only does the clitoral foreskin get removed but the clitoris as well. At least you still have a penis.