I just had a BCD session with an SB on Seeking. Originally, we were just going to M&G, but then she mentioned that she is open to BCD right after the M&G if we hit it off. I usually go with the flow so I said sure. We met at her apartment building. She looks like her pics so no complaint there. After chatting for about 20 minutes, we decided to go to her apartment for some private time. After we started, I realized she only does CBJ and no DFK. Forget about CIM and anal (I can live without them). I am reluctantly OK with CBJ but can't get into the mood without DFK. Needless to say, the session didn't go well and I couldn't come. She seems sweet but I need more to get aroused.

 
I posted on this board not too long ago that an SB blocked me after I asked her what her dos and don'ts are in bed. That's why I decided not to ask and it was a mistake.

 
Does anyone know how to approach this subject?

CBJ? That a hooker move. Or she’s flat not into you.
Move on.

Always have the sex discussion on what she will and won't do during the initial M&G. Yes, it can feel awkward talking about it at a restaurant table but I do it anyway. We're both mature adults [presumably at least you are]. You are there to determine basic sexual compatibility in a relationship that is going to be largely sexual. Don't leave this to chance.  

 
If she feels uncomfortable I tell her we can discuss it after the meal sitting in one of our cars together. But in no cases should you not cover this important topic with a new POT once an agreement to start an arrangement has been made. Be specific with her. If you don't cover the topic thoroughly at the M&G, you risk ending up with the awkwardness and disappointment of having a BCD in which your needs don't get met and she walks with your cash.

 
I would never enter an arrangement with an SB that doesn't do BBBJ, CIM and CIP with a recent STD test. Those are deal breakers for me.

I agree this does sound very much like a hooker move and she's most likely a professional escort. Pass on her and keep seeking.  

My question is how to find her dos and don'ts in bed before BCD so I won't waste my money.

I ask if there is "anything she is not comfortable with when we are together"

But she kinda already laid out what her deal is, CBJ,no DFK and probably no Greek or CIM. She sounds very vanilla to me.
But if your words are hard to spit out to her, just tell her you're a passionate, sensual person and that's what you need, See how that works. The conversation will probably go like this, she'll ask well "What do you mean?. Then you'll be on your own.
Now, I don't know what you giving her, but maybe upping the ante might help. Just a thought but like I said....I'd still dump her.

Netnoy, that is a good way to approach the the discussion but it's not thorough enough. I then tell her what I enjoy and then let her know these are important to me and does she see any problem with our doing those things. I've used the 'is there anything you are uncomfortable with" only and once ended up with the SB saying later "Oh I forgot to mention I actually don't like DATY and won't do it" at the BCD. You can never be 100% sure but it's better to discuss it up front in detail if possible. [At least, that's my policy, to each their own].  

When you start an intimate relationship with a civvie, i.e., a woman you meet socially, NOT online, you only discover what sexual activities she likes/doesn't like when you finally get BCD with her.  Rarely before.  In that respect, sugar dating is very much like "real life" relationships.  It's one of the ways sugar dating differs from the protocols that define escorting, or prostitution. With a new SB, I don't expect to know what she likes until we get into it.  In fact, I've come to look forward to finding out as a fun part of the process.  The last time I had a first BCD encounter with a new SB she sat on my lap and started some passionate DFK with me, and I knew we were going to have a great time.  Turns out, her only restriction was saying "don't cum on my face", something I don't enjoy doing anyway.  But there are disappointments too.  I've run into some who won't allow DATY, a deal breaker for me, or as you found out, no DFK or BBBJ.  In those cases you have to decide if the relationship is worth continuing or not.  My point is, don't expect a guaranteed menu in advance.  If you need that, then escorting is probably a better option for you than sugar dating.

I also recommend asking before your pants hit the floor. For me, during the M&G is the best time to have this discussion, especially since some NO's are deal breakers for me.  

 
But I approach it as a "here's what I like" POV, rather than a "will you do this" approach.  

 
Examples:  
"I love deep kissing... there's nothing more stimulating than a great make out. I find it very intimate. How about you?..."  
"I get tested every month and hope you do as well. It's important to me because I don't do well with condoms...."  
"I find my best experiences include lots of mutual oral and I love to finish inside..."  

 
With most of these statements I leave those "3 dots" just hanging in the air and I look at her for a reaction or response.  

 
Note that this works best face to face, once you have established some rapport and good vibes. But it can be done through off-site text or video chat if needed.  

 
So it's really my "yes" list as opposed to her "no" list. You will get a really good idea of her comfort levels with this approach. And she will typically either agree or decline quickly. I've had a few discussions like this where the POT asked for some time to think about it (usually due to the BBFS bit). That's probably not a good sign, as she may eventually decline, or may come back with a much higher ask than you can manage. But sometimes, it's all good.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Asking for what you want/like is just generally sound advice in any type of sexual relationship. So The Cat is wise as always. Frame the conversation as a yes list/desire list with a dash of why you like it. Top therapists, sexologist and coaches will tell you this is an important element to sexual sparks.
If the window of opportunity is there, I will guide the conversations this direction. "I just read a book by ..." or "Do you follow (insert favorite sexologist here) on Instagram? She just had a post about desire that was super enlightening and super hot..."
Not only does this bring the conversation to your likes but to HERS as well. Most girls I have dated appreciate and respond to this really well.

Over the years I encountered quite a few SBs who commented that they hated SDs asking up front about a "menu". Put them off and sounded like prostitution. I never asked about menus, but at some appropriate point I would ask about birth control, which would then lead naturally to bare/safety conversation. After that, I agree with Sweetman -  the rest should flow BCD. You can't trust what they say at a M&G anyway.

I agree, finesse with her on this subject is key. Herb has the best approach, phrasing it as 'I like this' not a 'menu'.  

These are in many cases civvie girls and often not that experienced given their young age. Even older ones may have been married and had limited experience in the menu department, so diplomacy and sensitivity in the approach to the subject of menu items is essential.  

Of course, as others have suggested, one can just wait and see and discover what she does naturally.  

There are pluses and minuses to all approaches, but I think Herb has the best one.  

Hat's off to Herbmaster Yoda!  

PS: Good luck on your trip Herbie Cat!

I had z long term SB that wouldn't do BJs, kiss, overnights or public outings. I decided she either had a BF or orimary SD and I was one if her side hustles.

I get the "No" on the overnights, and public outings...but man, the NO on the BL's or kiss? You guys playing checkers or chess?Gotta have some intimacy, foreplay somewhere.....anywhere. If not...I'm gone.
But she's been long terms and it works for you so carry on.
Please say she's a 10/10....please?????

Definitely a 10+.  Blasian with an ass made in heaven. And she liked it fucked. She'd come over for 2 hours. Have 3 or 4 massive O's . Either from my tongue.  Fucking. Her toys or a combo of all 3.  We were off and on  and I was happy just being able to tap that ass. But her spell on me ended.

1. Her restrictions can improve your practicing impeccable consent.  You've probably already told her that practicing consent is very important to you.  But she may not really understand or believe you.  If you are lucky enough to find a girl brave enough to actually say out loud, don't do that, or no, or I don't want you to xxx, whatever, then you get to say thank you!  Thank you for taking care of yourself by saying no.  I appreciate it!  Because if I can trust you to say no when there's something you don't like, then I can trust that you really mean it when you say yes! That's how consent is supposed to work.  

2.  Her menu may change!  One of the hottest blonde SBs I ever had was crystal clear at our first BCD that she did NOT do BJs!  That's disappointing, for sure, but she was such a beautiful young girl that I quickly resigned myself to "only" eating her pussy and fucking her.  Not a huge hardship.  However, about 2 months later, she told me why she said no BJs. Evidently, every previous guy she had been with had grabbed her head and forced her to gag on their cock!  I was shocked, and totally agreed with her, that was abusive, and I'd NEVER do that!  By that time we had built up a lot of trust, so she offered to blow me.  Turns out she was skilled and enthusiastic at sucking cock, and it became a regular part of our routine for the next 2 years.  My point is, she may have specific reasons for only offering a limited menu at the outset, limitations which may be removed once she gets to know you.

Excellent point, Sweetman! Understanding the reasons why an SB is dead set against a specific sexual activity can help break down those barriers once trust has been established. Of course, she may never change her mind about doing a specific thing, in which case one must either accept it or move on, but in your case, there was enough value there to hang in and see what develops. And what a development!

I love point 1. Many SB's I've come across have dealt with guys who don't have the emotional maturity or intelligence to pause and explain the virtues of consent. I'm sure when sweetman has explained this huge deposits in the karma bank are made with a SB.

Thanks dude, you're right.  I've had many tell me, Wow, nobody has ever said that to me before!  Seems like the bar for actually practicing consent properly is set pretty low by most guys, especially younger ones, who these young SBs may have encountered previously.  That, plus learning how to eat pussy properly, and you are guaranteed many repeat visits!