Dear Love Goddess,

Recent personal events and a sudden loss of disposable income have forced me to greatly reduce or  possibly give up my hobbying altogether.  

My question...there are a few ladies who I've seen, gotten a little chummy with.  We communicate via email every so often.  A few I've made promises to see when they are in town and I usually stick to it.  Most usually make it a point to email me when they are going to be in town.  So...should I email them and briefly say that it's been fun but it may be a while before I see them again?  

May sound strange but wanted a second opinion for two reasons,

- this is probably the fifth or sixth time I've tried to retire and so far it hasn't worked (though my situation was never what it currently is).  My biggest fear is saying to one I am retiring and then two months later she emails and asks why did I tell her that when she sees I'm posting new reviews.  

- I only ask as I recall one provider once posting on your board that it is the standup thing to do, particularly since an atf or a lady you see regularly might think that suddenly disappearing you are unsatisfied with her.  

Should I wait maybe a month or two to make sure my hiatus will last before saying anything?  Am I thinking this through too much?  Would my disappearance really matter to a lady I've only seen 2-3 times?  Should I just keep my mouth shut?

As always, thanks for your help.

Wow, ilovealmostallwomen,

Interesting dilemma..however, when in doubt, my recommendation is to do..nothing.

You don't want to be perceived as crying wolf [or crying poverty, in this case] one time too many. That's just as frustrating as not saying anything at all. Your suggestion of waiting a month or two to make a final announcement is a sound and prudent one. Regardless of how "chummy" you are with these ladies, you don't owe them anything except the expected courtesy of being a gentleman when you meet.

This is a transient business - clients come and go. If and when these ladies email you, there is nothing that stipulates a GUARANTEED appointment. YOu do as you wish, considering it's your discretionary income we're talking about.

So, to recap: wait a few months and then give your final answer. In the meantime, if you get contacted, well, you do have the right to be unavailable, no particular disclosure of reason necessary.

I hope your financial situation gets brighter again,
the Love Goddess

"I tell ya, I could quit ***king anytime I want to....but I don't want to" if I might borrow from that wisest of all sages...Rodney Dangerfield.  Regarding the "attachment" factor, rest assured the "feelings" are almost certainly not mutual...don't get worked up about it or read more into it then is warranted.  N.S.A. are 3 valuable letters to live by when venturing down the hobby path.

why say anything at all just fade away this is a hobby, its not like your   breaking up with a wife or girlfriend. Hobbyist dont die they just fade away.

So long as they don't call you nearly every three months asking if you want some company and then try hounding you about why not; I say fade away from the hobbyist scene. And if you get along with them as pen-pals and can handle only ever talking to them in email from here on out.  I say no harm no foul. (And realize at this point they will be nothing more than pen-pals, if even that!)

I bring up the hounding factor, because a few years back before I bought my house I was a hobbyist (*sigh* haven't had the disposable income since) And one provider who I saw once would call periodically.  I suspect it was whenever she was strapped for cash.  And to be honest I never clicked with her.  So I'd find a reason. Eventually, after I bought my house, her calls became more frequent and she became more persistent about trying to meet.  And so I let her down. HARD!

Now by HARD I don't mean I was out and out vulgar, mean, attacking her, or casting aspersions.  I was just very blunt and in hind sight I could have handled it much, much better. In short, what happened was, I got a very irritated tone in my voice and used the old interview phrase that's certain death if you ever hear it "Don't call me.  I'll call you." Then I hung up.

I felt bad about the way I did it afterward.  However if you can't afford to be a hobbyist, then that's a fact both you and any providers will need to come to terms with.  And if asked why you're not calling them, I suspect most providers won't bat an eye at being told "I can't afford it."

Anyway, best of luck to you. And if you really can't afford being a hobbyist, and you keep trying to afford being a hobbyist, I say speak to a doctor or therapist about it.  There's something more going on...  

take it easy
Jason