I've been seeing my regular provider for nearly a year.  We have been dating for about six months and we do most everything together with her young daughter.  Our relationship is more than just a client dating a provider.  We have shared our private lives together to the point where we know many of our inner feelings.  We are not ready for any long-term commitment at this time and both of us just enjoy being together.  She has told me several times that she now has a sense of family when I’m around, which has been missing for a long while.

She entered this business on a part time basis to pay off some large bills and to help support her daughter.  She recently lost her part-time job and has now decided to be a full time provider so that she can continue to have flexible hours to be available for her daughter.  I was comfortable with her just seeing her regular clients, but now she wants to begin to see new clients again.

I guess the time has come for me to decide whether I should continue with this relationship.  I am asking how I should handle my feeling about her now being a full-time provider.  We normally do not talk about her being a provider when we are together.  Is it possible for a relationship to exist under these circumstances?  How have others handle this relationship?  I don’t want to tell her that if she becomes full-time, then I may need to end this relationship.  How can I make this work for both of us?

Stoke that fire, HappyCamper123,

Because I'm probably going to make you quite the UNHappyCamper with some tough lovin' here.

The time has not only come for you to decide whether you should continue with this relationship, but also whether or not you should be honest and authentic with your feelings. Here is what you are saying:

"I am asking how I should handle my feeling about her now being a full-time provider." And, "I don’t want to tell her that if she becomes full-time, then I may need to end this relationship."

My answer regarding your feelings is simple: be true to them, because if not, the situation will come back to bite you, with great force and much unpleasantness.

Now, if she were a sales person for an insurance company, and she came home and said that she needs to see new clients again to extend her income [so she could make a better living,] would you protest? Probably not. So why should escorting be any different? A client is a client, no?

Of course I am playing Devil's Advocate here - and Escort's Advocate, for real, of course. The unvarnished truth is that you are dating an escort and her job is to sleep with men. You met her that way, and you know it's her job. And now you have feelings about how she conducts her job, despite the fact that you know she's working hard to pay off bills and to support her daughter. That's not the same as running with the Paris Hilton crowd and frittering away your fuckbucks at Christian Dior, is it? Not that there is anything wrong with that either, but clearly, this woman has some altruistic mission in mind, rather than pure self-pleasure.

In addition, you state that none of you are "ready for a long-term commitment at this time," and that both of you "just enjoy being together."

I believe that the only way this relationship can exist under "these circumstances," is if you accept that her work comes before your feelings. You will need to have a great talk with yourself and really rack your innermost sensibilities. Can you tolerate her working more? Can you internalize emotionally - not just intellectually - that she will be working more, not for "kicks," but to pay bills and make a living?  

If you can't, then you'll need to back off and yes, maybe end the relationship. As to "make this work for both of you," that sounds to me like having your cake and eating it too. Not making any long-term demands is the tradeoff for not wanting a long-term commitment  

I think you know what I'm talkin' bout, my friend,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 3/23/2007 11:14:13 PM

How can you change the spots on a lepard after you have contributed to nuturishng the family.Yes there are times were things connect but it is up to the client to keep his feelings in tact,our title says it all PROVIDER. We at times try not to get serious but then you meet a client that turns out to be a gem and we can't help but to fall. But as a provider we must understand that these men call upon us to fufill either a fantasy or a gap in there lives. So as bein a provider we must stay on top and remind them of our position in the adult world of pleasure. And times some seem ok and even if in love they still are turned on by the fact that we provide and we are strong woman. And then on the other hand some seem to be ok but when they start feeling that powerful poshon, they want things to stop or to slow down. The only thing I have to say to that is If you can't handle the ride then don't by the ticket.

you have to tell YOURSELF that it would/would not end if she sees new clients.  Face it, providing is a business - are you really going to tell her she cannot make enough money to support herself and her child?  You need to get real with yourself - if you are not ready for it, tell her how your feel - THAT is how you should handle your feelings about things.

LG, you are absolutely correct in your reply as to what I need to do to continue with this relationship.  Intellectually, I know she needs to work to support herself and her daughter.  I just need to work on the emotional side of the equation, which I know I will continue to struggle with.  I did discussed my feelings with her last night, which we have not yet done in the past.  Perhaps, this is just the beginning where we will work together to strengthen our relationship and my acceptance for her chosen career.

BTW, I always thought I would be a lifetime bachelor, but am now reconsidering my stance since I’ve met her.  I guess time will tell.

A relationship with a provider would turn me on.  I've always fantasized about my woman being with alot of other men but never had the guts to swing or tell her about my fantasy,  Enjoy it while you can!  On a more serious note, you can't say a darn thing to her about her work unless you're ready to pay her bills.

having married an adult entertainer who later became a provider, i know the confustion that you feel.  But you will learn, as i did, that you should honor your own emotional jelousy....because it is a natural human response.  it is designed to keep a relationship intact....that is...in a Monogamous relationship.  But you have fallen in love with a woman who is very polygamous. the rules changed